Conversations from the other side

I am not sure how everyone feels about this, but I went to an intuitive medium. It was really good...better than good. There were so many acknowledgements and validations.

Tom came through immediately and the snowmobile came through right away. He let me know that he was ok now, he wasn't in pain anymore. He told me how proud he was of our kids. He told me how proud he was of me at how strong I was being and how well I was handling the kids. He was glad that I was always able to talk about him and keep him present in our lives. He told me that he didn't want to go, it wasn't his choice to leave his life; he loved his life, but it was all part of a bigger plan that we have yet to understand. He told me how sorry he was that this happened. (He apologized quite a few times during his 11 day stay in the hospital...sorry that he was putting me through all of that...the accident and the hospital stay.) I know these are all things that anyone can say. They really do not mean anything in and of themselves.

It was all the validations that came through and made me know he was there with me. I was so grateful that he came through and acknowledged each of our children individually. The medium came right out with Amanda's name and that she is the tomboy, Autumn was acknowledged by her initials and all her scholarships. He came through for Nick with his coin collection and his love of animals. She said it was as if he could actually communicate with the animals...we used to call him our "Dr. Doolittle". He kept repeating how proud he was of the kids. She said the feeling of how proud he was was so strong it was as if she just wanted to jump out of her chair because he is so proud. He made references to things that no one else would know about. She mentioned bowling...and thought maybe Tom was a big bowler...no, we bought a Wii and played bowling all the time before the accident and whoever lost at bowling had to dish up ice cream that night. I know he must be watching because he brought up scrabble...Nick and I have recently started playing scrabble. How amazing is it that she could come up with scrabble from nothing. He acknowledged that my father was having some health issues...my dad just happened to be in surgery in Florida while I was having my reading. Another thing the medium asked about was if Tom listened to country music..no, she asked if I like country...no...we're more of the classic rock from back in the day. Then she asked if there was a time that a country song was playing on the radio when I got into the car... OH YA...now it clicked. I had taken a pic of Tom to the store to blow up to 11 x 17 and when I got back into the car Lonestar and "I'm already there" was playing on the radio. Everytime I hear that song I think of Tom and the kids. That day was amazing because that song came on and of course I cried, but then 4 more songs played all right in a row that are really special to me and make me think of Tom so, that was soooo very validating for me. That day I was sure he was riding in the car with me. She also acknowledged my phone turning on automatically which it did one night while my mother in law was spending the night with me. He mentioned my sister by name and my cousin's husband, Don, that passed away 2 1/2 yrs ago. She said Tom comes to be with Blue Jays...we have blue jays around here, but I never really paid much attention to them other than...awe look there's a blue jay...now I'll pay more attention.

There was so much that made me know he was there with me and he's here with me everyday. I am so grateful that he is close by. It was all very comforting and will do it again sometime down the road.

Marlena (and Tom)
Always and Forever

www.memorialwebsites.legacy.com/bunzy

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by JulieC on October 3, 2009 at 3:14pm

Marlena,
Since i have lost both my fiance and my mother in the last 18 months i too have visited a medium, a couple of them as a matter of fact. you can tell right away if they are really tuned in or you've just wasted your money. Do anything that gives you comfort. i can't say much more than that because my internet connection is at the library.
just take it one day at a time and find others who are going through loss too, they understand.
Julie

Permalink Reply by Marlena on October 3, 2009 at 11:03pm

Julie,

Thanks for responding. You have been through too much in such a short time. I hope that the mediums do help to give you comfort. I really am looking forward to going again.

Everything I do right now seems to be one day at a time. The busier I am the easier the days seem to be. I do feel like the only one, besides our kids, that has any concept of how I feel (besides everyone here, too) is my mother-in-law. I can talk with her and cry with her and it is healing for both of us.

Take care and I wish you peace.

Marlena (and Tom)
Always and Forever

Permalink Reply by Wendela on October 10, 2009 at 11:42am

I haven't been to a medium, but I have had very clear messages from my darling David. The day he died, I didn't know he was gone until that night. He was visiting his mother who was in the hospital, and the next morning he died, but wasn't found until that night when his brother went looking for him because he hadn't been back to the hospital or answered the phone. The day he was already gone but I didn't know it yet, a beautiful bouquet of stargazer lilies, our favorite flower, were being delivered to another building near my office, but the delivery person got lost and came to my office by mistake. I knew they were not for me, but I had the joy of seeing and smelling them, and walking with the delivery person to find the right office, to see how happy that person would be to get flowers. I felt later as if David had somehow misdirected the delivery so that I could see and especially smell those beautiful lilies, like a last time of sending me flowers himself. His last day alive he had called me many times, always with such joy in little everyday pleasures: finding a great grocery store, eating delicious In 'n' Out burgers with his brother, and being able to see the fireworks above Disneyland. Every time we spoke on that last day his voice was so full of love, and joy, and delight in the wonderful little moments of life. He really loved fireworks. The first night after we found out he had died, my daughter dreamed that he came to her and said it was wonderful where he was, that he was with the fireworks. I hadn't told her he had phoned me the day before excited about fireworks. This seemed a very real message from him to her. The day after he died we had to drive 8 hours to where his mother lives to make arrangements and be with her; it was also my daughter's 23rd birthday. As we went out and got in the car, a large white crane flew down and landed at the very top of a tree in our yard and spread its wings out, posing, as if he were saying Happy Birthday to our girl. Later my sister heard from him in a dream that he was near us all the time, loving us, and that all of our family members who had died were all hovering around our little family in our grief, holding us up in prayer and love. She heard from him that it was so beautiful on that side, that there were no words for it. Although he had not intended to die at the age of 54, he was committed to keep on loving and supporting me and our children in spirit. I have felt him with me every night, allowing me to actually sleep, a miracle. One morning I arrived at work at 6:30, and there was a rabbit nibbling grass, that looked like one I had owned when he and I first got engaged 27 years ago. This is a city, and we don't see rabbits, but there it was, as if David had found it and somehow herded it over to where I would be sure to see it. So many small pieces of evidence that life goes on after death, and it is an everlasting life filled with love. It's not always necessary to hire a medium to get these messages, but if you find a medium you trust, who is not scamming you, but is bringing you comfort, "strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow," then you have found something special. God bless us all and comfort us in our grief!

Permalink Reply by Michele on November 9, 2009 at 1:03am

How lucky you are! To be able to feel the way you must be feeling is what i desire. How I wish I had the resources to go to someone like you did. I have thought of Ouija boards, mediums, tarot cards, anything that would be able to let my sweetheart, Tim, communicate with me! I just so need to know the answers to a few questions only he can answer. I am happy for you that you've had the positive experience you did. Still hurting every day as bad as the first second without him. I know if he could have changed things he would have because he would never have wanted my boys to see the tragic sight after his van flipped right in our driveway! I tried to get him to respond but when I touched his head, I realized it was split open, and this keeps playing in my mind as my youngest son stood only 3 feet away from me when I took my hand from his head. I turned and looked at Bryan and he was looking back from my eyes to my hand and back again, just horrified! I wish I could know that he didn't have to feel the awful pain from such a violent end, but I don't know if he suffered or not. I know it was fast, but fast doesnt necessarily mean pain free. Trying to keep going, I know I must for my children, sure don't want to go on though.

Permalink Reply by Marlena on November 9, 2009 at 10:36am

Wendela,
It is wonderful all of the validations that you have received from your beloved husband. You have such wonderful faith and conviction.
I still seem to struggle with that...I feel that I have faith, I need more conviction.

Thank you for sharing your experiences, it makes me want to become more aware of what is around me so that I, too, can find Tom in all the little things.

I wish you peace.

Take Care,

Marlena (and Tom)
Always and Forever

Permalink Reply by Marlena on November 9, 2009 at 11:08am

Michele,

I am so sorry for your tragic loss and that you all had to be witness to it. I really believe the suddeness of our losses makes it so difficult to comprehend. No matter how much time passes it is still hard to believe that this is all for real. We may know it in our heads, but our hearts just cannot grasp the concept.

I understand the not wanting to go on. Everyday, early on, I wished we could all be together. None of us should be left behind to feel this pain. I am like you, I only go on for my kids. They are my reason for waking up each day.

I did have a wonderful experience with the medium. She was really great to work with, but I do not have the same awareness of Tom in my everyday life. Some tell me it's because I am still so caught up in my grief that he cannot get through to me. The grief is like a veil seperating us. I am still working on this, I want so much to be able to feel the signs of him everywhere. The few signs I have been aware of, I hold on tight to and keep praying for more everyday. I need to know he's here. Knowing is a comforting feeling.

Give yourself time to grieve. I am coping better than I was even a few months ago. Some days will be better than others, but so far, it is never quite the peace I wish it would be. Hang on tight to all the memories you have made together, they will help get you through. And always remember to keep him present in your lives everyday. Talk about him, share stories about him, and just love him openly, everyday.

In time I hope you are able to find comfort and peace.

Take care of yourself,

Marlena (and Tom)
Always and Forever

Michele said:

How lucky you are! To be able to feel the way you must be feeling is what i desire. How I wish I had the resources to go to someone like you did. I have thought of Ouija boards, mediums, tarot cards, anything that would be able to let my sweetheart, Tim, communicate with me! I just so need to know the answers to a few questions only he can answer. I am happy for you that you've had the positive experience you did. Still hurting every day as bad as the first second without him. I know if he could have changed things he would have because he would never have wanted my boys to see the tragic sight after his van flipped right in our driveway! I tried to get him to respond but when I touched his head, I realized it was split open, and this keeps playing in my mind as my youngest son stood only 3 feet away from me when I took my hand from his head. I turned and looked at Bryan and he was looking back from my eyes to my hand and back again, just horrified! I wish I could know that he didn't have to feel the awful pain from such a violent end, but I don't know if he suffered or not. I know it was fast, but fast doesnt necessarily mean pain free. Trying to keep going, I know I must for my children, sure don't want to go on though.

Permalink Reply by Michele on November 9, 2009 at 8:30pm

Marlena,
Thank you so much for your encouraging words. We feel very much alike it seems. I ache every day to see some sign, anything, just to know there is still some kind of connection with Tim. Today I have started feeling mad at myself for falling in love with him. If I hadn't let that happen, we wouldn't be feeling so lost now. Even though I know I am better off to have had the time I did with him, sometimes I just feel mad in general...at him, at me, at God, at my ex husband for beating me because if he hadn't done that, I would have stayed forever with him and never have had the opportunity to fall in love with another man! Sounds crazy, I do know this (don't call the wagon for me yet!!). Crazy but real, at least real at this second, who knows what I will be feeling 14 seconds from now. We saw an eagle the day we were making the funeral arrangements, which in almost 40 years of living in the same area, was a first for us. Then at the cemetery, there were 2 eagles flying off...we buried his ashes right next to where his Dad is buried! I know it was Tim and his Dad. I just need to feel his love, wish I could hear his laugh, see his eyes twinkling with that ice blue color they were when he was in a good mood or being mischeivious. Just to feel safe once again would be nice. If I could know he didn't suffer, doesn't feel any pain. I know it is futile, but I just keep wishing he was still with us--selfish I know, I can't help it though.

Marlena said:

Michele,

I am so sorry for your tragic loss and that you all had to be witness to it. I really believe the suddeness of our losses makes it so difficult to comprehend. No matter how much time passes it is still hard to believe that this is all for real. We may know it in our heads, but our hearts just cannot grasp the concept.

I understand the not wanting to go on. Everyday, early on, I wished we could all be together. None of us should be left behind to feel this pain. I am like you, I only go on for my kids. They are my reason for waking up each day.

I did have a wonderful experience with the medium. She was really great to work with, but I do not have the same awareness of Tom in my everyday life. Some tell me it's because I am still so caught up in my grief that he cannot get through to me. The grief is like a veil seperating us. I am still working on this, I want so much to be able to feel the signs of him everywhere. The few signs I have been aware of, I hold on tight to and keep praying for more everyday. I need to know he's here. Knowing is a comforting feeling.

Give yourself time to grieve. I am coping better than I was even a few months ago. Some days will be better than others, but so far, it is never quite the peace I wish it would be. Hang on tight to all the memories you have made together, they will help get you through. And always remember to keep him present in your lives everyday. Talk about him, share stories about him, and just love him openly, everyday.

In time I hope you are able to find comfort and peace.

Take care of yourself,

Marlena (and Tom)
Always and Forever

Michele said:
How lucky you are! To be able to feel the way you must be feeling is what i desire. How I wish I had the resources to go to someone like you did. I have thought of Ouija boards, mediums, tarot cards, anything that would be able to let my sweetheart, Tim, communicate with me! I just so need to know the answers to a few questions only he can answer. I am happy for you that you've had the positive experience you did. Still hurting every day as bad as the first second without him. I know if he could have changed things he would have because he would never have wanted my boys to see the tragic sight after his van flipped right in our driveway! I tried to get him to respond but when I touched his head, I realized it was split open, and this keeps playing in my mind as my youngest son stood only 3 feet away from me when I took my hand from his head. I turned and looked at Bryan and he was looking back from my eyes to my hand and back again, just horrified! I wish I could know that he didn't have to feel the awful pain from such a violent end, but I don't know if he suffered or not. I know it was fast, but fast doesnt necessarily mean pain free. Trying to keep going, I know I must for my children, sure don't want to go on though.

Permalink Reply by Winnifred Chubbs on November 10, 2009 at 12:31pm

Marlena said:

Julie,

Thanks for responding. You have been through too much in such a short time. I hope that the mediums do help to give you comfort. I really am looking forward to going again.

Everything I do right now seems to be one day at a time. The busier I am the easier the days seem to be. I do feel like the only one, besides our kids, that has any concept of how I feel (besides everyone here, too) is my mother-in-law. I can talk with her and cry with her and it is healing for both of us.

Take care and I wish you peace.

Marlena (and Tom)
Always and Forever

Permalink Reply by Winnifred Chubbs on November 10, 2009 at 12:42pm

I lost my love Jan 5th 2008 . In Oct 2008 I had to undergo emergency surgury for a perforated bowel ,so it was touch and go for a while .His strong wonderful love came to me from beyond the grave and encourged me to fight to live . It happened twice in three weeks both times late at night . He put his hand on my shoulder and told me it wasnt my time yet and fight to live . I have gone through a lot with his grown kids but his love is always there guiding me and supporting me . I was very lucky to have had him in my life

Permalink Reply by Marlena on November 14, 2009 at 9:49pm

Michele,

I love that you saw eagles and knew that it was your Tim and his dad. It is so great that you are open to these special moments. We have to gather them and hold them close. They are our connection to those we have lost. My daughter finds dimes and says they are left by her dad. So, every time I find a dime in the most random place I know that Tom is letting us know he is here and watching us. There seem to be so many random dimes; I have quite a collection of them.

I understand the many thoughts of...if you had never met, you wouldn't be feeling this pain. I have said the same things...If I didn't love him so much it wouldn't hurt this bad, but at the same time I wouldn't change a thing (other than keeping him here with me). I would never give up the time we had together. That time together is what made my life as wonderful as it was. I know that I will never be in that great a place in my life again, so I hold on tight to every memory we ever made.

I miss the feeling of security, and confidence that I had when I was with Tom. I miss feeling like I matter to someone. I miss being happy and feeling loved. I just miss everything that made us "Us".

Take care of yourself. I hope you are finding a few moments of peace to get you through your days.

Marlena (and Tom)
Always and Forever

www.memorialwebsites.legacy.com/bunzy

Permalink Reply by Marlena on November 14, 2009 at 9:54pm

Winnifred,

You are so lucky to feel your love with you, especially when you needed him most. His encouragement, to you, to keep on fighting shows an amazing love that transcends all time and space. You are very lucky to have that...hang on tight to it.

Take care,

Marlena (and Tom)
Always and Forever

Winnifred Chubbs said:

I lost my love Jan 5th 2008 . In Oct 2008 I had to undergo emergency surgury for a perforated bowel ,so it was touch and go for a while .His strong wonderful love came to me from beyond the grave and encourged me to fight to live . It happened twice in three weeks both times late at night . He put his hand on my shoulder and told me it wasnt my time yet and fight to live . I have gone through a lot with his grown kids but his love is always there guiding me and supporting me . I was very lucky to have had him in my life

Permalink Reply by Wendela on November 15, 2009 at 1:16am

Marlena, I wish I could say I always have "wonderful faith and conviction," but in real life, in grieving, there are good days and bad days, as we all know. I keep trying to hold onto the good, and then I get hit with a reminder of all the things we used to look forward to doing together, and it hits me hard again. He'll never see his children get married, or hold his grandchildren, and we'll never share an "empty nest" together. As time goes by, I worry that I'll lose touch with hiim, and not feel his spirit with me; it already seems fainter somehow. What if I start to forget how it feels to have his arms around me, or to hear his laughter? Then I got a wonderful gift. About a month before he died, David and I were interviewed by a film student doing his final project documentary about Autism and Asperger's Syndrome. (David and 2 of our 3 children are on the Autism Spectrum, and I work in the field of Autism, diagnosing toddlers and preschoolers.) Only a small part of our interview will have ended up in the finished documentary, but when he heard that David had died, the film student put together a DVD of all of our interview. I was able to see film of the two of us sitting on a couch together, holding hands, talking, smiling and laughing together. What a gift! I still can't believe how fortunate I am to have this treasure, this little DVD that means so much to me. I want to encourage everyone to go through your old home movies, and ask other relatives who might have taken video with your spouse in it to send you copies. Even if you don't have video or film, you can put together still photos into a slide show on the computer, or get one of those computerized picture frames that change from photo to photo. I feel so much better when I can surround myself with pictures of David, wear his wedding ring next to mine, and his shirts. Whatever we can do to help us get through this grieving process, to keep us going; we need to be good to ourselves now, and be patient with ourselves. God bless you, God bless us all.
Wendela

Marlena said:

Wendela,
It is wonderful all of the validations that you have received from your beloved husband. You have such wonderful faith and conviction.
I still seem to struggle with that...I feel that I have faith, I need more conviction.

Thank you for sharing your experiences, it makes me want to become more aware of what is around me so that I, too, can find Tom in all the little things.

I wish you peace.

Take Care,

Marlena (and Tom)
Always and Forever