Conversations from the other side

I am not sure how everyone feels about this, but I went to an intuitive medium. It was really good...better than good. There were so many acknowledgements and validations.

Tom came through immediately and the snowmobile came through right away. He let me know that he was ok now, he wasn't in pain anymore. He told me how proud he was of our kids. He told me how proud he was of me at how strong I was being and how well I was handling the kids. He was glad that I was always able to talk about him and keep him present in our lives. He told me that he didn't want to go, it wasn't his choice to leave his life; he loved his life, but it was all part of a bigger plan that we have yet to understand. He told me how sorry he was that this happened. (He apologized quite a few times during his 11 day stay in the hospital...sorry that he was putting me through all of that...the accident and the hospital stay.) I know these are all things that anyone can say. They really do not mean anything in and of themselves.

It was all the validations that came through and made me know he was there with me. I was so grateful that he came through and acknowledged each of our children individually. The medium came right out with Amanda's name and that she is the tomboy, Autumn was acknowledged by her initials and all her scholarships. He came through for Nick with his coin collection and his love of animals. She said it was as if he could actually communicate with the animals...we used to call him our "Dr. Doolittle". He kept repeating how proud he was of the kids. She said the feeling of how proud he was was so strong it was as if she just wanted to jump out of her chair because he is so proud. He made references to things that no one else would know about. She mentioned bowling...and thought maybe Tom was a big bowler...no, we bought a Wii and played bowling all the time before the accident and whoever lost at bowling had to dish up ice cream that night. I know he must be watching because he brought up scrabble...Nick and I have recently started playing scrabble. How amazing is it that she could come up with scrabble from nothing. He acknowledged that my father was having some health issues...my dad just happened to be in surgery in Florida while I was having my reading. Another thing the medium asked about was if Tom listened to country music..no, she asked if I like country...no...we're more of the classic rock from back in the day. Then she asked if there was a time that a country song was playing on the radio when I got into the car... OH YA...now it clicked. I had taken a pic of Tom to the store to blow up to 11 x 17 and when I got back into the car Lonestar and "I'm already there" was playing on the radio. Everytime I hear that song I think of Tom and the kids. That day was amazing because that song came on and of course I cried, but then 4 more songs played all right in a row that are really special to me and make me think of Tom so, that was soooo very validating for me. That day I was sure he was riding in the car with me. She also acknowledged my phone turning on automatically which it did one night while my mother in law was spending the night with me. He mentioned my sister by name and my cousin's husband, Don, that passed away 2 1/2 yrs ago. She said Tom comes to be with Blue Jays...we have blue jays around here, but I never really paid much attention to them other than...awe look there's a blue jay...now I'll pay more attention.

There was so much that made me know he was there with me and he's here with me everyday. I am so grateful that he is close by. It was all very comforting and will do it again sometime down the road.

Marlena (and Tom)
Always and Forever

www.memorialwebsites.legacy.com/bunzy

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Permalink Reply by Yaca Attwood on November 20, 2009 at 7:54pm

I still am not quite sure about this, but - about a month ago, I was in the parking lot of the supermarket, crying in the car again (my husband died on 29 June 2009). I had really reached the end - I just had it - I just didn't want to live anymore, I didn't want to go on without him, I didn't want to hurt anymore - I wanted to die, then and there.

And then (and I think it _was_ him) - I heard him ask me to promise not to commit suicide, and he asked me several times to promise him that I wouldn't. He told me that he was proud of every thing I'd done (he was a clinical psychologist, and I had to close his office down, which meant consolidating patient files, finding a Custodian of Records, sending the files to the Custodian, dealing with vendors, cleaning out the office - I ended up filling forty (40) bags for the shredder guy and filling up an entire dumpster, all by myself, disposing of office equipment and sending a letter to all his active and inactive clients).

He said he was sorry that I had to do all of that, and that he loved me, and that I was and would always be his queen, and that nothing would ever change that. He said that he appreciated all the caretaking I'd done (while remaining employed full time) - bathing him, changing him, transporting him, working in his office while also working for my employer (I'd bring my laptop to his office, and work from there - I am a database administrator)

All I know is that I felt like I could go on afterwards, and that it made a difference. I think it _was_ him, and I think he knew that I needed to hear that from him

Permalink Reply by Wendela on November 21, 2009 at 11:21am

Yaca Attwood, bless your husband for coming to you and giving you hope and strength to go on with your life, even without him! I also believe it was him, and that my husband is also with me, giving me strength when I need it, and I really do need his strength! My husband died unexpectedly and suddenly on September 2, 2009. He was just 54 years old, and he died one month before our 27th anniversary. This holiday season will be hard, but I need to keep strong for our three children, and for my beloved husband's mother and younger brother. Reading your message of your husband's continuing support of you gives me hope. I believe we will be reunited with our loves one day, but it won't be today, I can go on here as long as I need to, knowing we will be together again Bless you, and bless each of us on this site, especially during the holidays.

Yaca Attwood said:

I still am not quite sure about this, but - about a month ago, I was in the parking lot of the supermarket, crying in the car again (my husband died on 29 June 2009). I had really reached the end - I just had it - I just didn't want to live anymore, I didn't want to go on without him, I didn't want to hurt anymore - I wanted to die, then and there.

And then (and I think it _was_ him) - I heard him ask me to promise not to commit suicide, and he asked me several times to promise him that I wouldn't. He told me that he was proud of every thing I'd done (he was a clinical psychologist, and I had to close his office down, which meant consolidating patient files, finding a Custodian of Records, sending the files to the Custodian, dealing with vendors, cleaning out the office - I ended up filling forty (40) bags for the shredder guy and filling up an entire dumpster, all by myself, disposing of office equipment and sending a letter to all his active and inactive clients).

He said he was sorry that I had to do all of that, and that he loved me, and that I was and would always be his queen, and that nothing would ever change that. He said that he appreciated all the caretaking I'd done (while remaining employed full time) - bathing him, changing him, transporting him, working in his office while also working for my employer (I'd bring my laptop to his office, and work from there - I am a database administrator)

All I know is that I felt like I could go on afterwards, and that it made a difference. I think it _was_ him, and I think he knew that I needed to hear that from him