Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Missmylove47 on February 22, 2010 at 5:28am

Can you look at her pictures without cry? I don't.....specially if the picture looks so real like it is talking to you.

I am making a webpage in his memory, it will help me. Yes, the pain is deeply from our heart and soul. With my first husband who passed away, was easier my grieving process. The difference was because my first, was sick with cancer for 2 years....his death was expected soon or later. My second husband who just passed away, was suddenly and unexpected death. We were watching his favorite football team all afternoon on TV, in the middle of night he passed away, inside my car in the front passenger seat in the way to the hospital. Also, our marriage and love was stronger.

Permalink Reply by kathy obiedzinski on February 22, 2010 at 6:48am

i just read your bereaved spouses letter it will 1 hears on march 1,2010 that i lost my best friend (my husband) we had so many good years together would have been 35 on july 2009 i still cry as you stated you had such a love realtionship so did i i cry when i am alone when i look at the picturers of him and our grandchildren 1 girl and a set of twin boyds. i can remember my grand daugher saying ok pop pop get the camera out because as soon as they came up to the house my husband would take the camera out and she would strike a pose. i also miss him so much i had seeked help with a therapist. i ended the session with the therapist because i thought the the grife support legancy would help me more. i agree with you it hurts so much people tell you it will get better but i am sorry maybe they did not have a relationship like i did or you did. i am still angry at god because of what happened to me i do not think i deserved this i am a good person

Permalink Reply by jeanette williams on February 22, 2010 at 5:39pm

I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL. I'VE BEEN GOING THROUGH THE SAME THING. IT'S BEEN 4MONTHS FOR ME TOO. BUT TODAY I WAS ABLE TO LOOK AT A PICTURE OF MY HUSBAND AND I DID FEEL A LIL BETTER. IT CAN ONLY GET BETTER IN TIME. JUST TAKE YOUR TIME . I STILL GET ANGRY FOR HIM LEAVING ME. HE WAS VERY SICK AND I HAVE TO UNDERSTAND THAT HE SUFFERED A GREAT DEAL.

Permalink Reply by Missmylove47 on February 22, 2010 at 6:47pm

Hi Jeanette,

Thanks for the reply. I am so sorry for your loss. It hurts so badly doesn't? It is the most painful thing I ever experienced in my life. I lost so many loved ones in the past, but the death of my husband is tearing me apart. Instead of getting better..... is getting worse as the time goes by, and I miss him more. I am getting stronger in terms of accept his death, but not about missing him!

I think I will miss him forever, nobody can replace him in my heart. He was unique in every way to me.
I remember at the begining I was very angry at my husband too, for dying and leaving me in such a pain, and so many problems. Then I prayed for God to remove this feeling from my heart, because his death was not his fault, I felt so guilt by having those terrible feelings. Also I prayed for my husband(which I do every day) asking him for forgiviness. Yes, we can't be selfish just thinking about us. They suffered too much already in this life. God placed his arms around them, and took them to heaven. It was very painful to me watching my husband suffering and getting worse. At least I know that he is Heaven with our Dear God, and not suffering any physical pain anymore.

Permalink Reply by Missmylove47 on February 22, 2010 at 7:48pm

Hi Kathy,

Thanks for your reply. I am so sorry for the loss of your husband after a long 35 years together. I understand very well how you are feeling Kathy, specially after sharing your life with your husband for so long, having kids and grandchildren.

Most be very difficult to you learn to live without your beloved husband, who was your best friend, companion, love and soulmate. I even can't imagine it!

When we marry someone we are deep in love with, we expect it to last forever and always be together till the end. My husband and I, we dreamed about move to a country, buy a farm with few animals, and seat in the front porch in a rock chair and grow older together. But unfortunately, things don't happen the way we expect, life changes so do the circustances. We were married for 10 years, but we shared so much that seems an eternity. Are there so many memories of us together as a family. I miss it so much! It is hard to let go.....isn't?

Deep is your love, deepest is your pain during the grieving. I try to be thankful to God for the 10 years that we shared our love, and lives together and for experience the true love with another human being. We are so lucky Kathy, we had that. Some people never had this blessed gift. It happens only once in a lifetime, lets embrace it with all heart and soul, remembering always that our husbands are very ALIVE in our hearts, and memories it will never die....it is the true gift of love, left by them specially to us! One day we will be reunited with them again. Have faith knowing that our loved ones want us to be strong, happy, and continue our lives without them. We have more in this life to accomplish. I think the pain will never go away, what I believe is, we learn to live with it, and accept the fact that our loved ones are gone...but the pain is there.
We have no much choice, do we?

When I look at my husband's picture on my computer, I have the feeling that he wants me to stop crying, and be strong. Which I try so hard. The widow OR widower road is so long, dark and lonely. But if we look around this road, we will find some light, flowers and colors, that will keep us going. We are not alone during our walking in this long road, God is guiding, and holding our hands till the end. Trust my friend, think about the Good times you had with your husband. I know that some days, are worse than others. But we must keep walking througth this road. One day we will see a big shine light in the end. Please not be mad at God, it is a very normal response during a grief. I was too at the begining....but it is wrong! God don't want us to die. Do you read a bible? If yes, let me know and I will pass you some chapters.

My prayers and thoughts are with you. Hang in there be strong!
God bless you & comfort your heart.

kathy obiedzinski said:

i just read your bereaved spouses letter it will 1 hears on march 1,2010 that i lost my best friend (my husband) we had so many good years together would have been 35 on july 2009 i still cry as you stated you had such a love realtionship so did i i cry when i am alone when i look at the picturers of him and our grandchildren 1 girl and a set of twin boyds. i can remember my grand daugher saying ok pop pop get the camera out because as soon as they came up to the house my husband would take the camera out and she would strike a pose. i also miss him so much i had seeked help with a therapist. i ended the session with the therapist because i thought the the grife support legancy would help me more. i agree with you it hurts so much people tell you it will get better but i am sorry maybe they did not have a relationship like i did or you did. i am still angry at god because of what happened to me i do not think i deserved this i am a good person

Permalink Reply by Cathy on February 22, 2010 at 9:28pm

I have heard this song and it means so much, however I don't promise you not to cry or have your heart strings pulled. But it has so many wonderful words. Listen to it. Enjoy and find peace. Cathy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LAqUx0f-QHE

Permalink Reply by Anita Simmons on February 22, 2010 at 10:17pm

Hi! We share the same date Oct. 26th 2009. Life hasn't gotten any easier for me either. Pictures? I know what you mean. I can't look at Malcolm either. It is so hard but I do know there will be one day I can look at them and smile instead of cry but it isn't now. Hang in there.

Permalink Reply by Missmylove47 on February 22, 2010 at 11:51pm

Hi,
Thanks for the reply. Yes, we share the same exactly date October 26, 2009. Almost 4 months now. Sometimes I look at his picture and remember something funny that he said or did, then it makes me smile. He loved to tell funny jokes, and make me laugh. But when I look at him sick, or picture with sad expression It breaks my heart, I can't help but cry.....cry.....and cry!
You too hang in there. Things will get better.

Anita Simmons said:

Hi! We share the same date Oct. 26th 2009. Life hasn't gotten any easier for me either. Pictures? I know what you mean. I can't look at Malcolm either. It is so hard but I do know there will be one day I can look at them and smile instead of cry but it isn't now. Hang in there.