having a down day...

I am having a down day today... I just miss my Shawn a lot...monday will be a year and a half since he left me... I think its just so rough bc I am looking these kids- now almost 4 and almost 3...and they are so different then when he left.. and i know he wouldnt recognize them... i think another major problem with me coping is the fact that i am physically able to move on and he isnt. Its not like a divorce for us- where both can move on to another spouse... he is in heaven playing golf all day and playing with his puppies.... and i am down here with our kids raising them as we wanted to.... having no choice but to go forward....my kids barely remember him and that breaks my heart... and every time i feel something not right in my body- i feel like i am going to die- all mental i know bc a 29 yr old should not think that.... but a side effect of waking up to a 27 yr old husband dead on the floor... anyway, just wanted to vent bc while he is always my waking thoughts... some days are ten times better than others... and even the 20 min workout is not shaking this funk today :( hopefully you guys are having a better day than me...

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Permalink Reply by Dane R P on July 19, 2010 at 5:45pm

I'm so sorry for your loss, Liz. But you can look forward to a time when you will be able to welcome back your husband into your arms again. God promises through his Word, the Bible, that there will be a resurrection of our dead loved ones back to life, right here on a paradise earth (John 5:28, 29; Ps 37:29). I hope you will be comforted by the Bible's promise.

Permalink Reply by judy on July 19, 2010 at 8:48pm

Liz, I am so sorry for the loss of your husband, Shawn. My husband and I were married for 47 years and I wish you could have had much more time. I also am having a bad day today but my heart goes out to you. When my 16 year old son died 27 years ago people would say," Be grateful you are young." I thought that was the cruelest thing to say and I still think so, I think being younger simply made it worse and dealing with a four year old at the time was difficult. I think you are wonderful to be doing as well as you are. You and the children are in my prayers and thoughts and I bet Shawn is extremely proud of you.

Permalink Reply by deborah diggs on July 19, 2010 at 10:38pm

So sorry baby. i lost my husband 4 months ago, he was 51 and I am 48. His birthday was sunday 7/18/2010, it was so very vrey hard. Our anniversay is the end of this month. It is so hard, but writing here and sharing really helps. Sending you hugs,,,It will get easier, ...so sorry you are down...Keep sharing.

Permalink Reply by jumpinjudi on July 22, 2010 at 4:44am

jumpinjudi said:

I am sorry your having a bad day,its been that way for me today also its three months since my love passed and i feel so alone. I having a real hard time with being alone I am not and never have been a loner. I LIVE ALONE AND NOONE EVEN COMES TO VISIT. i have two adult kids but only one here in Pgh. no siblings neither. what am i to do??? does anyone have any ideas?? i dont drive to join any groups. i need to fine a senior group thank you for listening have a good day tomorrow and a sleepful nite/
big hugs

Permalink Reply by Elaine Richmond on July 22, 2010 at 3:10pm

CINDY POWELL said:

dear liz,
i am so sorry you are having a down day. i also am so sorry that you lost such a young husband. i have been feeling sorry for myself because my husband was only 58 but yours was so awfully young.i keep telling myself if only my husband could have been 20 years older i could have dealt with his death better. but could i have? that would have given us 20 more years and i think it could have made it just as bad if not worse.it has been almost 5 months for me and i miss him more and more everyday. i dont see myself as going forwards i keep going backwards.i feel like my life is over and i only can pray that some how some way i can learn to try and make the best of the time i have left . my husband would have wanted me to move on and keep living. may God Bless you and keep you strong.

Permalink Reply by Elaine Richmond on July 22, 2010 at 3:20pm

Whoever said they thought it would be easier if their husband had been 20 years or so older let me tell you, I lost my husband almost 5 months ago and I am 70 years old and he was 74, I do believe, of course, that is so much harder when you are older as you are weaker, in all things, and he was still my Love and always will be throughout eternity. Also being older I question my existence in still being alive, what plan could God possibly have for an 'old' woman, why doesn't He just take me home too? My children are all grown with lives of their own as my grandchildren are too and I so wish to die and go from this place of misery.
As my daughter says "Peace Out"
and God bless you all.

Permalink Reply by Mary on July 22, 2010 at 4:00pm

Elaine, thank you, I couldn't have said it better my self. Grief is no respector of age. I lost my husband 5 1/2 months ago. He was 74 and I am 64. And I totally agree with you that it can be harder when you are older. My first husband died at the age of 39 and I was 35. I had 3 young children at home and I was working. I don't remember this deep intense emotional loss then that I am feeling now. And I loved both of them. Because of the first loss, because I (we) were older, the children were grown and I had recenty retired, I am feeling this kind of pain, that at times is physical almost to the point of chest pain. We all want more time, you are never ready for this. Having said all this, it is obvious, no matter what age you are, the grief is horrible. You can feel and "hear" it by the post on this site. And the age of the loved one lost has nothing to do with it. We all grief in our own way. May God bless us all with peace and good memories soon.

Permalink Reply by jan on July 22, 2010 at 8:10pm

I am having a down day too. My husband and best friend has been gone for 37 days. I miss him so much. I hurt. Im lost.

Permalink Reply by Randolph L. Schrader on July 22, 2010 at 8:56pm

To Jan and to others, yep, everyday is a "down" day. Over 15 months for me without my wife of 44 years. How do we cope? This site does help in sharing and caring. For we all are in the same boat. Hugs to you and to all. Hugs are good.

Permalink Reply by jumpinjudi on July 27, 2010 at 7:28am

good morning to all I am feeling pretty good today. hope it lasts for abit. hahahaha big hugs to all

Permalink Reply by jumpinjudi on July 30, 2010 at 10:08pm

jumpinjudi said:

I am sorry your having a bad day,its been that way for me today also its three months since my love passed and i feel so alone. I having a real hard time with being alone I am not and never have been a loner. I LIVE ALONE AND NOONE EVEN COMES TO VISIT. i have two adult kids but only one here in Pgh. no siblings neither. what am i to do??? does anyone have any ideas?? i dont drive to join any groups. i need to fine a senior group thank you for listening have a good day tomorrow and a sleepful nite/
big hugs

Permalink Reply by jumpinjudi on July 30, 2010 at 10:10pm

this lonelyness gets worse everyday how to get pass this??? any ideas out there??? sure hope so.
hugs judy