Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Jenn on September 22, 2009 at 3:12pm

Hi, I am brand new to this.
My Dad passed away 10 days ago; Sept 12th 09. I buried him only days ago and it is just hitting me now. I am back to work to try to get back to normal but feel angry at everybody around me even though I shouldn't.
I guess only people who have gone through this know how it feels.
It was only 6 weeks ago that we found out my Dad (age 84) had a brain tumor.
He refused to have his head cut into and even though he was ready to leave this world I was definitely not ready. I was still stressing over the fact he had about 1 year to live. So they told us..... but he only made it 6 weeks. It is a shock.
I feel so sad. I don't want to be around anyone.
Reading the other posts here brings me some comfort.
I feel exactly how you do though.

Permalink Reply by Marylee on September 22, 2009 at 3:28pm

Jenn, it's ok to feel the way you (and I ) feel. We are grieving. I lost my Dad very suddenly 10 years ago. My dad was only 70 and my Mom was just 77 when she passed 9 days ago. In your heart you know your Dad is not suffering and he's watching from above. I know my parents are reunited and watching over me too. My poor Mom went through so much pain and suffering in the last few months. I know she's pain free now. I really miss her so much.

Permalink Reply by Jenn on September 24, 2009 at 3:51pm

Hi Dianna, I just found this website yesterday and reading these notes makes me feel "normal" because I'm finding people who feel like I do.
I just lost my Dad Sept 12 09 - In fact we buried him a week ago today.
This is my first loss of someone so close to me. I'm completely devastated.
I know he is not suffering but I feel such pain in my heart. I finally slept through a night last night.
I am at work again, my husband and kids seem to be over it already but me , well I sort of feel
like I'm the only one who feels like this. My brothers and sisters and Mom live in diff. cities so we are all scattered and I feel like I have nobody to go to for comfort.
My husband was excellent the week we went through this but he just seems normal again.
I feel angry at that and that my friends and co-workers aren't more sympathetic .
Every day is a chore for me too and I lost my will to do anything and my parents were 50 yrs married last year. I hate thinking I will never see him again and touch him. I can't beleive it and it hurts so much.

Permalink Reply by Cathy Cooper on September 24, 2009 at 4:58pm

I am about to lose my Dad to prostate cancer and it is almost too painful for me to stand. He has been a great father and although he has had this for awhile, he has gone downhill so quickly, I am unprepared to lose him. He is a great Dad and Papa to his grandkids. He had a long talk with us last night that went on for several hours; him giving advice, reminicing and telling tales of his youth. He is 78 years old and a huge part of my life. How do you deal with this? I lost my Mom 20 years ago but this is so raw and unnerving.

Permalink Reply by Solnia on September 25, 2009 at 8:42am

I can totally relate to everything you say! I mean EveryThing. My children knew him well and had him around a long time, too, but more so myself. He was 91. It stands to reason missing someone is even harder when they have always been there in your life. I Feel my Dad's presence at times, like when the wind blows, he is saying it's ok, he is still there in a way, just can't see him. I feel him with me almost daily.

Permalink Reply by Cathy Cooper on September 25, 2009 at 4:27pm

This web page is a God send to me right now. I feel so alone.
I will go back to my Dad's house tonight, our family home, to be with him again as he is dying. My brother and my sisters and all the grandkids will be there too.
It's so hard to watch him suffer, his body betraying him so. I feel all of the love, pain, and missing that you are all relating to us here and I am so sad to have to anticipate his death. I am scared. I believe in heaven..an afterlife where he will suffer no more and be with those he has loved.
Is he afraid? I want to ask but I am afraid of the answer. If he is afraid, how do I reassure him? We don't know for sure what death is, what it 'feels' like, where we really go. Pray for him, my Dad, Korean war vet, loving Dad and grandpa. The life of the party whose bright light will dim soon.
Hugs to you all!

Permalink Reply by Jenn on September 25, 2009 at 5:29pm

Cathy Cooper said:

This web page is a God send to me right now. I feel so alone.
I will go back to my Dad's house tonight, our family home, to be with him again as he is dying. My brother and my sisters and all the grandkids will be there too.
It's so hard to watch him suffer, his body betraying him so. I feel all of the love, pain, and missing that you are all relating to us here and I am so sad to have to anticipate his death. I am scared. I believe in heaven..an afterlife where he will suffer no more and be with those he has loved.
Is he afraid? I want to ask but I am afraid of the answer. If he is afraid, how do I reassure him? We don't know for sure what death is, what it 'feels' like, where we really go. Pray for him, my Dad, Korean war vet, loving Dad and grandpa. The life of the party whose bright light will dim soon.
Hugs to you all!

Permalink Reply by Jenn on September 25, 2009 at 5:30pm

Jenn said:

Cathy Cooper said:

This web page is a God send to me right now. I feel so alone.
I will go back to my Dad's house tonight, our family home, to be with him again as he is dying. My brother and my sisters and all the grandkids will be there too.
It's so hard to watch him suffer, his body betraying him so. I feel all of the love, pain, and missing that you are all relating to us here and I am so sad to have to anticipate his death. I am scared. I believe in heaven..an afterlife where he will suffer no more and be with those he has loved.
Is he afraid? I want to ask but I am afraid of the answer. If he is afraid, how do I reassure him? We don't know for sure what death is, what it 'feels' like, where we really go. Pray for him, my Dad, Korean war vet, loving Dad and grandpa. The life of the party whose bright light will dim soon.
Hugs to you all!

Permalink Reply by Freda Finkbeiner on September 25, 2009 at 8:26pm

Hello
I just lost my father on July3,2009. I am realizing what a
great dad he was. He was also a great Grandfather! My heart fells
ripped in half. I fined that I have to keep myself busy all the time,because
when I sit or I am alone I start thinking about the good times with my dad and I realize all the things that I am going to miss!

Permalink Reply by Jenn on September 26, 2009 at 12:17pm

Hi Cathy, I thought of you as you got to see your Dad last night. With my Dad being gone only 2 weeks today I am still raw. I can understand how a person can actually die from a broken heart because the pain in my heart is so intense. I get anxiety attacks and that is scary. You wrote that you are afraid to ask your Dad some questions; like "is he afraid". I did not get to ask my Dad that and even though he was a religeous man and he said to us last month that he is "ready" I wish now that I would have gotten the courage to ask him questions. Instead of me saying "dad, don't say that " I wish I confronted him and said things like "Dad, are you sure your ready and why do you say that" ? But, I can tell if you don't ask him those questions don't beat yourself up about it. If you have the time ask, do it for yourself. I didn't get the chance as I thought we still had "a year" as the Dr .said. When I saw my Dad In the casket I was overwhelmed with sadness. I was bent over in pain. I have never cried so hard in all my life.
I do believe in Heaven and when I finally composed myself and talked to him I said "Dad, please send me signs so I know your ok and happy" and I can honestly tell you there were signs and I am comforted from them. Now I don't have those "signs" and I am not "looking" for them because I will drive myself crazy if I do.
I believe now since he is checking out his garden in heaven and having coffee with his sister who passed away the same day (yes only hours earlier) in another country. We believe she "took him" on her way to heaven. He will send me more signs I know. Take comfort in the time you have left. Say things you want to say. I only started telling my Dad "I love you" in August when he was given a year. I was able to hear him say "I love you" back about 8 times.
Tell him how you feel and hold his hand for as long as you can.
Thinking of you,
Jenn

Permalink Reply by Leslie on September 27, 2009 at 8:01am

My Dad passed on July 22, 2009 and it will never be the same for me either. It does seem like I am an orphan yet I still have a Mom and StepMom who just remind me of him. It is sad. I tend to avoid them because it pains me to remember that he isn't there when we get together. I hope this passes so I don't miss out on having them in my life for as long as I can. I kind of am viewing things that way. How long will things last........ I am starting to think that it's because of losing Dad so suddenly that everything else is going to happen that way too so why plan etc. I am living so temporary right now. Well I know how you are feeling and I wish you a speedier return to reality than I seem to be feeling! All the best!

Permalink Reply by jen on September 27, 2009 at 11:59pm

Leslie, i often have that feeling too, that even though I still have my mom, it feels like I never want to go home again. Dad isn't there anymore, and I just don't feel like I ever want to go there again. Being with her just reminds me that he isn't here anymore. My mom and I have never had a close connection....I care about her, but she and I are SOOO different, I recognized it as a very young child and we never really understood one another. I have come to appreciate her as a wonderful grandma to my kids- I know it will be very very hard for them to lose her as it was for them to lose my dad. i will feel sad when she is gone, but also glad for her to be home with my dad again, and the rest of her family that has passed on before her and I know she misses so much. It has always been different for me with Dad- we were/are cut from the same cloth and I always had a strong connection to him. I won't say I was his favorite, as I know I disappointed him in many ways and my sister was always so perfect ( my brother had a much rougher relationship with both of our parents) , but i was the youngest, and definately the most like him , and I know he loved that about me. Today is his birthday, he would have been 82. I miss him so much. jen

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