Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by abby vanessa gonzales on April 4, 2010 at 11:51pm

i lost my mother on February 03,2010 i guess you can say today is her two anniversary i miss her like i never missed anyone in my life, and I think I'm slowly going crazy.my mom meant the world to me,since the day she past all i do is think of her all the time there's not a minute that goes by that she not on my mind or in my thoughts,i lost my mom due to heart failure,doctors say she was a miracle because she had four strokes and one major heart attack and she was still breathing,but each one of those strokes took something away and she became bed ridden,which slowly to her away from me. since day one me and my mother have been the best of friends she was my partner in crime you can say we did things that no one could believe we were doing we had fun with life now that she's gone i feel so empty,alone,afraid, like a little kid again.I'm lost and i don't know what to do ,what is my purpose for being here now,i know that people say that it's going to get better and to me i feel like things are getting worse for me,I've never felt like this before in my life.i just don't want to be here any more,not with out her.

Permalink Reply by Belinda Rhodes on April 5, 2010 at 1:33pm

Please, Please, Please Abby,

What you are feeling is the loss of someone you loved! I do not mean to say that this pain you are experiencing is not real, but please when you get the obsession to think of nothing else, but your precious Mom, I bet she would want you to sit for a minute, take a deep breath, and try to smile.
I have even been called "insane" by the people I love, when they just don't get how much we love and respect and miss our moms.
I want you to know, I was a nurse for 27 years. The body gets so tired sometimes of setbacks, even though she left you physically, she is so deeply inbedded in your heart and soul.
The haunting memories of what ifs, ease up some days, and then again I have total meltdowns for the next two days.
I am so proud that you put it in words, and shared your pain. I CAN NOT SEEM TO GET ANYONE TO UNDERSTAND MINE!!!!!
I know she is with you, she has to be....your precious heart and spirit are read and felt only by the same individuals accross the world, that are trying to make sense out of grief. I do not know anything about where you live, how old you are, if this is the first time you lost someone in your family, please understand she (your mom) is living with you.
I don't think she wants you to hurt so much. Try to think of her good days, her healthy days, special moments you shared....As a mom, who lost her mom, I would hate for my sons to feel so bad. They are tied to my heart strings, and you are tied to your moms. I don't know if this makes sense, but please be patient with yourself. I never in all my days dreamed I would ever experience anything like this---life without my own mother.
I hope you stay in touch with me, it would be an honor to get to know you. Belinda

abby vanessa gonzales said:

i lost my mother on February 03,2010 i guess you can say today is her two anniversary i miss her like i never missed anyone in my life, and I think I'm slowly going crazy.my mom meant the world to me,since the day she past all i do is think of her all the time there's not a minute that goes by that she not on my mind or in my thoughts,i lost my mom due to heart failure,doctors say she was a miracle because she had four strokes and one major heart attack and she was still breathing,but each one of those strokes took something away and she became bed ridden,which slowly to her away from me. since day one me and my mother have been the best of friends she was my partner in crime you can say we did things that no one could believe we were doing we had fun with life now that she's gone i feel so empty,alone,afraid, like a little kid again.I'm lost and i don't know what to do ,what is my purpose for being here now,i know that people say that it's going to get better and to me i feel like things are getting worse for me,I've never felt like this before in my life.i just don't want to be here any more,not with out her.

Permalink Reply by Jerr on April 6, 2010 at 11:05am

In two days it will be the one year anniversary of my mom's death. It's hard to believe that I can even type the word now. I miss her so very much. She had a stroke and was in a nursing home, and each time I saw her condition got worse and it was so painful for me. I know this is about our moms, but a month and a half ago I lost my Dad too. My family and I moved in with him because he had congestive heart failure. We both grieved over Mom, and he was always saying how he wanted to be with her.
As children they take care of us, tell us what is right and wrong, and when they leave the question is always "who do we ask now?" The pain of losing them is so immense, sometimes it feels like my heart has torn apart. But I know that I have to move on. I know they are here with me. I just wanted to know others out there who share the same feelings as I do.

Permalink Reply by Belinda Rhodes on April 6, 2010 at 12:51pm

What a shock you received two years ago. I can only imagine, to be experiencing the loss of two.
You are a very courageous young woman. Your Dad and Mom taught you very well, and you made a great choice to move in and be the support for each of your parents. I hope you realize, your example of love and tenderness to help your parents, are not the norm in this day and age, you may have opened the eyes of others the ability to love and care unconditionally, to the parents that taught you that sometimes you never can give back what your parents gave you, and you have the love and decency to be a ROLE MODEL! No one may ever admit they needed that life lesson! May your parents and community realize the have an Angel in the the neighborhood, and she is very special. I hope and pray you get kisses from above, to give you the strength and courage to allow others to care and nurture you as you have nurtured others. You will be in my thoughts and prayers! Belinda Rhodes

Jerr said:

In two days it will be the one year anniversary of my mom's death. It's hard to believe that I can even type the word now. I miss her so very much. She had a stroke and was in a nursing home, and each time I saw her condition got worse and it was so painful for me. I know this is about our moms, but a month and a half ago I lost my Dad too. My family and I moved in with him because he had congestive heart failure. We both grieved over Mom, and he was always saying how he wanted to be with her.
As children they take care of us, tell us what is right and wrong, and when they leave the question is always "who do we ask now?" The pain of losing them is so immense, sometimes it feels like my heart has torn apart. But I know that I have to move on. I know they are here with me. I just wanted to know others out there who share the same feelings as I do.

Permalink Reply by white dove on April 7, 2010 at 8:46am

I have experienced ALL of the horrendous grief thru this past year... that it felt as if there was no where else to go, but up. In being my mom's care giver for quite awhile, the tables were turned. She gave birth to me, nurtured, squabled lol back and forth, but in the ending times i turned into her "mama". On my mom's one year anniversary date, i felt a big difference. I didnt know what would come that day. this very strong feeling of my mom saying "ENOUGH being sad, NOW be happy darnit"!! that was her message alll day. I have to say for everyone our times are unique to us. This was a big turning point where i could look "back" and see she was right. She gave me messages that day that she is safe, happy and there is no turning back the clock. Now, my difficulties are: repairing all the damage inside of my mind during the Hospice time. Its very difficult still to hop into paying bills, clean my home, run errands as before.. seems when i have one day of multiple events, i crash the next. Time Time Time is supposed to be a healer, however, i am a different person now. Anyone else feel this way? prayers for everyone here*

Belinda Rhodes said:

What a shock you received two years ago. I can only imagine, to be experiencing the loss of two.
You are a very courageous young woman. Your Dad and Mom taught you very well, and you made a great choice to move in and be the support for each of your parents. I hope you realize, your example of love and tenderness to help your parents, are not the norm in this day and age, you may have opened the eyes of others the ability to love and care unconditionally, to the parents that taught you that sometimes you never can give back what your parents gave you, and you have the love and decency to be a ROLE MODEL! No one may ever admit they needed that life lesson! May your parents and community realize the have an Angel in the the neighborhood, and she is very special. I hope and pray you get kisses from above, to give you the strength and courage to allow others to care and nurture you as you have nurtured others. You will be in my thoughts and prayers! Belinda Rhodes

Jerr said:

In two days it will be the one year anniversary of my mom's death. It's hard to believe that I can even type the word now. I miss her so very much. She had a stroke and was in a nursing home, and each time I saw her condition got worse and it was so painful for me. I know this is about our moms, but a month and a half ago I lost my Dad too. My family and I moved in with him because he had congestive heart failure. We both grieved over Mom, and he was always saying how he wanted to be with her.
As children they take care of us, tell us what is right and wrong, and when they leave the question is always "who do we ask now?" The pain of losing them is so immense, sometimes it feels like my heart has torn apart. But I know that I have to move on. I know they are here with me. I just wanted to know others out there who share the same feelings as I do.

Permalink Reply by Jerr on April 7, 2010 at 9:15am

Thank you. I really needed someone who could understand my loss. I know too that as children we are so used to our parents taking care of us. I knew it wouldn't be easy to care for my dad, but he did it for us, and that's my dad after all. I miss them so much.

Permalink Reply by Belinda Rhodes on April 7, 2010 at 9:30am

Jerr,
You will need to keep in touch, we all are learning how to let go, move on, and not die from a broken heart.
Belinda

Jerr said:

Thank you. I really needed someone who could understand my loss. I know too that as children we are so used to our parents taking care of us. I knew it wouldn't be easy to care for my dad, but he did it for us, and that's my dad after all. I miss them so much.

Permalink Reply by Angie Ivey - Owens on April 8, 2010 at 6:01pm

Belinda Rhodes said:

Angie,

Is it so true, sometimes, we, do not know what we have, actually treasure, until it's gone. Now, I know, that truly this is a statement that is generic in nature, but is so true in every facet of our lives.
I hope you find some peace and support through the Legacy Connect support group.
Not just "anyone" really listens to our pain, unless you are comfortable and trusting that this group did not grow this much, with empty statements like "I am sorry for your loss".
Grief is truly an experience, that anyone would volunteer to experience!!!!!

Permalink Reply by Angie Ivey - Owens on April 8, 2010 at 6:01pm

Belinda

Thanks for taking the time to read my feeling

Ang

Permalink Reply by Angie Ivey - Owens on April 8, 2010 at 6:10pm

Angie Ivey - Owens said:

Belinda

Thanks for taking the time to read my feeling

Ang

Permalink Reply by Angie Ivey - Owens on April 8, 2010 at 6:21pm

It has almost been a year. I am still not able to deal with the fact that my mom is even gone muchless that my Mom hAS BEEN GONE A YEAR. lAST YEAR THIS TIME RIGHT BEFORE SHE PASSED AWAY WE PLANTED tomatoe plants....it is time to do that again and I do not know how to bring myself to even dig up the soil. i refuse to allow anyone to even touch the dead stalk from last year or even remove the stake in the ground. A part of that being untouched is the only thing that has not changed ............ the only thing that is in the same safe place. No one has rippe dit away yet, no one has told me to move past it, remove it, visit it, cherish it, remember it. I pray for a breeze to send her scent, a cloud to display a message - some one anyone who can no the agony I feel. I could barely do the Holidays - I thought if only I can get thru November and December then If I could get thru New Years and Valentines around came March my birthday - she never ever missed, ever ..... Easter has come and gone and if I can get thru May may is the month ... MAY 26TH the day a Tuesday I will never forget . The very life and the way I knew it will never be again .... This world is so less with out her. I am so much more because of her but some days no one - no one can imagine looking in the mirror to see her eyes in mine to hear her voice to beg the mercy on my heart so it may heal yet I am so afraid now for my own son my only child to some day loose me and I will not be here to heal his pain.

Angie Ivey - Owens said:

Angie Ivey - Owens said:

Belinda

Thanks for taking the time to read my feeling

Ang

Permalink Reply by Angie Ivey - Owens on April 8, 2010 at 6:28pm

Belinda you are right people say just anything with little or no meaning or the effects it may have. My Mom was the absolute only person ever in this life who did not and would not judge me... she loved me no matter what , she cared about me.... she was the absolute only person who could even deal with me when I was sick I mean even a cold - my own husband would call her to come get me .. she never ever let me down. she made this eveil , tuff world right, nothing seems stable at all. my eyes do not see the same bright colors, my ears to not hear laughter the same way- spirit is missing mom's spirit is not with me a piece of me is gone literially.

all my prayers and all a mothers love can offer is with all of you , my new supportive friends.
Angie

Angie Ivey - Owens said:

Belinda

Thanks for taking the time to read my feeling

Ang

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