Grief support for all who have lost moms

Losing your mother can be traumatic at any age. Share your grief and talk with others who are coping with the loss of their mothers.

 

 

 

 

 

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Angie Ivey - Owens said:
Abby
My Mom was my partner in crime too, we used to have a task or a plan or something to take care of that only WE knew about and we'd call it OUR MISSION or if my sister and I needed her help or we were out as teenagers, we could always call our Mom to tell her we were on a mission - and she'd say do you need a ride home ? I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN, I may never , ever meet you but there is a person a daughter ( ME ) WHO has lost a Mom too, best buddie, a secret keeper, a best friend - everything and then some - FIND SOMETHING YOU BOTH HAD IN common - My mom never left my sis or I or never gave us a card or anything written on without saying the words " Love You Forever and A Day " I never put much thought into that until a few days befor she died from a heart attack that was from the result of several ministrokes and a huge stroke that left her semi-paralized at only 56 with no warning - SHE said Love You Forver And A Day and when that day comes I'll love you more she never said that before and never sadi that again THAT FORESAKEN DAY HAS COME AND GONE and I know she loves me. My sis and I went two weeks ago and each got that phrase tattooed on our right foot so we can walk together in our mom's path with her words - Do SOMETHING for you and her something between the two of you only. Keep that bond with you and strong !! I too feel alone and helpless and I finally found a local counsler who deals with grief I have gone twice as soon as I sat down I said ( mY mOM died it has been nearly a year and , the lady had a look on her face that replied empathy and sympathy finally on last week a saw far enough into someone eyes to see then looking back at my pain I have 3 more appts set up You may not find the first one to be right for you do not give up !!!! She is in Newport News, VA lcsw, Keitha Austin. across from Mary Immaculate Hospital look in the yellow pages if you live in this area.

Forever and a day, girl an hour at a time

Angie abby vanessa gonzales sai:
i lost my mother on February 03,2010 i guess you can say today is her two anniversary i miss her like i never missed anyone in my life, and I think I'm slowly going crazy.my mom meant the world to me,since the day she past all i do is think of her all the time there's not a minute that goes by that she not on my mind or in my thoughts,i lost my mom due to heart failure,doctors say she was a miracle because she had four strokes and one major heart attack and she was still breathing,but each one of those strokes took something away and she became bed ridden,which slowly to her away from me. since day one me and my mother have been the best of friends she was my partner in crime you can say we did things that no one could believe we were doing we had fun with life now that she's gone i feel so empty,alone,afraid, like a little kid again.I'm lost and i don't know what to do ,what is my purpose for being here now,i know that people say that it's going to get better and to me i feel like things are getting worse for me,I've never felt like this before in my life.i just don't want to be here any more,not with out her.
Stacie, I feel bad thinking about the ages, the circumstances, but I somehow felt a daughter might of helped me in this "loss" issue, and you are too young to do this on your own, I will teach, preach, or tell you what I call "belindaisms", please just take baby steps, I promise to try and catch you when you feel like your falling....It seems my whole life I had a passion to care for others, but when it comes to loss of YOUR mom, that is a whole different story.....I just shutter to think where would I be today, if, I lost my mother when I was only 25....I feel guilty, but I know for today only, legacy friends are the only friends I have, that take the time to listen to my story....I wish I had better computer skills, ie how to be invited or add to the friend list, but by all means, you can reach me......carrugs@aol.com Somehow my friends have forgotten my email address, and my mom left me 12/5/09....I guess sometimes people are afraid of asking what they can do???????????? Hugs to you, Belinda

Angie Ivey - Owens said:
Gosh BeLinda - you seem like the Legecy Mom I have read your posting to us gals and you mentioned your boys and their ages. I feel like I want a hug from you or that if I feel to my knees weeping you would be able to take my face and know my pain. LIKE A MOM

aNGIE

(white dove) said:
My mom will be gone~ one year tomorrow. I am not sure what i will feel.. or really what im going to do other than visit a tree we planted in her memory. I have read alot of articles, and now know that i will do something calming and quiet.. so that i may feel comfortable in letting out my emotions. This is to you MOM, we miss you so very much, it seems like just yesterday we were laughing, but in other ways of our hearts breaking, time has stood still. I would give anything to have you with us again. I pray that God has filled your heart totally up with love so that you could not want for anything more. xoxoxoxoxoxoxo's your baby and grandbaby.

Stacie Jones said:
i am 25 she would be 55 tomorrow and i really dnt know how to deal with it
I am 35 and found out mom has extensive breast cancer with mets to bone, liver and nodes. Breast surgeons say surgery is no longer an option and Onc's say treatment will only be palliative. Mom has chosed to defer any treatment to be able to enjoy 'what she has left'. I am a medical professional and respect her decision 100%, but just cant come to terms with this. I cry at the drop of a hat. I feel that the control i usually have over patients care has been stripped from me and I just dont know what to do with myself. How do you cope?
RandiSabo said:
I am 35 and found out mom has extensive breast cancer with mets to bone, liver and nodes. Breast surgeons say surgery is no longer an option and Onc's say treatment will only be palliative. Mom has chosed to defer any treatment to be able to enjoy 'what she has left'. I am a medical professional and respect her decision 100%, but just cant come to terms with this. I cry at the drop of a hat. I feel that the control i usually have over patients care has been stripped from me and I just dont know what to do with myself. How do you cope?
Randi, You are ever so right. I have been a nurse for 27 years, and no I have never prepared myself for the loss of a parent. We meet and listen to families having cancer, but the hardest thing sometimes is to listen to the choice your love one made. Oh how I would fight, per se, to find the right doctor, or the right hospital, and the defeat of understanding why does anyone have to have the cancer at all. Believe me, being quiet, knowing how to fix everyone, but yet I am pitiful when it comes to being diplomatic with a love one. Yes, I have seen medical miracles, but when I have had a patient tell me they were tired of fighting, they just wanted to let go, I often thought I had the right to offer my opinion, and now almost everyday, I pray for the strength to keep my opinion to myself, and be a listener. Believe me, often times I think I should tape my mouth shut, or wire it close...my mind goes constantly...just trying to make it better. I hope you can get the strength to give your mom permission that you will do your best to be OK with the decision, love her, hold her hand, and I feel like this whole support group will hold you up, and work with you to have the strength to let her have some peace. I know everyone looks for the health care family member to be the strongest, fix it, or know the right answer, but gently break it to them, it is your MOM, and you want to be a daughter right now, not always the expert. My sister in law, died at age 55 with lung, brain, bone and liver cancer, and I was privelaged to care for her at the end stage of her journey...I believe now her anniversary date was this week, and it has been five years, yet my life was changed forever because we had a great friendship and mutual respect for each other. Hospice helped a lot, and I don't know now looking back how I did it, but I know that my husband wanted to help...but sometimes it was easier for me to let him just love her, because he was a team member that was very dedicated to his big sister....Let me know how things go, I will keep you and your family in my prayers...Belinda

Belinda Rhodes said:
RandiSabo said:
I am 35 and found out mom has extensive breast cancer with mets to bone, liver and nodes. Breast surgeons say surgery is no longer an option and Onc's say treatment will only be palliative. Mom has chosed to defer any treatment to be able to enjoy 'what she has left'. I am a medical professional and respect her decision 100%, but just cant come to terms with this. I cry at the drop of a hat. I feel that the control i usually have over patients care has been stripped from me and I just dont know what to do with myself. How do you cope?
I am originally from Dorchester, but I now live in San Diego California. My mother resided in the Parkwell Nursing Home in Hyde Park.

My brother and 2 sisters are not close and the situation is strained. But this Easter Sunday I had a strange feeling inside of me. That my mother had passed away. That feeling lasted all day then went away.

Friday I received a card from a hospice volunteer. She said my mother was her best friend. That she took the card I sent my mother and read it to her and it put a smile on her face, even though she was pretty sick. Then she wrote, your mother looked up to the ceiling and took her last breath. It was beautifully written, but I was in total shock.
I didn't know this woman, yet she took the time to call me to tell me my mother had passed away. She had died April 5th.

When I called down to the Parkwell Nursing home, they would not give me any information. Told me the couldn't that I wasn't on the "LIST." My brother barred me from ever seeing her or knowing anything further about her. Regardless I did send things and I did write.

I called my sister, she was shocked I knew and demanded to know who told me. It upset me, through anger I told them, how long were all of you going to keep this a secret? No answer.

My brother cremated her on Wednesday and threw her urn into the garbage. I'm sick to hear this and no type of memorial, no where to go, nothing. I don't know who the funeral home was, nothing. I feel sick and guilty and horrible. I cannot stop crying.

My mom was all I had, she didn't deserve this cruelty. I will live with this guilt until I die. I had to write someone somewhere. I want to scream why? I want to punch someone, but the pillow does the justice. Why so cruel ...Why?
My Heart saddens in reading Randi's feelings~ I also, worked in Health Care for many years. Some home Hospice type- in home care (without the actual organization of) .. and in an oncology office. I now feel that i was so ignorant in "it all". Me: this smiling, enlightened (so i thought) caring empathetic person, trying to help all in painting MY picture of Heaven. Well, did i learn how very inexperienced i actually was, after being there 24-7 with my mom... lying in her hospital bed in the middle of her living room. That "light" that i was told that was around me has changed dramatically. I NOW know. However, I would do it ALL again out of my Love for my mom. Peace Randi, you will be fine, in being there and showing your sincere love.....I even crawled in bed with my mom and got some wonderful, powerful hugs.. and i wasnt that close with my mom in many years~ Much healing takes place* Prayers for all today!

Belinda Rhodes said:
RandiSabo said:
I am 35 and found out mom has extensive breast cancer with mets to bone, liver and nodes. Breast surgeons say surgery is no longer an option and Onc's say treatment will only be palliative. Mom has chosed to defer any treatment to be able to enjoy 'what she has left'. I am a medical professional and respect her decision 100%, but just cant come to terms with this. I cry at the drop of a hat. I feel that the control i usually have over patients care has been stripped from me and I just dont know what to do with myself. How do you cope?
Maggie De-Faria said:
I am originally from Dorchester, but I now live in San Diego California. My mother resided in the Parkwell Nursing Home in Hyde Park.

My brother and 2 sisters are not close and the situation is strained. But this Easter Sunday I had a strange feeling inside of me. That my mother had passed away. That feeling lasted all day then went away.

Friday I received a card from a hospice volunteer. She said my mother was her best friend. That she took the card I sent my mother and read it to her and it put a smile on her face, even though she was pretty sick. Then she wrote, your mother looked up to the ceiling and took her last breath. It was beautifully written, but I was in total shock.
I didn't know this woman, yet she took the time to call me to tell me my mother had passed away. She had died April 5th.

When I called down to the Parkwell Nursing home, they would not give me any information. Told me the couldn't that I wasn't on the "LIST." My brother barred me from ever seeing her or knowing anything further about her. Regardless I did send things and I did write.

I called my sister, she was shocked I knew and demanded to know who told me. It upset me, through anger I told them, how long were all of you going to keep this a secret? No answer.

My brother cremated her on Wednesday and threw her urn into the garbage. I'm sick to hear this and no type of memorial, no where to go, nothing. I don't know who the funeral home was, nothing. I feel sick and guilty and horrible. I cannot stop crying.

My mom was all I had, she didn't deserve this cruelty. I will live with this guilt until I die. I had to write someone somewhere. I want to scream why? I want to punch someone, but the pillow does the justice. Why so cruel ...Why?
Maggie,
I was once told you did not get to choose your family, but you could choose your friends. Your mom, as far as I am concerned, sent you a kiss, that letter, to let you know she did not care about the deceit and lies you were told. Regardless of your brothers lack of respect for the woman she gave life to, he is the one I would pray for. He is not GOD, he has to live with his decisions, but if I were you I would share with this site, everyone I have met are good honest individuals, and we all have been insulted eventually in the loss of someone very close to our hearts. Please don't dwell on others bad behavior, you were the one who was sent the note, not your sister, not your brother, I would like to think she chose to let you know her caregiver handed her spirit ever so gently, to the dear Lord above!!!! I thank God that someday you can forgive the people who are titled brother and sister...I cannot speak for them, and I should not judge, but they are the ones I pity. I have felt a lot of love and compassion in my journey of grief through this group on legacy, and they do not even know me...........Hugs to you, I am so sorry for your loss! Belinda
Yvonne, thanks for listening to me and your advice. I think I would probably lose my manind if it wasn't for this site. I try not to bring up my mom so much around my family and my husband..I don't want them to think that i should hurry up and get over it. Like I said, it seems every conversation seems to turn towards my mom and dad. Luckily, my husband is very understanding. It is hard, though living in their house sometimes (they left it in their will to me). All of the memories of this house and of them are everywhere. Before I moved back in with my dad, my brother asked if i could handle it. I said that I could to show that i could be strong, but after they left, some days i just walk around in a daze. My husband and I took over my mom's room, and i feel comfortable now. At first it was hard, but now i feel like im closer to her presence.
Hi everyone,
I lost my mother on March 30th, 2010, on the same date as my Dad, twelve years later. She died of a severe infection after having been in a ventilator nursing home for 5 months. She was 84 years old. She suffered a subdural hematoma in October 2009 after having fallen out of her bed. She was brain damaged, couldn't walk, she had a feeding tube but she was awake. The last 5 months have been horrible for my family. I hated her being in a nursing home but couldn't take her home because of the ventilator. They actually managed to wean her off 2 weeks before she died. I prayed so much for her suffering to end but now that she is gone, the pain is immense and hard to put into words as many of you know. I know her suffering has ended, but I can't help but think aboutall those months she laid in bed and wonder what was going through her mind. I was with her every day with the exception of 5 days when I had strep throat. I advocated for her and made sure, as best I could that she was comfortable. Now, I don't know what to do with myself. My husband, daughter and myself moved into her coop complex 5 yrs. ago so we could be closer to her and take care of her. We were very close and spent alot of time together. I feel empty inside and can't beleive she is gone. Wll, i don't know what else to say. I feel like no one else understands what I am feeling; people keep telling me I have to deal and go on, but right now, I feel so sad and alone. Like I am an orphan. Thank you for listening.
My best to everyone.
Oh Dear Lisa, please don't feel alone. I don't know what i would have done if it wasn't for my friends here on this wonderful site* and some wonderful grief counselors... My daughter and i prayed for my mom's suffering to end also, and after she passed, i found myself wondering What was i thinking? I had NO clue as to the feelings that would pour in.... I also hate it if anyone makes such a comment as: move ahead... we need to feel our grief.. very personal to each and every one of us! My condolences are with you today. My mom passed on 3-30 also, of last year. you will if you haven't already, get your mom's message of her being just fine. Watch, listen, and it will come :)
My Heart goes out to u today~~ Feel free, to feel anything you want now!!

Lisa said:
Hi everyone,
I lost my mother on March 30th, 2010, on the same date as my Dad, twelve years later. She died of a severe infection after having been in a ventilator nursing home for 5 months. She was 84 years old. She suffered a subdural hematoma in October 2009 after having fallen out of her bed. She was brain damaged, couldn't walk, she had a feeding tube but she was awake. The last 5 months have been horrible for my family. I hated her being in a nursing home but couldn't take her home because of the ventilator. They actually managed to wean her off 2 weeks before she died. I prayed so much for her suffering to end but now that she is gone, the pain is immense and hard to put into words as many of you know. I know her suffering has ended, but I can't help but think aboutall those months she laid in bed and wonder what was going through her mind. I was with her every day with the exception of 5 days when I had strep throat. I advocated for her and made sure, as best I could that she was comfortable. Now, I don't know what to do with myself. My husband, daughter and myself moved into her coop complex 5 yrs. ago so we could be closer to her and take care of her. We were very close and spent alot of time together. I feel empty inside and can't beleive she is gone. Wll, i don't know what else to say. I feel like no one else understands what I am feeling; people keep telling me I have to deal and go on, but right now, I feel so sad and alone. Like I am an orphan. Thank you for listening.
My best to everyone.

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