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It sounds very familiar to me. Lynda, I felt the same way too. After my mom died, it hadn't even been a year and my father got very sick. I was staying with him, making sure he took his meds. He would make all kinds of excuses for not taking them, and when they increased his dose, he sometimes wouldn't take it. I blame myself sometimes for his death. The last time he came home from the hospital, his heart was at 5-10%. The nurses from the agency kept telling him he needed to try to use his walker, drink water. But everytime they left I would battle with him. I felt that if he didn't listen to me, he would die. That's what they said, if he didn't try, something would happen. I would try every approach. His mind was never the same the last couple weeks. I didn't see the sweet person who raised me. It was as though I had been through war, trying to take care of my father, knowing it was critical, and listening to this man who I knew was my dad, but wasn't. Everyone told me that I was doing the very best I could and it still doesn't take back the fact that he and my mom are gone.
I experienced the opposite in caring for my mom. (The siver lining in the clouds). My mom and i had a very up and down relationship through the years... but as she got older i recognized her lack of abilities and i compensated for her, also drug her along in many of my lifes adventures:) Sometimes with her kicking all the way lol. But in her last couple months here, she realized the love we missed out on and she more than made all good with us. Hugs, kisses, i love you's, all things that were so neglected in the past. So ya, once in awhile i remember little bits of the not so good relationship we suffered thru at times.. but most importantly was the Love that was left behind for us... So i dont know sometimes how to feel... sometimes wish she had showed affection so long ago.. so many years were without, but smiling inside that she knew to do it before she left....
Each and everyone of us has different feelings, stories... LOVE no matter what frame of mind, i feel is most important. Prayers for ALL here are said nightly ;)
Jerr said:It sounds very familiar to me. Lynda, I felt the same way too. After my mom died, it hadn't even been a year and my father got very sick. I was staying with him, making sure he took his meds. He would make all kinds of excuses for not takin
I lost my mother in 06. i know that is a long time ago.However, i have never been allowed access to grief counseling. My mother died of natural causes yet,
i was totally devastated because i was wrongfully accused in her death.i feel i will never get closure over her death and no one understands the pain this has caused. please someone tell me what a person does when you can't get grief counseling.
I lost my Mom on Saturday May 2nd.I am devastated.What do I do????
Dana said:I lost my mom November 1st, 2008. She had emphseyma, and her death was expected...but it still has been so very hard. I was her caretaker for as long as I can remember. She never drove..so any Dr appts, or groc store needs or anything.it was always me. And I know I didnt appreciate it as I should have. I have a journal that I wrote in every day after she passed, it did truly help with my grief. We are believers in Jesus Christ and I know where she is now, and that she is happy and whole, and so much better. But oh what I wouldnt give to have to go to the store for her again..or get on the phone and talk about silly mindless things that at the moment I thought I just didnt have time for. I still have her suitcase, with the things she brought over from her last visit, as if she has never left. Her tennis shoes on top of the suitcase, with her clothes neatly packed. I just can not bring myself to throw them out. I know I need to, but its like my last connection to her. I still have a voicemail that she left me while she was still in the hospital. Im heartbroken my mom is gone, but I will see her again and thats my comfort. OH, but do I miss her. I miss talking with her, I miss praying with her, I miss seeing her. I just miss her. thanks for taking the time to read this, and if you still have your mom, call her, go see her, HUG her and tell her you love her!
Belinda, your email has been a comforting balm to me. My dearest mother and best friend died in February due to, I think, the final mini-stroke out of many she suffered over the past month of her life. She was 89 years old and had been in relatively good health and of sounder mind that anyone I know until she suffered a stroke last May. We were told she would be "fine" and we believed that. However, she lost her ability to walk so we set up our living room as a bedroom for her; she started getting delusional and mean. We had hospice for the last 9 months of her life. I am an only child and have pretty much been my mother's whole life since my dad died when I was in my mid 20's. We were best friends, traveling companions, and towards the end, I became her mother...This was the most difficult time in my life. I always thought my mother would be just "go to sleep" on night (don't we all wish for that!) because she has had so many "nine lives." She progressively got worse, ate less and less, and began sleeping most of the time. When I asked the hospice nurse if we were nearing the end and should I be preparing to walk with my mom on her final journey home, she kept telling me "no, my mother's vitals were good." We had a horrible Feburary -- snow, snow and MORE snow. My aide was snowed in and couldn't make it to my house, my husband couldn't get home on time in the morning (he worked nights to stay home during the day with my mother), I was missing work, my mom was getting too difficult to lift and was sleeping most of the time and was angry and beligerent the rest of the time. We were stressed to the max. We lost our electricity one Friday night and we had to take my mom to the hospice facilty, where she stayed for 5 days until the snow stopped falling (she HATED it there and told me I was a terrible daughter). All of my mom's life I have stayed with her in hospitals, in rehabs, the first night of her hospice stay...but I couldn't get out to her the other nights because of the snow. The finally brought her home the following Thursday night. She had a catheter and was sleeping. She slept all day Friday and when she woke on Saturday morning she told me she was thirsty. I gave her some water and told her that when our aid came I was going to the store to get some food in the house and that I would bring her a prize. She went back to sleep. I was not gone an hour when a friend came to find me. My mother had died and I had missed being with her by 20 minutes (my husband and our aide were with her/body>
My mom just died April 15, 2010. She was in terrible pain from cancer throughout her body and at times would scream from it. It was a blessing for her but it has left me devastated. The family all stayed overnight in the nursing home with her so she would not be alone when she passed away. She died in my sister and my arms at 4:00 a.m. I am now feeling pangs of guilt besides missing her. A week ago they said we needed to have a central line put in to keep her nourished and hydrated as she wasn't eating or drinking and they couldnt get IV's to stay in. I said no as I knew it was what she wanted but now I am wondering if it made her death even more horrible and led to her suffering more. My dad passed away 2 years ago and I know she never got over it and longed to be with him yet if I had the line put in she would still be breathing and perhaps they could have managed her pain level better. Anyway, I want my mom back and cannot bear that she is not sitting in her chair when I go in her house and I can never talk to her or see her. How do I get over this when 2 years later I still miss my dad.
Barbara said:My mom just died April 15, 2010. She was in terrible pain from cancer throughout her body and at times would scream from it. It was a blessing for her but it has left me devastated. The family all stayed overnight in the nursing home with her so she would not be alone when she passed away. She died in my sister and my arms at 4:00 a.m. I am now feeling pangs of guilt besides missing her. A week ago they said we needed to have a central line put in to keep her nourished and hydrated as she wasn't eating or drinking and they couldnt get IV's to stay in. I said no as I knew it was what she wanted but now I am wondering if it made her death even more horrible and led to her suffering more. My dad passed away 2 years ago and I know she never got over it and longed to be with him yet if I had the line put in she would still be breathing and perhaps they could have managed her pain level better. Anyway, I want my mom back and cannot bear that she is not sitting in her chair when I go in her house and I can never talk to her or see her. How do I get over this when 2 years later I still miss my dad.
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