Missing Mom

Grief support for all who have lost moms

Losing your mother can be traumatic at any age. Share your grief and talk with others who are coping with the loss of their mothers.

Image Source: StockXchng/glanzerr

Recommend

2 members like this

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by GailM. on October 18, 2009 at 8:27am

Gail said:

Jennifer said:
Paul,
Thanks for your reply and kind words. It's nice to know that others experience the same type of "craziness' as I. It makes one, at least me, believe even stronger,that my mom and dad are together and happy. I too, had a thought that perhaps I was prolonging my Mom's rest due to my mourning. I know I will never get over this, and in all honesty don't want to, however, I do think I have an inkling of what your talking about when you say one leg is out...!! I have maybe a toe or two out!! LOL!! God bless and keep the encouragement coming if you have time. I appreciate you taking the time to respond more than you know!! Thanks again.

Paula Schneider (white dove) said:
Hi Jennifer, Dont feel as if your crazy. I do know this is how we feel... it is all part of our grieving... and OMG yes, the anxiety/depression is life stopping at times! I wonder where is empathy in others? There are those in life that haven't been in "our shoes" and they can be as rude as well... i won't say... I think to myself, sure hope they don't have to experience what i did.. Still we never know the battles in life that others may be going through. I surely didn't know until now! I feel orphaned. And at my age, ive been told thats silly, but it's so true.
Our "go to" person is not here any longer.. i continue to talk to my mom, and even know her answers! I grieved SO HARD, that i felt i stopped my moms journey to Heaven.. Just last week i prayed for her to go where she needed to go.
She was so concerned for me, that she wanted to take me with her.. and because of that, my mourning really was "pulling on me". Prayer helps. Six months later, i finally feel as if my leg has been pulled out of the ground. sounds strange i know, but i felt half dead. Don't get me wrong, i continue to mourn, but in a different way now. What does scare me is: Those who are so unfeeling~ using me as their own personal whipping post. I dont know if it's human nature and dont understand why some kick those who are down. But At this time, i am doing my best at controlling my own rage. But i swear, one more kick and they may have to feel my, until now, controlled anger afterwards! Some days i just want to stay home, not answer the phone or step one foot outdoors. How does one merge back into such a violent public atmosphere?

Jennifer said:
Thank you all for writing and thank God I found this site. I too, lost my Mom, best friend,as well as my job and to boot I had to move out of our house where I cared for my mom for the past 5 years so we could have strangers go through everything and put a price on it, throw items away that are meaning less to them and I guess I'm suppose to be happy?? OMG, at times I think I'm crazy. The memories,the cloths, the hospital bag, everything I've read, I too,have done or am doing. It is awful. I lost my dad 13 years ago,love him as much as my mom, however this has kicked my behind something awful. AND... the panic/anxiety attacks are debilitating. I am so lonely and miss her terribly. As someone mentioned,((forgive me for not recalling the name) I am 45 and April 21,2009 I became the biggest baby ever. I want my mom!!! I have a sweater she wore and put in a ziploc bag so hopefully it will always smell like her. Crazy huh?? Looking at her cloths,going to the grocery store,or anywhere, IMPOSSIBLE!! eat, forget it!! I will write daily if anyone needs to talk, I think you definately have to have lost your mom to truly "get it"?? Thanks for reading this and I'll check back soon.

Permalink Reply by GailM. on October 18, 2009 at 8:36am

I lost My Mother February 25, 2002 and I will never be the same again. She was and is my best friend and also My Mother. I am older and My Father passed away in 1978. My Brother passed away three weeks after My Mother almost to the hour. I feel he was lucky to have gone as I can't wait to be with Mom again. I talk to Mom all the time and am always looking for Her and turn to talk to Her and She isn't there. I am in denial as I can't allow this to be real. I don't think I would be here if I didn't have a 92 year old Aunt. I have many friends and go out however when I return home, it is really depressing to be here without Mom. I go to a psychiatrist and a therapist and take medication. They have agreed they can't fix what is wrong with me however I do go to have someone else to talk to as a lot of my friends don't understand why I am mourning seven years later. I wish you all hope and peace of mind as I don't know it that is attainable as it hasn't been for me. Take care.

Permalink Reply by white dove on October 18, 2009 at 8:55am

Dear Gail, I have found myself being "stuck" at times... like a skip in a record..re my mom's passing and all... Yes there are days that are still very rough.. i also feel my mom's journey home is progressing. I personally think its not an immediate jump to Heaven as some seem to think. I'm sure different for all~~ my mom's "essence" here.. has lessend, times we feel her presence. but not as often. My mom used to worry ALOT!!! And i pray constant she is at peace, one human feeling, that she never knew here!! i know that is an old cliche..(at peace) but really, i must let go of many things re: her passing.. there were MISTAKES made in the setting up her 2 x's a week nursing visits.. and one person will have to live with it... but still, i have unfinished business for my dear mom. I try very hard to not hold her here anylonger. I do continue to chat with her.. but also pray hard for her to be where she needs to be. I know life here is like a flash in a pan.. goes quick.. and one day we will see our loved ones again! Please keep this in mind and let it comfort you. Prayers for all of us!!

Gail said:

I lost My Mother February 25, 2002 and I will never be the same again. She was and is my best friend and also My Mother. I am older and My Father passed away in 1978. My Brother passed away three weeks after My Mother almost to the hour. I feel he was lucky to have gone as I can't wait to be with Mom again. I talk to Mom all the time and am always looking for Her and turn to talk to Her and She isn't there. I am in denial as I can't allow this to be real. I don't think I would be here if I didn't have a 92 year old Aunt. I have many friends and go out however when I return home, it is really depressing to be here without Mom. I go to a psychiatrist and a therapist and take medication. They have agreed they can't fix what is wrong with me however I do go to have someone else to talk to as a lot of my friends don't understand why I am mourning seven years later. I wish you all hope and peace of mind as I don't know it that is attainable as it hasn't been for me. Take care.

Permalink Reply by GailM. on October 18, 2009 at 9:22am

Paula (white dove) said:

Yes, i notice this too. My mom was thought to have "a" cancer but it was undiagnosed. There are so many others...

Sheila said:
Why does it seem they only talk about brest cancer , when there are so many more cancers taking our loved ones and friends

Permalink Reply by GailM. on October 18, 2009 at 9:34am

Thank you for your response White Dove. My Mother always said She would love to be a bird as they can go anywhere anytime they want and they don't even have to pack a suitcase. Every time I see a bird, I think maybe that is Mom contacting me. I know My Mother wouldn't want me to be so depressed and My Aunt tells me all the time that Mom doesn't want me depressed. She wants me to be happy. My Mother was my strength and I guess I - in a way - should be thankful that I was able to stay home with Mom as She passed away at home. (Ironically I had gotten laid off from a job I had been at twenty years). That could not have been at a better time to lose my job. My therapist told me to write everything every day and hoping that would help. Maybe that would help you also? I find I "run" all the time and am almost never home. Thanks and I am having a little problem finding my way around the website and if I don't answer soon - or post twice as I see I did that - I am sure I will catch on. I did attend a few grieving groups and they were not for me as most of them were for spouses. I am thankful I found this as you can talk any time day or night. Peace to all of you and God help us all.

Permalink Reply by white dove on October 18, 2009 at 9:59am

Hi again! U and i have some things in common;) In taking care of our moms at a most sacred time. I don't know if your mom shared what she saw and heard, but mine sure did! Angels, her passed over brothers.. old friends.. all were there for her! But, it was an experience, that left me shell shocked. I have worked with terminal folks before, but NOTHING prepared me for this. "They" said there were certain "signs" our beloveds were on their way to pass, but gave only a few examples and i swear my mom went through like 200!!!!!! WOW.
In getting to birds... my mom too, talked of birds all the time. People being "odd birds" lol.... signs for souls coming to say hi or bye, she loved birds too! My nickname came from my mom. Towards her closeness to leaving, her vision was going away, and all she could see over my head was white... so she named me her "white dove". Here we go again right? a Bird! lol. A couple months after my mom "left", a absolutely beautiful white i think pigeon came to my porch!
Her and i had many discussions.. this bird cocked her head as if she were listening to every word i had to say~~~!!! I was so happy to see her here when i'd come home.. i went out to buy her food. She only stayed about a week. Then she took flight. My mom knew all too well of my love and strong connection to animals of ALL kinds. And i know this was her message to me.. one that i knew for sure was from her.. and her love for me. Even tho, while she was on this earth, she would tell me frequently that i was "goofey" thinking i could talk to all critters lol.... now she knows!!! Thank u for your suggestion on writing. For this i may start. I am also very glad to have been invited to this site. Many of us need to sound out or write our thoughts, and here, we are not judged. Blessings to all in our losses and pain and journey through our grief.

Gail said:

Thank you for your response White Dove. My Mother always said She would love to be a bird as they can go anywhere anytime they want and they don't even have to pack a suitcase. Every time I see a bird, I think maybe that is Mom contacting me. I know My Mother wouldn't want me to be so depressed and My Aunt tells me all the time that Mom doesn't want me depressed. She wants me to be happy. My Mother was my strength and I guess I - in a way - should be thankful that I was able to stay home with Mom as She passed away at home. (Ironically I had gotten laid off from a job I had been at twenty years). That could not have been at a better time to lose my job. My therapist told me to write everything every day and hoping that would help. Maybe that would help you also? I find I "run" all the time and am almost never home. Thanks and I am having a little problem finding my way around the website and if I don't answer soon - or post twice as I see I did that - I am sure I will catch on. I did attend a few grieving groups and they were not for me as most of them were for spouses. I am thankful I found this as you can talk any time day or night. Peace to all of you and God help us all.

Permalink Reply by GailM. on October 18, 2009 at 12:48pm

I am also a lover of animals. We have three cats now and have had as many as seven. We feed the birds, feral cats and squirrels.
You mentioned the white bird and My Mother's favorite color was yellow. Mom passed away at home 12:45 A.M. and I was up the rest of the night. After my friend and my Aunt left it was early morning. I went on the deck and looked up and in the tree nearest the house was a yellow bird and I felt that was Mom telling me She was okay. We were planning My Mother's 90th birthday party and the doctor told us Mom had less than a year to live on December 28, 2001. As Mom's Birthday was in March, I felt She would be here. Her Birthday was March 24 and She missed living to 90 by less then a month. How old was your Mother when she passed away? We live in New Jersey and I have nieces and nephews however not close to them at all. They also live approximately an hour from here.
No one can ever understand the loss of their Mother until they have experienced this. It is the most depressing time of my life. My Mother told me years ago "I hope when I pass away, I can leave you my sense of humor". She would always keep me calm and it is very difficult without her. I am retired and all my friends work and I was thinking about looking for a part-time job although I know that is not the answer and won't help and even the therapist I have been going to over seven years told me she can't fix what is wrong with me. I go to her as she is nice and someone objective to talk to and she always listens. Peace to everyone here.

Permalink Reply by white dove on October 18, 2009 at 1:01pm

Hi Gail, once again, we have things in common. When i moved to this apartment, i was not a happy person cuz i lived in the country for so long.. bred horses, had every critter imaginable there. While here, i noticed skinny chipmunks on my porch lol.. started feeding them, then the dear showed up by the back woods.. put food out for them, then came the racoons, a ton of ferals... one of which lives with us now :) They come daily, and i do have a "way" with them.. even pet the very big wild racoon. They know who won't harm them. One of my sacred birds is a Red Tailed Hawk. I see her everytime i go visit the tree we planted in honor and memory of my mom. So many signs from nature that my mom is FREE!!!! She was a bit paranoid in life.. and now.. shes soaring high. Still hard, and i wont allow the docs to push meds on me at least not now.. cuz i know its something i need to work Thru. My own journey not right for everyone tho.
My mom lived to 87. Her birthday was shortly celebrated while she was ill on Feb. 12th. She left on 3-30. She sang Happy Birthday after her birthday, i think knowing she was leaving and wanted us to know she is right here for all of our birthdays till we see her again. Today im putting all aside to see my one remaining horse. He helps my psych much. And i ran like crazy too.. still do when i can afford to. It is still here when i get back. Rainy days are hard!! Have a Blessed Sunday dear and i wish i knew how to work this site too cuz id try to add u as my friend?? Let me know if u can figure it out K?

Gail said:

I am also a lover of animals. We have three cats now and have had as many as seven. We feed the birds, feral cats and squirrels.
You mentioned the white bird and My Mother's favorite color was yellow. Mom passed away at home 12:45 A.M. and I was up the rest of the night. After my friend and my Aunt left it was early morning. I went on the deck and looked up and in the tree nearest the house was a yellow bird and I felt that was Mom telling me She was okay. We were planning My Mother's 90th birthday party and the doctor told us Mom had less than a year to live on December 28, 2001. As Mom's Birthday was in March, I felt She would be here. Her Birthday was March 24 and She missed living to 90 by less then a month. How old was your Mother when she passed away? We live in New Jersey and I have nieces and nephews however not close to them at all. They also live approximately an hour from here.
No one can ever understand the loss of their Mother until they have experienced this. It is the most depressing time of my life. My Mother told me years ago "I hope when I pass away, I can leave you my sense of humor". She would always keep me calm and it is very difficult without her. I am retired and all my friends work and I was thinking about looking for a part-time job although I know that is not the answer and won't help and even the therapist I have been going to over seven years told me she can't fix what is wrong with me. I go to her as she is nice and someone objective to talk to and she always listens. Peace to everyone here.

Permalink Reply by GailM. on October 20, 2009 at 9:03am

I hope I am not replying to myself. White Dove, I had a little confusion finding my way back on here and hope I did this okay. Do you ride horses? I can imagine that must be a "free" feeling while you are riding. The difficult part is returning home. When you say you "run" like crazy too, do you mean you actually "run"? I meant I am always going. My friend said "your feet never touch the ground and you don't accomplish a thing" which is true. Did your Mother pass away this year? What state do you live in? I may look for a part-timr job however I know that is not the answer. There is no one that can understand the loss of their Mother if they haven't gone through this. Especially when I had a wonderful kind Mother who thought of everyone else first. I wrote a story about her and entered a writing contest and didn't win. However, writing everything about our lives was a little therapy for me and didn't really help. I like now that I have that all written down to pass on to my younger relatives. Hope all is well with you I have errands to run now. Do you work? Peace to all here.

Permalink Reply by GailM. on October 20, 2009 at 9:10am

Looking for White Dove and I think I replied to myself and my message is at the end of the list?

Permalink Reply by GailM. on October 20, 2009 at 11:12am

I get "lost" on here and have left a message and it somehow was at the end of the messages and not at the beginning. Any suggestions how to find my way around here? Thanks.

Permalink Reply by white dove on October 20, 2009 at 11:45am

Darn this board... i just sent out a long chat to u Gail and it wouldn't show up! I'll wait a bit and see if it comes up or i will try to reply again later. "white dove"

Gail said:

I get "lost" on here and have left a message and it somehow was at the end of the messages and not at the beginning. Any suggestions how to find my way around here? Thanks.