Missing Mom

Grief support for all who have lost moms

Losing your mother can be traumatic at any age. Share your grief and talk with others who are coping with the loss of their mothers.

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Permalink Reply by laurenelyse on July 29, 2009 at 9:48pm

I lost my Mom on June 11th,2009,after an 20 month battle against Cancer. Mom and I were always close. It might be because we were only 20 years apart in age. My parents married at 18 & 20 years of age. I am the oldest of 4 children. Mom was the Mother all of my friends came to in time of need. She gave to family,friends,and strangers. If she heard of someone being out of work,especially if they had children,she'd put money in an envelope and send it,but never signed her name. I watched her do that so many times. She was a wonderful Grandmother. Probably to a fault,as she never said NO,ever. Even when she became so very ill,she wanted her family with her all of the time. She spent her last month here in our home. We were her caregivers. For once we were able to give back,but it could never be enough for all of the years she gave to us. I spoke to Mom every day. Usually more than once. That is what probably is the most difficult for me. So many times I have thought"Oh I need to call Mom". We had a death in our family the night of Mom's funeral. I remember looking at the clock when I got the call,thinking,"I wonder if it's too late to call Mom to tell her". I know God has healed her. He just chose to do it in Heaven. I am thankful she is no longer in pain. But I think to myself,How am I going to make it another 20-30 years without hearing her voice....

Permalink Reply by laurenelyse on July 29, 2009 at 9:57pm

Honey,You don't hve to get rid of anything that belonged to your Mom. If it brings you comfort than keep it. I had a beautiful quilt made out of my Mom's clothing. They cut differnt shapes and patterns out of her clothing. It's just beautiful! I have it hanging on a quilt rack with a picture of her and an agel on top of the shelf. Just an idea..

Paula Schneider (white dove) said:

I am terribly saddened, i wrote a very hearfelt reply with everything i had in me and it wouldn't add on to this discussion!!!

michelle said:
michelle said:I lost my mother just 1 month ago and I still don't know what to do. I feel so empty. We were so close, shared everyting. I am an only child and have just one child myself. My mother was my "'go to" person. What do I do with out her . How long do you just feel numb and go through the motions. I know I am probably not making alot of sense, however my thoughts are not well organized(for lack of a better word).
Lori Sue Bowser said:
I lost my Mom on Saturday May 2nd.I am devastated.What do I do????
Dana said:
I lost my mom November 1st, 2008. She had emphseyma, and her death was expected...but it still has been so very hard. I was her caretaker for as long as I can remember. She never drove..so any Dr appts, or groc store needs or anything.it was always me. And I know I didnt appreciate it as I should have. I have a journal that I wrote in every day after she passed, it did truly help with my grief. We are believers in Jesus Christ and I know where she is now, and that she is happy and whole, and so much better. But oh what I wouldnt give to have to go to the store for her again..or get on the phone and talk about silly mindless things that at the moment I thought I just didnt have time for. I still have her suitcase, with the things she brought over from her last visit, as if she has never left. Her tennis shoes on top of the suitcase, with her clothes neatly packed. I just can not bring myself to throw them out. I know I need to, but its like my last connection to her. I still have a voicemail that she left me while she was still in the hospital. Im heartbroken my mom is gone, but I will see her again and thats my comfort. OH, but do I miss her. I miss talking with her, I miss praying with her, I miss seeing her. I just miss her. thanks for taking the time to read this, and if you still have your mom, call her, go see her, HUG her and tell her you love her!

Permalink Reply by Diamond on July 29, 2009 at 10:01pm

You are not along - God's knows your pain. It will get better if you realize that your love one is not in pain and that there is a hope for all of us who dies in this system. Your love ones have a hope of being resurrected. Please read - Revelation 21:3,4 and Eccl. 9:5, Psalms 37: 9-11. Comfort should come from knowing that they are not suffering anymore - this system of things brings so much pain and often leaves one feeling empty.

Your tears are heard by God and it is not going un-noticed. Pray to God, really pray to him and ask for the directions you should take in order to move forward with your life. Make God your friend as he will NEVER leave you or DISAPPOINT hyou. Imperfect man could never measure up to the friendship you can have with our God. I hope this helps.......

Ann said:

I lost mt mom 9 weeks ago. I can't stop crying. I have no one to help me. When will it get "better"?

Permalink Reply by laurenelyse on July 29, 2009 at 10:09pm

That's a beautiful website you made to honor your Mother. You're right,unless someone has lost their own Mother they could never understand. There is no one like Mom.
I lost mine of June 11,2009..

brownladylove said:

I lost my Mom on 9/26/2008,she died of cancer in the gall badder,small intestine and lung. She never smoked or had a drink. She didn't allow smoking around her. It's hard on me and my brothers and sisters. My older brother and next to the youngest sister. Won't visit the website that I dedicated in her memory. I was very close to my mom, we talked all hours on the day. I mean from 4 in the morning until late at night everyday. My job works me all hours of the day and night. My mom was the one that kept me going. I cry everyday for my mom. My boyfriend don't understand his mom is still here. And my mom isn't I have an empty place in my heart for my mom.I smelled her scarf and broke down and cried. My boyfriend she's in a better place and she wouldn't want me to cry and be depressed like I am. But he don't understand I losted someone very dear to my heart. The one person I could tell anything to, and get the best advice. I still don't understand why she's gone, my heart can't accept the lost and pain. Everyone she's in time it will get easlier. I can't she how that is possible, and now Mother's Day in approaching. Thanksgiving and Christmas was very hard. Me and my sister's messed up both dinners. How do we cope with the lost of our mother without feeling the pain and hurt of knowing that we can't see and talk to her again. The house is so cold and plain that we don't even go by there anymore. She was our mother and father we losted both when we losted her.
http://memorialwebsites.legacy.com/ethelmcdaniel/homepage.aspx

Permalink Reply by Mia Vanetek on July 30, 2009 at 1:42pm

Hi. My mother was 86 when she passed away on May 5th. Although for many years she fought illnesses such as high blood pressure, diabetes, and Lymphoma she ended up having a terrible fall and succumbed to a TBI-traumatic brain injury on april 22nd, then passed on May 5th. Not only am I going through this, but I am in the process of moving from L.A. to Texas! Everything at once. I don't know what's better. I am also arguing with my older brother and sister about all of the stuff in my mom and dad's house. Who gets what? It is aggravating, I have lost many hours of sleep over it. Any suggestions on how to cope? I greatly appreciate it and my heart goes out to others who are in the same situation.

Permalink Reply by JAYLEEN on July 30, 2009 at 3:39pm

I JUST WANT TO SAY MY MOM DIED ON JUNE 2,2009, AND I STILL CANT FIND THE WORDS TO SAY HOW I FEEL TODAY. SHE HAD HEART TROUBLE, LUNG CANCER AND WAS ON DIALYSIS. SHE WENT INTO SEIZURES WHICH SHE NEVER HAD. KEEP ASKING MYSELF DID I DO SOMETHING WRONG, BECAUSE I WAS TAKING CARE OF HER AT HOME. SHE DID NOT WANT TO DIE AND SHE WAS TRYING TO FIGHT IT ALL THE WAY. DOES SHE KNOW SHES GONE? SHE KEPT SAYING SHE WAS NEVER GONNA GET BETTER AND I TOLD HER SHE WOULD. NOT TWO MINUTES PASSES BY THAT I DONT THINK ABOUT HER AND I GO TO HER GRAVE EVERY SINGLE DAY AND SO DOES MY SISTER, BLESS MY MOM.

Permalink Reply by JAYLEEN on July 31, 2009 at 11:57am

i just wanted to say that i lost my mom june 2 ,2009 to heart trouble , kidney failure and she was also just diagnosed with lung cancer. she fought it all the way. she was 76 and i had her there everyday of my life for 50 yrs. and now i cannot find the words to say how i feel now without her. i go to her grave daily and i talk out loud to her all the time. what i want to know is, does she know shes gone. she did not want to die, although she was suffering she worried about what would happen to each and everyone of us. DOES SHE KNOW SHES GONE? the day she died before she died she said" IM SCARED" and then she went into code blue. that was it , they gave full recesitation , but nothing. Does she know shes gone.?

Permalink Reply by white dove on July 31, 2009 at 5:09pm

Dear Jayleen, I understand your feelings, my mom was very scared to leave also. So much so, she stayed in a coma for 7 days. She did come out here and there with very profound things to say. Did your mom know she was passing? Did she speak of anything that remotely told you she knew what was ahead? My mom did NOT like to talk of passing at all. In fact all of her life she said she was never going to "die". I wondered the same things you are. However, i felt her in spirit immediatly. She was free. In fact the first day she went into a coma, NOTHING was working except her heart. She looked like she was gone. I slept next to her bed on the floor with a huge pillow holding my hand up so i would not lose her grasp. She WOKE me the next morning talking~~~~ I couldn't believe it cuz of what i said of her "looking gone". I asked her, "Mom, where were you"? She was looking at the ceiling saying over and over, "you will never believe.... you will never believe".... Then i asked her why she came back. Her reply was "to get you"!!! Then shortly afterwards she slipped back into the coma. I KNOW she is flying with the angels... free to visit, see everything her body kept her from when she was on earth. It was very confusing for me also, because i knew of her extreme fear .... but she did ask me questions while she was able to talk. Like, what will you do for work in the future? And, are you going to order a autopsy? In a round about way she was preparing. Do you think your mom might have too?

JAYLEEN said:

i just wanted to say that i lost my mom june 2 ,2009 to heart trouble , kidney failure and she was also just diagnosed with lung cancer. she fought it all the way. she was 76 and i had her there everyday of my life for 50 yrs. and now i cannot find the words to say how i feel now without her. i go to her grave daily and i talk out loud to her all the time. what i want to know is, does she know shes gone. she did not want to die, although she was suffering she worried about what would happen to each and everyone of us. DOES SHE KNOW SHES GONE? the day she died before she died she said" IM SCARED" and then she went into code blue. that was it , they gave full recesitation , but nothing. Does she know shes gone.?

Permalink Reply by Ann on August 4, 2009 at 11:10am

Thank you. What you wrote is exactly what my mother would say. She was very devoted to the Lord. She wasn't able to go to chuch for a long time, but we prayed together at home. I am glad her pain is over.

Diamond said:

You are not along - God's knows your pain. It will get better if you realize that your love one is not in pain and that there is a hope for all of us who dies in this system. Your love ones have a hope of being resurrected. Please read - Revelation 21:3,4 and Eccl. 9:5, Psalms 37: 9-11. Comfort should come from knowing that they are not suffering anymore - this system of things brings so much pain and often leaves one feeling empty.

Your tears are heard by God and it is not going un-noticed. Pray to God, really pray to him and ask for the directions you should take in order to move forward with your life. Make God your friend as he will NEVER leave you or DISAPPOINT hyou. Imperfect man could never measure up to the friendship you can have with our God. I hope this helps.......

Ann said:
I lost mt mom 9 weeks ago. I can't stop crying. I have no one to help me. When will it get "better"?

Permalink Reply by JAYLEEN on August 4, 2009 at 1:54pm

Ann said:

Thank you. What you wrote is exactly what my mother would say. She was very devoted to the Lord. She wasn't able to go to chuch for a long time, but we prayed together at home. I am glad her pain is over.

Diamond said:
You are not along - God's knows your pain. It will get better if you realize that your love one is not in pain and that there is a hope for all of us who dies in this system. Your love ones have a hope of being resurrected. Please read - Revelation 21:3,4 and Eccl. 9:5, Psalms 37: 9-11. Comfort should come from knowing that they are not suffering anymore - this system of things brings so much pain and often leaves one feeling empty.

Your tears are heard by God and it is not going un-noticed. Pray to God, really pray to him and ask for the directions you should take in order to move forward with your life. Make God your friend as he will NEVER leave you or DISAPPOINT hyou. Imperfect man could never measure up to the friendship you can have with our God. I hope this helps.......

Ann said:
I lost mt mom 9 weeks ago. I can't stop crying. I have no one to help me. When will it get "better"?

Permalink Reply by JAYLEEN on August 7, 2009 at 2:54pm

rose let me start by saying i am soooo soooo sorry for the loss of your mom and dad, when i read your story i too cried for you and your mom. ive walked in your shoes. and im having a severly hard time dealing with it. my mom did not die in her sleep. she struggles to the last second. i told them full recisitation when she went code blue. I didnt want to loose her , it was hell. her pacemaker keep on shocking her. her body was jumping like crazy, she went into seizures and there was no more they could do. I too have a huge family about 60 of us. There was like 25 or 30 of us at the hospital when she passed. It was just too much for her tiny body also. anyway i cant find thye words to tell you how i feel now, but my heart goes out to you. Do you think they know theyre gone?

Rose said:

JAYLEEN said:
I JUST WANT TO SAY MY MOM DIED ON JUNE 2,2009, AND I STILL CANT FIND THE WORDS TO SAY HOW I FEEL TODAY. SHE HAD HEART TROUBLE, LUNG CANCER AND WAS ON DIALYSIS. SHE WENT INTO SEIZURES WHICH SHE NEVER HAD. KEEP ASKING MYSELF DID I DO SOMETHING WRONG, BECAUSE I WAS TAKING CARE OF HER AT HOME. SHE DID NOT WANT TO DIE AND SHE WAS TRYING TO FIGHT IT ALL THE WAY. DOES SHE KNOW SHES GONE? SHE KEPT SAYING SHE WAS NEVER GONNA GET BETTER AND I TOLD HER SHE WOULD. NOT TWO MINUTES PASSES BY THAT I DONT THINK ABOUT HER AND I GO TO HER GRAVE EVERY SINGLE DAY AND SO DOES MY SISTER, BLESS MY MOM.

Hi Jayleen:
Believe me when I tell you that you did exactly what you should have done, you are a wonderful daughter for taking care of your Mom the way that you did. Not too many people do what you did. Your mother was very fortunate to have a daughter such as you.

My Mom was diagnosed as terminal with a heart condition in late November of 2008. She was told she would not have long to live so our family decided that she should spend her last days at home, not in a hospital or a nursing home. I took on the challenge of taking Mom to my home, I took some time off of work, and took care of her for 3 weeks before she passed. During that time, all of our family (we are a very large close family approximately 24 of us) was able to spend a lot of quality time with Mom. We were able to share her last moments with her. Even though at the end it was very, very hard, I don't regret doing this for Mom and our family, it was the best and the worse thing I have ever done. Mom went through various stages during those three (3) weeks and some of them were scary, yet I tried very hard to remain calm while I took care of her and stood strong for the rest of my family.

The day (December 12, 2008) that the hospice nurse told me it would be Mom's last day I gathered all the family and we all took turns climbing into bed with her and talking to her, laughing with her, crying with her, or doing whatever we felt was natural to each and every one of us. At this point, even though she was in a coma stage and she was not able to talk to us, we all felt her love. The family spent that entire day at my house, just waiting for the moment to come, yet Mom did not die that day.

On the morning of December 13, 2008, I was sleeping next to her. She was a very small lady, about 80 lbs. and about 4'8", so while she was at my home my sister and I often took turns sleeping with her for the fear that her time would come during the night and she would die alone. On December 13, 2008, I reached over, like I normally did in the morning, and I felt her body. Her body was hard to the touch and she had passed. I ran over to the other bedroom where my sister was resting and told her the news. We started crying uncontrollably while my husband tried to comfort us both. Even though we knew this time was coming, it was still very, very hard. I miss Mom terribly each and every day, but I know that she is in a better place. I am the oldest girl in the family and I took on the responsibility of having Mom at home, and even though I feel very weak and helpless at times, I know that this has made me an even stronger woman than I ever was or will be and I have Mom to thank for that. My Dad passed away four months after my Mom, he died (I believe) from a broken heart from just missing my Mom so terriby, they had been married for 66 years! God Bless and take care!
Rose :)

Permalink Reply by JAYLEEN on August 7, 2009 at 2:58pm

tahnx for saying i did everything i was supposed to. I really tried and she tried to stay alive for us. but you know, on that last day she said im scared. my mom, i loved her more than anything and i always will. RIP MOM. I MISS HER.

JAYLEEN said:

rose let me start by saying i am soooo soooo sorry for the loss of your mom and dad, when i read your story i too cried for you and your mom. ive walked in your shoes. and im having a severly hard time dealing with it. my mom did not die in her sleep. she struggles to the last second. i told them full recisitation when she went code blue. I didnt want to loose her , it was hell. her pacemaker keep on shocking her. her body was jumping like crazy, she went into seizures and there was no more they could do. I too have a huge family about 60 of us. There was like 25 or 30 of us at the hospital when she passed. It was just too much for her tiny body also. anyway i cant find thye words to tell you how i feel now, but my heart goes out to you. Do you think they know theyre gone?

Rose said:
JAYLEEN said:
I JUST WANT TO SAY MY MOM DIED ON JUNE 2,2009, AND I STILL CANT FIND THE WORDS TO SAY HOW I FEEL TODAY. SHE HAD HEART TROUBLE, LUNG CANCER AND WAS ON DIALYSIS. SHE WENT INTO SEIZURES WHICH SHE NEVER HAD. KEEP ASKING MYSELF DID I DO SOMETHING WRONG, BECAUSE I WAS TAKING CARE OF HER AT HOME. SHE DID NOT WANT TO DIE AND SHE WAS TRYING TO FIGHT IT ALL THE WAY. DOES SHE KNOW SHES GONE? SHE KEPT SAYING SHE WAS NEVER GONNA GET BETTER AND I TOLD HER SHE WOULD. NOT TWO MINUTES PASSES BY THAT I DONT THINK ABOUT HER AND I GO TO HER GRAVE EVERY SINGLE DAY AND SO DOES MY SISTER, BLESS MY MOM.

Hi Jayleen:
Believe me when I tell you that you did exactly what you should have done, you are a wonderful daughter for taking care of your Mom the way that you did. Not too many people do what you did. Your mother was very fortunate to have a daughter such as you.

My Mom was diagnosed as terminal with a heart condition in late November of 2008. She was told she would not have long to live so our family decided that she should spend her last days at home, not in a hospital or a nursing home. I took on the challenge of taking Mom to my home, I took some time off of work, and took care of her for 3 weeks before she passed. During that time, all of our family (we are a very large close family approximately 24 of us) was able to spend a lot of quality time with Mom. We were able to share her last moments with her. Even though at the end it was very, very hard, I don't regret doing this for Mom and our family, it was the best and the worse thing I have ever done. Mom went through various stages during those three (3) weeks and some of them were scary, yet I tried very hard to remain calm while I took care of her and stood strong for the rest of my family.

The day (December 12, 2008) that the hospice nurse told me it would be Mom's last day I gathered all the family and we all took turns climbing into bed with her and talking to her, laughing with her, crying with her, or doing whatever we felt was natural to each and every one of us. At this point, even though she was in a coma stage and she was not able to talk to us, we all felt her love. The family spent that entire day at my house, just waiting for the moment to come, yet Mom did not die that day.

On the morning of December 13, 2008, I was sleeping next to her. She was a very small lady, about 80 lbs. and about 4'8", so while she was at my home my sister and I often took turns sleeping with her for the fear that her time would come during the night and she would die alone. On December 13, 2008, I reached over, like I normally did in the morning, and I felt her body. Her body was hard to the touch and she had passed. I ran over to the other bedroom where my sister was resting and told her the news. We started crying uncontrollably while my husband tried to comfort us both. Even though we knew this time was coming, it was still very, very hard. I miss Mom terribly each and every day, but I know that she is in a better place. I am the oldest girl in the family and I took on the responsibility of having Mom at home, and even though I feel very weak and helpless at times, I know that this has made me an even stronger woman than I ever was or will be and I have Mom to thank for that. My Dad passed away four months after my Mom, he died (I believe) from a broken heart from just missing my Mom so terriby, they had been married for 66 years! God Bless and take care!
Rose :)