Remembering Dad

Grief support: No matter what your age, losing your dad can be difficult. Share your grief and talk with others who are coping with the death of their fathers.

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Permalink Reply by Jane McKee Varley on September 5, 2010 at 4:14pm

There is so much to say, but, not enough hours to write it all down. I don't even know where to begin. To me, my daddy was the White Knight on that Silver Steed, who was always rescuing me. No matter what or for how ever long, he was there, for me. Now he's gone, and I feel so helpless, like, noone else understands me. I feel so lost and unloved, we had a strong bond, the daddy daughter bond that no one could ever break. Why, then, does it feel, that God has broken that bond and I didn't get to do many things with dad, that I wanted to do. My dad served in the Korea War, WWII, he came from a family of 8. His one brother, lost his life, when he went down with the Sullivan Brothers, on the USS Juneau. So many Navy memories in our family. To me, dad was never mean or chastised me, but, to my brothers, he was a father, as all fathers were to their sons, back in the 40's, when he said jump, you never asked, how high. I believe we all turned out, as good as any other Scotch-Irish Catholic family. It seemed though, I was dad's favorite, mainly because I was the only girl, and the baby, at that. He would do anything and everything for me. I guess that's why, he chose me, to be his exeutrix. My one brother was so far in to his own world, he just wasn't right for the part.. like I am? Anyway, here I sit, speaking to who knows how many people, about my dad. I miss him, every single day, the tears do not get any lighter, my heart does not feel any change, since his crossing over, in March, of this year. Dada did mention, on 2 ocassions, on Thanksgiving and Christmas, that, they were going to be his last ones. He didn't mention this to me, but, to my husband. The last time, my oldest son saw his grandfather, was a month, before he shipped out, for his 1 year tour to Iraq. He couldn't make it back for; the wake, the service or the funeral. This not only broke my heart, but destroyed his. Now that the home is going up for sale, he won't be able to take his last walk through, just to regain a little bit of his childhood. We are ALL going through; Regret, Loss and Grief. but for my son, it is a double whammy, he is now going through his 2nd divorce, all of this is just too much for anyone to take in, in under a year. My dad was a GREAT dad, grandfather, and great-granfather.. hoping to surpass in this life, of his wife, was not to be. I only wish, she would have gone first. To lose your dad IS THE MOST HEART BREAKING feeling in the world. I miss him and I will continue to do so. I am angry with God, for taking him, why didn't He take my mom first.

Permalink Reply by Kayepeanyc on September 7, 2010 at 9:45pm

Today would have been my dad's 87th birthday. This past week was really hard on my whole family. My fabulous dad died on November 18, 2009. I miss him so much. I made dinner at their house and we made a toast to him. He always loved a party! I'm glad that my mom is feeling more able to engage the world. She cried last week because she thought that if she hadn't gotten depressed over her surgery last year, my father would've paid more attention to his health and would still be alive. And my sister and I had been feeling like if we'd made different decisions about his medical treatment maybe he'd still be alive. None of us had as much control as we would like to think we had. It's just a way to not feel so lost and helpless. I reassured my mom and my sister that we all did the best we could at the time under the circumstances. I have no regrets. I just miss my Dad terribly.

Happy Birthday, Daddy.

Permalink Reply by Stephanie Hayes on September 9, 2010 at 4:22pm

I lost my dad to cancer November 12, 2007 and it seems like yesterday. I was a daddy's girl and I miss him very much. I have 3 younger sisters. I still can't believe he's gone. Seems like he's just away in the hospital. Please cherish everyday that you have with your loved ones because tomorrow isn't promised to anyone and remember: God's peace, which surpasses all understanding will guard our hearts and minds. (Phillipians 4-7)

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Permalink Reply by Jeanine Marie (Choker) McComb on September 10, 2010 at 12:45am

I miss my Dad. He died of mesothelioma August 17,2010. he was diagnosed 5-20-2010, on my mom's birthday and died the same day but 3 years later when myx served me divorce papers. all the date are so hard. The the x and I were married on Aug 23, my Dad's dad was born onthe 23 of August and my Dad's mom , grandma died on the 23 of Aug. so hard to get these dates out of my mind and thing good. the x glad the idiot is gone. but Y dad, a guy that was Dad to my kids, more the person I married, he became an idot. I know 2 sides to each story but Family was everyhting to us, but I guess not him. so hard to think a dad could tell his own child if they didn't like they were engaged to a stripper, tramp that the could get the f out of his house. and I had a loving caring dad and he would have never said or did anything like the x. All the hurt I feel and then to feel that my kids haven't had a dad that deserved the respect and honor and love mine did and then to lose him It just hurts. i miss my Dad and wish I could just be ther for him again and feed him and hold him and rub his back and shoulders. Miss you Dad, it has only been three weeks but now what am I suppose to do without you? I love you! Jeanine

Permalink Reply by Amanda Ward on September 15, 2010 at 8:15pm

On August 14th 2010 I lost my best friend. My best friend was my Daddy. I am 31 years old and I don't know what to do. My Daddy was always sick with COPD and heart problems. I just did not know that his time was coming so soon. No matter how much you prepare yourself for this it is never easy. I live three states away. I now have regrets for moving so far away. I have regrets about the night before he died. I was down on business. I stayed with him and my mom. He was feeling bad and went into the hospital. That was never a big deal. He was always in and out of the hospital. He always came home feeling great. Well when i went and picked him up from the hospital I had a really bad feeling. I talked to the doctor and he said he will be fine in a couple of days. Who are you to argue with the doctors they know best. Well that night he was feeling really bad and i was so tired and had to get early the next day because i was coming home. I never forget to kiss and give my Daddy good night when Im home. The one night that I do it would be the biggest regret of my life. The next moring I wake up to my mom screaming Help me I cant wake your Daddy up. I tried to wake him and he would not wake up. My mom called 911 and they said they will be there. As I waited for them I kissed my Daddy and held his hand and put my head in his lap. I stayed there till the emt told me I had to let go. It has been one month and I hate myself because I was not a good daughter. I moved away, I took him forgranted, I did kiss him goodnight, I brought him from the hospital knowing deep down that something was wrong. I have friends and family but I dont want them to know how I feel. I stay strong around my kids, but when they are not looking I hate myself. Everyone keeps telling me he knew he that I loved him. All I wish for is that I can see him one more time to tell him Im sorry for everything. I loved my Daddy very much I just wish I told him how much. I want to tell you alittle bit about my Daddy. He was great man. He was always there for me. When Im sick we always did this thing where he would rub my head and say I wish it was me instead of you babydoll. That always made me feel better. We did everything together. We hunted, fished,joined church together, got baptized together, and had a boating accident together. He taught me alot. My little boy told me once that if you love something so much you need to let it go. Im just not ready. I really dont know if I will ever be ready.

Permalink Reply by Diamond on September 27, 2010 at 6:30pm

Hi Amanda,

We all live with some kind of regret; however, you still have the opportunity to love those who are with you now. You loved your Dad and he knew it. Sometimes, we all do think - tomorrow will be here; tomorrow will be the same - but we learn in life tomorrow is promised to no-one. However, your Dad is at peace; he is not suffering (Ecc 9:5). Smell the roses now and enjoy them now - tomorrow may not come. You have beautiful memories of your Dad - enjoy them. Try not to focus on the negative - you are not a bad person - do not allow self-hatred to develop but love yourself in a healthy matter.

Amanda Ward said:

On August 14th 2010 I lost my best friend. My best friend was my Daddy. I am 31 years old and I don't know what to do. My Daddy was always sick with COPD and heart problems. I just did not know that his time was coming so soon. No matter how much you prepare yourself for this it is never easy. I live three states away. I now have regrets for moving so far away. I have regrets about the night before he died. I was down on business. I stayed with him and my mom. He was feeling bad and went into the hospital. That was never a big deal. He was always in and out of the hospital. He always came home feeling great. Well when i went and picked him up from the hospital I had a really bad feeling. I talked to the doctor and he said he will be fine in a couple of days. Who are you to argue with the doctors they know best. Well that night he was feeling really bad and i was so tired and had to get early the next day because i was coming home. I never forget to kiss and give my Daddy good night when Im home. The one night that I do it would be the biggest regret of my life. The next moring I wake up to my mom screaming Help me I cant wake your Daddy up. I tried to wake him and he would not wake up. My mom called 911 and they said they will be there. As I waited for them I kissed my Daddy and held his hand and put my head in his lap. I stayed there till the emt told me I had to let go. It has been one month and I hate myself because I was not a good daughter. I moved away, I took him forgranted, I did kiss him goodnight, I brought him from the hospital knowing deep down that something was wrong. I have friends and family but I dont want them to know how I feel. I stay strong around my kids, but when they are not looking I hate myself. Everyone keeps telling me he knew he that I loved him. All I wish for is that I can see him one more time to tell him Im sorry for everything. I loved my Daddy very much I just wish I told him how much. I want to tell you alittle bit about my Daddy. He was great man. He was always there for me. When Im sick we always did this thing where he would rub my head and say I wish it was me instead of you babydoll. That always made me feel better. We did everything together. We hunted, fished,joined church together, got baptized together, and had a boating accident together. He taught me alot. My little boy told me once that if you love something so much you need to let it go. Im just not ready. I really dont know if I will ever be ready.

Permalink Reply by Jacquelyn on September 30, 2010 at 12:39pm

I lost my Dad in Sept 1994 after a decade of illnesses, surgeries and ailments that would have felled many long before. Dad was not a saint by any means as he could be very brusque, strict, non-communicative, and sometimes harsh, but he was also gentle, loving, and understanding. He was not ashamed to give me bear hugs and kisses on the forehead (which he had never known when he was a child), or having me dance with him with me standing on the tops of his feet. Dad loved a good argument (actually debates) and he, Mom and I would do this for hours... He would confide in me with the warning, "Don't tell your mother." Of course I would if I thought it important enough... lol! I miss him dreadfully, but I wouldn't wish him back with the pain he suffered for all those many years. I take comfort in knowing I will see him again one day and enjoy watching him and my Mom dancing with exuberance and joy!

Permalink Reply by Diamond on October 26, 2010 at 5:46pm

Coping with the death of ones father can be a very hard challege to handle. The love of your father never leaves you and you will always recap some of the words of wisdom he tried to bestow upon you. However, the Bible gives us the reassurance that the dead are unaware of anything. They are not even aware that they are dead. They are in a deep sleep with the hope of being resurrected to a life full of joy and properity (Revelation 21:3,4). No matter what age you are - we are not meant to die - the pain is shared by all of those who loved and gave part of themselves to that person. (John 5?28,29)(Ecclesiastes 9:5).

Having a spiritual foundation will enable one to gain comfort from the scriptures. (2 Timothy 3:16) It will not only give you comfort but enable you to view death in a more peaceful and loving matter.

Permalink Reply by jessi baty on October 29, 2010 at 2:15am

I lost my daddy 3 months ago...I am still not sure if it is really real or if I am going to wake up and find it was just a dream....my life is not right since July 30, 2010....how can I get past this?

Permalink Reply by Stephanie Hayes on October 29, 2010 at 7:56pm

Hi, my condolences to your family on the loss of your dad. I lost my dad on Nov 12, 2007 and it feels like yesterday. You never get over it, but you can live with it. Take one day at a time. Don't let anyone tell you how long to grieve. I can say that each day gets a little better but it's constantly on your mind. I feel the same way that you do, like it's a dream and I'm gonna wake up soon. It still doesnt seem real to me after almost 3 yrs. Hang in there, take one day at a time and talk about your dad often, it helps. If you feel like crying, cry, if you wanna scream , scream, I know the pain of losing a loving dad but just know that he would want you to live your life to the fullest and keep his memory alive in your heart always. I started a memorial site for my dad, you might wanna do the same. Check it out at:
http://memorialwebsites.legacy.com/johnnyhayes
God bless & remember, one day at a time

jessi baty said:

I lost my daddy 3 months ago...I am still not sure if it is really real or if I am going to wake up and find it was just a dream....my life is not right since July 30, 2010....how can I get past this?

Permalink Reply by Chrisyfitzuk on October 29, 2010 at 8:29pm

You sound like I feel. My dad was so ill, for so long - as was my mum. They were so brave, so uncomplaining and always put others before themselves. I am a retired nurse, so I´ve experienced death many times. But nothing prepares you for the loss of your own parents. I´m sorry, I do not believe in a God as such. My dad, an Irish Catholic did. I hope he was right and he is dancing with his beloved wife - my mum - in heaven. Peace to you both, you deserve a heaven.

Permalink Reply by Diana Garcia on October 30, 2010 at 2:18am

Hi everyone.. I just lost my daddy September 3rd . I've been trying to cope by doing my best and taking care of my mom,brother, and sister. I feel so LOST still..
I took my dad to the hospital because he had really bad chills and a fever.The ER dr said that his liver & kidneys didn't look so good and that we should start to prepare ourselves over the next couple of months. But I didn't get the next couple of months, I got a day. We left my daddy over night and he knew I was scared so He told me not to worry that he was coming home the next day. When we went the next morning he told my mom and siblings that god told him to give us a hug and tell us that everything would be ok. He didn't tell me this though, he just gave me the hug .
My daddy was a man of few words.. he wouldn't tell us he loved us he would make a sound instead. So I started to worry more when I told him that I loved him and he would tell me he loved me too.
He did okay during the day, but then it went downhill. He was put on a ventilator to help him breathe, but he could still acknowledge us. The next morning was not good, he couldn't acknowledge us anymore. He was getting worse.
My daddy passed that night..
Part of me feels guilty that it was me that insisted that I take him to the hospital.
I feel like my heart will never stop hurting..