Remembering Dad

Grief support: No matter what your age, losing your dad can be difficult. Share your grief and talk with others who are coping with the death of their fathers.

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Permalink Reply by Jacquelyn on February 23, 2010 at 3:32pm

Happy Birthday today to my Dad. I sure do miss him. My Dad was the type of man that was firm, but fair and very loving and supportive. If you ever needed a laugh or someone to listen is was the go to person for me. Worked very hard to make sure my family and I were well taken care of. He could do it all from yard work, to washing clothes, to cooking the best meals you ever ate. You know the people from the south can cook up a storm. Very supportive with my athletic events, school events, and life events. Never one to be to critical, but just knew the right words to say to put you at ease. He wasn't easy on my sister and I growing up, but I do not take anything back for the discipline and values given have made me the person who I am today. My father strong as an Lion, never complained and just took care of what needed to be done. While growing up I always use to ask alot of questions, especially the question starting off with "Why". Why do I have to do this, Why do I have to do that, Why to have to go to school? His words were because I'm telling you and because it's for your own good. I can say even afar he was the man that lit the fire in the belly to get me going. A true inspiration.

My father first caught pneumonia in Jan 2009. He was in and out of the hospital for the whole year, diagnosed with MDS, Kidney Renal Failure, Anemic and before all that he already had the Gout and Diabetes. They found a spot in his lung and it turned out to be Cancer. He went through radiation treatment and came along fine, but it was tough on him. The Dr.'s found another spot in his brain which spread from his lung. He went through radiation again, but this one was really tough on him. The Dr.'s said he had 6 weeks to live and this was the day before Thanksgiving of 2009. Man was this rough to hear the most important person in your life was going away forever. I myself was having a tough time accepting it and I could imagine my father's feelings. I was dealing with this, an MBA program, which I finished right before Thanksgiving, recovering from an bad car accident I was in back in September of 2007, being supportive to my family, etc. I know my father hated the hospital and the best place he would want to pass was at home. Well that's what we did, we cared for him at home. My Mom was the sole care provider with my sister and I helping out. It was really hard on us 3. Going through all this I received a DUI in October of 2009 and I am still dealing with it. My father even being ill kept asking how is your court, if I wasn't there at the house he would ask my Mom or my sister. On January 6th was my court date and my Dad remembered and asked me how it went. I told him, "everything would be okay Dad." He was afraid to die and I remember him saying why do I have to suffer, I hope Him is able to help me out (referring to God). To see a strong man just suffer and deteriorate was not a good sight, it was really hard on us. To top it off he also had Dementia and it was getting worse.

We were able to spend Thanksgiving and Christmas and New Years with him. Then I received the call from work on a Friday afternoon from my sister. It was the 8th of January. I had just spoke to my Mom to ask him how he was doing and she said he hadn't moved from his sleep since Wednesday night, which was the last night I saw him alive. That Thursday I was becoming ill so I didn't go over to my parents house, but I went to work early Friday to get out early to go see him. My sister had called me back 30 minutes later from when I called my Mom and said, "Dad is gone." I just froze. I couldn't believe my Dad was gone.

One of the reasons it seemed like he waited up until my court date was to make sure everything was okay. I made the promise to him never to Drink and Drive again and I have kept my promise. He had a well deserved viewing with family and friends and was put to rest with Military Honors. He is in heaven now resting in peace with no pain and suffering. I miss and love him dearly. At first it seemed as if he was on vacation or in the hospital, but now it's really starting to sink in because this is the longest I have went without seeing or talking to my Dad, even when I was stationed overseas. Boy I sure to miss him and love him dearly. He is my Beacon of Light, my Inspiration, my Motivation, and last but not least the Best Dad any kid could have. Even though I am 30 I will always be the kid in my Dad's eyes. RIP and Happy 71st Birthday. Well deserved and I could honestly say my Dad lived a great and full life.

I have read this book called "Life Changing Moments"-Thin Threads and there are a few stories smilar to mine that has helped.

http://www.thinthreads.com/

"When the going gets tough the tough get going, but it's the toughest that never stopped."

Love your # 1 fan,

Jackie

A link that will always be on:

http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/signonsandiego/obituary.aspx?n=jam...

Permalink Reply by Joanne on February 24, 2010 at 11:35pm

My dad died unexpedly Feb 9, 15 days ago. My mom acted relieved, almost joyful while we were with her. He hadn't really been sick, just bronchitis. My mom didn't want an autopsy. During the wake she kept talking about how much fun she was having. I had to pay for the funeral. While driving home, my husband,kids, and I had a rollover accident in Iowa on our way to Colorado. Thankfully, none of us were seriously injured.
My kids are dreaming about Grandpa. He was the nurturing component of our family realtionship. He wasn't perfect, but he was a good dad and a GREAT grandpa.
I am afraid my anger toward my mom will affect how my kids, husband, and I grieve. I would appreciate words of wisdom.

Permalink Reply by Lenah on March 3, 2010 at 12:08pm

My Dad was amazing, gentle and kind-hearted, always so giving and loving. The best Dad I could ever have been blessed with, and I thank God for blessing me with such a wonderful father.
Around early last year about April we found out my Dad had another brain tumor, this was my Dad's 3rd time with a brain tumor and me and my mum were devastated of course when the doctor told us that it's malignant and they couldn't get all of it out because it was too close to the brain and not only that he had fluid on the brain as well, doctors told us he had 3-18months to live, I couldn't believe it, my Dad was so active and fit and...he was my superman. After my Dad was discharged after about a 2months in hospital I took on the role to be his full time caregiver no questions asked and I did enjoy it because I got to spend more time with him and then it started getting alot more difficult for my Dad and before I knew it the day had come...the day my Dad passed away I was at work and I kissed him and told him see you after work Dad...and I tried to get off early from work because I just knew I had to get home but I couldn't and when I was waiting for my bus to get home my bus was running late it just wasn't my day the bus finally arrived after 15-20mins and I got home and there my Daddy was waiting for me to come home, my mum said he'd been waiting for me and I was so happy and I just hugged him and gave him a kiss and me and mum both knew it was time and I told my Dad to go to sleep daddy and he couldn't talk or move but he cried and I knew he was saying I love you and goodbye and just before he shut his eyes I said Dad I don't want the last thing for you to see is me crying and so....I smiled for him one last time and not long after he just closed his eyes.

I'm so sorry for the long blog or whatever but I just really needed to get that off my chest, it was really hard for me to type this out but I'm glad I did. Dad I miss you so much, and me and mum will always love you and I understand where Monica is coming from when she said I know the meaning of heartbreak\heartache because I agree with that. And it's so hard for me to talk to others because they always say oh hey lenah how are you and I just say oh I'm good thanks but really on the inside I'm not, I just feel like I'm living in two worlds...and I don't remember which is reality sometimes. I feel like I have to pretend to everyone that I'm okay and I don't exactly want to tell them oh no actually I'm not okay it just bursts their bubble and you don't wanna bring your friends down with you and so I'm just glad that this forum is here because I'll be visiting alot!

Permalink Reply by Lenah on March 3, 2010 at 12:55pm

My dad was amazing, kind hearted, caring, giving and loving Dad. He was the greatest Dad and I am so blessed to have had him in my life and I believe I still do even though he is gone. I will never forget that moment I smiled at you Dad for the very last time.May God bless you always my Dad.

I love and miss you dearly my Dad and no matter how many years go by you will always be in my thoughts as well as my heart.

Xoxo

Lenah said:

My Dad was amazing, gentle and kind-hearted, always so giving and loving. The best Dad I could ever have been blessed with, and I thank God for blessing me with such a wonderful father.

Around early last year my Dad was shuffling alot while he walked, his balance off key and so we went to the Doctors and he was admitted into hospital for a CT scan and it was then we found out my Dad had another brain tumor, this was my Dad's 3rd time with a brain tumor and me and my mum were devastated of course when the doctor told us that it's malignant and they couldn't get all of it out because it was too close to the brain and not only that he had fluid on the brain as well, doctors told us he had 3-18months to live, I couldn't believe it, my Dad was so active and fit and...he was my superman. After my Dad was discharged after about a 2months in hospital I took on the role to be his full time caregiver no questions asked and I did enjoy it because I got to spend more time with him and then it started getting alot more difficult for my Dad and before I knew it the day had come...the day my Dad passed away I was at work and I kissed him and told him see you after work Dad...and I tried to get off early from work because I just knew I had to get home but I couldn't and when I was waiting for my bus to get home my bus was running late it just wasn't my day the bus finally arrived after 15-20mins and I got home and there my Daddy was waiting for me to come home, my mum said he'd been waiting for me and I was so happy and I just hugged him and gave him a kiss and me and mum both knew it was time and I told my Dad to go to sleep daddy and he couldn't talk or move but he cried and I knew he was saying I love you and goodbye and just before he shut his eyes I said Dad I don't want the last thing for you to see is me crying and so....I smiled for him one last time and not long after he just closed his eyes.

I'm so sorry for the long blog or whatever but I just really needed to get that off my chest, it was really hard for me to type this out but I'm glad I did. Dad I miss you so much, and I understand where Monica is coming from when she said I know the meaning of heartbreak\heartache because I agree with that. And it's so hard for me to talk to others because they always oh hey lenah how are you and I just say oh I'm good thanks but really on the inside I'm not, I just feel like I'm living in two worlds...and I don't remember which is reality sometimes. I feel like I have to pretend to everyone that I'm okay and don't exactly want to tell them oh no actually I'm not okay it just bursts their bubble and you don't wanna bring your friends down with you and so I'm just glad that this forum is here because I'll be visiting alot!

Permalink Reply by Gina on March 6, 2010 at 9:09pm

It has been two days when my daddy suddenly died from a massive heart attack. There has never been any heart problems in our family. He went in for leg and lower back pain and now he is DEAD??? My heart is hurting so much I don't know what to do, it was just me and my dad as my mom passed in 2005, I have no brothers and sisters and he was my BEST FRIEND my whole life.
I can hardly breathe and this pain just seems unbearable, why god, why???

Permalink Reply by Joanne on March 15, 2010 at 9:40pm

It's been a little more than a month since my dad died on Feb 9. He died unexpectedly, and was still working. 6 days later, while driving home through Iowa, our family was in a rollover in Iowa. My husband has been great, but my kids are still struggling. My mom told them to get over it. I am still struggling.

Permalink Reply by Joanne on March 15, 2010 at 9:40pm

Gina said:

It has been two days when my daddy suddenly died from a massive heart attack. There has never been any heart problems in our family. He went in for leg and lower back pain and now he is DEAD??? My heart is hurting so much I don't know what to do, it was just me and my dad as my mom passed in 2005, I have no brothers and sisters and he was my BEST FRIEND my whole life.
I can hardly breathe and this pain just seems unbearable, why god, why???

Permalink Reply by Joanne on March 15, 2010 at 9:43pm

Oh Gina, my heart hurts for you. Sometimes we don't have all the answers. My mom is still alive, but doesn't seem to be sad, and my brother has autism, so I am grieving alone as well. It is so hard. Do you have any aunts or uncles? Good friends? I hope someone is supporting you. I will pray for you.

Permalink Reply by Gina on March 18, 2010 at 6:42pm

Joanne said:

Oh Gina, my heart hurts for you. Sometimes we don't have all the answers. My mom is still alive, but doesn't seem to be sad, and my brother has autism, so I am grieving alone as well. It is so hard. Do you have any aunts or uncles? Good friends? I hope someone is supporting you. I will pray for you.

It has been two days when my daddy suddenly died from a massive heart attack. There has never been any heart problems in our family. He went in for leg and lower back pain and now he is DEAD??? My heart is hurting so much I don't know what to do, it was just me and my dad as my mom passed in 2005, I have no brothers and sisters and he was my BEST FRIEND my whole life.
I can hardly breathe and this pain just seems unbearable, why god, why???

Joann,
Thank you for the prayers, I have one uncle who is 94 and not well, my dad's oldest brother. I do have a couple of good friends who have helped me so far, I just feel so empty and alone. He had a very nice service and full with military honors, the death certificate arrived on Tuesday and it broke me down all over again. I know it is a process but this pain within my heart just goes so deep.

Permalink Reply by Kayepeanyc on March 18, 2010 at 8:11pm

It's exactly four months today since my Dad died. I miss him so! Tomorrow I'll be singing at a local coffeehouse; my Dad was at last year's show. I almost cancelled my performance, but decided that the preparations would help me focus on something besides my dad being gone and how my sister & I are going to take care of our mom and my aunt (her sister), whose health has worsened in the past 2 months. I feel so overwhelmed--my Dad was a take-charge kind of guy, and I could always talk to him and he'd help me figure things out. And my birthday is on Monday; my first without him.

Permalink Reply by Susan Fuller on March 19, 2010 at 9:13am

I lost my father on March 6th, 2010. I am 47 years old and every day find myself saying "I need my daddy". I agree with you that apparantely it doesn't matter how old you are. The loss is almost too much to bear.

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Permalink Reply by MiMi on March 19, 2010 at 2:00pm

Dear Cindy, We just lost our Father 2 weeks ago. There are 4 girls in our family, Dad was always surrounded by women and a father to many of our friends. He fought cancer for four and a half years. We all were by his side and along with Hospice took care him. My parents were married for 58 years. We were able to talk to him up to the end and tell what a wonderful, fun childhood we had.
Rest in Peace Dad,