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Christine, you and I could write a book. It just proves that grief and loss is such a personal thing. We all handle it differently and at our own pace. It’s approaching two years on May 8th and I still feel exactly what you just expressed. I don’t even feel like getting out of bed some days. I wake up, hoping that the nightmare is over, but when I see the pictures of Robert that I’ve put up it lets me know that the nightmare is not over. I still cannot believe it’s real.
Lisa, I sent Robert’s parents a photo book and a DVD with the slide shows of Robert, My Mom and my brother at least six weeks ago. In my letter I told them that if they want the school pictures of Robert to just let me know. I haven’t heard from them yet. They haven’t even acknowledged that they received the package but I’m sure they did. I don’t even know what to think any longer. Talk about hurt – I will just let it go for now because I don't even know what to think. I know that Robert’s mother would have liked the photo book because there are photos of Him that she has never seen. They will never know the extent to which I Love Robert. I am so tired of being here in this life without Him. I miss Robert more than life itself.
http://memorialwebsites.legacy.com/robertwilsonkopler
http://memorialwebsites.legacy.com/vilmadopsonharnamji
http://memorialwebsites.legacy.com/darinneilharnamji
Annette's family had "keepsakes" made for myself, her brother and sister. It is her ashes that I wear on a chain, along with her ring. The one I got is called a teardrop and it is different looking so alot of people will ask what it is. Alot of the customers at work will ask and I just say it is my partner/wife's ashes.. I call her different things depending on who I am speaking with. They will say "oh, i'm sorry" and pretty much let it go. Which is fine. The other day there were maybe 5 or 6 business men having drinks ( im a bartender), and one of the men asked about it and I told him, he said how sorry he was that it must be devastating.. and then he asked..." what was her name"? I dont think he had any idea how much his asking that meant to me. People sometimes dont want to make me talk about her or just dont want to hear.. not sure which one! But.. She was here and still is, and she was somebody who should not be "not talked about". I hope i am making sense cause sometimes it is hard to put the words you want to say together correctly when it is in typing not talking. Yes it hurts, but I do want to talk about her. I think they just get scared and figure dont ever mention her again and it will all be ok.. so not true.
BarryWHK said:Christine, you and I could write a book. It just proves that grief and loss is such a personal thing. We all handle it differently and at our own pace. It’s approaching two years on May 8th and I still feel exactly what you just expressed. I don’t even feel like getting out of bed some days. I wake up, hoping that the nightmare is over, but when I see the pictures of Robert that I’ve put up it lets me know that the nightmare is not over. I still cannot believe it’s real.
Lisa, I sent Robert’s parents a photo book and a DVD with the slide shows of Robert, My Mom and my brother at least six weeks ago. In my letter I told them that if they want the school pictures of Robert to just let me know. I haven’t heard from them yet. They haven’t even acknowledged that they received the package but I’m sure they did. I don’t even know what to think any longer. Talk about hurt – I will just let it go for now because I don't even know what to think. I know that Robert’s mother would have liked the photo book because there are photos of Him that she has never seen. They will never know the extent to which I Love Robert. I am so tired of being here in this life without Him. I miss Robert more than life itself.
http://memorialwebsites.legacy.com/robertwilsonkopler
http://memorialwebsites.legacy.com/vilmadopsonharnamji
http://memorialwebsites.legacy.com/darinneilharnamji
Lisa, your husband was very blessed and I am sure he knew it, to be loved by your family. I know my husband was and he often said just that.
My step son was a nightmare and cost me so much money to get him out of my life and while I was treating him like a son, until I realized what he was doing and that was a couple months down the road. He had not been a good son to his father and had just come back into his fathers life two months prior to his death. He really hurt me but it helped me to forget about him and not feel any moral obligation to him what so ever. He is not worth my concern any longer and we don't have to put up with his attitude hurting "our Tom" any longer.
My husband had given him some temporary work since the man can't seem to keep a job and he was actually the one that found him after he passed. This man called me screaming "my dad is dead", over and over again. Always about himself. He was screaming in a high pitched voice and I couldn't even understand what he was saying or I didn't want to believe it. He then hung up on me. I called the number back and when I was getting no where I asked if there was someone else there to talk to me and thank God there was. Anyway, that was how I found out. I will always wonder about that situation. The coroner said he died like the "snap of a finger" but my husband had 65 cents on him and I struggle to think that was all he had. He always carried a lot of cash on him or hidden in his van since he dealt in a lot of cash in his business. This guy took off in the van and stole all the tools and I couldn't prove he had them. I did get the van back but it was empty. Duh, I was in so much pain and this was my husbands son, so I forgave him and let him back into my life against everyones advise. He then came to our home each time I left and stole things. He had a key I found out later. I know Tom didn't give it to him because he wasn't even allowed in his garage without him since he had stolen from Tom from a very early age. He went out to the property we own and took the tractor and back hoe and I had to pay someone to mow it. He got a lawyer finally when I stopped his stealing but I got none of the things back he had taken and had to give him a lot more and pay legal fees. I was in no way geared toward dealing with that kind of person and especially at this time in my life. It is so hard to believe that some people can go from grief to greed in a moment. He got nothing I wouldn't have given him gladly because we thought he was trying to get his life straight.
As a final note, if any of you don't have a will, please get one. If you die without a will the state decides for you and it will cause problems. Approx 75% of people in my step do just that. If you have step children all the more important. We had two appointments and my guy was just so busy and didn't feel it was that important as of course he wasn't going to die until he was old. I should have pushed but I too was naive. In my state, anything you can't prove is YOURS, they can get have of it. It isn't what they can get but how much they can cost you to get it over with. I settled but had I taken him to court it would have cost more. He set himself up as the administrator over Tom's estae and had his dad's mail coming to a post office box. In order to get him out of that position I had to go to court and drag it on for years so I settled. He would have gotten a lot more from me, but now he can't come back and he and I are done.
I am sorry to ramble on but I so want to impress upone everyone I meet to get a will because it is amazing how many people don't. Just do it. Suep
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