yesterday i was pompous enough to think i was getting better......yeah right !!
this morning i am a total mess... i just could not stop weeping as soon as i opened my eyes..i got down on my knees blabbering like a mad woman asking Mark for some sign or something something from him... anything.
i met his sister yesterday and she told me she saw his image...me zilch !!!
at least u have the courage to live in yr home....i do not..i cannot...have tried so many times but chickened out each time.
his clothes are still were they were..the only thing i did do though as soon as mark passed away was get rid of all his hospital stuff as that was too close for comfort. I still take whiffs of the SUDOCREM i used to spread on him to avoid his getting bedsores....the smell just throws me back and i can visualise him...how sad am i ???
chrstine...we are all there with u......i am a fool to think i am going to get better soon....
hi christine, lisa, barry, einars and pauline
i too feel very bad cos life is precious but i keep praying that i die soon because i cannot live like this any more....
i too have bought a myriad of books about life after death and the art of dying and cannot understand how so many people get to see their deceased loved ones and i hardly get any signs...the way i love mark i would have thought i would be getting some communication on a regular basis.
i was brought up as a catholic but my faith was badly bruised since mark fell ill.
i prayed so hard for GOD to save my love but apart from the fact that mark never made it he suffered a horrific senseless 9 months of excruciating pain which no amount of morphine or the likes could control...why why why ??? nothing makes sense any more. ..i feel that my pain is now a continuation of mark's physical pain as similarly it is uncontrollable and i am totally inconsolable. At least i hope mark is now pain-free and at peace but i have to carry on suffering and i would rather not be around..whether there is an afterlife or not......as i cannot live without mark..he was my whole reason for being....
you know...when illness takes over..especially when it is rather long term people normally say ..at least he is now at peace and his carers are relieved too...yeah right !!! I would take mark back again in hospital in a heartbeat and not have to go through what i am going through right now....my suffering started with his illness and even after his death it is far worse .....as i say ...i hope he is at peace but i am by far worse than ever......i am not being selfish because my poor husband went thru an agonizing