Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by einars simons on December 3, 2008 at 5:29pm

hi steffanie,just read your thoughts and burst into tears.a lot of that has been happening lately.i do see a grievance counceller on a regular basis from the hospice where mairlyn died and she has helped me tremondosly.we also finished our group sessions that went for eight weeks but tonight i wasnt capable of going to a session on getting through this season.Mairlyn was a born again christian and i do see my pastor at times but i havent been able to return to church regularly.Maybe I still am angry at God sometimes.I to know that Mairlyn is in a better and happier place and right now I know I am not making her very proud.at this time last year things began to deteriate with more stays in the hospital as her fragile body gave in.Steffanie I have alot of answers and a little while ago I could even laugh but at this stage in that journey I have hit a wall and what I am most afraid of I seem to be taking large steps backward.I as well sit with Mairlyn and believe she is with me but know it just brings tears.Thank you so much for replying and would also love to stay in touch with you.May God help you as well on your grief journey.It is awfully hard work and at times I get so tired.Write soon Einars

Permalink Reply by Steffanie Powell on December 10, 2008 at 10:07pm

Hello!

I have been out of touch and wanted to know how you're doing. I have been continuing my Grief Share classes and this was the second to last one. It starts again in January and I will probably go a second round - they encourage it. I actually looked to see if they have them in your area and they do. Something to think about. I will write more soon - getting ready to call it a night, but wanted to check in.

Steffanie
sfree3@sbcglobal.net

Permalink Reply by einars simons on December 11, 2008 at 4:08pm

Hi Steffanie A not so good week but now am really focusing on getting through each day and that seems a little easier for now.During this grief journey I have discovered that feelings can and do change very rapidly so I try not to assume anything that happens today will be the same tomorrow.I also checked out Grief Share but didn't find anything in Ottawa.More information please.Let me know how you are doing and hope to hear from you soon. Einars es.ml@hotmail.com

Permalink Reply by Steffanie Powell on January 7, 2009 at 5:01pm

Hello Einars,

Have been away for a few weeks, but getting somewhat back to "normal" now...whatever that is these days! I pray that the Christmas and holiday season was not too much for you and that you are having better days. I will check on the grief share meetings in your area when I go back to them next week. I'll also check online to see if I can get more info for you.

May God bless you now and always.

Steffanie

Permalink Reply by einars simons on January 8, 2009 at 9:55am

Hi Steffanie, So happy to hear from you.How are you doing on your journey? I think I am going to a better place.Christmas and New Years were not as miserable as I had imagined.Just before Christmas I really became tired and sick of my own pain and I did pray a lot for help.Also it dawned on me that I was betraying Marilyn as I continued with my sadness.No way would she be happy seeing me as I was.So now I can actually look at her pictures and see the smile on her face before I really didn't.Now there are some triggers which I have to be very mindful of.Her birthday is coming up on the 14th of this month and Marilyn died on the 13th of Febuary last year .However I am seeing my counsellar every 2 weeks so that is still a godsend.All in all "normal" has become redefined and I think I am getting to be okay with it.Also I went out and bought an electric wok and now am ardently pursuing cooking as a pastime.Exercise as become a staple in my life as well.I hope to hear from you soon Steffanie and may God continue to be at your side always. Einars

Permalink Reply by Mary Beth on January 11, 2009 at 2:47pm

Hi einars, I lost my husband 7 months ago and was also dreading the holidays terribly. I just found this site and have been reading the postings. Someone wrote that all of us, no matter how similar our situations, are handling things differently. I noticed your comment that Christmas and New Years were not as miserable as you had imagined - and I felt the same way. Don't get me wrong, I highly value the religious significance of Christmas, but in terms of the grief the holidays were just more days where I miss him so incredibly much and were no more (or less) horrible than yesterday or today. Just wondered if that was anything like what you meant?

Permalink Reply by ITS N THE BOOK on January 12, 2009 at 2:16pm

Mary Beth ...Made a good point....that everyone have and will respond differently .........My sister also felt pressure to hold in her feelings when her husband died. she was so worried about being a good example to others, Nervertheless eventually learned that trying to be a pillar of strength for others wasn’t helping her ..she began analyzing the situation and saying, ‘Cry if you have to cry. Don’t try to be too trong. Get it out of your system..........Write if you want to talk.....

Permalink Reply by In Loving Memory Of Kevin Conatty on December 1, 2008 at 3:27pm

Thank you for caring please visit my website that I opened in Kevin Conatty's loving Memory
www.kevin-conatty.memory-of.com

thank you and godbless
wendy
kevin's Fiance'

Permalink Reply by Beverly Potts on January 8, 2009 at 10:52pm

Hello,
My name is Beverly. I lost my husband Jim due to a auto accident on Dec. 18,2008. Jim was 40 years old and full of life. He was a caring and thoughtful man and would do just about anything to help someone in need. We have been together for 9 years. I have been having trouble dealing with his death. I went to bed yearly the night of his accident (i wasn't feeling good and had to work early in the morning) and he was watching a movie and wanted to finish it. My son woke me up and told me Jim went to the store. I didn't think anything of it because if he ran out of cigarettes he would go and come right back. But this time he didn't. I was woke up again by his friend banging on my door and windows. His friend was screaming that Jim's dead, they say he's gone, over and over again. I got to the hospital and the doctor told me that my husband past away. I didn't even get to tell him good bye or hold him one last time and tell him that i love him. This was a very hard time for me due to Christmas, new years eve, new years day and even my anniversary was Jan. 2,. My son and i are trying to make peace with all that has happen but it is very hard. Please help.

Thanks, Beverly

Permalink Reply by Lee on January 9, 2009 at 8:29pm

Oh Beverly, that sounds so horribly traumatic. You're in the absolute aftermath of this, it's been less than a month - don't ask too much of yourself or think that you have to process everything right now. I hope that you have supportive friends and aren't afraid to lean on them.

How old is your son, and how is he holding up right now? There are a lot of resources for children who are grieving, and maybe they can answer some questions for you.

I can't imagine what these past three weeks have been like for you, but I'm glad that you've found LegacyConnect, and I hope that we can help you through this terrible time.

Permalink Reply by Beverly Potts on January 10, 2009 at 12:48pm

Thank you for replying to my message. My son is 14, and he seems to be doing ok but, he talks a lot about him and says he misses Jim. He says things will never be the same without him. They were very close and was going to get a car when he turned 15 to fix up together.We just moved to ohio from Florida in May of this year. I been told that things get better one day at a time (hope so). It was good to hear from you.

Permalink Reply by ITS N THE BOOK on January 12, 2009 at 2:30pm

My wishes go out to you and your family......I felt a lot of pressure on me to hold on to my feelings when my loved on died...however suppressing my grief was the manly thing to do......But i realized that was wrong............i needed to let myself grieve! Because grieving is a necessary emotional release. Releasing your feelings can relieve the pressure you are under. The natural expression of emotions, if coupled with understanding and accurate information, lets you put your feelings in proper perspective.

Of course, not everyone expresses grief in the same way.....it may be a short time or a very long time.......But one thing is you can believe it.....Is a ressurrection hope .....we ....When we will see our love one's soon........Do you know what i mean by that hope?

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