Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by BarryWHK on September 5, 2009 at 10:01pm

Hello Erin, I am sorry for your loss. I lost my Life-Partner of 22 years, Robert, on May 08, 2007, and still hurt like it was just yesterday. I lost my Mom on Christmas Day, 2006. This past July was particularly difficult because Robert and I would have been together for 24 years. I count the months and mark the dates for Robert, my Mom and my brother, who I lost in July, 2001. All of the questions that you ask are the same questions that we all have been asking and I have yet to find any answers. I don’t have any words of encouragement but there are many people who read this forum. We are all experiencing the same pain. I have felt and still feel so many things you feel and wrote about. Thank you for sharing. Here is a link to Robert’s Legacy Memorial website if you wish to visit. Barry

http://memorialwebsites.legacy.com/RobertWilsonKopler

Permalink Reply by erin on September 7, 2009 at 10:42am

Barry,

Thanks for your reply and sharing your link.

Erin

BarryWHK said:

Hello Erin, I am sorry for your loss. I lost my Life-Partner of 22 years, Robert, on May 08, 2007, and still hurt like it was just yesterday. I lost my Mom on Christmas Day, 2006. This past July was particularly difficult because Robert and I would have been together for 24 years. I count the months and mark the dates for Robert, my Mom and my brother, who I lost in July, 2001. All of the questions that you ask are the same questions that we all have been asking and I have yet to find any answers. I don’t have any words of encouragement but there are many people who read this forum. We are all experiencing the same pain. I have felt and still feel so many things you feel and wrote about. Thank you for sharing. Here is a link to Robert’s Legacy Memorial website if you wish to visit. Barry

http://memorialwebsites.legacy.com/RobertWilsonKopler

Permalink Reply by jennifer on September 26, 2009 at 10:37am

On July 27, 2009 my beloved fiancee jimmy went missing on July 31, 2009 his body was found on I-84 between 25a and 25. It was my worst nightmare. I have been so lost, confused and don't have answers to what exactly happened to him. I have been looking for support groups for grieving and haven't found one i can attend daily. My life has changed dramatically since his death. I have been learning on my own how to cope, but it's difficult. I have managed to get back to my college online and i had been looking for work. I found two jobs I start one on monday. I attend a christian church, and I also attend a christian recovery group. I just found this site and I am looking to speak with others who are dealing with grief. Jim and I have been together since July 16, 2005 we were supposed to get married, but now I am not due to his death. I am here seeking help from others who are dealing with a loss.

Thank You Jennifer

Permalink Reply by Bobby on October 16, 2009 at 1:39am

I don't even know where to start....
How silly...

Bobby

Permalink Reply by Cheri Kent on October 31, 2009 at 10:52am

I lost my husband Rick on August 31, 2009. He was only 50 years old. We were together 14 years and it wasn't long enough. His loss has got to be the hardest thing I have ever gone through in my life. Since his death, I just pretty much go through the motions of living. Each day that passes seems to make his passing that much worse for me. The holidays are coming up soon and I dread them. I keep asking myself the question "why?" but the answer never comes. He was my best friend and soulmate and I am so totally lost without him. It's even hard for me to look at pictures of him without breaking down and crying. Everyone around me says "time heals" and I know deep down they are right but until then, this is the worst thing that has ever happened to me.
When I hear that phrase "time heals" I want to just slap the person saying it. I don't think people get what you are going through until they lose their spouse/significant other.

Until "times heals" I sit here going through life in a daze. UGH

Permalink Reply by Steve Cain on October 31, 2009 at 1:39pm

Cheri,
My sympathies on the loss of your husband. I can relate to the idea of not knowing what to do at times. My stepson and daughter-in-law are expecting their first child, who would have been my wife's first grandchild in April and it hurts knowing she is not here to be a part of it.I would suggest if you can find the number of your local hospice group, call them to find when their are support groups meet. I am attending one now, and although it isn't a cure all, it helps you understand what you are going through and how to handle the process as best as you can.

Permalink Reply by Cheri Kent on November 1, 2009 at 9:50am

Thank you Steve for your kind words and sympathy. I will do what you suggested about calling my local hospice to find a support group. My sympathies to you on the loss of your wife.

Death sucks no matter what age group is affected. I lost one of my grandchildren to SIDS when she was only 2 months old. That showed me that life was so precious and short. I try to make sure I tell everyone I love how I feel about them on a regular basis and that included my husband Rick. I never took one single second for granted with him, but I did expect him to grow old with me and that's not happening now. I feel like my heart was yanked out when he died. I don't know if I will ever get it back again either. The day he died my life went into continuous heartache/hold mode. The arms that use to reach out and hold me and make the world go away are forever gone. I don't know how to go on from here alone. I don't want to go on from here alone.

Please don't think I am suicidal because I am not and besides I know that wouldn't solve anything. I am however just existing at the moment.

I will definitely call tomorrow to find a grief support group and see if that helps me any.

Permalink Reply by Lisa on November 3, 2009 at 6:53pm

Hello to all,
I know that there are allot of new people here on this board and I am sorry I have not been on in a long time. To those of you who know me (Barry & Steve) I want to let you know that I think of you often. I have been lost these past months. The 20th of this Month will be the 1 year mark of me losing my soulmate. Bruno was everything to me. He was only 49 years old when he was

Permalink Reply by Lisa on November 3, 2009 at 6:54pm

when he was taken from me. We found out on October 31, 2008 that my beloved had lung cancer. Just 20 days later I had to tell him goodbye. I wish I could tell everyone here that it gets "better" well it doesn't. It however gets to wear you know how to live with the pain. You learn how to go on with day to day life and work through the pain. I know that coming here and talking to others who have lost a loved one does seem to help. I know I felt like I was the only person in the entire world that was hurting like I am. I also know that I felt like how dare everyone else go on with their life when it seemed like mine was over. I hate

Permalink Reply by Lisa on November 3, 2009 at 6:57pm

I hate hearing the "Oh I am so sorry " or the "Well he is in a better place" I sayf that. Unless you are here how can you tell me your sorry. And where is there a better place for him then here in my arms. I have went to the gravesite many many times and pounded my fist into the dirt that lay over my husband and scream at him and cry and tell him I am angry with him,angry that he left me angry that he promised me forever and I only got three years. I have learned that it is ok to be angry with him with God with the tabcco company.

Permalink Reply by Lisa on November 3, 2009 at 6:58pm

I don't have any words of comfront or a magic cure that will just make all of your hurt go away. All I can tell you is that what your feeling is okay. They are your feelings and you have a right to them. Don't let anyone tell you that your wrong for the way you feel. Remember that even God got angry when they hung his son on the cross. Remember that the strongest verse in the bible is two words. Jesus wept. So it is ok to be angry ( God Was) it is ok to cry (Christ did). So when people tell you its time to stop tell them this is your grief and that you are not going to let them take it away from you.
Barry my friend I know that in a few days you are going to go through He** and I want you to know that I am here for you my friend if you need a shoulder to cry on.

Permalink Reply by Marlena on November 3, 2009 at 9:04pm

Lisa,
The things you said are so very true. I lost my husband very suddenly at 44 years old. We thought we had forever together. He had retirement all planned out, so we could retire early and still live a good life doing anything we wanted to. I am angry at God and I'm angry at Tom. Why didn't he fight harder to stay, why did he give up. I know that if he had a choice he would still be here. I try to be realistic, sometimes that is so hard. It's been 7 1/2 months and I still cannot comprehend a future without my love. Everyday I just go through the motions; I am existing in a world that is so foreign to me.



Lisa said:

I don't have any words of comfront or a magic cure that will just make all of your hurt go away. All I can tell you is that what your feeling is okay. They are your feelings and you have a right to them. Don't let anyone tell you that your wrong for the way you feel. Remember that even God got angry when they hung his son on the cross. Remember that the strongest verse in the bible is two words. Jesus wept. So it is ok to be angry ( God Was) it is ok to cry (Christ did). So when people tell you its time to stop tell them this is your grief and that you are not going to let them take it away from you.
Barry my friend I know that in a few days you are going to go through He** and I want you to know that I am here for you my friend if you need a shoulder to cry on.

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