Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Marilyn on January 3, 2010 at 11:41pm

Hi Marilyn - My name is Marilyn too. My husband died on Dec. 1st, 2009. He was 58, had hepatitis C, got a lung infection after rebreaking some ribs after a fall, and also developed sepsis. He died from liver disease - but I never expected it to happen so soon. He was in ICU for 8 days. We were both let go from our jobs on the same day in June and for the 1st time he did not have life insurance. I'm working now thank goodness. So sorry for both of us - I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.


marilyn henderson dorris said:

my husband ,51 yrs old, died suddenly on july 18,2009. he had been receiving treatments for hep c, got an infection, and went into septic shock. we did not have any life insurance. he owned 2 vehicles, his company truck-he was so proud to own his own company, and worked the day he died, although he must've been in horrible pain) and his old caddi that he spit shined every weekend. i have had to place the vehicles up for sale-i wanted to keep the truck, but the caddi isn't moving and i must pay something to the funeral home...today, i sold the work truck...his old partner bought it, and my husband loved him very much, but i had to clear out the personal belongings...i am inconsolable...

Permalink Reply by Nikki on January 4, 2010 at 12:21am

My fiance, Brian Sgambati, was killed by a drunk driver December 17, 2009. His 24th birthday would have been December 23, 2009. Brian and I met in high school and have been together for almost 7 years. We were to be married April 24, 2010. He was the love of my life and taken from me way to soon. We were inseperable and loved spending every minute together. I don't know how to get through this. He was my world and now my world is gone. He was a great guy and didn't deserve this. I am so heart broken and just want to see his smiling face once again.

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Permalink Reply by Paulette on January 4, 2010 at 9:03am

I lost my husband on December 28, 2009. I am having a hard time dealing with this. The nights are the worst, crying every night, feeling guilty. Doe it get better?

Permalink Reply by Toy Williams on January 4, 2010 at 5:30pm

Paulette said:

I lost my husband on December 28, 2009. I am having a hard time dealing with this. The nights are the worst, crying every night, feeling guilty. Doe it get better?

Permalink Reply by Toy Williams on January 4, 2010 at 5:47pm

Dear Paulette I hope this message reaches you in good spirits considering you just lost someone dear to you. However I wanted to reply to the fact that you have a desire to see your loved one again and that it is definitely possible. Your not alone in asking that question. Job himself asked if he was to die would he live again. Job 14: 14, 15 says " 14 If an able-bodied man dies can he live again? All the days of my compulsory service I shall wait, Until my relief comes.
15 You will call, and I myself shall answer you. For the work of your hands you will have a yearning." Acts 24:15 says " and I have hope toward God, which hope these [men] themselves also entertain, that there is going to be a resurrection of both the righteous and the unrighteous." Knowing that God is a God of love he wishes for no one to die. Although unforseen occurences befalls us all he lovingly holds out this hope for us that one day our loved ones will stand again to live. So I hope you can find comfort in this promise.

Permalink Reply by Paulette on January 6, 2010 at 2:28pm

I know we will be together again some day, but the pain and guilty feelings aren't going to go away.

Permalink Reply by Cheri Kent on January 19, 2010 at 3:19pm

My husband of 14 years died of a massive heart attack on August 31, 2009. He had been in the hospital for a month prior to his heart attack due to infection and complications associated with him having undiagnosed diabetes. He was only home 4 days when I lost him to the heart attack.

In the beginning, I was numb from losing him and just seemed to be going through the motions of living. I did what I had to do and took care of the business of paying household bills and things like that. I cried some, but most of the time I just existed in this numb state.

In December, I guess because of the holidays, I got into this deep depression. I am still in this depression. I don't get dressed unless I have to. I usually get a shower and get back in to my pajamas. I spend most of my day either playing games on the computer or watching tv while in the bed. I have also been crying a lot and missing my husband so very much. I don't know if this is a phase of the grief process or not. I having a really hard time letting him go. My sister in law wants me to get on a dating web site and find someone new, but I am just not interested in finding someone new at this point.

Every where I turn there is something there that reminds me of my husband. The ache in my heart is beyond any words. I know I have to go on living and I know he wouldn't want me doing this kind of stuff, but for now this is how I want to be. I just want to stay in my little cocoon away from the world.

Has anybody else felt this way or have been in this kind of depression? Will it get better with time? I don't want to do the support group thing or professional help thing if I don't have to. Any suggestions on how to get through this would be appreciated.

Permalink Reply by Steve Cain on January 19, 2010 at 9:13pm

Cheri,
I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved husband. Depression is considered normal by many grief experts. Because it has caused such a disruption in your life you might want to seek the help of a trained counselor. I would recommend contacting your local hospice group to find someone in your area that is specially trained to handle grief. I know you say you don't want to go this route but sometimes you need that little kick start and I am sensing this is what you need right now.
Second, do not ever "let go". Your husband will always be a part of your life no matter what else may happen. You circumstances may change at some point, but that feeling you have for him will never change. He was the other half of what was your whole at that time. The tears are normal and in fact helpful as they release a lot of toxins in your body which could cause you to have health issues. You don't mention if you have children but if you do, your health issues if you DIDN'T have these crying times could cause problems for them.
Third, do not rush into doing anything regarding dating until you are absolutely sure you are ready. The dating world can be a very cruel and harsh experience under normal circumstances. Add the factor of what you are going through and the chance for disaster increases greatly.

Permalink Reply by Cheri Kent on January 20, 2010 at 7:01am

Hi Steve,

Thank you for your reply and thank you for your condolences. I am glad you told me that I didn't have to "let go" ever. I don't want to ever let go of him and what we shared together. He was a significant part of my life for many years and as you said "He was the other half of what was your whole at that time".

I feel so lost without him. I don't have many close friends around to help me through this time either. I have a daughter from a previous marriage who is 26 years old. My husband who died came into her life when she was around 10 years of age. She considered Rick more her dad then her real dad was. She lives a couple hours from me, is married and seems to be way involved in her own life to be concerned with me. I raised her to be independent, but I wish she would show me a little more attention these days. It kinda hurts that she doesn't communicate more with me. I know she loves me and that she deals with grief a lot differently then I do. I guess I am feeling loss on two different fronts these days because of the way my daughter is handling this too.

I absolutely don't want to rush into dating. As much as I would love to have a companion that I could lean on, dating is out of the question. I know I am definitely not ready to put myself out there on the dating scene. I wouldn't even know what to do on a date at this point in my life.

Anyway, I feel like I am rambling on. Thank you again for your reply. I will seriously think about finding some help that will kick start me out of my slump.

Permalink Reply by Gerry Fiden on January 23, 2010 at 9:53am

Siona,
You will find that those of us who lost a child need to talk about them , as this keeps our children remembered. My loss is very fresh, I lost my son and only child on Sept. 8th 2009 to a drunk driver. To say it changed who I am and how I feel, would be an understatement. Ric left behind 2 children and many who loved him
The pain you will feel when reading our stories is second to the love we feel for our children. Each day we "live" brings us one day closer to them.
I hope through your writing you help others to understand a grieving mother. Many of our friends and family at some point just disappear as the subject of death,( let alone that of a child, )scares them. I am sure you will also find that those of us here no longer fear death and the afterlife that is promised.
God be with you,
Gerry

Permalink Reply by Steve Cain on January 23, 2010 at 1:18pm

Siona,
I would be glad to help.

Siona said:

Hello all.

I posted a similar note in the forum for those who've suffered the death of a child, so forgive me if this is an overlap--or even remotely inappropriate. I know I'm seeking a different sort of assistance, and I don't want to interrupt.

I'm working on a book about grief and loss, and am interested in speaking with people about their personal experiences and journeys--however tangled, however difficult, however unusual--into the deeper parts of those particular oceans.

If you would be open to talking--about your spouse, about your partner, about what life after the impossible is like--please send me a message. I have no agenda and no hypothesis; my interest is in truly, deeply listening to stories around death and loss in hopes of discovering what, if anything, helps, and (as importantly) what does not. And if you know of somewhere more appropriate where I might post this, please just let me know.

So very much love to each of you,
Siona

Permalink Reply by Jan on January 24, 2010 at 10:03am

Steve Cain said:

Siona,
I would be glad to help.

Siona said:

Hello all.

I posted a similar note in the forum for those who've suffered the death of a child, so forgive me if this is an overlap--or even remotely inappropriate. I know I'm seeking a different sort of assistance, and I don't want to interrupt.

I'm working on a book about grief and loss, and am interested in speaking with people about their personal experiences and journeys--however tangled, however difficult, however unusual--into the deeper parts of those particular oceans.

If you would be open to talking--about your spouse, about your partner, about what life after the impossible is like--please send me a message. I have no agenda and no hypothesis; my interest is in truly, deeply listening to stories around death and loss in hopes of discovering what, if anything, helps, and (as importantly) what does not. And if you know of somewhere more appropriate where I might post this, please just let me know.

So very much love to each of you,
Siona

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