Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by mary on April 1, 2010 at 9:58pm

mary said:

Steve Cain said:

Terri,
First off, I give you my deepest sympathies. You are in a very difficult time and I can fully relate. My full time job let me take 2 weeks off even though contract policy says 3 days, they even called me near the end of the second week to see if I wanted or felt I needed even another week. It is good that I keep my vacation time saved. I also have a part time job and our director there told me to take as much time as I needed, my job was secure, although I went back the same day I went back to my full time job. What you need is what YOU need and not for anyone else to determine. You will not be helpful to your boss, no matter the situation, if you are not fully ready to come back.

Terri said:

I am not sure I am posting this right so please excuse me if I did it wrong. I lost my husband (44yrs old) on Feb 8th of this year to a massive heart attack at work. He had not been sick or showed any signs that there was a problem. Our anniversary was Feb 19th and it would have been ten years. He was so excited about it because we were going away for the weekend. I hope I can find some answers and comfort here or least have ppl who understand what I am going through. I have a question . When did you go back to work after losing your spouse? Like I said I lost my husband the morning of Feb 8th of this year. The first week is a blur and this last week has been taking care of so much paper work. I am wanting to take this next week off and go back to work March 1st which is not this Monday but the next. Everyone is telling me I should go back to work. I do work for a CPA firm and right now is our busy season with taxes due and all of the year end reports plus just the regular day to day things our due. I know my boss is swamped and he hasn't told me to come back to work or anything I just know he is in a bind. I want to know taking another week off is asking to much? We are a very very small company infact it is just me and my boss and his wife when she is needed. I just lost my heart and the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with but am I being selfish? Is asking to have 3 weeks off asking to much? I know it will help me keep busy and all but I still have a lot of things to do here at the house and I still have a hard time not breaking down at a drop of a hat. Can anyone enlighten me on what I should do? Any reply would greatly appreciated it. Thank you Terri

Permalink Reply by mary on April 1, 2010 at 10:00pm

we do what we have to do
i lost my job
no regret
mary said:

mary said:

Steve Cain said:

Terri,
First off, I give you my deepest sympathies. You are in a very difficult time and I can fully relate. My full time job let me take 2 weeks off even though contract policy says 3 days, they even called me near the end of the second week to see if I wanted or felt I needed even another week. It is good that I keep my vacation time saved. I also have a part time job and our director there told me to take as much time as I needed, my job was secure, although I went back the same day I went back to my full time job. What you need is what YOU need and not for anyone else to determine. You will not be helpful to your boss, no matter the situation, if you are not fully ready to come back.

Terri said:

I am not sure I am posting this right so please excuse me if I did it wrong. I lost my husband (44yrs old) on Feb 8th of this year to a massive heart attack at work. He had not been sick or showed any signs that there was a problem. Our anniversary was Feb 19th and it would have been ten years. He was so excited about it because we were going away for the weekend. I hope I can find some answers and comfort here or least have ppl who understand what I am going through. I have a question . When did you go back to work after losing your spouse? Like I said I lost my husband the morning of Feb 8th of this year. The first week is a blur and this last week has been taking care of so much paper work. I am wanting to take this next week off and go back to work March 1st which is not this Monday but the next. Everyone is telling me I should go back to work. I do work for a CPA firm and right now is our busy season with taxes due and all of the year end reports plus just the regular day to day things our due. I know my boss is swamped and he hasn't told me to come back to work or anything I just know he is in a bind. I want to know taking another week off is asking to much? We are a very very small company infact it is just me and my boss and his wife when she is needed. I just lost my heart and the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with but am I being selfish? Is asking to have 3 weeks off asking to much? I know it will help me keep busy and all but I still have a lot of things to do here at the house and I still have a hard time not breaking down at a drop of a hat. Can anyone enlighten me on what I should do? Any reply would greatly appreciated it. Thank you Terri

Permalink Reply by Marc on April 3, 2010 at 8:51pm

Mary-
I lost my beautiful wife just three months ago. She died very suddenly and I've never felt such utter horror, but my family and my friends, and the wonderful people that I work with (in the real estate office) give me thier support and love. It helps.

I KNOW that grief can be shared. I say this because when someone gives me a kind word or a hug, or when I get a call from someone who cares, it makes me feel good when otherwise I'd feel bad. I'd hold your hand and tell you that better feelings will come in time, and you can have faith that they will. But there are plenty of dark days in this time that will serve to remind us of how sweet the better days are going to be. The better days will come. The days to come will never be like the old times, but I'm sure there will be lots of quality times ahead.
Marc

mary said:

how do u go on?
i am ever so sorry for your loss
i find myself there
i want to die
help

Permalink Reply by Lynn on April 8, 2010 at 7:30pm

Randolph, I have to agree with you...no one seems to respond. I lost my husband 11/20/09..I was lucky one person did resond and I am gratefull for that, but no one eles has ever responded. I check this sight regularly, but I am not sure why...I keep looking for hope and its just not there. Lynn

Randolph L. Schrader said:

I just want to say that no one has inputted any thoughts for my loss and grief but thats okay. Its been 11 months now since I heard and saw my wife die during a nap. We were married for 44 years and I lost my pal. My life is now over because I died when she died. I have no friends and only family is young and living their history and lives. My life is still the same, empty. I feel so useless now. Everything reminds me of her and I cant seem to want to go on. There is nothing for me to live for. I guess I am out to pasture now and it stinks.
I miss her so much and still am so sad and lonely...Randolp Schrader

Permalink Reply by Randolph L. Schrader on April 11, 2010 at 11:23pm

Hi to all, it will be a year next Friday since my wife of 44 years died of a heart attack. She waited 6 hours to pass on her birthday. My grandson planted daisies to give her "a daisy a day" and "forget me nots" given to me by an E.R. nurse for my sadness. She was my pal and through me she will always have her legacy live on. I too, have all the symptoms. Being alone and sad is not fun. By the way, that song by Bobby Goldsboro "Honey" fits me to a tee.

Permalink Reply by Dee on April 12, 2010 at 1:50pm

Wendy,
My husband of 28 years died last month from a brain aneurysm. He was also 48 years old. I am having a hard time with his death. I would like to know how you are coping now. I see your loss was a year ago. Please let me know how you are doing. Does it get easier?
Dee

In Loving Memory Of Kevin Conatty said:

On the morning of July 15 2008, I lost my fiancé of a Brain Aneurysm he was only 48 years old.. On that day, my world collapsed. I still have not come to terms with my loss. I am trying my hardest to deal with it but I don't know how I want to keep the home just the way he left it and I don't want to take off my ring I know or at least people say I need to move on but I am not ready Kevin is my only family I lost my dad 11 years ago but the pain is nothing like this my mom is still alive but we don't get along I call Kevin's cell phone just to hear his voice I try to keep my head together but it was so hard I was NOT prepared for Kevin dying Kevin death was unexpected, we did not even know he had Brain Aneurysm . He was only 48 years old,
I used to fly off the handle and get upset about trivial things. You know like if the house was not clean etc. But now I feel that life is too short, and you just don't know if you are saying good night for the last time. Who cares what the house looks like now. I thought I was going to grow old that we were going to have a family he is my family nothing makes sense to me any more it is like what did I do so wrong that God had to turn my daughter and my life up side down I try to explain to my daughter that her step daddy is ok in heaven, but all I do is cry . She can not understand why I am crying if heaven beautiful & wonderful, yet I am so sad. All I tell her is that I miss Kevin and the family that we were I am scared that my life will never be better I know I will never have a man that loves me and my daughter like Kevin does I try to hold on to things like for a week this bird kept coming to my window every morning I would wake up and that bird was there I tried to believe that it was Kevin coming to me and telling me that things will get better but I really don't think I believe it I what to believe it just like I want to believe that one day when I go to heaven that I will be with him again but I don't know if that really is true either the one thing I do know is I am so unhappy and I miss Kevin more then words can even say I really am trying to be strong for my daughter but I really don't know how long I can keep this up
Wendy Higgins Kevin's fiancé

Permalink Reply by Dee on April 14, 2010 at 12:05pm

Hi Julia,
I just lost my husband 5 weeks ago. It was very sudden (brain aneursym) and we have 12 kids. I see you have little ones at home too, I find my little ones help keep my mind off my loss. I would love to be able to share stories. Please e-mail me at momgoingback @aol.com

JULIA said:

Tammy and Barry i am so sorry for both your losses. I too lost my husband on October 27, 2009. I always pictures us growing old together. An now i am left with 5 children at age 26 to raise on my own. His life was taken so suddenly and he had so much life to him still to share. My heart goes out to you both but if you have any advice on how i can cope with my loss please please feel free to let me know.. i still do not know who to deal with all this.. it's just so hard to cry in front of my kids...

Permalink Reply by Dee on April 14, 2010 at 12:14pm

Hi Terri,
I think whatever time you need, you should take. I am a stay at home mom and I am so glad now that I don't work outside of my home because I have some days that I wake up weepy, so to have to face people would be hard. I grocery shopped this morning and someone came to me to ask about Bud (my husband that passed 5 weeks ago) I went to my truck and cried my eyes out. This is still so new. If you want to chat my e-mail is momgoingback@aol.com

Terri said:

I am not sure I am posting this right so please excuse me if I did it wrong. I lost my husband (44yrs old) on Feb 8th of this year to a massive heart attack at work. He had not been sick or showed any signs that there was a problem. Our anniversary was Feb 19th and it would have been ten years. He was so excited about it because we were going away for the weekend. I hope I can find some answers and comfort here or least have ppl who understand what I am going through. I have a question . When did you go back to work after losing your spouse? Like I said I lost my husband the morning of Feb 8th of this year. The first week is a blur and this last week has been taking care of so much paper work. I am wanting to take this next week off and go back to work March 1st which is not this Monday but the next. Everyone is telling me I should go back to work. I do work for a CPA firm and right now is our busy season with taxes due and all of the year end reports plus just the regular day to day things our due. I know my boss is swamped and he hasn't told me to come back to work or anything I just know he is in a bind. I want to know taking another week off is asking to much? We are a very very small company infact it is just me and my boss and his wife when she is needed. I just lost my heart and the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with but am I being selfish? Is asking to have 3 weeks off asking to much? I know it will help me keep busy and all but I still have a lot of things to do here at the house and I still have a hard time not breaking down at a drop of a hat. Can anyone enlighten me on what I should do? Any reply would greatly appreciated it. Thank you Terri

Permalink Reply by Dee on April 14, 2010 at 12:23pm

I know your pain. We have had 5 deaths in the past two months. My husband being one, just 5 weeks ago. It is very hard to process so many deaths. I am here if you want to chat. momgoingback@aol.com

ghall26 said:

Well......

My Bad luck keeps going!!
My 93 yr. old grandpa whom I have took care of 24/7 for the last 7 yrs died Monday!!
I just lost my husband of 28 yrs. in Jan. 2010
NOW this-------HOW will I survive THIS!!

Permalink Reply by Janie on April 15, 2010 at 10:07pm

I lost my ex-husband, who I was still dating and don't know why he was my ex really, on October 18, 2009. His funeral was on the 21st, my birthday. He was killed in an auto accident unexpectedly. I am having a hard time dealing with it. He was my best friend and was always there for me no matter when or what it was I needed. He always told me how much he loved me and worshiped me and I see now that he really did. I did not see how much he did before and all he wanted was for us to be married again, but I wouldn't. Why couldn't I see before how much he really loved me? He called me the night of the 17th saying he wanted to see me and talk to me, but I had plans with my kids and the next morning he was killed. I can't shake the feeling of wanting to know what he wanted. I miss him so much and I don't know what to do without him now. I feel so lost and alone and I don't know how to deal with him being gone. I cry everyday and I have become obsessed with making flowers for the cemetery and making sure that there are always nice fresh flowers. I miss him every second of every day and I am so lost without him. It has almost been six months now, but I think it is getting harder not easier to deal with him being gone. I love him so much and I don't know what to do without him.

Permalink Reply by Dee on April 16, 2010 at 5:42am

Hi Jane,
How sad not to know what he wanted to tell you. There are so many things that we would 'do over' if we could. I look back at how I treated Bud when I was upset with our kids...I put him through so much and he didn't deserve it at all, but I knew he would love me through it all. I am hoping it gets better with time, I have only visited Bud's grave once because we are waiting for the headstone to be finished. I don't want the kids to go there until the headstone is on.

It is very hard going from day to day without the one we loved so much. Dee

Janie said:

I lost my ex-husband, who I was still dating and don't know why he was my ex really, on October 18, 2009. His funeral was on the 21st, my birthday. He was killed in an auto accident unexpectedly. I am having a hard time dealing with it. He was my best friend and was always there for me no matter when or what it was I needed. He always told me how much he loved me and worshiped me and I see now that he really did. I did not see how much he did before and all he wanted was for us to be married again, but I wouldn't. Why couldn't I see before how much he really loved me? He called me the night of the 17th saying he wanted to see me and talk to me, but I had plans with my kids and the next morning he was killed. I can't shake the feeling of wanting to know what he wanted. I miss him so much and I don't know what to do without him now. I feel so lost and alone and I don't know how to deal with him being gone. I cry everyday and I have become obsessed with making flowers for the cemetery and making sure that there are always nice fresh flowers. I miss him every second of every day and I am so lost without him. It has almost been six months now, but I think it is getting harder not easier to deal with him being gone. I love him so much and I don't know what to do without him.

Permalink Reply by Jeanette Kilpatrick on April 16, 2010 at 3:44pm

Dee said:

Hi Terri,
I think whatever time you need, you should take. I am a stay at home mom and I am so glad now that I don't work outside of my home because I have some days that I wake up weepy, so to have to face people would be hard. I grocery shopped this morning and someone came to me to ask about Bud (my husband that passed 5 weeks ago) I went to my truck and cried my eyes out. This is still so new. If you want to chat my e-mail is momgoingback@aol.com

Terri said:

I am not sure I am posting this right so please excuse me if I did it wrong. I lost my husband (44yrs old) on Feb 8th of this year to a massive heart attack at work. He had not been sick or showed any signs that there was a problem. Our anniversary was Feb 19th and it would have been ten years. He was so excited about it because we were going away for the weekend. I hope I can find some answers and comfort here or least have ppl who understand what I am going through. I have a question . When did you go back to work after losing your spouse? Like I said I lost my husband the morning of Feb 8th of this year. The first week is a blur and this last week has been taking care of so much paper work. I am wanting to take this next week off and go back to work March 1st which is not this Monday but the next. Everyone is telling me I should go back to work. I do work for a CPA firm and right now is our busy season with taxes due and all of the year end reports plus just the regular day to day things our due. I know my boss is swamped and he hasn't told me to come back to work or anything I just know he is in a bind. I want to know taking another week off is asking to much? We are a very very small company infact it is just me and my boss and his wife when she is needed. I just lost my heart and the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with but am I being selfish? Is asking to have 3 weeks off asking to much? I know it will help me keep busy and all but I still have a lot of things to do here at the house and I still have a hard time not breaking down at a drop of a hat. Can anyone enlighten me on what I should do? Any reply would greatly appreciated it. Thank you Terri

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