Grief support for all coping with the loss of a child
Share your story and connect with others who are coping with the death of a child.
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Hi, my name is Joanne. I lost my baby granddaughter 3 weeks ago today. My son called me from the hospital on that day and said "Mom, I got some real bad news for you. Jenna died last night." She was going to be 8 weeks old in just a couple days. The autopsy has not fully come back, but we think it may be SIDS. Jenna was born very healthy. The grieving I am experiencing is like nothing I have ever experienced before. She was the sunshine in my family's life. We saw her just about every day. She was thriving beautifully. The doctor had said at her physical that she was perfect. The hardest of all is watching my son and daughter-in-law trying to go on without her. They were the best parents to my baby Jenna. Does anyone have advice to help me and my family cope with this great loss?
hi,this month is hard for me as my son died in 2006 from his friend shooting him,my mothers day was alright not the best but working that day helped.for the end of the month i will have a hard time in 2 weeks all his friends will be walking down to graduate and my son was suppose to be in the class of 2009.so i got buttons for the kids and they all said they would wear them down when they graduate so that they can rememeber him as if he was there.one girl in the class said i wish everette was going to be there with us,my reply was that he will be there in spirit to help all of you out.but i pray i make it throu.do any of you think i shouldnt go to graduation?my friend asked am i really going and i said yes for the kids and she said i think it is going to be to hard for you.i told her i will be alright other wise i will just walk out.well thanks for listening kristi
I KNOW HOW U FEEL I LOST MY ONLY SON ON 2/12/09 HE WAS 21 & I'M 41 & CAN'T IMAGINE LIVING MY LIFE WITHOUT HIM...I LOST HIM IN A TRAGIC CAR ACCIDENT..HE WAS 21 & WE UNLIKE MOST KIDS & PARENTS WERE VERY CLOSE...I FEEL LIKE I NOT ONLY LOST MY ONLY SON BUT I LOST MY FRIEND... I STILL CAN NOT BELIEVE HE WILL NOT CALL ME OR POP IN MY HOME & SAY HEY MOMMA U GOT ANY FOOD...I WILL ALWAYS CHARISH THE TEXT MASSAGES I GOT FROM HIM AT NIGHT TELLING ME GOOD NIGHT I LUV U MOMMA & THIS IS AT 21...I KNOW HARD 2 BELIEVE RIGHT... I KNOW HOW BLESSED I WAS AND THIS IS WHY I'M HAVING SUCH A HARD TIME...I FEEL LIKE I HAVE NO AIR...LIKE I'M SINKING IN QUICK SAND & MY HEART IS SOOOOOOOOOO BROKEN INTO A MILLION PIECES I DO NOT KNOW HOW I MAKE IT THREW SOME DAYS AND THEN OUT OF BED ON OTHERS...I MISS HIM WITH EVERY BREATH I TAKE ...& WILL ALWAYS & FOREVER...BUT THE BEST THING I HAVE HEARD SO FAR IS THAT THE PAIN DOES NOT GO AWAY... U JUST GET USED TO LIVING WITH IT & I KNOW THAT IS SAD TO SAY & HARD TO BELIEVE CAUSE I KNOW THE PAIN TAKES MY BREATH AWAY....BUT I GUESS IT DOES MAKE SENSE IF U THINK ABOUT IT...CAUSE I ALSO KNOW THAT MY HEART DOES NOT FEEL LIKE IT CAN BE FIXED WHERE HE HAS LEFT A HOLE WHERE HIS Z (HIS NAME WAS ZACHARI)SPOT WAS...THAT IS WHT I CALL IT...ANY WAY WE ALL GRIEVE DIFFERENT THERE ARE SO MANY DIFFERENT STAGES OF GRIEF AND NO ONE DOES THEM THE SAME OR IS IN THE THE SAME LENGHT OF TIME & THAT IS OK...THAT IS ALL I KNOW AT THIS TIME..& JUST KEEP LOOKING UP 2 THE STARS....& MAY THEY ALL RIP...
hi,this month is hard for me as my son died in 2006 from his friend shooting him,my mothers day was alright not the best but working that day helped.for the end of the month i will have a hard time in 2 weeks all his friends will be walking down to graduate and my son was suppose to be in the class of 2009.so i got buttons for the kids and they all said they would wear them down when they graduate so that they can rememeber him as if he was there.one girl in the class said i wish everette was going to be there with us,my reply was that he will be there in spirit to help all of you out.but i pray i make it throu.do any of you think i shouldnt go to graduation?my friend asked am i really going and i said yes for the kids and she said i think it is going to be to hard for you.i told her i will be alright other wise i will just walk out.well thanks for listening kristi
Year of Firsts
IN MEMORIUM
By Peggy Pound
July 10, 2002
'Mom?' I heard my daughter say, 'There's been a car accident and Phillip's hurt.' At that moment my world went into slow motion and I lived in a dream world for nearly two months. My bright, wonderful son of 23 years died that night, hit by a drunk driver. He never even knew what happened. One moment he was in our world, the next he was in God’s hands.
I spent the next 24 hours on the phone calling all our brothers and sisters and asking them to tell our mothers. By 5:00 pm that day they all had arrived, bringing hugs, kisses, tears and love to us. I had to go and make funeral arrangements for a son who I had never seen get married or have any children. I thank God each day for my sister Kathie and her husband Allen, without them I would not have been able to do all this. They took over when I was unable to. We had him cremated as we had just recently talked about that after Sept. 11. He wanted to be cremated and I went along with it. Not realizing what that actually meant. I would have no place to go and sit quietly and bring flowers to him, no place where he 'rested.'
My sister Kathie picked up his ashes when they left to go back to Arizona and took him with them. After three months she moved to California and we went there to get him. My husband, Roy, could not do it, and we
Hi Kristi,I know its been a while for me. But Kristi its been so hard for me. My son death on April 9th,my mom death April 9th and my dad death April 4th. I have been so down lately. They say time heals all wounds,oh but my heart stills aches and in pain. My 5 year old grandson was visiting me on Sunday. My best friend was over visiting also. She spoke of how much Kris son favored his mom also. I stated yes he does look like his mom but still has his father head. It was a suprise to me knowing that my grandson was still waiting for his dad to come home from work. He was only 2 when his dad was killed in his fatal car accident. No one knows how much this hurt to hear my grandson say my dad is at work. I took him on my lap and explained to him that his dad is not at work and that will not be retuning home because now he is living with God and that he was his guardian angel. That is the only way I could explain it to him to let him know that his dad will not be retuning home. I also explained to him that his dad was killed in a fatal car accident and that his suv flipped over and was killed instantly. I had no idea that my grandchild was still waiting for his dad to walk through the door. He cried after me telling him that his dad would not be coming home again. I explained to him that he should be good and live a good life so that he can see his father again in heaven. I also told him that it was ok for him to cry and any time he felt like crying it was ok. So you know what this done to me. I miss my son so much. Mothers day I had a down and heavy feeling for that day. It hurts so bad to not have my son here for that day. When you don't hear from me that means I am really goinh through it. Not a day go by that I don't mention Kris name. Oh how much I miss him. I know its been 3 years for me,but it still feel fresh in my heart. So Kristie just continue to pray with me. Hope things ar going well with you. I know its been a rough time for you knowing that graduations is coming up. Just try and be strong. You know I will be praying with you for strength. Elaine
kristi said:hi,this month is hard for me as my son died in 2006 from his friend shooting him,my mothers day was alright not the best but working that day helped.for the end of the month i will have a hard time in 2 weeks all his friends will be walking down to graduate and my son was suppose to be in the class of 2009.so i got buttons for the kids and they all said they would wear them down when they graduate so that they can rememeber him as if he was there.one girl in the class said i wish everette was going to be there with us,my reply was that he will be there in spirit to help all of you out.but i pray i make it throu.do any of you think i shouldnt go to graduation?my friend asked am i really going and i said yes for the kids and she said i think it is going to be to hard for you.i told her i will be alright other wise i will just walk out.well thanks for listening kristi
Year of Firsts
IN MEMORIUM
By Peggy Pound
July 10, 2002
'Mom?' I heard my daughter say, 'There's been a car accident and Phillip's hurt.' At that moment my world went into slow motion and I lived in a dream world for nearly two months. My bright, wonderful son of 23 years died that night, hit by a drunk driver. He never even knew what happened. One moment he was in our world, the next he was in God’s hands.
I spent the next 24 hours on the phone calling all our brothers and sisters and asking them to tell our mothers. By 5:00 pm that day they all had arrived, bringing hugs, kisses, tears and love to us. I had to go and make funeral arrangements for a son who I had never seen get married or have any children. I thank God each day for my sister Kathie and her husband Allen, without them I would not have been able to do all this. They took over when I was unable to. We had him cremated as we had just recently talked about that after Sept. 11. He wanted to be cremated and I went along with it. Not realizing what that actually meant. I would have no place to go and sit quietly and bring flowers to him, no place where he 'rested.'
My sister Kathie picked up his ashes when they left to go back to Arizona and took him with them. After three months she moved to California and we went there to get him. My husband, Roy, could not do it, and we had to flee in the middle of the night from the house where he was. After two more months, my daughter brought him home to her house and then he finally came home, our home. He rests on a shelf at the top of the first landing in our home and each morning and night I run my hand over him and feel my heart catch yet again.
I had to deal with a Russian immigrant who at age 24 realized what he had done by making a choice that changed many lives. I can hear my son telling me, 'Mom, he made a mistake, don’t hate him.' I wrote him a letter while he was in jail asking him to pray and seek God’s strength for himself, and I tried to tell him about Phillip. I don’t know if it made a difference in his life or not, you see he jumped bail and went back to Russia. I have no hate in my heart for him, just sadness for his mother and for him.
I stare at my son's picture on my desk and want him to come home from his 'vacation.' You see that is where my heart tells me he is. Each holiday that comes in this year of 'Firsts' I watch the door of his room wondering when he is going to get up and come taste everything and make sure I haven’t forgotten any special tradition that we have always had. And when he doesn’t my heart cracks a little more. It is sometimes so loud I can actually hear it. Everyone tells me how brave I am, how strong and how my belief in God must be what is helping me. I sometimes wish I could tell people that one day they will walk into my office and there on the floor will be a pile of confetti that once was me. My mom and others keep saying, 'God won’t give you more than you can bear.' Oh, I cry out in my heart, please God don’t love me so much. My sister had part of him put into a silver teardrop that I wear around my neck on a chain each day. I kiss it each time I put it on and take it off. She also had a small silver box made that I am planning on taking to Scotland with me so that he will get to go on that trip that we had planned.
Over the past nine months, the same amount of time I carried him during my pregnancy, I have found a peace that, if not all encompassing, at least lets me breathe and know that Phillip is with God. There are times when I feel His hand on me and a small voice telling me to Trust Him, it will be all right. I have become much better at listening to that voice but there are still times when I want to scream and demand WHY?
My father died the day before my 18th birthday and I thought that pain was the worst. I have since learned a very hard lesson. This lesson that has been given to me I will learn from and share with others who have lost children too. It is a very special kind of hurt and one that we are all ill prepared to survive. I know that there are reasons for everything in life, and if this reason is that I can bring comfort and sharing with others then I will do my best to be there for them. Survive we will, that is what faith can do for you, it makes us different and makes us strong, but obligations come with that lesson and the strength that is given. Life can be very hard and can break you if you let it, or you can let love and sunshine through and go on to better places and things. Smile and be what God intended us all to be, carriers of light and love.
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