Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Elaine Banks Phillips on August 20, 2009 at 5:20pm

Hi Sue,my name is Elaine Phillips. Well it makes 3years for me. My son SUV flipped and he was killed instantly. One thing I thank God,that no one else life was taken with his accident. I miss my son so much even after three years. It still hurts with many heartaches and pain. So Sue I am glad you joined the club so that we can be here for each other. I will be asking God to give you strength,because this is one thing that we all need to carry on. Write anytime we are here for you Elaine.

Sue said:

I know how you feel. I just had the one year anniv. of my son Josh's sudden death . He was the one trapped in the car upside down and he drowned. I was really suprised at the emotional state I was in the day before the anniv. The day of, it was like I was right back in the beginning. So be prepared. I ended up going to my daughters because all his friends kept calling and wanting to come over and I had nothing left to give them but tears. I thought I truly was going to die that night, all over again. But for some odd reason I am still here.
Hang in there, Sweetie... we are all in this together.
email me if you want to: sm1sue@hotmail.com
Sincerely with love,
Sue

Veronica said:

My name is Veronica and the 31st of this month will be a year since I saw my son Everett. On the 28th of October will be a year ago that I was told the torso that was foud in the river on September 14th was my son. I never thought that this could happen to anyone. He was a loving person and loved everyone. He was 38. It hurts everyday. It is said that God will never leave us but I feel so alone. I have good people in my life but sometimes I feel they don't understand what I'm really feeling.I'm sitting here now khurting was if it was Oct. 28th all overagain. Every day seem like that day. I have good days and bad ones and hurting everyday.

Permalink Reply by Leslie L. Fiorda on August 25, 2009 at 5:55pm

God Bless You! I can't imagine having someone alive that I could blame. They say forgiveness is healing. I do believe that is true. My son died in a car accident, he was driving. I know he swerved to miss an on comming motor-cycle in his path. An accident... but a young girl was killed also. I am sad in so many ways. Mostly for myself, cause I am selfish. I think of the grand-kids I will never have given to me from Jordan, he would've been a great father. I am thankful that he IS a Christian. I know I will see him again, someday. He passed in April, the 29th; 2007, and it seems like yesterday. I have two other children...people say, "Well at least you have others". Like somehow that takes the pain away. It doesn't. I love all of my children. My life has been my children. Now one third of my life is gone. How are we supposed to forget that? We will never get over it, but We WILL get through it. My thoughts and prayers are with you. ...Leslie

kristi said:

I LOST MY SON IN OCT 7TH,2006 HE WAS ONLY 16 WHEN HE PASSED AWAY AND I DIDNT FEEL ANY PAIN AT ALL BECAUSE I WAS NUMB.AND TILL THIS DAY I LOST MY MIND SOMEWHAT,I ASKED QUESTIONS TO PEOPLE THAT I WENT TO THE DOCTORS OR SOMETHING WITH.MY FRIENDS ARE STILL CONCERNED BECAUSE I FEEL STRONG BUT I FEEL I AM A BURDEN TO THEM IF I CRY OR IF I TALK ABOUT MY SON.WHAT HAPPENED WAS MY SON WENT TO HIS FRIENDS HOUSE HIS FRIEND WAS CLEANING HIS GUN HE SAID AND HE THOUGHT HE TOOK ALL THE BULLETS OUT OF THE GUN,POINTED THE GUN AT MY SON AND PULLED THE TRIGGER,THE KID WAS ONLY 15,HE GOT PROBATION TILL HE IS 19.2,987RESTITUTION AND 200 OF COMMUNITY SERVICE,EVERY ONE ASK IF IT WAS A ACCIDENT AND I ALWAYS SAY I AM THE MOM AND I DONT THINK SO BUT YOU ALL BELIEVE WHAT YOU WANT TO.SO MY HEART GOES OUT TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY AND I AM HERE TO TALK TO BECAUSE I NEED SOME ONE TO TALK TO.HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN SINCE YOUR SON?BUT I WENT TO SUPPORT GROUP AND THEY SAY TALK ABOUT THE DEATH OF YOUR FAMILY THAT HAVE BEEN GONE AND IT WILL HELP EASE THE PAIN AND I HAVE DONE THAT.AND IT HELPS.THANKS AND I HOPE WE TALK SOMEDAY.THANKS FOR LISTENING

Permalink Reply by kristi on August 25, 2009 at 6:41pm

hi leslie,i do blame the kid that killed my son.i have so much hate in me for him,he got to graduate this year my son didnt,he gets to get married and have kids one day,my son cant.i go to support group because i have so much hate in me for this kid.i just deal with it i dont tell people my feelings because no one wants to listen.they say you have 2 other kids to live for and i say have you been throu what i have been throu?no they havent they dont know how i feel.some lady just lost her mom well she is going on with her life because her mom was old.my son was 16 and he didnt have a chance at life.i look at my other son that is 13 and in 3 years i am not going to know what to do with a 16 year old boy,.how do i go on with this hateing stuff?me i dont know.well take care and write when you can kristi

Leslie L. Fiorda said:

God Bless You! I can't imagine having someone alive that I could blame. They say forgiveness is healing. I do believe that is true. My son died in a car accident, he was driving. I know he swerved to miss an on comming motor-cycle in his path. An accident... but a young girl was killed also. I am sad in so many ways. Mostly for myself, cause I am selfish. I think of the grand-kids I will never have given to me from Jordan, he would've been a great father. I am thankful that he IS a Christian. I know I will see him again, someday. He passed in April, the 29th; 2007, and it seems like yesterday. I have two other children...people say, "Well at least you have others". Like somehow that takes the pain away. It doesn't. I love all of my children. My life has been my children. Now one third of my life is gone. How are we supposed to forget that? We will never get over it, but We WILL get through it. My thoughts and prayers are with you. ...Leslie

kristi said:

I LOST MY SON IN OCT 7TH,2006 HE WAS ONLY 16 WHEN HE PASSED AWAY AND I DIDNT FEEL ANY PAIN AT ALL BECAUSE I WAS NUMB.AND TILL THIS DAY I LOST MY MIND SOMEWHAT,I ASKED QUESTIONS TO PEOPLE THAT I WENT TO THE DOCTORS OR SOMETHING WITH.MY FRIENDS ARE STILL CONCERNED BECAUSE I FEEL STRONG BUT I FEEL I AM A BURDEN TO THEM IF I CRY OR IF I TALK ABOUT MY SON.WHAT HAPPENED WAS MY SON WENT TO HIS FRIENDS HOUSE HIS FRIEND WAS CLEANING HIS GUN HE SAID AND HE THOUGHT HE TOOK ALL THE BULLETS OUT OF THE GUN,POINTED THE GUN AT MY SON AND PULLED THE TRIGGER,THE KID WAS ONLY 15,HE GOT PROBATION TILL HE IS 19.2,987RESTITUTION AND 200 OF COMMUNITY SERVICE,EVERY ONE ASK IF IT WAS A ACCIDENT AND I ALWAYS SAY I AM THE MOM AND I DONT THINK SO BUT YOU ALL BELIEVE WHAT YOU WANT TO.SO MY HEART GOES OUT TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY AND I AM HERE TO TALK TO BECAUSE I NEED SOME ONE TO TALK TO.HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN SINCE YOUR SON?BUT I WENT TO SUPPORT GROUP AND THEY SAY TALK ABOUT THE DEATH OF YOUR FAMILY THAT HAVE BEEN GONE AND IT WILL HELP EASE THE PAIN AND I HAVE DONE THAT.AND IT HELPS.THANKS AND I HOPE WE TALK SOMEDAY.THANKS FOR LISTENING

Permalink Reply by Judy on August 25, 2009 at 11:20pm

Hi Everyone,
I lost my son, Jack, in a car accident nearly 8 months ago on December 28, 2008. He had just turned 20 four days before. He was the light of my life, and we shared an especially close bond; maybe it was meant to be that way because our time together would be cut short. I am thankful to have found this site as I can really relate to the feelings other writers have shared. This "grief journey" is confusing, filled with such a range of really strong emotions that shift constantly. We just took Jack's brother to college and I felt I wasn't going to be able to handle it. It was so strange not to have the brothers together for such a big step, and it just made me feel Jack's absence to the depths of my soul. My panic attacks started to return and at times I just wanted to scream because this was not the way our life was supposed to be. I'm doing better this week, feeling more calm and in control of myself. I think what happens is that handling the grief takes a lot of energy on a daily basis and then when something else happens that is emotional, it's just too much and I fall apart. When that happens, I wonder how I'll get through this, I mean, I just can't imagine spending the rest of my life without Jack. I wonder if I will ever be happy again - is it okay to be happy again or does that dishonor him? I wonder if I should let my friends know how I'm feeling or keep my thoughts to myself because they won't understand? So many new feelings, too much to process at once. For right now I'll pray to get through one day at a time.

Permalink Reply by Elaine Banks Phillips on August 26, 2009 at 6:37am

Hi Judy,my name is Elaine phillips and I also lost my son Kris to a car accident in April 2006. Kris and I shared so much together. Out of three kids Kris was my love child. He enjoyed embracing,kissing,helping others and just about fix anything that was broken. I miss Kris so much,he left behind 2 young sons Kris J. and Kory J. They loved him so much because Kris was always there for them. He was a New Orleans Firefighter,but always had time to be with is family. Yes Judy the only thing you can do is to take it one day at a time. Also a lot of praying to God asking for the strength and a good mind frame to go on. This heartache and pain that I have will I know one day come to an end,but it will never make me lose connection or forget about Kris. I would like to remember all the good time that we shared as a family. I know Kris would not like for me to be sad the rest of my life. Right now I still carry a lot of saddness with me. I really think it is because Kris boys are always around me,so all I can do is think about what it would be like if Kris was here with is sons. But I know GOD MAKES NO MISTAKES and this is what I have to hold on for when I meet and see him again when my day come because we all have an appointed day and time. So Judy I will be praying with you for strength to carry on through in this rough time for you and your family. Write anytime we know how and what you are feeling. Elaine

Judy said:

Hi Everyone,
I lost my son, Jack, in a car accident nearly 8 months ago on December 28, 2008. He had just turned 20 four days before. He was the light of my life, and we shared an especially close bond; maybe it was meant to be that way because our time together would be cut short. I am thankful to have found this site as I can really relate to the feelings other writers have shared. This "grief journey" is confusing, filled with such a range of really strong emotions that shift constantly. We just took Jack's brother to college and I felt I wasn't going to be able to handle it. It was so strange not to have the brothers together for such a big step, and it just made me feel Jack's absence to the depths of my soul. My panic attacks started to return and at times I just wanted to scream because this was not the way our life was supposed to be. I'm doing better this week, feeling more calm and in control of myself. I think what happens is that handling the grief takes a lot of energy on a daily basis and then when something else happens that is emotional, it's just too much and I fall apart. When that happens, I wonder how I'll get through this, I mean, I just can't imagine spending the rest of my life without Jack. I wonder if I will ever be happy again - is it okay to be happy again or does that dishonor him? I wonder if I should let my friends know how I'm feeling or keep my thoughts to myself because they won't understand? So many new feelings, too much to process at once. For right now I'll pray to get through one day at a time.

Permalink Reply by Judy on August 26, 2009 at 9:46am

Hi Linda,
I know what you mean when you say you still don't believe it. It's been almost 8 months since my son was killed in a car accident and there are days when I still don't believe it has happened. I still hope he'll come walking through the door and we'll wake up from this nightmare. I have been going to individual grief counseling and that's helpful to keep things in perspective, but I'm glad I found this forum because everyone here has been through the tragedy of losing a child and they know the acute pain you're feeling. I will pray for you and hope you can come back to the site soon, and please know that I am so sorry for your loss. Take good care of yourself. Judy

Linda fitch said:

i really don/t know where to start, my son was killed in a car wreck on july 3 2009, he was only 26 and he was my baby ...and i still don't believe it . i keep thinking it is a bad dream. it can't be real . i don't know how to face this and i don't want to . i know i am going to have to get someone to talk to but it is so hard.. i am finding it hard enough typing this, good thing i don't know much about typing are i would have time to think.anyway i will be back on soon ... noone should have to go throu this.. linda

Permalink Reply by Judy on August 26, 2009 at 10:00am

Hi Elaine,
Thanks for your reply. It is such a relief to be able to communicate with people who truly understand what I'm feeling. Jack was a very sensitive and perceptive young man and he would have been stunned by the outpouring we have received since his death. So many memorial tributes have been set up, like a memorial tree and a bench in his favorite spot, a brick in the walkway of his high school, and this year the boys volleyball team will wear his name and number of their jerseys. We still receive wonderful letters about some of the nice things he did. His death has left a gaping hole that I don't think can ever be filled. It all seems so senseless and unfair. The randomness of it is heavy on my mind at times and I can't figure out the purpose. I can't believe his life had served its purpose because he would've done great things. He was so passionate and was a great writer. His dream was to be a freelance writer, writing about his latest concerns. For the last few years, his passion was the environment and he had already written some great papers on the impact of things like mountaintop removal for coal mining. I just can't get over all this talent and insight laid to rest. Judy

Elaine Banks Phillips said:

Hi Judy,my name is Elaine phillips and I also lost my son Kris to a car accident in April 2006. Kris and I shared so much together. Out of three kids Kris was my love child. He enjoyed embracing,kissing,helping others and just about fix anything that was broken. I miss Kris so much,he left behind 2 young sons Kris J. and Kory J. They loved him so much because Kris was always there for them. He was a New Orleans Firefighter,but always had time to be with is family. Yes Judy the only thing you can do is to take it one day at a time. Also a lot of praying to God asking for the strength and a good mind frame to go on. This heartache and pain that I have will I know one day come to an end,but it will never make me lose connection or forget about Kris. I would like to remember all the good time that we shared as a family. I know Kris would not like for me to be sad the rest of my life. Right now I still carry a lot of saddness with me. I really think it is because Kris boys are always around me,so all I can do is think about what it would be like if Kris was here with is sons. But I know GOD MAKES NO MISTAKES and this is what I have to hold on for when I meet and see him again when my day come because we all have an appointed day and time. So Judy I will be praying with you for strength to carry on through in this rough time for you and your family. Write anytime we know how and what you are feeling. Elaine

Judy said:

Hi Everyone,
I lost my son, Jack, in a car accident nearly 8 months ago on December 28, 2008. He had just turned 20 four days before. He was the light of my life, and we shared an especially close bond; maybe it was meant to be that way because our time together would be cut short. I am thankful to have found this site as I can really relate to the feelings other writers have shared. This "grief journey" is confusing, filled with such a range of really strong emotions that shift constantly. We just took Jack's brother to college and I felt I wasn't going to be able to handle it. It was so strange not to have the brothers together for such a big step, and it just made me feel Jack's absence to the depths of my soul. My panic attacks started to return and at times I just wanted to scream because this was not the way our life was supposed to be. I'm doing better this week, feeling more calm and in control of myself. I think what happens is that handling the grief takes a lot of energy on a daily basis and then when something else happens that is emotional, it's just too much and I fall apart. When that happens, I wonder how I'll get through this, I mean, I just can't imagine spending the rest of my life without Jack. I wonder if I will ever be happy again - is it okay to be happy again or does that dishonor him? I wonder if I should let my friends know how I'm feeling or keep my thoughts to myself because they won't understand? So many new feelings, too much to process at once. For right now I'll pray to get through one day at a time.

Permalink Reply by kristi on August 26, 2009 at 5:53pm

elaine,hi this is kristi,the time has come to say you are in my prayers perty soon as we go on to sept 12th.i still think of both of our sons being born and than there gone from us.take care and i hope you write thanks kristi

Permalink Reply by Sue on August 26, 2009 at 9:00pm

My son Josh age 24 died last summer when he went over a brdge and his car landed on the roof and he was trapped and drowned. I really can relate to the hopeless depression everyone is feeling. I have seen grief therapists, group counselling and am now going to see a pyschiatrist. I don't know any other way except to die and be with him. But something is holding me back, so I am trying to find out why I haven't gone over that last edge yet. I feel hopeless and spacey all the time. I work, I function, but have turned very antisocial except for a selct few people. I really want this horrific pain to end. I always have a sick feeling in my stomach. also a feeling of dread. I want to feel better but I have no energy. I wish I knew where he was and that he was ok.
Love to all, If I make it through this, there is hope and light for all of you.

Permalink Reply by Elaine Banks Phillips on August 26, 2009 at 9:24pm

Hi Kristi,I just returned from our Revival at my church. I miss hearing from you. Kristi I miss Kris so much and I know we have shared so much together with the lost of our sons. I still crys,my heart still aches. Sept. 12 he won't be here another year with me for my birthday.I know Kristi all of the hurt and pain that you have been through. I still pray every night for this Site,because we all need prayers for strength to go from one day to another. You know Kristi this is just me and how I feel. The lost of a child is a all together a different pain. I lost my mother whom I loved dearly,my father,grandmother-father and a brother. But the pain and the hurt was different. The lost of my two sons took so much from me. I would give anything just to get a bear hug or a kiss from Kris now. I miss him so much. But I must go on some how with the help of God I know I will make it. Kristi go to Kris Memorial Site and listen to Kris brother Ricky sing Hold On And Don't Let Go with the Gospel Group,Harold Holloway and Company that he sings with.
(http://memorialwebsites.legacy.com/wemissyoukrisJP/homepageaspx)
kristi said:

elaine,hi this is kristi,the time has come to say you are in my prayers perty soon as we go on to sept 12th.i still think of both of our sons being born and than there gone from us.take care and i hope you write thanks kristi

Permalink Reply by Judy on August 26, 2009 at 9:34pm

Hi Sue,
My name is Judy and my son was killed in a car accident almost 8 months ago. I try to take comfort in the hope that when the accident occurred, God was there immediately to take any pain away and to carry him home. I believe the same is true for Josh. I saw a poem tonight on this site that said....."Just for today I will forgive all the family and friends who didn't help or comfort me the way I needed them to. They truly did not know how. Just for today I will reach out to comfort a relative or a friend of my son, for they are hurting too, and perhaps we can help each other." I'm going to try to remember these words when I go too far into my shell.

I had two panic attacks tonight out of the clear blue sky. I had had a pretty good day all things considered, so don't quite know where they came from. I hadn't had one in awhile, but they've come back recently. Is this a physical thing or a mental one? Judy

Permalink Reply by kristi on August 26, 2009 at 9:39pm

hi elaine,yes i feel the hate still in me and people around me see it in me,it is this time of year when my son everettes birthday will be coming up and all i do is feel hate for the kid that is running around and being happy and graduated this year and now i hear he might go to college,it saddens me.we finally started meeting this week for support group everyone at my work says i am better when i go so that is what i do,i talk about my son and cry and i got my friend to go with this time she lost her grandson 4 months ago and his birthday is sept 8th so both of us will be leaning on each other for support in that week.but i went to that sight and i couldnt get on it.i tried i will try again in alittle bit but i think going back to church will help me now that summer is done.but thank you and you and me hopefully can keep writing.kristi

Elaine Banks Phillips said:

Hi Kristi,I just returned from our Revival at my church. I miss hearing from you. Kristi I miss Kris so much and I know we have shared so much together with the lost of our sons. I still crys,my heart still aches. Sept. 12 he won't be here another year with me for my birthday.I know Kristi all of the hurt and pain that you have been through. I still pray every night for this Site,because we all need prayers for strength to go from one day to another. You know Kristi this is just me and how I feel. The lost of a child is a all together a different pain. I lost my mother whom I loved dearly,my father,grandmother-father and a brother. But the pain and the hurt was different. The lost of my two sons took so much from me. I would give anything just to get a bear hug or a kiss from Kris now. I miss him so much. But I must go on some how with the help of God I know I will make it. Kristi go to Kris Memorial Site and listen to Kris brother Ricky sing Hold On And Don't Let Go with the Gospel Group,Harold Holloway and Company that he sings with.
(http://memorialwebsites.legacy.com/wemissyoukrisJP/homepageaspx)
kristi said:

elaine,hi this is kristi,the time has come to say you are in my prayers perty soon as we go on to sept 12th.i still think of both of our sons being born and than there gone from us.take care and i hope you write thanks kristi

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