Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Sue on February 23, 2010 at 11:44am

Lisa, i know exactly how you feel. I want to die and be with Josh every day. I can't believe you said that about just being with him. I feel the exact same way! He was my best friend, and I have never loved anyone ever like the way I loved (love) him!!! The only thing stopping me is the fact I don't know if I would really be with him. I am waiting for some sort of sign from him or above to guide me.
Meanwhile every day is torture, it has been 18 months and for some reason it is getting worse for me. Josh died alone after his car went into a canal and turned upside down and he was trapped. I feel like I am choking all the time. All I can do is picture him struggling, trying to get free.... I am so sorry I am such a downer, but I guess we all need to vent. I know I haven't made you feel better, but actually, there are some laughs and comfort out there. Please just take it one day at a time, an hour at a time. My family doc said something amazing to me recently, he knew Josh very well, and said "He's safe now. You don't have to worry about him anymore". Strangely, that felt sweet and comforting.
Please write again,
Sue

Permalink Reply by Sheryl Hysaw on February 23, 2010 at 12:32pm

I too see my son as he realize that not only had this young man shot him in the leg, but now a 22 calibur bullet had entered his chest straight through his heart. I see him turn and walk away. I see him lay his self down on the floor and wonder for the few mins he was alive, if he was really going to make it through this. I see him become aware of the darkness as his life slips away and no one from his family, me, his brothers, or any of us can hold his hand and say to him that it's going to be okay. He is only surrounded by the people who attacked him and he dies. My son is gone, he won't come back and I am dying inside. I feel so lost now, I try my best to keep a smile on my face. I try to move on realizing I can do not one single thing to change this, but it's hard. I have two other sons, six grandchildren and I just don't want to be bothered. This pain is getting worse as the days go by. Somebody please help me. I am losing my mind!

Sue said:

Lisa, i know exactly how you feel. I want to die and be with Josh every day. I can't believe you said that about just being with him. I feel the exact same way! He was my best friend, and I have never loved anyone ever like the way I loved (love) him!!! The only thing stopping me is the fact I don't know if I would really be with him. I am waiting for some sort of sign from him or above to guide me.
Meanwhile every day is torture, it has been 18 months and for some reason it is getting worse for me. Josh died alone after his car went into a canal and turned upside down and he was trapped. I feel like I am choking all the time. All I can do is picture him struggling, trying to get free.... I am so sorry I am such a downer, but I guess we all need to vent. I know I haven't made you feel better, but actually, there are some laughs and comfort out there. Please just take it one day at a time, an hour at a time. My family doc said something amazing to me recently, he knew Josh very well, and said "He's safe now. You don't have to worry about him anymore". Strangely, that felt sweet and comforting.
Please write again,
Sue

Permalink Reply by Maryanne Turner on February 23, 2010 at 6:12pm

Hi Alice, I know that it is very hard for people to understand how it really feels. My son was just beginning his life, he was the father of a 2yr. old baby girl. I think of all the life he missed. But I think about the time that we had him. Not that it makes it any easier, because it doesn't. My mother doesn't even really understand. She only thinks of how she lost, not me. I know she doesn't realize how she sounds, and how much she hurts me when she will refers to him as hers.......
In your case you must think about what life had in store for him. All the things that you would have shared. Well if it is any consolation, I know how you feel. The pain is awful sometimes. Some days I don't think I am ever going to stop crying. It just hurts so much. April 3rd it will be 6 years. Even that is so hard to grasp. I can't believe it has been 6 years. I could resite for you eveything word for word that day, the years have just flown. I doesn't make it any easier. Take one day at a time.

Alice Priscilla G. Tan said:

I am new at this site.i am searching the internet for some kind of relief..it's been almost 8mos. since i had lost my eldest son on march 24,2009..an accident happened while we were celebrating his 3rd bday on march 22..the pain is still here..and will always be here..i miss him so much..my wonderful baby..nobody understands me..i know people who could understand me are those who had experienced the same pain i had..i wish to have friends thru this site.

Permalink Reply by Sheryl Hysaw on February 23, 2010 at 6:38pm

Hello, we are here. I am here even when I don't write. Sometimes it just helps to read because the pain is so great. But I do believe in the parents on this website. This is my grief counseling. I go nowhere else, just this site. I can vent and feel better. Thank you everyone for allowing me to do that.

Maryanne Turner said:

Hi Alice, I know that it is very hard for people to understand how it really feels. My son was just beginning his life, he was the father of a 2yr. old girl. I think of all the life he missed out of. But I think about the time that we had him. Not that it makes it any easier, because it doesn't. My mother doesn't even really understand. She only thinks of how she lost, not me. I know she doesn't realize how she sounds, and how much she hurts me when she will refers to him as hers.......
In your case you must think about what life had in store for him. All the things that you would have shared. Well if it is any consolation, I know how you feel. The pain is awful sometimes. Some days I don't think I am ever going to stop crying. It just hurts so much. April 3rd it will be 6 years. Even that is so hard to grasp. I can't believe it has been 6 years. I could resite for you eveything word for word that day, the years have just flown. I doesn't make it any easier. Take one day at a time.

Alice Priscilla G. Tan said:

I am new at this site.i am searching the internet for some kind of relief..it's been almost 8mos. since i had lost my eldest son on march 24,2009..an accident happened while we were celebrating his 3rd bday on march 22..the pain is still here..and will always be here..i miss him so much..my wonderful baby..nobody understands me..i know people who could understand me are those who had experienced the same pain i had..i wish to have friends thru this site.

Permalink Reply by T.C. Goodwin on February 25, 2010 at 10:06am

Sheryl Hysaw said:

My 29 year old son was murdered on March 28, 2009. I am sick. I still can not accept his death. I don't want counseling, I don't want grief support, I want my son. He is a father and a brother and a uncle and a friend. He had a life. He was on his way to his nieces birthday party. Why? I did not even get to see him that day. I did not know he was going to die. Why? How can anyone go on after this? It just does not make since to me. He did not deserve to die.

Permalink Reply by T.C. Goodwin on February 25, 2010 at 10:13am

Even the perfect man Jesus gave away to tears when Lazurus died (John 11:35)
So it is natural to experience sadness when death claims a love one...But please know that we do have hope (Acts 24:15) Consider this illustration...We do not usually experience prolonged sadness when a friend goes on a journey, since we expect to see him again when they return....Take a similiar view of the death of your love one and this may lesson your grief.... Complete reliance on God who is the God of comfort is essential.(2 Corinthians 1:3,4) He will help us endure. Regular participation in Christian Activities can help us cope...Do you remember the account about Anna in the Bible she was also a widow and also never missing from the temple.....

Permalink Reply by Leslie L. Fiorda on February 28, 2010 at 8:44am

Hi Kristi...hi Sheryl;
I have had you both heavy on my heart, and needed to tell you so. Kristi, I know you just came upon your sons 3rd year, and mine is soon to be here on the 29th of April. I keep telling myself..."his time was set from the beginning"; but even knowing this, I still miss him so, so much. He was my biggest fan. When I'd write a new song and play it for him...he loved it. Even when I'd tell him I wrote it for so n so {cant say who}, who has a much higher voice than I do; he'd say..."no mom, just sing it (while recording) you just think it doesn't sound right, but it's good...it's really good, it gives me chills, mom really."
And I miss that so much...someone who really believed in me; someone who would tell me the truth too. About all of it. Life even! Sometimes I wonder if he knew, somehow... cause sometimes he was so wise.
One time he told me about "blank", I dont want to say who, and he told me that her and I were just alike. I argued with him, saying..."There is no way on Earth I am any thing like her". He said to me..."Ya know mom, if it wasn't for satan, you and {her} would be best friends praising God together". I had nothing to say to that. He was right. But how come he knew that, and I didn't? He just had a way about him...and I miss him so much.
I have been keeping you in prayer...please pray for me...it's one of those days again. God bless you and keep you....Leslie

Permalink Reply by kristi on March 1, 2010 at 10:31am

hi leslie,i miss my son to and the 4th angel day will be in oct of this year.it is hard my other son just turned 14 and i am scared i have 2 more years before he turns 16 i will not probly let him out of my site.i keep everyone in my hearts.yes it is a hard road till we see our loved ones again.thanks keep in touch

Leslie L. Fiorda said:

Hi Kristi...hi Sheryl;
I have had you both heavy on my heart, and needed to tell you so. Kristi, I know you just came upon your sons 3rd year, and mine is soon to be here on the 29th of April. I keep telling myself..."his time was set from the beginning"; but even knowing this, I still miss him so, so much. He was my biggest fan. When I'd write a new song and play it for him...he loved it. Even when I'd tell him I wrote it for so n so {cant say who}, who has a much higher voice than I do; he'd say..."no mom, just sing it (while recording) you just think it doesn't sound right, but it's good...it's really good, it gives me chills, mom really."
And I miss that so much...someone who really believed in me; someone who would tell me the truth too. About all of it. Life even! Sometimes I wonder if he knew, somehow... cause sometimes he was so wise.
One time he told me about "blank", I dont want to say who, and he told me that her and I were just alike. I argued with him, saying..."There is no way on Earth I am any thing like her". He said to me..."Ya know mom, if it wasn't for satan, you and {her} would be best friends praising God together". I had nothing to say to that. He was right. But how come he knew that, and I didn't? He just had a way about him...and I miss him so much.
I have been keeping you in prayer...please pray for me...it's one of those days again. God bless you and keep you....Leslie

Permalink Reply by Leslie L. Fiorda on March 1, 2010 at 11:24am

Thank you Kristi...
I know what you mean though about keeping them/him in your sights and watching him every minute. Jordan died at 23 years of age. My son Miloh was 21 at the time. When Miloh turned 23, I was scared to death for him; or maybe for me. I had a huge sigh of relief though when he turned 24 yrs old. On that b-day I said 'Thank God your off that number"! He said why? I just said, I'm just glad, that's all. I never told him how I felt the year before, I didn't want to curse him or anything or make him paranoid. He had a life going on. I just prayed. That's all we can do, really. And if I have nothing else, I have that. {Although I thank God for you and this site} Miloh just became a new daddy on the 21st of Feb. 2010. I was blessed to watch the birth. A little girl named Khloe 8.62 lbs. God shows us life goes on...I just feel I am at a stand still even though. I've said this before but, it's just so strange that with every day that takes so very long to get through,....how can so much time have passed? His 3rd Angel Day will be on 04-29-2010.
I want you to check out this website below. This little church won 1st place out of 40 thousand entrants. Please watch, it will touch your soul. God Bless you, Leslie

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CdOk9a9Za8I&NR=1




kristi said:

hi leslie,i miss my son to and the 4th angel day will be in oct of this year.it is hard my other son just turned 14 and i am scared i have 2 more years before he turns 16 i will not probly let him out of my site.i keep everyone in my hearts.yes it is a hard road till we see our loved ones again.thanks keep in touch

Leslie L. Fiorda said:

Hi Kristi...hi Sheryl;
I have had you both heavy on my heart, and needed to tell you so. Kristi, I know you just came upon your sons 3rd year, and mine is soon to be here on the 29th of April. I keep telling myself..."his time was set from the beginning"; but even knowing this, I still miss him so, so much. He was my biggest fan. When I'd write a new song and play it for him...he loved it. Even when I'd tell him I wrote it for so n so {cant say who}, who has a much higher voice than I do; he'd say..."no mom, just sing it (while recording) you just think it doesn't sound right, but it's good...it's really good, it gives me chills, mom really."
And I miss that so much...someone who really believed in me; someone who would tell me the truth too. About all of it. Life even! Sometimes I wonder if he knew, somehow... cause sometimes he was so wise.
One time he told me about "blank", I dont want to say who, and he told me that her and I were just alike. I argued with him, saying..."There is no way on Earth I am any thing like her". He said to me..."Ya know mom, if it wasn't for satan, you and {her} would be best friends praising God together". I had nothing to say to that. He was right. But how come he knew that, and I didn't? He just had a way about him...and I miss him so much.
I have been keeping you in prayer...please pray for me...it's one of those days again. God bless you and keep you....Leslie

Permalink Reply by Ryan on March 13, 2010 at 7:51am

Hello, my name is Ryan. Unlike many of our courageous people here I have never been a parent by blood. However I have been a Father and also different from the rest of everyone is that my lil' Anthony is still alive and still around. I may even be in the wrong category for help. I raised Anthony from the time he was 4-5 months old until he was 2 years old and 3 months. I was dad, I was the one he ran to, and cried to whenever i left the room. And i let everyone else know he was my son and i never let anyone who didnt know the real truth think anything different. But, not being blood related and not being married to his mother, an ex gf of mine for about 8 years. When the relationship with Anthony's mother started to fall apart it seemed to had collapsed on me in a single day. I woke up with lil' Anthony that morning and did the same routine we always did, but it had been just about the last day I ever laid eyes on Him. Its been 3 years now and not a day goes by that i dont worry about him. I cant even bring myself to talk about the situation, without falling apart. His mother had already quickly remarried about a year after our seperation and it was only weeks after our seperation that she was with someone again. I fear for his safety and i just worry if he's okay, are they feeding him is he sleeping on a bed at night? Ive wondered if i will ever get through this, will i ever forget or be immune to the love i knew we had for each other. I just cant seem to get his little voice out of my head saying dad. I now have feelings i never knew were there? and i feel like im gettin worse, and theres nothing i can do to MAKE anyone let me see him and i feel now that i personally know that its better for me NOT to see him. for fear that i would only confuse him. Too much time has passed. and i just notice i walk around somedays just angry and hollow. I sometimes can careless about the personal safety of myself and often feel the need to isolate. but the days just go on and it never seems to end.

Permalink Reply by amaryllis on March 18, 2010 at 11:06pm

Hi Ryan, some experiences are specially hard to handle and this one you are going through is for sure one of them. i would like to know what to say in order to help - take the whole thing to God and in this meantime, Ryan, as difficult as it may sound, lift up your spirit and do not let sadness and dispair take over your heart. when the wall comes too much close to us we just can look up, up, up. take a deep breath. as you change your vibration things will start moving little by little around you. would you give a try? anyway do not let sadness take over.
i am making a prayer for you and hoping you will have good news in a near future.
many Blessings and all the best.

Ryan said:

Hello, my name is Ryan. Unlike many of our courageous people here I have never been a parent by blood. However I have been a Father and also different from the rest of everyone is that my lil' Anthony is still alive and still around. I may even be in the wrong category for help. I raised Anthony from the time he was 4-5 months old until he was 2 years old and 3 months. I was dad, I was the one he ran to, and cried to whenever i left the room. And i let everyone else know he was my son and i never let anyone who didnt know the real truth think anything different. But, not being blood related and not being married to his mother, an ex gf of mine for about 8 years. When the relationship with Anthony's mother started to fall apart it seemed to had collapsed on me in a single day. I woke up with lil' Anthony that morning and did the same routine we always did, but it had been just about the last day I ever laid eyes on Him. Its been 3 years now and not a day goes by that i dont worry about him. I cant even bring myself to talk about the situation, without falling apart. His mother had already quickly remarried about a year after our seperation and it was only weeks after our seperation that she was with someone again. I fear for his safety and i just worry if he's okay, are they feeding him is he sleeping on a bed at night? Ive wondered if i will ever get through this, will i ever forget or be immune to the love i knew we had for each other. I just cant seem to get his little voice out of my head saying dad. I now have feelings i never knew were there? and i feel like im gettin worse, and theres nothing i can do to MAKE anyone let me see him and i feel now that i personally know that its better for me NOT to see him. for fear that i would only confuse him. Too much time has passed. and i just notice i walk around somedays just angry and hollow. I sometimes can careless about the personal safety of myself and often feel the need to isolate. but the days just go on and it never seems to end.

Permalink Reply by Janet Long on March 19, 2010 at 9:16am

March is a very sad month for me and my husband, a old lady could not see and ran into my son on his bike March 11,2007 well he was away at Embry Riddle Aeronautical University studying to be a computer engineer, after fours years at Cranbrook Kingswood school (high learners) When the call came in my reason for living left with him.It is hard to express your feeling to anyone especially a spouse/father.I have lose faith in prayer because Brandon said to us the last day he was home is I'm going to be okay and he believed that/that's what faith is believing so right now no one can say anything about faith, believing or the reason why they think this happen. My son never got to see his 20th birthday she killed him at 19 a young man who knew where he was going in life when he had it. I hate older drivers now even my own father.

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