Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by kristi on December 16, 2009 at 5:36pm

leslie,i know how you feel.because i am getting a new house i was so good till i went throu the cards and letters and stuff the tears started going badly.i should of waited till christmas and my birthday were over but that isnt going to happen.my birthday is on christmas.it isnt much of a birthday or christmas anymore since 3 years ago.the main thing is i am trying to keep busy because the kid that killed my son his birthday is saturday.and he gets off probation on saturday.and i have been so sad about that.of course i have to work that day so it will be a sad and emotional day for me than to.it hurts me to see that he gets to walk the streets and maybe able to kill again but i dont think he will.he cant get into colleges he cant get a job.and my friend asked if that was justice and i told her no,he should be in the ground like everette.my stress level is so hight right now.thanks lesley and i hope you have a better day tomorrow


Leslie L. Fiorda said:

Hello everyone,
Today is one of those days. Here I go again... Can't stop the tears, whats new. I think sometimes this grief just gets overwhelming, and the best thing to do is just go with it...let the tears flow. What else can I do, it's here, it's now, it hurts and it's real. God Bless....Leslie

Permalink Reply by Sheryl Hysaw on December 16, 2009 at 10:15pm

Hello everyone, I got some good news yesterday. My sons murder case has been transferred to a different court. The new prosecutor is ready to go all the way. None of that Derrick did not have any witness's junk. None of that the defense is trying to have the case dismissed. Praise God maybe, just maybe something is going to be done. I feel a little strength coming on. I know that I have to be strong for Derrick. I can't even allow myself to think of any holidays right now. I guess they just pass me by because I don't have that holiday spirit. It feels to guilty to be happy. I know Derrick would want me to be happy and I try so hard. But the truth of the matter is, I don't even know how to feel anymore about anything. My emotions are numb. God Bless you all. 2009 has been a rough year for my family, with the passing of my stepfather and the murder of my son and now, I am jobless because I am stuck in this cycle of grief. You all make me smile and have hope. Thank you so much for being here whenever I need you. There is nothing like talking to people who are experiencing the same thing as you. I don't wish this on anybody and maybe it's sad to say this, but I am glad you are here with me.

kristi said:

leslie,i know how you feel.because i am getting a new house i was so good till i went throu the cards and letters and stuff the tears started going badly.i should of waited till christmas and my birthday were over but that isnt going to happen.my birthday is on christmas.it isnt much of a birthday or christmas anymore since 3 years ago.the main thing is i am trying to keep busy because the kid that killed my son his birthday is saturday.and he gets off probation on saturday.and i have been so sad about that.of course i have to work that day so it will be a sad and emotional day for me than to.it hurts me to see that he gets to walk the streets and maybe able to kill again but i dont think he will.he cant get into colleges he cant get a job.and my friend asked if that was justice and i told her no,he should be in the ground like everette.my stress level is so hight right now.thanks lesley and i hope you have a better day tomorrow


Leslie L. Fiorda said:

Hello everyone,
Today is one of those days. Here I go again... Can't stop the tears, whats new. I think sometimes this grief just gets overwhelming, and the best thing to do is just go with it...let the tears flow. What else can I do, it's here, it's now, it hurts and it's real. God Bless....Leslie

Permalink Reply by Sue on December 17, 2009 at 9:53am

Hi all,
I haven't written in a while but I have been reading all the posts. I am dreading Christmas. Josh loved the season so much. Last year was a blur. This year my daughter might come down with her daughter and husband and stay with us. We might have a "Josh" tree, like a little Charlie Brown tree with just his ornaments. i gave him a dated ornament every year of his life. I am still so sad and mad that he drowned so cold and alone because there were no barriers to stop his car from going into the water. What a horrible death, as all deaths are, I suppose. i really feel for all of you. Every death I read about is so tragic. OUR CHILDREN ARE GONE. I still cannot fathom it.
Love,Sue

Permalink Reply by Leslie L. Fiorda on December 17, 2009 at 12:27pm

Dear Kristi...
God Bless you Sweetie. You are going through so much, and still you stop and write to me. Happy Birthday to you, even though I know your not feeling up to one right now. Your birthday is on Christmas? My daughters is on the 22nd, it's a tough b-day to have when your competition is Jesus. {Just kidding, trying to make you smile}. I havent been able to get into the Christmas spirit at all. I do understand how you feel. You have been heavy on my heart, with your dealing concerning the other young man. Yours is a very hard thing to deal with. It is hard to believe he is in no trouble at all. I wonder how he is mentally. I wouldve totally flipped out if it was me, and I had hurt someone I knew.
You are doing good hun, concidering all your going through. You still work, and take care of your house hold, and other family when they come to visit. You are way ahead of me...I dont feel like doing much of anything. It seems like a chore just to get up to take a shower sometimes. I have no "umph", left in me. I am praying for you...just know you are NOT alone. Love Leslie



kristi said:

leslie,i know how you feel.because i am getting a new house i was so good till i went throu the cards and letters and stuff the tears started going badly.i should of waited till christmas and my birthday were over but that isnt going to happen.my birthday is on christmas.it isnt much of a birthday or christmas anymore since 3 years ago.the main thing is i am trying to keep busy because the kid that killed my son his birthday is saturday.and he gets off probation on saturday.and i have been so sad about that.of course i have to work that day so it will be a sad and emotional day for me than to.it hurts me to see that he gets to walk the streets and maybe able to kill again but i dont think he will.he cant get into colleges he cant get a job.and my friend asked if that was justice and i told her no,he should be in the ground like everette.my stress level is so hight right now.thanks lesley and i hope you have a better day tomorrow


Leslie L. Fiorda said:

Hello everyone,
Today is one of those days. Here I go again... Can't stop the tears, whats new. I think sometimes this grief just gets overwhelming, and the best thing to do is just go with it...let the tears flow. What else can I do, it's here, it's now, it hurts and it's real. God Bless....Leslie

Permalink Reply by Leslie L. Fiorda on December 17, 2009 at 12:34pm

Hi Sue...
I know, they ARE all tragic, and very sad. This has got to be the hardest part of the year for losing a child. I have so many memories of him opening up presants. Now all I have is pics. to look back on. It is still so unreal to me too. I will keep you and kristi and sheryl in my prayers...please keep me in yours...Leslie


Sue said:

Hi all,
I haven't written in a while but I have been reading all the posts. I am dreading Christmas. Josh loved the season so much. Last year was a blur. This year my daughter might come down with her daughter and husband and stay with us. We might have a "Josh" tree, like a little Charlie Brown tree with just his ornaments. i gave him a dated ornament every year of his life. I am still so sad and mad that he drowned so cold and alone because there were no barriers to stop his car from going into the water. What a horrible death, as all deaths are, I suppose. i really feel for all of you. Every death I read about is so tragic. OUR CHILDREN ARE GONE. I still cannot fathom it.
Love,Sue

Permalink Reply by Leslie L. Fiorda on December 19, 2009 at 4:18pm

Hello Every one,
I just thought I'd check in to see how everybody is doing. Today is a good day, for me. I am trying to keep busy, which isn't very hard to do. {My roof is leaking... my water-heater is too} Lol! Sometimes disasters are a good thing. I check out this site at least three times a day, if anyone wants to talk, I'm here. You are all in my thoughts and prayers. ..............Leslie
P.S. Has anyone ever heard the song..."PRAISE YOU IN THIS STORM" by Casting Crowns? Check it out. Beautiful song.

Permalink Reply by PAM BRYAN on December 22, 2009 at 11:33am

Maritta said:

Dear Cynthia,
I wanted to connect with someone who could relate to my pain. I am hoping that you can. You have also lost your beautiful daughter at such a young age. We lost our darling Maija-Liisa at 19 just two months ago. My life is utterly shattered and I dont know how to keep on going in life. She loved everything that life had to offer and wanted to be a history teacher. She was so giving, enthusiastic, and caring. How does one keep on going I ask everyday.
Maritta

Permalink Reply by Jackie on December 25, 2009 at 11:26am

This is my 5th Christmas without my daughter, Brandi. It has been the worst and yet the best. I have had to confront a good many of my fears, if that is what they are, and face my family that's here with me finally after burying my head in the sand for 5 years. I have come to the realization that there is never an end to mourning for your child, never a moment when you won't miss them dearly. But you can either live or exist. I didnt realize that until this year. I have had to confront myself with the fact that I am just existing but not living. That is not a legacy I want associated with my loving, beautiful child. For my sake and those of my family, I have made the decision to live again. God Bless to all of you out there. May God be with you every step of the way.

Permalink Reply by kristi on December 25, 2009 at 12:51pm

hi jackie this is my 3rd.and i still miss my son terrible.people say go on with your life.it is so hard to do that knowing you celebrate you want to buy stuff for him and everything.it hurts.but we all hurt and no matter what people say i will never forget my son.i am in the middle of moving people keep saying this will be a fresh start.i dont think so the memories will always be with me.but god will help all of us one day see our son or daughters again.but merry christmas and a happy new year.

Jackie said:

This is my 5th Christmas without my daughter, Brandi. It has been the worst and yet the best. I have had to confront a good many of my fears, if that is what they are, and face my family that's here with me finally after burying my head in the sand for 5 years. I have come to the realization that there is never an end to mourning for your child, never a moment when you won't miss them dearly. But you can either live or exist. I didnt realize that until this year. I have had to confront myself with the fact that I am just existing but not living. That is not a legacy I want associated with my loving, beautiful child. For my sake and those of my family, I have made the decision to live again. God Bless to all of you out there. May God be with you every step of the way.

Permalink Reply by Teresa on December 25, 2009 at 6:33pm

On December 4th I lost my most amazing most beautiful almost 11 months old grandaughter. I don't even know what to write, maybe its not time yet. I don't know. Skylie was sick with flu like symptoms for 2 weeks prior. Her mother was here and went upstairs to wake her so she could go and get my son her husband from work. She started screaming, I saw her running down the steps like a rag doll, I tried CPR I still don't know how, the mom called 911, they worked on her and took her away but it was too late. This is the worst time of my life, I don't even want to be here. There is so much to say, there is much more sadness that comes along with this story. They did an autopsy and they found a tumor on the stem of the brain which was bleeding, it's not fair so not fair.

Permalink Reply by PAM BRYAN on December 25, 2009 at 8:03pm

Robbie Carey said:

I have recently lost both my sons in a car wreck. My heart feels so broken nothing seems to make sense. To only be 40 any have to live the rest of my life without them seems unbearable. To live with this feeling of loss is almost like dying too. Everyone says I have to be strong for the two children my oldest son left behind his youngest was only 7 days old, the oldest is 18 months. The thought of my grandchildern never knowing what a great dad they had or funny uncle hurts so much. I just hope that with time the grief is more managable

Permalink Reply by PAM BRYAN on December 25, 2009 at 8:03pm

PAM BRYAN said:

Robbie Carey said:

I have recently lost both my sons in a car wreck. My heart feels so broken nothing seems to make sense. To only be 40 any have to live the rest of my life without them seems unbearable. To live with this feeling of loss is almost like dying too. Everyone says I have to be strong for the two children my oldest son left behind his youngest was only 7 days old, the oldest is 18 months. The thought of my grandchildern never knowing what a great dad they had or funny uncle hurts so much. I just hope that with time the grief is more managable

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