Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Alicia on January 20, 2010 at 3:50pm

Barbara,
I am so sorry, i know its been some time but you never forget. I wanted to share some words of comfort from the 'God of all comfort' (2 Cor. 1: 3, 4). I know that many have tried to comfort you and do all they can to help, but our Father can help and is able to help. He promises all of us who have lost loved ones in death this promise found at Isa. 25: 8, 9, " He will actually swallow up death forever, and the Sovereign Lord Jehovah will certainly wipe the tears from all faces. . . . And in that day one will certainly say: ‘Look! This is our God. We have hoped in him, and he will save us.' This scripture is showing the day will come when death will be done away with and also we have the hope of seeing our loved ones again at Acts 24:15. I really hopes this help! Take care!


Barbara J Willoughby said:

Hello Friends

I too had to grieve the loss of a son, my baby. I have experienced a loniness (spelling) like never before in the lowest/and or bottomless pit of my belly. It was a thing that man/woman could not help me with. People wanted to help me but the job was too big for them. I buried my family on December 23, 1995. I had a house fire; my 8 year old son, my father and a visiting friend whom none of the three made it out of the house. I was the only survivor of the house fire. It didn't stop there; my job ended shortly after. I tell you, the way you come out of this will depend on YOUR FAITH. It is your faith that will carry you.

I had to learn that God loans us to each other. He loan us our mom, our dad, our children. He LOAN them to us for a given point of time that no one knows. From the moment they are born GOD loan them to us, and as we know from the nature; anytime something is LOANED to us the person that loans it will one day come back to receive it. Our job is to enjoy that loan for as long as we have it, treat and give it love daily. We are all children of GOD, and when he comes back to receive his loan let us rejoice and thank him for the time he has loaned us his child, our mom, our dad.

REJOICE, REJOICE I say, REJOICE, REJOICE.

During those lonesome hours find some quite time and just sing unto the Lord. Sing songs of thankgiving; talk to God, he is right there with you - pour out your feeling to him. Sing until God comes in and soothe the hurt the pain you are feeling. My sister, my brother, I write to tell you it was at my lowest that GOD made me my strongest! HAVE FAITH IN GOD.

GOD BLESS
mamieleerab@aol.com

Permalink Reply by tiffany wheatley on January 22, 2010 at 12:40pm

Hello my dear forum of the same precious rite. It has been some time since I have tarried with you, but there is not a day that passes that you all are not in my thoughts and prayers. All the best hopes for the broken hearts you bare are stored up in my soul for you, for I understand all too well your hurt. But I an encouraged as I look back on the entries since my last log-ins to see that it appears as if we have begun inspiring one another to move forward. Not get over, but move forward. Not to keep going through, but to get through. Even at our most emotional, we cannot make God's word void. When he says that he won't put more on us than we can bare, he meant it. We can get through these dark days =, as well that we need to, because just as the Lord has shown me, we are not the only one to bare this burden. Here in Cleveland, all around me is the tragedy of mothers losing their sons and daughters daily. To the streets, drugs, and violence. It is truly the work of the enemy. But I have been completely assured and enlightened of this crossover that my son has been undertaken of. The Lord has shown me from the beginning in the garden that the serpent never lied to eve. We will not surely die, no, not any of us. But what did happen is that the original sin transformed us from glorification that we have to see death. Eventually, after all the death and dying we will reenter the original glorification and the original promise. I have seen all my close loved ones since their passing, and my son reccurringly so. But I remember the first time he came to me. The only time that he has ever spoke to me. He was completely himself dressed in an all white suit from head to toe and illuminated. He just walked over to me and said mommy get up. Man was I so down. It brings tears to my eyes to think of those early days of his passing. I cannot believe that it has been over a year. Yet, it has. It has been over a year, and some normalcy has been restored to our lives. Some ills have been forgiven, and some relationships are being mended. By the grace of God. Everyday is by the grace of God forum. He never asked us to bare his wrath our his judgement. It is not for us to sort or decide. If you feel someone has gotten away with the viollence committed against your love one, they did not. God just still has a plan for their lives. Will we really say to God forego that persons plan for my grief. Certainly not. Forgive so that you can forgive yourself, and above all be forgiven. God bless you all. Truly, truly, my heart goes with you.
Http://memorialwebsites.legacy.com/elijahbah/Homepage.aspx

Permalink Reply by Sheryl Hysaw on January 22, 2010 at 10:14pm

I pray that someone will be able to give you that info. As a mother that recently lost my oldest son, I am still numb and in complete shock. It has been almost a year and I still can't believe he is gone. It is difficult for me to be around his children for that only reminds me that he will never see them grow up. I am trying my very best to get prepared for the next court date wich determines if there will be a trial. My heart is honestly broken into millions of pieces. Never could I imagine something would hurt so very bad. All of the positive words and encouragement does not work. At the end of the day, I have to encourage myself. I have found that no matter how much I hurt, the world will not stop in order for me to grieve. So, I guess the world pushes me to keep living. Problems are not going away, life goes on no matter what I feel. The questions can never be answered and everyday that I wake up, my son is still dead.........

Siona said:

Hello all.

I've been reading through these pages and my heart is just breaking; I can't imagine what each of you must be going through. I wish could write a personal reply to every post here, but I don't know what I could possibly say that would help. So perhaps this note will suffice.

And I hope you'll forgive me, as this might be a bit of an interruption. I'm here seeking a different sort of help.

I'm working on a book about grief and loss, and am interested in speaking with people about their personal experiences and journeys--however tangled, however difficult, however unusual--into the deeper parts of those particular oceans.

If you would be open to talking, please send me a message. I have no agenda and no hypothesis; my interest is in truly, deeply listening to stories around death and loss in hopes of discovering what, if anything, helps, and (as importantly) what does not. And if you know of somewhere more appropriate where I might post this, please just let me know.

So very much love to each of you,
Siona

Permalink Reply by Sue on January 26, 2010 at 11:46am

Hi all,
I would be so alone if it weren't for your support. My physicians think I am doing better. But all I think about is Josh. He would be 25 now. I know it's been a year an afew months but I can't escape the heartbreak. I MISS HIM SO...I miss talking to him and spending time with him. One of my docs said eventually the hole in your heart will get smaller, and filled with other things, but he will always be there. I hate hate hate the fact of him being so cold and alone and that the divers didnt even go down to see if he was trapped in an air pocket and still alive. They got there 6 mins after he went in the water and they said there is only a 4-5 min. window....WHAT THE HECK? Isn't that their job? I don't know, I am ready to move out of Ontario and to Florida...out of this miserable cold weather and grayness all around me. And it doesn't help I work in a Pathology dept. in a hospital for children.
Thanks for listening and I would be willing to talk to whomever is writing the book of feelings.
Love to all, Sue (Proud mom of Josh, died 8/7/08 due to drowning)
Sheryl Hysaw said:

I pray that someone will be able to give you that info. As a mother that recently lost my oldest son, I am still numb and in complete shock. It has been almost a year and I still can't believe he is gone. It is difficult for me to be around his children for that only reminds me that he will never see them grow up. I am trying my very best to get prepared for the next court date wich determines if there will be a trial. My heart is honestly broken into millions of pieces. Never could I imagine something would hurt so very bad. All of the positive words and encouragement does not work. At the end of the day, I have to encourage myself. I have found that no matter how much I hurt, the world will not stop in order for me to grieve. So, I guess the world pushes me to keep living. Problems are not going away, life goes on no matter what I feel. The questions can never be answered and everyday that I wake up, my son is still dead.........

Siona said:

Hello all.

I've been reading through these pages and my heart is just breaking; I can't imagine what each of you must be going through. I wish could write a personal reply to every post here, but I don't know what I could possibly say that would help. So perhaps this note will suffice.

And I hope you'll forgive me, as this might be a bit of an interruption. I'm here seeking a different sort of help.

I'm working on a book about grief and loss, and am interested in speaking with people about their personal experiences and journeys--however tangled, however difficult, however unusual--into the deeper parts of those particular oceans.

If you would be open to talking, please send me a message. I have no agenda and no hypothesis; my interest is in truly, deeply listening to stories around death and loss in hopes of discovering what, if anything, helps, and (as importantly) what does not. And if you know of somewhere more appropriate where I might post this, please just let me know.

So very much love to each of you,
Siona

Permalink Reply by THERESA on January 27, 2010 at 12:59am

Betsy...I went thru the same thing. The medical examiner took me in this room to tell me my son died . So I said let me see my son and he told me the same thing.My son was evidence and he was already gone for autopsy. Ans to tell you the truth I wanted to see my child but I didnt want to see him like that. I then find out like a year later that those young men that killed him put the gun in his mouth. I broke down terribly.This is a cruel cruel world.

Betsy, Richards Mom said:

Kristi, how horrible to have to wait to see your son. and the word, evidence, must have made you want to scream. I would have. I didn't see my son in person at all. The medical examiner said I couldn't. Maybe the ME was trying to spare me. What I have in my mind is my son smiling and laughing in a photo and my son asleep at the morgue on a monitor. I know his father and my sons girlfriend were with him so I don't feel Rich was alone. There is a part of me that has a hard time dealing with the fact that I didn't "see" him but I also know that it may have been for the best. and why some people go to jail and others walk, I don't know either.

Permalink Reply by kristi on January 27, 2010 at 11:12am

hi theresa,it has been a rough road they do that and i dont know why for gun shot wounds and i dont understand why they need to do an autopsy either for that when they know that they got shot and died.but thanks.i make it throu i stopped going to support group to see if i could make it throu the holidays without help and i can do that.i was busy this year for christmas moving to my new house so i never broke down.it doesnt heal the pain to move into a new house but it helped to keep busy.plus our other house is still standing we are on the same land so if i really wanted to go and sit in the other house and feel hi i can.but thank you.kristi write any time i do read everything people put on here.

THERESA said:

Betsy...I went thru the same thing. The medical examiner took me in this room to tell me my son died . So I said let me see my son and he told me the same thing.My son was evidence and he was already gone for autopsy. Ans to tell you the truth I wanted to see my child but I didnt want to see him like that. I then find out like a year later that those young men that killed him put the gun in his mouth. I broke down terribly.This is a cruel cruel world.

Betsy, Richards Mom said:

Kristi, how horrible to have to wait to see your son. and the word, evidence, must have made you want to scream. I would have. I didn't see my son in person at all. The medical examiner said I couldn't. Maybe the ME was trying to spare me. What I have in my mind is my son smiling and laughing in a photo and my son asleep at the morgue on a monitor. I know his father and my sons girlfriend were with him so I don't feel Rich was alone. There is a part of me that has a hard time dealing with the fact that I didn't "see" him but I also know that it may have been for the best. and why some people go to jail and others walk, I don't know either.

Permalink Reply by sunni on January 27, 2010 at 8:08pm

My name is Sunni and I have always really been that way, a sunny outlook on life...I married my husband when I was 18 and had a daughter a year later. We waited 7 years before we felt financially and emotionally responsible enough to have another child and our son was born on July 3, 2003. We were so ready, our daughter was a great big sister, our son slept on my husband's chest as a baby and between us as a toddler. He turned 6 years old last summer and we had a great party with a water slide, I was still trying to convince him to start sleeping in his own room, we went bowling on Sundays and on January 10th of this year he passed away of a rare bacterial infection, usually only found in Cystic Fibrosis patients. I miss him so much, it has only been a few days and his cremation is tomorrow. I feel like I can't handle this most of the time. I miss his laugh and how he held my ear for comfort, I cry all the time or I am numb. Everyone keeps asking if I am going to have more kids, it is awful, how can they even ask such a thing? I love my son, he is not expendable or able to be replaced. I miss him. How do you do it? I can't function....I laid on the couch today for 12 hours, I get lost going home from the grocery store. I am an only child, my mother passed away 15 years ago and my father is 80 and lives 5 states away and as father's go he is pretty cold to begin with. I feel isolated and alone in my grief and I just need someone to say something other than it is going to be OK, because it will never be OK again! Christian is gone and although he doesn't need me anymore I need him.

Permalink Reply by kristi on January 27, 2010 at 9:46pm

oh my and i thought i had a hard time.i am so sorry for your loss.oh looks like an angel in that picture.you wont be alright if that is what you want to hear.i have been throu this for 3 years and i still cant sleep sometimes.i got a new house like a month ago and my husband went out of town for the first time since we have been in this house.i couldnt sleep all i did was think about my son who was 16 when he passed away.my heart breaks for you.sunni.can i tell you i didnt eat for almost 37 hours and didnt sleep for almost 37 hours after my son passed away.it is hard and dont ever let anybody ever tell you it will get easy,and my husband always says we should have another child and i say no you cant replace everette.but there are support groups out there and the people that are there know what you are going throu.and light a candle and for 5 minutes write in a journal your most loving thoughts about your son and keep that journal and everytime that you want to write in it just do so.and on his birthday or angel day i will say angel day because omeone on here told me to call it an angel day instead of a annivesary day.so i have been because he is an angel watching over us now ok.take a cake and his favorite food out there and enjoy the day with him.i miss my son all the time sorry about that but i never got over him getting shot and not seeing him till the funeral so do what you need to do and we all are here for you ok.if you need to talk we are all here and we are hear to listen and to help you out at the same time.thanks for listening to what i say and i hope you write again soon kristi

sunni said:

My name is Sunni and I have always really been that way, a sunny outlook on life...I married my husband when I was 18 and had a daughter a year later. We waited 7 years before we felt financially and emotionally responsible enough to have another child and our son was born on July 3, 2003. We were so ready, our daughter was a great big sister, our son slept on my husband's chest as a baby and between us as a toddler. He turned 6 years old last summer and we had a great party with a water slide, I was still trying to convince him to start sleeping in his own room, we went bowling on Sundays and on January 10th of this year he passed away of a rare bacterial infection, usually only found in Cystic Fibrosis patients. I miss him so much, it has only been a few days and his cremation is tomorrow. I feel like I can't handle this most of the time. I miss his laugh and how he held my ear for comfort, I cry all the time or I am numb. Everyone keeps asking if I am going to have more kids, it is awful, how can they even ask such a thing? I love my son, he is not expendable or able to be replaced. I miss him. How do you do it? I can't function....I laid on the couch today for 12 hours, I get lost going home from the grocery store. I am an only child, my mother passed away 15 years ago and my father is 80 and lives 5 states away and as father's go he is pretty cold to begin with. I feel isolated and alone in my grief and I just need someone to say something other than it is going to be OK, because it will never be OK again! Christian is gone and although he doesn't need me anymore I need him.

Permalink Reply by Gerry Fiden on January 28, 2010 at 9:16am

Sunni,
Your baby boy was beautiful, I am so sorry for your loss. There are no words of comfort that can make you feel whole again or take away your pain. I wish there were. I know you will keep Christian with you in your heart, as all of us here are doing with our children, until you can hold him in your arms again.
God be with you,
Gerry

sunni said:

My name is Sunni and I have always really been that way, a sunny outlook on life...I married my husband when I was 18 and had a daughter a year later. We waited 7 years before we felt financially and emotionally responsible enough to have another child and our son was born on July 3, 2003. We were so ready, our daughter was a great big sister, our son slept on my husband's chest as a baby and between us as a toddler. He turned 6 years old last summer and we had a great party with a water slide, I was still trying to convince him to start sleeping in his own room, we went bowling on Sundays and on January 10th of this year he passed away of a rare bacterial infection, usually only found in Cystic Fibrosis patients. I miss him so much, it has only been a few days and his cremation is tomorrow. I feel like I can't handle this most of the time. I miss his laugh and how he held my ear for comfort, I cry all the time or I am numb. Everyone keeps asking if I am going to have more kids, it is awful, how can they even ask such a thing? I love my son, he is not expendable or able to be replaced. I miss him. How do you do it? I can't function....I laid on the couch today for 12 hours, I get lost going home from the grocery store. I am an only child, my mother passed away 15 years ago and my father is 80 and lives 5 states away and as father's go he is pretty cold to begin with. I feel isolated and alone in my grief and I just need someone to say something other than it is going to be OK, because it will never be OK again! Christian is gone and although he doesn't need me anymore I need him.

Permalink Reply by mary on January 28, 2010 at 12:52pm

How do you gather friends on this board? Too bad they dont have chat in real time! :( If someone can....request me as a friend so I can see how to do it!
Thanks....still rough...still praying for us all every day.
Love
Mary

Permalink Reply by Alicia on January 28, 2010 at 2:46pm

Sunni,
First of all, my heart is heavy for you and your family. Christian is so adorable. YOu need to know it is okay, more than ok to feel the way you do, you need to grieve. Anger may be another symptom of grief, anger at well meaning friends and family who may say the wrong things. I have a brochure that really has helped me and millions worldwide to deal with passing of loved ones. I would really like to send it to you. It will not take the pain away but maybe just maybe you can get some relief with what you're going through. My prayers are with you and your family! Please keeep in touch. Alicia

sunni said:

My name is Sunni and I have always really been that way, a sunny outlook on life...I married my husband when I was 18 and had a daughter a year later. We waited 7 years before we felt financially and emotionally responsible enough to have another child and our son was born on July 3, 2003. We were so ready, our daughter was a great big sister, our son slept on my husband's chest as a baby and between us as a toddler. He turned 6 years old last summer and we had a great party with a water slide, I was still trying to convince him to start sleeping in his own room, we went bowling on Sundays and on January 10th of this year he passed away of a rare bacterial infection, usually only found in Cystic Fibrosis patients. I miss him so much, it has only been a few days and his cremation is tomorrow. I feel like I can't handle this most of the time. I miss his laugh and how he held my ear for comfort, I cry all the time or I am numb. Everyone keeps asking if I am going to have more kids, it is awful, how can they even ask such a thing? I love my son, he is not expendable or able to be replaced. I miss him. How do you do it? I can't function....I laid on the couch today for 12 hours, I get lost going home from the grocery store. I am an only child, my mother passed away 15 years ago and my father is 80 and lives 5 states away and as father's go he is pretty cold to begin with. I feel isolated and alone in my grief and I just need someone to say something other than it is going to be OK, because it will never be OK again! Christian is gone and although he doesn't need me anymore I need him.

Permalink Reply by kristi on January 28, 2010 at 2:56pm

mary all you have to do is see if they have yahoo,messanger and if you do or face book put it on here and than we can contact you the way i dont think they have one on here hope this helps kristi

mary said:

How do you gather friends on this board? Too bad they dont have chat in real time! :( If someone can....request me as a friend so I can see how to do it!
Thanks....still rough...still praying for us all every day.
Love
Mary

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