Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Ann on April 15, 2010 at 4:38pm

Hi Sheryl:

Sounds like you are havings a really bad day. that seems to come with the territory when you are in grief. I too have days when I think everyone is talking about me or avoiding me, like I have a disease that they can catch. It does pass. Yesterday would have been my son's 37th BD & the 26th will be the first anniversary of his death. Oh how I miss him. I am slowly loosing the sound of his voice, but still see his wonderful smile.

Ann said:

Sheryl Hysaw said:

Is there something wrong with me? Why do I feel that everybody has turned against me? My son is Dead!

Permalink Reply by Beth Skaggs on April 18, 2010 at 9:54am

Ann said:

Sheryl Hysaw said:

Is there something wrong with me? Why do I feel that everybody has turned against me? My son is Dead!

Permalink Reply by Beth Skaggs on April 18, 2010 at 10:01am

I have read all of your stories. I am so sorry. My son died August 2 2008 he was shot in the head,and no one has told me how it happened they said it was a accident. he had the gun in his hand at one time it was unloaded and some how it got loaded back up and he didn't no it and now my 19 year old son is gone. there was only 2 people there and they told the police 7 different stories. so i feel everyhing that you all feel, he was my only child. i just take day at a time. good luck to all of you .
Beth Skaggs

Permalink Reply by Dignity Memorial NC on April 19, 2010 at 4:04pm

There are no words that can describe the grief that accompanies the death of a child. These situations conjure myriad feelings and emotions: uncertainty, grief, guilt, confusion. In times like these, one of the best ways to grieve is to honor your child's memory. Though a life cut short is always tragic, take cherish the time you spent together as a precious gift -- no one can take that from you. http://bit.ly/bECjmI

Permalink Reply by Albert on April 20, 2010 at 12:35am

http://www.orgsites.com/tx/tcfhoustonwest/

Permalink Reply by amaryllis on May 1, 2010 at 5:26pm

Hi, Sheryl, this reply is for you. Sometimes i get confused when a reply does not go.
I am re-reading your comment today - you are not alone, just come to this site and there will be always someone to answer and to be present to you.
Please, let us know how are you doing today.
Much love
xxxx

Ann said:

Hi Sheryl:

Sounds like you are havings a really bad day. that seems to come with the territory when you are in grief. I too have days when I think everyone is talking about me or avoiding me, like I have a disease that they can catch. It does pass. Yesterday would have been my son's 37th BD & the 26th will be the first anniversary of his death. Oh how I miss him. I am slowly loosing the sound of his voice, but still see his wonderful smile.

Ann said:

Sheryl Hysaw said:

Is there something wrong with me? Why do I feel that everybody has turned against me? My son is Dead!

Permalink Reply by Teresa H on May 5, 2010 at 12:15am

Rose said:

I lost my 32 year old nephew to a drug overdose Jan of this year. He was a beautiful man, an athelete, a son, a brother, a grandson and a friend to many. His death has left our family reeling. He is the son of my sister who I am very close with. I have been very supportive; helping in anyway I can. She is amazing to me. Going thru life, working, going to support groups, church and family are important. My problem is that I am grieving the loss of her son more than the loss of my nephew. Does that make sense? I have a 25 year old son and I keep thinking to myself, how can she cope? I can't imagine what she is going through but somehow my own grieving transfers to my own life and my fear of losing my son. Is this normal? I have been reading articles and blogs about grieving and I see myself in many of these articles. Yesterday I booked a trip to see my son, he lives out of state, and the minute I booked it I started to cry; a deep, mourning cry. I have had therapy and was using my tools and understood partly why I was crying, but I was surprised by my reaction; instead of being happy (which I was deep down) I was very sad. I know part of it is feeling guilty; feeling guilty that I can see my son, call him and be with him; not like my sister. I just can't imagine what she is going through. Has anyone experienced this? Any help you can give will be appreciated. Thank you.

Rose I to have lost my nephew to an overdose. I also feel as I'm grieving more for my sister than for myself. Ryan was her only child and was 4 months from his 21st birthday. I to am also going through emense feelings of guilt due to him living with me up until a week before he passed away, and due to the drugs I sked him to leave. In retrospect his statement to me was both prophet, as well as him telling me what he thought would keep him in my home. He told me he was going to die. It has been 10 months since that awful day and my sorrow and guilt have not gotten any better. I'm struggling with the up coming mothers day cause my heart aches for my oldest sister. Have been struggling with should I aknowledge mothers day for her or will it push her to dark places. If I get her flowers and my kids sign the card, will she know that we did it cause we love her. The last time our family got together it was very hard on her cause all her nieces and nephews were there except for Ryan. So I don't know if its normal but I certainly identify with the feelings you have shared on here.

Permalink Reply by Janet Long on May 5, 2010 at 6:26am

Teresa H said:

Rose said:

I lost my 32 year old nephew to a drug overdose Jan of this year. He was a beautiful man, an athelete, a son, a brother, a grandson and a friend to many. His death has left our family reeling. He is the son of my sister who I am very close with. I have been very supportive; helping in anyway I can. She is amazing to me. Going thru life, working, going to support groups, church and family are important. My problem is that I am grieving the loss of her son more than the loss of my nephew. Does that make sense? I have a 25 year old son and I keep thinking to myself, how can she cope? I can't imagine what she is going through but somehow my own grieving transfers to my own life and my fear of losing my son. Is this normal? I have been reading articles and blogs about grieving and I see myself in many of these articles. Yesterday I booked a trip to see my son, he lives out of state, and the minute I booked it I started to cry; a deep, mourning cry. I have had therapy and was using my tools and understood partly why I was crying, but I was surprised by my reaction; instead of being happy (which I was deep down) I was very sad. I know part of it is feeling guilty; feeling guilty that I can see my son, call him and be with him; not like my sister. I just can't imagine what she is going through. Has anyone experienced this? Any help you can give will be appreciated. Thank you.

Rose I to have lost my nephew to an overdose. I also feel as I'm grieving more for my sister than for myself. Ryan was her only child and was 4 months from his 21st birthday. I to am also going through emense feelings of guilt due to him living with me up until a week before he passed away, and due to the drugs I sked him to leave. In retrospect his statement to me was both prophet, as well as him telling me what he thought would keep him in my home. He told me he was going to die. It has been 10 months since that awful day and my sorrow and guilt have not gotten any better. I'm struggling with the up coming mothers day cause my heart aches for my oldest sister. Have been struggling with should I aknowledge mothers day for her or will it push her to dark places. If I get her flowers and my kids sign the card, will she know that we did it cause we love her. The last time our family got together it was very hard on her cause all her nieces and nephews were there except for Ryan. So I don't know if its normal but I certainly identify with the feelings you have shared on here.

As a mother of grief I tell everyone don not send or call me for mother's day
( the world picked day) because it no later applies to me, it just like anything else once you no longer have that title don't keep rubbing it into my heart that my mother days are gone. How can you really call a grieving parent and sad happy anything? If you truly understand everyday is the same to us lost the man made days.

Permalink Reply by Connie on May 6, 2010 at 6:05am

Teresa H said:

Rose said:

I lost my 32 year old nephew to a drug overdose Jan of this year. He was a beautiful man, an athelete, a son, a brother, a grandson and a friend to many. His death has left our family reeling. He is the son of my sister who I am very close with. I have been very supportive; helping in anyway I can. She is amazing to me. Going thru life, working, going to support groups, church and family are important. My problem is that I am grieving the loss of her son more than the loss of my nephew. Does that make sense? I have a 25 year old son and I keep thinking to myself, how can she cope? I can't imagine what she is going through but somehow my own grieving transfers to my own life and my fear of losing my son. Is this normal? I have been reading articles and blogs about grieving and I see myself in many of these articles. Yesterday I booked a trip to see my son, he lives out of state, and the minute I booked it I started to cry; a deep, mourning cry. I have had therapy and was using my tools and understood partly why I was crying, but I was surprised by my reaction; instead of being happy (which I was deep down) I was very sad. I know part of it is feeling guilty; feeling guilty that I can see my son, call him and be with him; not like my sister. I just can't imagine what she is going through. Has anyone experienced this? Any help you can give will be appreciated. Thank you.

Rose I to have lost my nephew to an overdose. I also feel as I'm grieving more for my sister than for myself. Ryan was her only child and was 4 months from his 21st birthday. I to am also going through emense feelings of guilt due to him living with me up until a week before he passed away, and due to the drugs I sked him to leave. In retrospect his statement to me was both prophet, as well as him telling me what he thought would keep him in my home. He told me he was going to die. It has been 10 months since that awful day and my sorrow and guilt have not gotten any better. I'm struggling with the up coming mothers day cause my heart aches for my oldest sister. Have been struggling with should I aknowledge mothers day for her or will it push her to dark places. If I get her flowers and my kids sign the card, will she know that we did it cause we love her. The last time our family got together it was very hard on her cause all her nieces and nephews were there except for Ryan. So I don't know if its normal but I certainly identify with the feelings you have shared on here.

Permalink Reply by Connie on May 6, 2010 at 6:10am

Send the flowers that you are questioning. Our daughter died at age 30 on August 22. I got 4 cherished bouquets on her birthday April 19. Not only did they remember her favorite flower, but more importantly, our friends and family conveyed to us how special our daughter was and their care and concern for us on that day. Let your sister see in a tangible way that your recognize the importance of Mother's Day for her. She will always be the mother of her deceased son. My two surviving kids and husband have made no mention of Mother's Day to me, nor has our son. Do they not have a clue how difficult it will be for me? On the other hand, it is a fine line to walk because they need to know that they are still loved and are here alive. I don't think any of them recognize the HUGE void in my life with the loss of Josie or the pain it causes me.

Permalink Reply by Bobby on May 7, 2010 at 11:23pm

Well, It has been 10 years in Oct. since my son died of Cancer...He was just 9 years old...It was a long 4 year battle with many ups and downs...just so many high hopes he was going to pull through and be ok only for the cancer to come back and crush us all over again and again.

At the time I had been married for many years (12) to be exact and had 3 other children but it all changed me forever...I became cold and withdrawn...I guess maybe afraid to love someone like that again because it just hurt to much to bear the loss...My wife refused to speak, hear or even aknoledge his name other then the way things were before he passed away...I guess looking back, the only thing that mattered at the time was keeping our son comfortable and feeling guilty if we felt anything that remotely resembled feelings because after all, he was the one going through the hell....But as I have grown older "its been ten years now" I've realized, the hell was with the ones left behind....I often think were the ones really in hell on this earth and the ones taken are the lucky ones....they live forever in a peaceful afterlife....I hope this to be true anyway..makes it easier to swallow....and also I came to believe I was not created to understand nor comprehend the "if's" "whys" etc....or it would drive me crazy....were all just here to make a difference in some form or another I guess...and I suppose my son was as well...maybe to teach me a lesson or someone else....does'nt really matter....I once asked this religeous guy preaching to me that, "what if I don't believe in god"....and his reply was " isn't it better to believe in something good then to have nothing at all"....well....nothing at all is what I had for a long time and finally...I came to the good....oh yea....Life still stinks from time to time and I still cry about the same but I accept I can't control some things and I never will be able to....but I can impose a brighter futer on those around me and sometimes....just sometimes...I think thats what my son would really want..

Permalink Reply by Gerry Fiden on May 8, 2010 at 9:05am

Bob,

Read the book Embraced By The Light, by Bette Eadie. I found it helpful years ago and am about to reread it. The book speaks too the lessons we are here to learn,and how as individuals we choose our life path.
Like you, I believe this is our hell,right here on earth. We are all here to connect in someway,and educate/learn from others. Then and only then will we reconnect with our children and loved ones in a better place. Some might say it's just a mothers wishful thinking,but I feel my son guides me to do what I need to do,so I can fulfill my purpose on earth. I only know his untimely death has changed me forever. Ric was killed by a drunk driver Sept. 8th 2009,eight months ago today. This will be my first Mothers Day without him,he was my only child.
God be with you,
Gerry

Bobby said:

Well, It has been 10 years in Oct. since my son died of Cancer...He was just 9 years old...It was a long 4 year battle with many ups and downs...just so many high hopes he was going to pull through and be ok only for the cancer to come back and crush us all over again and again.

At the time I had been married for many years (12) to be exact and had 3 other children but it all changed me forever...I became cold and withdrawn...I guess maybe afraid to love someone like that again because it just hurt to much to bear the loss...My wife refused to speak, hear or even aknoledge his name other then the way things were before he passed away...I guess looking back, the only thing that mattered at the time was keeping our son comfortable and feeling guilty if we felt anything that remotely resembled feelings because after all, he was the one going through the hell....But as I have grown older "its been ten years now" I've realized, the hell was with the ones left behind....I often think were the ones really in hell on this earth and the ones taken are the lucky ones....they live forever in a peaceful afterlife....I hope this to be true anyway..makes it easier to swallow....and also I came to believe I was not created to understand nor comprehend the "if's" "whys" etc....or it would drive me crazy....were all just here to make a difference in some form or another I guess...and I suppose my son was as well...maybe to teach me a lesson or someone else....does'nt really matter....I once asked this religeous guy preaching to me that, "what if I don't believe in god"....and his reply was " isn't it better to believe in something good then to have nothing at all"....well....nothing at all is what I had for a long time and finally...I came to the good....oh yea....Life still stinks from time to time and I still cry about the same but I accept I can't control some things and I never will be able to....but I can impose a brighter futer on those around me and sometimes....just sometimes...I think thats what my son would really want..

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