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Permalink Reply by Lisa M on May 23, 2008 at 6:54pm

The sudden passing of my sibling I must say has been hard very hard especially when my sibling was so young. My sibling that I speak of is my sister, who was and will always be known as a loving, caring, compassionate, talented, strong, motivated and driven person. My sister had no children of her own, but she always dreamed of becoming a mother one day because she loved children with all of her heart and would give you her last cent and the shirt off her back to help someone in need. My sisters passing was unexpected and sudden, which left my family devastated and shocked, but we are learning to deal with my sister's passing because we know this is what our sister would want us to do. I kind of feel good being able to talk to others to see how they deal with the passing of a sibling and just being able to talk to someone and tell them how I feel.

Thank you legacy connect for creating a site where people can share their feelings on such a touchy subject.

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Permalink Reply by Jessica on May 27, 2008 at 10:24am

Lisa, my heart goes out to you. I have a sister, and can't imagine losing her. What a terrible experience for you and your family. I'm sure your sister is proud of you for learning how to deal with her loss and talking about her with others. That's not an easy thing to do.

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Permalink Reply by Elaine Banks Phillips on May 30, 2008 at 12:16am

Lisa so sorry to hear of your loss. I have six(6) sisters we are so close don't know what I would do if I would loose 1 of them and especially an unexpected or sudden death. I do think talking about your love ones helps and heals. If I could only tell or convince myself these words that I am telling you. My son Kris death was an unexpected car accident. I know he would love for me to go on with my life but for some reason its hard for me to accept this. I am praying that one day I to would be able to deal with my son death soon like you and your family.

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Permalink Reply by SANDRA on May 31, 2008 at 9:21pm

I'm still trying to get past the fact that my sister is gone. She killed herself just over three months ago, and I'm not sure how to move on. She was my best friend and now i feel like a big part of who i am is just gone...

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Permalink Reply by Daisy on May 31, 2008 at 11:35pm

OMG its so soon, I dont know what to say to help you ease the pain... I tell you Its been five years and i still choke up on the thought of my brother, thinking of the good times, the bad times and just the fact of not having him anymore... I am sorry you and your family has experinced this tragic loss... dont hold or hide your emotions and just remember its okay to express how you feel, crying does help....

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Permalink Reply by Elaine Banks Phillips on June 1, 2008 at 3:06am

Sandra I don't know if there is a difference in the feeling of the way that a person or love dies. I have never experience the pain of death with some one taking there own life. It hurted me knowing that my mom and dad was dying of cancer,my brother with kidney failure/diabetes,a son from sudden infant death now my son unexpected death. But with my experience the unexpected death gave me the worst heartache. All I loved very dearly. I think our deaths unexpected and taking your life may be a little different. I say this because after Kris death I had a Brain Aneurysm the next year. Its been 2yrs and my heart still aches.

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Permalink Reply by Lee on June 3, 2008 at 12:40pm

Sandra, you might want to talk to kt (http://www.connect.legacy.com/profile/kt). Her best friend took her own life two days ago. Maybe you could help each other through this horrible time.

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Permalink Reply by Elaine Banks Phillips on June 12, 2008 at 5:50am

Trevor I'm sorry it took me so long to respond. So much has happened since my last review on this column. I am truly glad to see so many young people responding. I love the way you quote the Bible and tell us where to find scripture information. I can go straight to the source and read what the chapter is about. You are right GOD is a MERCIFUL ,LOVING GOD and gave his ONLY BEGOTTEN SON so that we may have the right to the tree of life. I know God see and know whats in my heart.I pray everyday that one day I will reunite with my love ones. Thanks so much for your words of encouragements.

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Permalink Reply by BarryWHK on June 22, 2008 at 5:42pm

My younger brother, Darin, died in July 2001 and it was completely unexpected to my entire family, although he was aware of his terminal illness for a long time but never told anyone. He and I hadn't spoken for quite a number or years because of my stubbornness. I decided that I wanted to try and make amends with him in hopes that we could become friends again but I did not realize how sick he was. He was in and out of the hospital for a few weeks and then it was over. It was a complete shock to all of us. My Mom took it the worst. Fortunately, Darin and I talked and visited several times while he was in and out of the hospital. I asked for his forgiveness and told him that I loved him. I apologized for missing out on his love and friendship because of my stubbornness for all the years. He said not to worry about it and that we could still be friends. Darin's always been forgiving like that – I am the complete opposite. It kills me that I allowed my stupid beliefs to get in the way of something so important and I will never be able to get it back. Now I carry so many regrets and so much guilt for my behavior. I know that we could have been good friends because we were very similar creatures. We had similar interests and ideas growing up. We just drifted apart as people do. After all of these years, though, I still feel so foolish because I let insignificant things get in the way of the more important things in life. Now I can never get it back but I still have the guilt and regrets. It's funny how I expected everything to stay the same in this life. Although it's been several years, I still find it hard to believe that one of my brothers is gone forever. When I see his photographs reality comes back to me, every time, and I shake my head with disbelief. I do miss him and I cry for him but I also feel that I haven't really grieved for him because we were so out of touch with each other. I'm just not sure how much more death I can bear.

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Permalink Reply by Mike Kile on June 28, 2008 at 2:19am

Well Sandra and lisa know doubt the death of a brother and sister can likewise stir such feelings. “It’s almost ridiculous to feel anger at someone who’s died but when my sister died, I couldn’t help it. Thoughts like, ‘How could she die and leave me all alone? How could she do that to me?’ kept going through my head.................Some find themselves angry at the sibling for all the pain that his or her death has caused. Some feel neglected, perhaps even resentful, because of all the time and attention that the sick brother or sister received before dying

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Permalink Reply by Mike Kile on June 30, 2008 at 6:03pm

Anne, who had lost her baby Rachel to SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome). Her husband commented: “The surprising thing was that neither Anne nor I cried at the funeral. Everyone else was weeping.” To this, Anne responded: “Yes, but I have done plenty of crying for both of us. I think it really hit me a few weeks after the tragedy, when I was finally alone one day in the house. I cried all day long. But I believe it helped me. I felt better for it. I had to mourn the loss of my baby. I really do believe that you should let grieving people weep. Although it is a natural reaction for others to say, ‘Don’t cry,’ that doesn’t really help.”

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Permalink Reply by Elaine Banks Phillips on June 30, 2008 at 6:44pm

Mike you know something this happened to me with my son Kris. I had to be strong because my daughter was 5 months pregnant,and I needed to be strong for Kris (2) boys Kris J. & Kory J. also for his fiance Enjoli. But a day or two after the funeral it hit me that Kris was gone and that I would not see him again. When reality steps in it hurts. I thought after 2 yrs. I would be able to accept this but it is hard and my heart is still aching. I cries many of days and nights when something reminds me of Kris. Music,TV,bald headed men,and let me see a fire truck here comes the tears. My dad use to say all the time never tell a person not to cry let them get it all out. Not saying that you want cry anymore,this will releave some of the pressure. I think that loosing Kris is why I had my aneurysm 1yr.after Kris death. I think it is good for a person to let their grieving out.

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