Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Elaine Banks Phillips on January 13, 2009 at 2:46pm

Hi Angela,my name is Elaine I don't know the right words to tell you,because I never had two deaths so close at the same time. So this sounds like double pain. If you had the strength and the mind to let us know your feeling God and a professional counselor is who or what you need. I think the feeling would be the same. But God would put no more on you than you can bare. Now I have burried two sons,but not at the same time. But Angela we are here for you. You said you don't know what to think,say or feel. First thank the Lord for giving you the strength and mind to do this much. With your feeling, feel free to talk to us on this site. We all can share our feeling and thoughts together. It is going to be rough with two brothers at the same time,but now is the time for you to go to GOD. Cry out to him ask him for strength where you are weak and to guide you alone the way. Ask him to build you up where you are torn down. Right now ask him to bond you and your family close together now,because now is the time that you all will need each other for support and strength. Remember that earth has no sorrow that heaven cannot heal. If at anytime you need someone to talk to get on your computer and type what you feel and someone will answer you. We are just like family here. You can cry on our shoulders. And it is OK to cry. Because I am still crying for Kris and it will be three years in April. We will be praying for you and your family.....Elaine

Permalink Reply by Angela on January 14, 2009 at 8:43pm

I am 19 years old and my older brother Alvin who passed was a true HERO. I believe he lost his life trying to save my younger brother Michael who fell into the Willamette River on November 16, 2008. A simple fishing trip that turned into a tragedy.... I miss them more than words can describe. Michael was mildley autistic so I was the one who watched and cared for him while my mom was away. I got him up every morning for school and fed him, got him off the bus and made him lunch. Playing video games with him and going to the park, I just can't believe they are gone. It's now almost two months since the day they found them in the river and everday is getting worse. I can't sleep, eat or concentrate... I am having trouble even functioning. I remember when we were out searching the park for them in the middle of the night and my mom and I were calling out "If you can hear me scream real loud" I swear I heard Michael say I do... I prayed that was really him I heard. The day they told us that they found them I just fell to the ground in disbeliefe outside the trailer they had set up for my family to use in the park. My heart is broken into too many pieces to ever be ok again but if anyone has any advice as to making things a little easier as the days pass... I could use it.

Permalink Reply by Kah Massey on January 15, 2009 at 1:22am

Hello Angela,
My prayers go out to your and your family. I lost a brother in 7/94, a sister with a disability 8/07 and a brother 9/07. I am still grieving. I am in counseling and it has helped. I am also working on a masters in special education and the loss of my sister is a driving force. I commend you for taking care of your brother with special needs. You are his SHERO. This is still very fresh. I recommend that you get some professional help if possible. This site is very supportive but we have all experienced losses. It is okay and healthy to cry. Try to remember the good times. My source of strength has come from my faith, my husband and daughter,other family members, friends, this site, gospel music, therapy and some medication at times.
If you are connected to a church, check on grief counseling with them, your community and or through your doctor. Life can throw us some "curve balls" at times and we are "blindsided".
In the future, you might want to set up a memorial site in their memory. Elaine and Stephanie have set theirs up here and they are nice tributes to their love ones. Feel free to email me at pmassey1998@yahoo.com
I pray each hour will get better for you. Keep us posted on your progress...God is going to take care of you for being your "brothers" keeper.

Permalink Reply by Elaine Banks Phillips on January 15, 2009 at 6:43am

Yes Angela,I do encourage you to set up a Memorial Site for your brothers. This can and will enable you to remember them durning family gathering,childhood,school,church or just plan family fun. Some time you may cry,or sometime you may laugh and say remember when or how. Every time I look at Kris Memorial Site I either laugh or cry. Now I am crying because it is getting close to that month. But I am praying that it will be tears of joy. I love him,but I also know that God Loved him more. I won't lie because I miss Kris so much,no one will ever know how much. It has been three or almost three years on April,9th. I lost lost three people that was so dear to me in the month of April. My Father,Mother and Kris. April,4th my Dad,April,9th my Mom and than Kris April,9th. So this will always be a month not to ever forget. But Angela do like Kah encourage you to do. Find a church home if you don't have one or not affiliated with one,or professional counseling. I did it and it helps. I will be praying still with you and your family.... Elaine

Permalink Reply by Debbie Skelley on February 11, 2009 at 12:58pm

I too lost my sister last week suddenly. She had been ill for the past couple of years but never did I really believe she was going to die. We were very close. I don't know how to move forward. I try. I go to work and come home and the minute I leave work I am consumed by it. I just wanted to say good bye and she was gone before I could get to her. My heart actually aches when I think about never seeing her again. How do you move forward?

Permalink Reply by Stephanie on February 11, 2009 at 8:54pm

Debbie, I lost my sister Abby in Sept '07 and I regretted that I was not with her but as hard as it was I think the Lord intervened and was trying to protect me. I loved her with all my heart and miss her so much. She was ill but I too was never ready to lose her. I created a memorial website for her and spend a lot of time working on it so that has helped me so much. I also talk to quite a few people on this site and it helps. I am not sure I can say I have moved forward yet. I mean I live and work and enjoy my family but I think of her everyday. I enclosed her memorial site to share with you and if you would like e-mail me back or write on this site and share more about your sister. I would like to share and be a shoulder for you.I can really offer you one bit of advice and that is to talk about her as much as you can. I believe that is therapy in itself no matter whether it is a support group, professional, or strangers like this site. I will keep you in my prayers Stephanie
http://memorialwebsites.legacy.com/abby-hoda/homepage.aspx

Permalink Reply by Erica Pomerleau on February 12, 2009 at 7:00am

Debbie..My heart goes out to you. It is still very new and it is going to take a while to feel like you can move forward. My brother was killed 6 1/2 years ago and I still have days that I don't want to go on but I make it through those days knowing that another tough day is around the corner. Silly things will remind you of your sister and the pain will come back but after the hurt has lessened a bit those things will make you smile instead of cry. It took me 6 yrs before i could even look at a site like this and I took Elaine's advice and started a memorial site for my brother. It has been very therapeutic and it is nice to know that after all this time he is not forgotten. I also finally started counseling and that has been a tremendous help. Like I said, it took me 6 yrs to make it to this point so give yourself some time.

Permalink Reply by Elaine Banks Phillips on February 12, 2009 at 11:32am

Hi Debbie,my name is Elaine and I know the feeling. I lost my brother in 2003,but I still have that sadden feeling sometimes because I miss him so much. He was our father after my father passed in 1987. Than my brother died when he was supposed to Bar-b-que for my birthday,so you know that I was very much hurt and in pain. Also I lost my son in 2006. This was after after all we had lost from Katrina in 2005,than 2006 I lost Kris to a fatal car accident. So this left me with plenty of heartache and pain. To tell you the truth the pain is still there. But like Stephanie and Erica I encourage them to make a Memorial Site for their love ones. It is therapy for you. Also professional counseling. I goes to Kris Memorial Site sometimes often and when that sad feeling comes across my heart I go to the Site and view his pictures and read all the great words that was said about him. Also I go to Legacy.com and read his Legacy Sign in Book and read what was said about Kris from so many different family and friends. So just try the Memorial Site. I didn't know anything about computers until Kris death. Still learning because Kris use to do everything for me. I could hear him now saying,MAMA PLEASE DON'T TOUCH THE COMPUTER,I WILL FINISH WHEN I GET HOME FROM WORK. This makes me smile when I think about the things that Kris use to say and do. So Debbie don't forget to pray and ask God to strengthen and guide you through with this heartache and pain. Also remember that Earth Has No Sorrow That Heaven Cannot Heal. I will be praying with you.....Elaine

Permalink Reply by maria on March 3, 2009 at 6:25pm

I lost my sweet sister Oct. '09. How do you move forward? Move forward at your own pace. Sometimes minute to minute and other times day to day. Everyone grieves differently. It sounds like your are moving forward by going to work and getting on this website. Grieving is a process. Are you asking how to move forward from the heart ache? All I can say is cry when you feel like crying and laugh when you feel like laughing. Sometimes it helps me to watch a movie. It always helps me to pray and I talk to my sister. I don't know if she really hears me but I pretend she does. At first I was talking to her all day. Writing to your sister helps too. You don't have to show it to anyone. I hope this helps.

Your loss is still very fresh as is mine. Hang in there.

Permalink Reply by marybeth bergin on February 12, 2009 at 5:33am

I lost my brother and best friend 5yrs ago today. I miss him so much. As time goes on I learn to live with the loss of my brother, but I also learn to have a different relationship with him. I know he is right here beside me.
But I still crave that hug, to see his smile to hear his voice. He always said to me "girl its all about love" and I carry that with me because it truly is. I will spend today celebrating my brother being open to feeling his presence because he truly does come you just have to let him.

Marybeth

Permalink Reply by Stephanie on February 12, 2009 at 8:53pm

Marybeth, I sure agree with you about those hugs. My sister Abby was a big girl and when she gave you a hug her soul went into it and you felt nothing but loved. I miss that so much and her smile would light up a room. It really does take time to get past that raw grief and even though the reminders will always be there the pain will lessen in time I am sure. Right now I come and go with it but it has only been 16 months and sometimes it feels like yesterday. Stephanie

Permalink Reply by Elaine Banks Phillips on February 12, 2009 at 9:04pm

Hi Stephanie and Marybeth,yes those hugs mean a lot. Kris use to puckle his lips to kiss,I would say boy go,I don't know where them lips been. Than he would give me this big bear hug,where I could never get a loose and kiss me. Oh I just miss that so much. It will be three years on April 9th. But it still feels like yesterday. It has ease up some,but the heartache and pain is still there. I miss Kris so much,I says no one really know the heartache and pain that I have with Kris death. Through God,friends,family and the Legacy.connect I am making it. Just do like we do write to each other and that will help some. Because we know how you feel. Here for you at anytime Marybeth.......Elaine

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