Dealing with a sibling's death

Grief support: Share your story and learn from others about coping with the loss of a sibling.

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Hank on June 16, 2009 at 2:06pm

Feeling kind of blah today. Like my brain won't allow deep feeling any more. I miss my brother badly, but i guess this is life. I am trying to move forward, but at times this seems an insurmountable task. I now know you don't get "over" these events you learn to cope and move forward as best you can.

Permalink Reply by dj on June 17, 2009 at 6:59am

my sister died april 20,2009. she was 41. she had been in a mental state hospital most of her life. I did'nt go visit her like i should of because i am a coward and i could'nt deal seeing her that way. The times my mom would go she would come back and say how sick she was. We brought her home to bury her. I thought i was gonna die. she was perfect. so tiny. i then saw pictures of her at the school and i regret not going to see her. I am so angry at my mom for making it sound worse than it was. omg, i look back and think what was i doing all those years i could have been with her. i can not handle her death and i feel like i am dying. just because she could'nt communicate with us did'nt mean we did'nt love her. I feel cheated. It's weird, i had planned to go see her April 26. and she died april 20th. why did'nt God give me that one chance to see her? I so loved my sister and because i am weak i let time go by and now she's gone. I don't think i am going to be o.k. I want to dream her,hear her. i just don't know anymore...

Permalink Reply by Hank on June 17, 2009 at 9:55am

Di, sorry for your loss and regrets. It seems we all have regrets that we could have done more. I tried hard to get my bro off drugs, and i regret terribly the last few phone conversations we had where i was frustrated and short with him. But 2 phone calls doesn't compare to an entire lifetime of mutual love. We loved each other despite ups and downs, as I'm sure your sister and you did too. None of us is perfect and we get only one chance here to do it right. Don't beat yourself up, as I'm sure your sis would hate if you did that. We all are heading to that peaceful place where our loved ones are now. I'm just going to patiently wait till that time comes and try to enjoy the rest of my life.

Hank

Permalink Reply by dj on June 18, 2009 at 2:23am

Hank, thank you for taking the time to read my hurts. Thank you so much for your kind words, you have no idea how much they helped me. Again, thank you. dj

Hank said:

Di, sorry for your loss and regrets. It seems we all have regrets that we could have done more. I tried hard to get my bro off drugs, and i regret terribly the last few phone conversations we had where i was frustrated and short with him. But 2 phone calls doesn't compare to an entire lifetime of mutual love. We loved each other despite ups and downs, as I'm sure your sister and you did too. None of us is perfect and we get only one chance here to do it right. Don't beat yourself up, as I'm sure your sis would hate if you did that. We all are heading to that peaceful place where our loved ones are now. I'm just going to patiently wait till that time comes and try to enjoy the rest of my life.

Hank

Permalink Reply by Hank on June 19, 2009 at 1:05pm

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Permalink Reply by Hank on June 19, 2009 at 1:52pm

Does anyone else feel out there that they are half-dead themselves after losing a close sibling? I sure do.

Hank

Permalink Reply by sandy davis on June 22, 2009 at 7:24pm

Hank said:

Cindy, sorry for your loss. I lost my brother 2 1/2 months ago. I cried every day for 2 months, now i block it out and can cry every three days or so. I carry a picture of us as kids in my wallet, and i cherish all the good memories every day. I was feeling regret for not spending more time with him, but am realizing that he would hate that i was depressed and would give me a good kick in the rear. So for him, to honor him, i try to stay positive.

Hank

Permalink Reply by sandy davis on June 22, 2009 at 7:31pm

hank, i lost my younger brother four and a half months ago. he died very unexpectedly of a massive heart attack while on a hunting trip. he was in his tree stand when he was found by his hunting partner. i am some comforted that he was doing his favorite thing but if he had been at work at the university of alabama in birmingham, alabama, he might could have been saved. but would he have been sick and weak for the rest of his life. i have so many thoughts that i have about driven myself crazy. i worry about my mom of course. i am working like a true workaholic because it seems to be diversion. everyone says focus on the ones who are living whom you love and i do try to do just that. my husband of 37 years walked out on me after my brother had been dead for only two months. he really picked a wonderful time. let's kick her when she's down i guess. what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. but i miss my brother sooooo much. i physically hurt sometimes. i have problems sleeping, crazy dreams, can't remember anything, can't think straight. i am a mess. but i am still keeping on keeping on. i am determined to do well for my brother and in spite of my husbands cruelty. we will be okay we just must work at it like it is a job. crazy, huh?

Permalink Reply by Devona Rodricq on June 23, 2009 at 2:42am

sandy davis said:

hank, i lost my younger brother four and a half months ago. he died very unexpectedly of a massive heart attack while on a hunting trip. he was in his tree stand when he was found by his hunting partner. i am some comforted that he was doing his favorite thing but if he had been at work at the university of alabama in birmingham, alabama, he might could have been saved. but would he have been sick and weak for the rest of his life. i have so many thoughts that i have about driven myself crazy. i worry about my mom of course. i am working like a true workaholic because it seems to be diversion. everyone says focus on the ones who are living whom you love and i do try to do just that. my husband of 37 years walked out on me after my brother had been dead for only two months. he really picked a wonderful time. let's kick her when she's down i guess. what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. but i miss my brother sooooo much. i physically hurt sometimes. i have problems sleeping, crazy dreams, can't remember anything, can't think straight. i am a mess. but i am still keeping on keeping on. i am determined to do well for my brother and in spite of my husbands cruelty. we will be okay we just must work at it like it is a job. crazy, huh?

Permalink Reply by Patty on June 23, 2009 at 4:14pm

I lost my oldest and only brother on May 31, 2009. His son and I found him dead in his car on my driveway. He was only 43, he had a stroke... the shock of seeing him dead, touching him.... I can not get that out of my head.... I miss him terribly..... I feel so empty inside. What makes this sooo much worse is that at the time I was mad at him I we had not spoken in 3 months..... the remourse I feel along with the guilt and the shame is unberable. My monther is 80 years old.... I know she has it the hardest.... I can not imagine what she is going thru losing a child has to be devatating.....
I have this great overwhelming sadness...I love you brother!!! I never told him that..... But I did/do LOVE MY BRTOHER!!!

Permalink Reply by sandy davis on June 23, 2009 at 8:22pm

patty, i truly truly know how you feel. it is a terrible loss. one you just don't know until you experience it. i have told many people who lost a brother or sister that i was sooooo very sorry but i never their pain until my own dear brother passed away. i really don't think you ever ever get over it but i do think you get to the point of being able to function and cope. at least that is what i am told by other people who have lost siblings. the relationship with a sibling is one of the longest relationships you will ever have and i think that is why the loss is so great. of course, i agree that our mothers are grieving like we hope we will never ever experience. i will tell you to pray and allow yourself to grieve but do try to keep on keeping on. good luck and i will be thinking of you and praying for you and all who have experienced such a loss. sandy

Patty said:

I lost my oldest and only brother on May 31, 2009. His son and I found him dead in his car on my driveway. He was only 43, he had a stroke... the shock of seeing him dead, touching him.... I can not get that out of my head.... I miss him terribly..... I feel so empty inside. What makes this sooo much worse is that at the time I was mad at him I we had not spoken in 3 months..... the remourse I feel along with the guilt and the shame is unberable. My monther is 80 years old.... I know she has it the hardest.... I can not imagine what she is going thru losing a child has to be devatating.....
I have this great overwhelming sadness...I love you brother!!! I never told him that..... But I did/do LOVE MY BRTOHER!!!

Permalink Reply by Hank on June 24, 2009 at 9:06am

This sucks. Just when i feel like i'm gaining some faith back, I turn the news on and yet another senseless tragedy strikes. There's just no logic to what seems to happen every single day in this world. If there's a god............why? Please help us.

HPR