Effie, what a beautiful letter. I lost a sister over 30 years ago and I still think of her often. I lost my husband 5/22/09 and my mom 4/15/07. They say death if part of life but when it happens it doesn't feel like it, does it? I remember when my beautiful sister died I was so broken up and then mom hurt and when I was just coming back my Tom died suddenly and that was just so horrible. I am feeling almost normal again but some days it still just seems so unreal. I miss him every day and he remains in my heart and mind as always my love. Take care of yourself and please come back. suep
i signed up for daily emails from grief share and they have been so helpful to me. i really thought it just must be me, not being able to have any sense of control. but reading these daily emails i have discovered some of the unusual timings to my grief, out of the blue total devastation, is a normal thing. i am also interested in what the shock of a sudden loss of a younger sibling, with no warning whatsoever, can do to your body. i am having a hard time staying grounded. i worry so much about my mom because after she lost a child and i can't even imagine that. losing a brother has really knocked me for a loop. it has almost been six months and i still just cannot believe he is really gone. no more talking to him, no nothing. it has been the worst thing ever. i do have some wonderful friends and family helping me out but sometimes people just think you should just be okay after a few months. of course these are the people who haven't dealt with anything like this. my husband chose two months after my brother passed away to leave the marriage and that was a bit much while trying to deal with the loss of my younger brother. but i am determined to be alright. i guess that is one thing my heartless cruel husband did was to give me a determination to survive, and even thrive and believe me i am putting my all into it. but i still have my moments. never ever will i ever completely recover from the first six months of 2009. these six months have been burned in my brain as the worst time ever. i now have fears of who is the next person that i might lose. i worry so about my mom. she seems so vulnerable, emotionally and physically. my brother was a wonderful son to her and how she is handling this i will never know. but, we are going to be okay.
I'm so sorry for your loss and i can relate. We all feel that we could have done more for our siblings it seems. I paid for my brothers rehabs and i offered him jobs when he got out of jail. We shared so many inside family jokes that i feel empty without them.
The only thing i can offer to you is how i approach the guilt. My brother would hate that i was feeling bad, and would tell me to stop "creating" negatives.
I lost my hero/brother last december. I dont really know how to deal with it still. We all knew it was coming for along time...but it all happened sooo soon. When Troy was 2 he was diagnosed with Duchenne's Muscular Dystrophy. Over the years Troy had his ups and downs. He was walking for a long time, until he was about 13.... then was permantly put in a wheelchair. but he never let anything he had going on get him down. Right after troy was put in his chair he had to have a back surgery and was in the hospital for a number of weeks. When he was about 16 ( i was in 8th grade, and he's 2 yrs older than me) there was GOOD news.... or so we thought. We heard about this surgery that could save troy's life and allow him to walk again! Myoblast Transfer Therapy--- we were all sooo excited.. (there are 6 children in our blended family, plus his mom/step-dad and our parents)... only problem at first was the cost... more than 250,000 dollars. plus the FDA had not approved such surgery in the United States, so my parents and brothers were set to go to France to have it done. We did everything we could think of doing. We went to our local wal-mart and asked for donations, we ask for donations from some of the major companies my parents worked with, we held garage and rummage sells, car washes, put adds in the local papers, everything, to get the money to do this for Troy. We ended up with about 1/2 of what we needed to get the surgery done... then we got some horrible news... the Dr. in which was supposed to be doing the surgery, we discovered was a fraud. So we did not end up getting the surgery done. Fast foward 4 years. Troy's fine..he's made it past all the doctor's expectiations. He's now 20!!! and gets put in the hospital for something major for the 1st time! very scary. He's in ICU for over a month... it was heart breaking. one of my sisters and I decided we needed to bring his spirits up... so, we contacted Troy's Favorite football team (Dallas Cowboys, he was actually named after them...and they had granted him a Make-A-When he was 5), we had asked if there was any way that any of the players could make a trip to the hospital to see troy.. unforutantly they were unable to do that, but they did do something that did lift his spirits to the highest to where he got out of icu and go to go home. They sent him all kinds of goodies. an autographed Roy Williams football, cheerleaders poster, a cowboy's bear and sooo much more. It was amazing. Troy ended up getting out of the hospital and going home for about 6 months, went back into the hospital and back home. for 2 years he was in and out of the hospital. the last time he was in there, he told his mom that if he got sick again he did not want to go to the hospital, he wanted to go "home". So in Dec. my brother went "home". I remember getting the call. I had moved out of state and was at work when my dad called me i broke down. I couldnt drive home, my fiance had to come get me from work.. the next day i had to be at work all day and it was one of thehardest day of my life! My fiance and i came home for the funeral-- that was the hardest day of my life. our oldest sister gave a speech, and troy's little brother gave one as well. His mom did do something i had never seen at a funeral before though. We had a balloon release. Everyone there wrote on a piece of paper a memory, or a message to troy and at the cemetary we released over 50 silver and blue balloons (most of which had 3/4 messages on them) to the sky to reach troy.
Now the reason i cant grab a hold of all this is because i feel horrible. When we were little, troy and i were really close... so close that i would sleep in the same bedroom as he did when he was in town to help him. then when we got older, i got a life and didnt talk to him as much as i probably should have and i feel like i let him down. and i dont know if this is normal or not. He was 23 when he passed and i was 21....but can we go back in time when we were teenagers making fun of each other on the way to the high school football games? PLEASE?