Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Effie on December 7, 2009 at 8:02am

Wow. Then you know exactly how I feel. I noticed you said "6 and a half months. I am sure you know the day and the time...When my brother Alex died the accident happened a few hundred miles from me and my parents so it took a little while to find out if he was ok. We knew he had been in an accident but had no idea...I called the hostpital to ask how he was and if I could come see him, I was ready to get in my car and go. But when I called they put me through to the head of the hospital who proceeded to tell me she couldn't give out any information to anyone but his wife. At the same time my cell phone started to ring. And I just knew. I answered and my dad said, "he's gone". I remember thinking "what does he mean GONE????". But I knew. I fell to my knees. I cried out this horrible sound. I screamed NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!! My life changed at that moment like no other. Even the birth of my two daughters. Alex was half of who I was. He was my little buddy. It was me and him. NO matter if friends or spouses come and go, we had each other. He was supposed to bury me. This experience has rocked my soul to the core and I am not the same. Sometimes the tears just flow and I can't stop them. Other times I think fo him and smile recalling the follies of our childhood. The earth lost a good soul the day my brother left it. I wish I could tell the world. He was here and he was my brother. Thank you for sharing because sometimes no matter how many people I talk to, not many truly understand.. I have had to rebuild myself. It will take many years to come to be who I have to be in this life, without him. I am don't know who that woman is just yet. But I am starting to know her better. You all help me with that. You are in my thoughts today. I can't say for sure things will be ok but I do know life goes on. And I would rather be living than not. Because he can't. Every sunset and every sunny day, every holiday and child's milestone, I witness it for him. And I hope and pray with all my soul I will see him first when I leave. That will be the best day. But I hope far off. I still have things to do. LOVE to you ALL!

suzann said:

i know how you feel for i am also a only child now. i lost my only sibling, my brother john 6 1/2months ago in a car wreck five days after my birthday. that was the last time i heard his voice and talked to him he called me the morning of my birthday to wish me a happy birthday as he always did. we too where very close a little over 1 year apart, we always took care of each other, me being the oldest i took care of him more on a finacial base, but he was always there for me when i was feeling afraid, sad, just like things were as bad as they could be , just seeing him made some situations seem like it was ok. even though he was my little brother, he to was 6 feet tall and people thought he was the oldest . he was living in calif at time of death and my mom me and two boys in texas. we were a very close family, he was the best uncle to my boys., he was just a one of a kind guy, he touched the hearts of people he came to know, very helpful never bullshited you what you saw is what you got with him. i feel like i lost apart of my soul and i can't stop crying over this, and all i want to do is talk about him but it seems like everyone else is trying to move on. i thought about him the day it happen i talked about him to co workers , and thougt about calling him just to say what up. but i never did . that night mom got call from the calif sheriff. the only person that knows what happen is his fiance who was driving the car, and who is also carring his one and only baby, mircle baby he is 35 and thought he couldn't have babies, we want the baby to know us and know her dad, but they to live so far away, she says she will let us be apart of the baby life , as of now we only get updates when we reach out, he was so happy about his baby, everyone that seen him days before accident said he was really happy with his life finally, and he dreamed that the baby was girl and she is the first girl in our family since 30 years, savannah rose dunn will be with us on dec. 13, 2009. and the idea that he wont be there to welcame her is another sad thoughthe is missin so much it breaks my heart. i miss my brother so much and everyday is just as hard if not harder than the first

Effie said:

Nu-Tausha, I am an only child now too as my only sibling and brother passed away two and a half years ago in a car accident, leaving behind a new wife and two young sons, my parents and myself. I can tell you that when it is your only sibling and you become an only child after their death it can be very traumatic for the survivor. I wish I didn't know that so well. I feel like half of me is in the ground also. I miss him every day and I cry for him every day. For me it has not gotten easier. I wish I could say it has. But that would be a lie. HOwever everyone deals with death differently. I miss being called "sis". I miss feeling like no matter what happened in my life my brother would be there for me. Now I must live for the rest of my life without him and that is a scary thought for me. Iam 40 and he was my younger brother but he was so tall, 6'4, that I felt like he was older sometimes. I called him my "big" brother. He was a great person and I too want desperately for his two sons to know him through my eyes, but they live very far away now. But someday. All I can say is that I know exactly, exactly, how you feel. I live with a ghost too. It's very lonely. I understand.

nu-tausha mason said:

My name is Nu-Tausha Mason and I am an only child now. I am so alone and my heart hurts. My beloved brother Tu-mack Mason passed away on Sep.6-2009 of a accidental drug overdose from medications that the doctor had perscribed for a work injury he had went through a month earlier. This was so unexpected he was only 25 years old. He left behind three children and two nephews and a niece. My brother was always ther for me no matter how bizzare the situation and we were so close that it feels like part of me has been put in the dirt with him. I will never be the same again I know this in my heart. We were not always the best to eachother but we had a bond that you only have once in a lifetime. I find it very difficult to live each day and just want to pick up the phone and call him. His wifes family took care of the funeral and I feel guilty that in the end I could do nothing but cry, that's all I can do anymore. I didn't get to say goodbye. He stopped by my house a few days before his overdose and I wasn't at home, why? Why couldn't I have had that one day? Would I have been able to tell there was something wrong? Did this happen by accident? My brother and I have had a history of drug abuse in our lives and my brother had legal problems. Was he tired of the fight? Did he just over do it? Was he scared he was going to prison and didn't have the use of his hands anymore for protection. Did the depression finally get the better of him? Will his children and nieces and nephews remember him? Well they will if I have anything to do with it. No matter what was going on in my brothers life he was always a good dad. He loved kids expecially his own and mine. Our dad and mom have lost two children now, they lost a little baby girl at birth back in 81 or 82. My mom hasn't spoke to me since a few days after the funeral. My dad and I recindled our relationship after the passing. I have since went to rehab because I was dealing with all this in a destructive way and if I had not gone I might had ended up the same, and I have to be around to keep my brothers name alive. It is coming up on 12 weeks and I feel no better emotionaly than the day my friend came to tell me that he was put in the hospital, and that there was no brain activity. I remember walking into the hospital room and seeing his body lying there unresponsive and his pupils fixed also without response. I have flashbacks of all this and yet I find it hard to remeber the last conversation we had, Why? I just wanted to get some of this off my chest and I realy don't feel any better but it's worth a try. If anyone can relate please do so I could use some support right now. Thank you.

Permalink Reply by Diane on December 15, 2009 at 9:51pm

Nu-Tausha, Suzann, and Effie, I have no healing words for you, as my own wound is still very fresh. Just wanted to let you know that what you wrote resonates with me. Effie, your description of how you felt when you learned about your brother's death sounds so familiar. I was in a meeting the morning of November 9 (just last month) when my boyfriend called me at work on my cell phone (which he never does). I knew something bad must have happened--I thought maybe it was about my father, who is in his 80s--but I never expected the words that followed when I called him back a few minutes later in the privacy of my own office: "I just talked to your dad. Bill was in an accident. He died."

I also remember falling to my knees, crying "No, no, no..." and wailing like an animal. It felt like my soul was being ripped in half. Bill was my only sibling, too. Our mother died after a very long and difficult battle with cancer while we were both teenagers; in the years after, there had been periods when we drifted apart as we tried hard to save ourselves from drowning in our own grief, but I always counted on the fact that he understood, like no one else in my life, how profoundly her loss had shaped me. And he loved me and was more proud of me than anyone else ever could have been, probably because he himself knew how hard it was just to survive.

I'm still piecing together so many feelings: rage over the senseless nature of his death (he was on his motorcycle, in the parking lot of his place of employment, traveling slowly over a speed bump when an elderly driver mowed him down because she confused her gas and brake pedals); despair that I didn't get a chance to wish him a happy birthday (he would have been 42 if he'd lived for one more day); pressure to take care of his fiancee; sorrow over my own life choices (I have no children of my own); but most of all, just a deep and wrenching loneliness that I know can never be repaired.

I'm trying hard to hold onto memories from 2008, a year that drew us closer than we'd been in a long time. I found an email I sent him about a year ago, a few days after his birthday, in which I told him how lucky I felt that he was my brother. We don't say things like that a lot in my family, so it gives me some sense of peace to know that he heard it from me. I just wish I'd had a chance to tell him one more time how much I loved him. I wish I could have had one more bear hug from him as I left his house at Thanksgiving, which was his favorite holiday. If I try, I can almost feel that hug: I pray that time does not take this sensation away. I've already endured the fading memories of my mother, and I don't think I can live through the loss of Bill's memory, too.

Permalink Reply by David on December 22, 2009 at 11:54pm

Diane,

I am very sorry to hear that you have lost your brother and I know it must be hard just after the first year. I really have no idea what it would be like to lose a brother whom I knew. I found out as a younger child, around the pre-teen years, that my first sibling was conceived around my first birthday. I was so young when he was born that I have no recollection of the event at all. My parents had two children that year, Ryan and Claire. Both of my parents have a recessive gene for polycystic kidney disease and it just so happens they didn't discover it until after the birth of their second child, my younger brother.

I didn't even know him or my sister. I vaguely remember being at the hospital when my mother was giving birth to the third child, Claire. However, the memories are very distant. Both died from polycystic kidney failure. Ryan was three days old at the time of his death and Claire made it only a few short hours.

I have just stumbled onto Ryan's birth certificate today in an old chest containing my mothers wedding gown and a few baby clothes. He was born the day after Christmas. It makes me so sad to know that I had a little brother who I will never know in this life. He could've been my best friend. We could've been celebrating his 19th birthday just this week. I wish so badly that I could've known him. I have an adopted sister who feels like my own blood. Most times I never even think about her being adopted.

I never imagined before today that I would feel any grief over the death of someone who I literally did not know one thing about. However, I do feel deep sadness inside in the pit of my stomach at the thought of having two younger siblings whom I'll never know. It makes me wonder what it would be like if they were both still alive today.

I'll always remember the day after Christmas, from this year forward, being the day that my little brother was born. It changes the entire holiday for me and makes me wonder how my parents have made it through all of these years being happy and showing no sign of grief at Christmas. I'll now feel grief each year over a sibling I never knew and I never imagined it would be hard. There are just so many questions I want to ask but I'm afraid to upset my family by bringing up the past that has been laid to rest. I know they still remember. I just don't want my family to be uncomfortable discussing this with me.

Permalink Reply by Stephanie on December 24, 2009 at 11:18am

http://memorialwebsites.legacy.com/abby-hoda/homepage.aspx
I am writing on this Christmas Eve 2009 to remember my sister Abby. This is my 3rd Christmas without her and even though it would be selfish of me to wish her back here I can't help wishing I could see her one more time. My sister was deaf and had severe mental illness and I cared for her for many years. I knew she was very physically ill but her death came as such a shock and I was devastated. A huge part of me went with her that day because having cared for her it felt as if I lost a child. I will never truly get over it but I created this website so I can remember, celebrate, and yes still grieve. I hope you all will find strength in knowing our loved ones are in a better place and even though we grieve we know deep down memories will get us through and the Lord can give us strength. God bless and Merry Christmas to all. Stephanie

Attachments:

• xmas 2010.gif, 103 KB

Permalink Reply by Amy Porter on January 3, 2010 at 3:32pm

Meagan I sorry about your brother I know how you feel my i was 12 my older brother joey was on his way to his second job he lived in NH with his girlfriend There was back ice he was were a seat belt but the truck flip and threw him out and he die for head injures it was the day after Thanksgiving in 2006 I know how you fell when I found I was all numb and cry my self to sleep it be three on November 24 ,2009 and I still cry

Permalink Reply by Stormy Ermatinger on January 7, 2010 at 11:31pm

My name is Stormy. I'm 20 years old. I've lost 3 siblings in the last 12 years. I'm the youngest of of 5 children plus many half-siblings. My half brother Tinger-Merv died when I was 7 years old he was a bad alcoholic who pretty much drank himself to death. I don't remember him very well, but I do remember he was good to me. I grew up in a big family, but we always had problems, my dad was an alcoholic when I was growing up hes been sober for about 13 years, but my siblings seemed to pick up the slack after he stopped including me when I hit highschool. My brother John was my mom's first born, my brother Chris came in second, Misty, my oldest sister, and my sister Amber who was the best friend I ever had. When I graduated from high school, that was a summer that spun completely out of control for me I was drinking a lot and smoking a lot of weed. I didn't have a very close relationship with my family at the time. When September 11th 2007 rolled around I woke up from a night of partying to find out my oldest brother John had killed himself earlier that morning. My brother was in a lot of pain he had been abusing drugs and alcohol for many many years and I just think he didn't think he would ever be sober, so he just gave up. He had a son on the way that he never met. My brothers death took me by storm. I became very detached from my family and I started doing more drugs myself. My brother Chris was usually never home because he lived somewhere else hes the only one that ever got out, my sister Misty is heavily strung out, and my sister Amber was spinning out of control faster then I was. I went pretty far down only to realize this was not the life I wanted to live, so I stopped. I still drink from time to time...but never excessively. In the midst of losing my brother, I had 2 of my best friends kill themselves between the dates of May 28th to May 30th 2009. Luke and Cory. These 2 boys were my like my brothers. Up until this point...I was beginning to come to closure with my brother John...but losing 2 friends the same way...it put me right back at square one again. Then on August 2, 2009...I went to work and at about 5pm I got a call from the sheriff to tell my that my sister Amber had overdosed earlier that morning. My world had completely collapsed. Amber was my best friend. We were the youngest of the family and we had the most in common. She left behind her 2 year old daughter Skylar. I never fully understood why i have to endure so much at such a young age. I keep thinking about my sister and I don't know what the future holds because shes no longer in it anymore. She was always there and now shes not. The pain of losing her is almost unbearable. Everyday is a challenge. I miss her so much. She would've have been 25 this up coming Sunday. Happy Birthday Amber.

Permalink Reply by beauty3 on January 16, 2010 at 12:57pm

how do i teach my children to cope with the passing of their newborn sister. she died almost 1 year ago, she was healthy and happy but died due to someone else's negligence my son was 3 and of course her twin sister who was 3 months old. my daughter does not sleep the same and she is more whiney than she was before, i know partially to do with her age but she is just so much different than she was before her twin passed. a few nights after she died, my daughter was "talking" to her twin. the room was dark, it was night time and all lights were off, except the one in the closet, which the door was closed. all of a sudden my baby started babbling, waving to this one particular corner of the room, she had this smile on her face.

this summer and still, my son would talk about my daughter- the one who passed away. he asks about her all the time, says he misses her and loves her and asks when he can see her again. he has asked if he can go up to heaven and play with her. i know he didnt mean it like that but when he asked, i freaked out just the thought of sending another child to heaven.

i got my son in pre-k, thinking it would help him to be around other kids and it has helped. he started about 5 months after her passing.

Permalink Reply by Lori Sherry on February 3, 2010 at 4:58pm

The sudden passing of my sibling was really hard. My sibiling that I speak of is my brother. He was so young. He was loving, caring and a talented person. My brother had no children. My brother's passing was unexpected and sudden which left my family really shocked, but, we are learning to deal with my brother's passing because we knew this is what my brother would've wanted us to do.

Permalink Reply by Chrissy on February 3, 2010 at 10:58pm

never did i think i would get a broken heart from my brother. he was my best friend the one i truly counted on and trusted. he was taken from this world by his girlfriends sister who my high on meth, heroin, and linthium!! she tried to kill her own sister and my two nephews too. some believe that when victor died his soul/spirit caused the gun to jam so she could not hurt them. i know that if he could of done that then thats exactly what he did. i miss him so much. it was exactly one week before christmas in 2008. the trial started in dec 2009. she recieved life in prison without the possibility of parole. okay so she got what she deserved but were still left without a son, brother, uncle, father...best friend. where is the justice, really? even if she was given the death penalty i still would not be happy because nothing will ever bring back my sweet brother!!!

Permalink Reply by Shannon on February 4, 2010 at 11:32pm

Chrissy said:

never did i think i would get a broken heart from my brother. he was my best friend the one i truly counted on and trusted. he was taken from this world by his girlfriends sister who my high on meth, heroin, and linthium!! she tried to kill her own sister and my two nephews too. some believe that when victor died his soul/spirit caused the gun to jam so she could not hurt them. i know that if he could of done that then thats exactly what he did. i miss him so much. it was exactly one week before christmas in 2008. the trial started in dec 2009. she recieved life in prison without the possibility of parole. okay so she got what she deserved but were still left without a son, brother, uncle, father...best friend. where is the justice, really? even if she was given the death penalty i still would not be happy because nothing will ever bring back my sweet brother!!!

Permalink Reply by Shannon on February 4, 2010 at 11:39pm

Chrissy said:

never did i think i would get a broken heart from my brother. he was my best friend the one i truly counted on and trusted. he was taken from this world by his girlfriends sister who my high on meth, heroin, and linthium!! she tried to kill her own sister and my two nephews too. some believe that when victor died his soul/spirit caused the gun to jam so she could not hurt them. i know that if he could of done that then thats exactly what he did. i miss him so much. it was exactly one week before christmas in 2008. the trial started in dec 2009. she recieved life in prison without the possibility of parole. okay so she got what she deserved but were still left without a son, brother, uncle, father...best friend. where is the justice, really? even if she was given the death penalty i still would not be happy because nothing will ever bring back my sweet brother!!!

Permalink Reply by dianne on February 28, 2010 at 11:27pm

on february 22, 2010 my younger brother lost his battle to brain cancer. he was diagnosed in june of 2008. he fought the whole time and never let it get him down. he was so positive and such a great kid. he was 19 when passed away. i know he is in a better place but i miss him terribly. not really sure how to deal with all of this. the funeral was the worst day of my life. he and i share a da...different moms. for some unknown reason we were unable to see my brother. we didnt even get the chance to say good bye. the funeral home was the first time i had seen him since november of 2008. it breaks my heart to not of been able to be there for him through all of this. he and i used to be so close. i took care of him as a kid....and we were like best friends up til the end 2008....i just dont understand...but he is my hero and will be forever...and my daughter will know great things of her uncle

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