Dealing with a sibling's death

Grief support: Share your story and learn from others about coping with the loss of a sibling.

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Effie on March 3, 2010 at 12:43pm

It's been a while since I have posted here. I lost Alex, my only sibling and younger brother to a car accident three years ago this April 28th. It's not getting any easier. In fact I miss him more!!! I went to call him today to talk to him...I almost made it to the phone before I realized he's not going to be there. I was CRUSHED. So here I am at the only place where I feel I can talk about it without making people uncomfortable. I need to hear his voice SOOOOOO badly!! I try and imagine us having the conversation and what he would say..."it's ok sis, I love you...you are great!" But it's not the same. What I would not give!!!!!! What I would not give. Love and light to you all!

Permalink Reply by Effie on March 3, 2010 at 12:46pm

I am so sorry for your recent loss. It really helps to talk to people who know how it feels. Others may not know what to say or may not fully understand the depth of your loss. I do. So if you need to talk please feel free to send me an email here. All I can say is he would want you to work it out and be able to live in some way as a whole person, as much as you can, again. And I believe in my heart one day we will see them all again. That is my greatest hope. Light and love to YOU!

dianne said:

on february 22, 2010 my younger brother lost his battle to brain cancer. he was diagnosed in june of 2008. he fought the whole time and never let it get him down. he was so positive and such a great kid. he was 19 when passed away. i know he is in a better place but i miss him terribly. not really sure how to deal with all of this. the funeral was the worst day of my life. he and i share a da...different moms. for some unknown reason we were unable to see my brother. we didnt even get the chance to say good bye. the funeral home was the first time i had seen him since november of 2008. it breaks my heart to not of been able to be there for him through all of this. he and i used to be so close. i took care of him as a kid....and we were like best friends up til the end 2008....i just dont understand...but he is my hero and will be forever...and my daughter will know great things of her uncle

Permalink Reply by Carolyn Newton on March 9, 2010 at 11:08am

My brother died 21 days ago and i am unable to deal with his death, he just turned 40yrs. old on Feb. 12, 2010, he died Feb. 17, 2010. His colon ruptured and he went into cardiac arrest. I was not even aware of him being admitted into the hospital two days before, he told his wife not to worry me because he was expecting to have surgery that morning. The doctor spoke with him at 630am, his wife spoke with him at 730am, and he was preparing to go to surgery at 8am. As the nurse went to get him up, he collasped and died.
Please help me, all I do is cry and shake all the time, I'm unable to eat and as a result am losing a lot of weight. I also need to mention he was married for 11yrs. and has 2 daughters age 11yrs. and 4yrs., the family is traumatized.

Permalink Reply by Effie on March 9, 2010 at 5:23pm

Dear Carolyn, I am with you in spirit do not feel you are alone in your grief. I understand how you feel and it is natural and normal to feel utterly shattered. BUT it will change. The days you feel empty and lost will get fewer and you will be able to remember your brother with a smile. It WILL happen I promise. Yes I STILL miss my brother with every fiver of my being and I cry still and get angry and feel lost without him. But I know in my soul I will see him again and I feel his presence and influence on my life every day. I too have two nephews who will grow up without their dad and I want to be here for them as their reminder of who he was and IS still and always will be. PLEASE keep reaching out and keep talking about your pain. It is what will get you from here to there. He would want you to work it out and he watches over you and is with you when you cry. He will visit you in your dreams. He still loves you and you will ALWAYS be his big sister!!!! From one lost sister to another...ALL MY LOVE. Write again...I will be here. Peace. Effie

Carolyn Newton said:

My brother died 21 days ago and i am unable to deal with his death, he just turned 40yrs. old on Feb. 12, 2010, he died Feb. 17, 2010. His colon ruptured and he went into cardiac arrest. I was not even aware of him being admitted into the hospital two days before, he told his wife not to worry me because he was expecting to have surgery that morning. The doctor spoke with him at 630am, his wife spoke with him at 730am, and he was preparing to go to surgery at 8am. As the nurse went to get him up, he collasped and died.
Please help me, all I do is cry and shake all the time, I'm unable to eat and as a result am losing a lot of weight. I also need to mention he was married for 11yrs. and has 2 daughters age 11yrs. and 4yrs., the family is traumatized.

Permalink Reply by Jen on April 6, 2010 at 3:03pm

I lost my little sister on Dec 19th ,2009. This had been the most devasting thing in my life. I dont know how or if things will ever be the same. I have a huge hole in my heart .My parents are devastated . She was my only sibling. I feel like my life is shattered into little pieces.

Permalink Reply by ALEXANDRA on April 8, 2010 at 7:02pm

Losing my two sisters & a brother has been extremley hard! The three of them died right before the holidays which makes it even harder.
Audrey died at the age of 42, 11-25-03
Florence died at the age of 51, 10-28-09
Jess died the age of 47, 12-24-09
I have found nothing at this time to ease the pain! I am soooo shattered & lost!
Is there ever happiness after all this!!!!!!! I wonder!!!!!!

Permalink Reply by shannon on April 18, 2010 at 11:14pm

Effie said:

I am so sorry for your recent loss. It really helps to talk to people who know how it feels. Others may not know what to say or may not fully understand the depth of your loss. I do. So if you need to talk please feel free to send me an email here. All I can say is he would want you to work it out and be able to live in some way as a whole person, as much as you can, again. And I believe in my heart one day we will see them all again. That is my greatest hope. Light and love to YOU!

dianne said:
on february 22, 2010 my younger brother lost his battle to brain cancer. he was diagnosed in june of 2008. he fought the whole time and never let it get him down. he was so positive and such a great kid. he was 19 when passed away. i know he is in a better place but i miss him terribly. not really sure how to deal with all of this. the funeral was the worst day of my life. he and i share a da...different moms. for some unknown reason we were unable to see my brother. we didnt even get the chance to say good bye. the funeral home was the first time i had seen him since november of 2008. it breaks my heart to not of been able to be there for him through all of this. he and i used to be so close. i took care of him as a kid....and we were like best friends up til the end 2008....i just dont understand...but he is my hero and will be forever...and my daughter will know great things of her uncle

Permalink Reply by heidi longhofer on May 4, 2010 at 5:23pm

I lost my brother Jimmy on March 19, 2000, for the second time. The first time was when I was 8 years old. Jimmy was the greatest brother in the whole world. I can remember the many times he stood up for me, defended me, and worried about me. He was 16 at the time and my parents caught him smoking pot in his bedroom. My dad was a Officer in the Army teaching at West Point, New York, and he wasn't about to have this get out to his fellow Officers, so he kicked my brother out. Just kicked him out without any concern about his welfare. Then we immediately moved to Germany and I didn't get to hear from Jimmy until 17 years later. He had been married 3 times and had 3 children. One of them was only 1 1/2 years old. (He also lost his wife 6 months to the day before him) .The other two are twins that are 30 years old now. We were in touch with him and he even came to our younger brothers wedding. Getting him back and having him around again was awesome!!! Then he died, and I lost my brother again! He was only 45. Of course, I blame my parents for not allowing me to have a older brother my whole life. All my life I looked up to him and just thought he was the bee's knee's. Talking him up to all my friends- my big brother this...my big brother that! I miss him so much. I still can't believe he is gone. I think about him every day and thank every day I did have with him..

Permalink Reply by Lynn on June 7, 2010 at 6:07pm

I lost my brother April 2010. Though I hesitated joining a support group or entering a forum because I feel like a fraud when I read other people's stories. Once my brother and I were very close. Over the years circumstances changed that. He made many bad decisions and wrong turns. After nearly 25 years of barely seeing him, we came together for our mom's death in December of 2008. He was weak and sickly and it grieved me to see him that way. That was the last time I saw him. Right decisions, wrong decisions, I loved him and kick myself for not reaching out more to him. What hurts as well is my two grown children only ever saw the "wrongness" in him. They never had the opportunity to meet my Big Brother the Protector.

Permalink Reply by judy on June 12, 2010 at 3:46am

Devona Rodricq said:

It's been fifteen days since my brother's death. I know he's gone but sometimes I still can't believe it. I'm trying my best to be strong for my mom. Yesterday, was really hard for her and my dad, because it's been two weeks since his passing. When I called her, she had been crying, and I tried to comfort her. But it was hard for me, too. Every time I think of him I can't stop the tears, I don't know what to do...I'm tired all of the time and I can't sleep. I pray a lot, when I wake up or before I go to sleep, when I'm feeling at my worst or need comfort. Some days are better than others, I guess I'll take it one day at a time..... He was my only brother and I miss him so much!

Permalink Reply by Effie on June 12, 2010 at 6:43am

Dear Judy...today is my 41st birthday. The first thing I thought when I woke up was "My brother doesn't get to have another birthday." It's been three years since he died at the age of 31. And he was my only sibling and brother. I hear you and how you have a hole. One you can't fill. I hear that you feel your mother's grief as well as your own. I hear you when you say you want to see him again. And you will. I am sure of that. I am not afraid to die anymore because I know when I do I will be with him again. Just know that you are not alone Judy. I understand and you are in my thoughts today. Peace.

judy said:

Devona Rodricq said:
It's been fifteen days since my brother's death. I know he's gone but sometimes I still can't believe it. I'm trying my best to be strong for my mom. Yesterday, was really hard for her and my dad, because it's been two weeks since his passing. When I called her, she had been crying, and I tried to comfort her. But it was hard for me, too. Every time I think of him I can't stop the tears, I don't know what to do...I'm tired all of the time and I can't sleep. I pray a lot, when I wake up or before I go to sleep, when I'm feeling at my worst or need comfort. Some days are better than others, I guess I'll take it one day at a time..... He was my only brother and I miss him so much!

Permalink Reply by Suzanne Gene Courtney on June 18, 2010 at 7:13am

My children's book, Ride to the Stars, was written to help children understand death, mourning, and the continuation of life after death. It can be viewed at:
http://www.eloquentbooks.com/RidetotheStars.html
I know my book is helping. Children always smile at the end.
Love,
Suzanne Gene Courtney