Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Nikki Giles on November 3, 2009 at 8:24am

for the first few months after my brother passed away, i felt the same way... 1...why him and not me... 2... why wasnt i a better sister to him? it wasnt until a few weeks ago that i finally realized that I was an amazing sister to my brother. He knew how much i loved him. He knew how much i cared... I dont know if you know my story, but on
12/11 last yr my brother troy passed away at his mom's house... he had duchenne's muscular dystrophy and the drs didnt give him past 18, he would have been 24 in jan. I never told him, but i had posted someone where who my hero was.. and it is and always will be him... and he saw and it and asked if thats really how i felt.. he knew i loved him and admired him. when we were little and he'd come to the house (his parents were divorced and he's my dad's son) he would sleep in the living room, because...one he couldnt really get his wheelchair anywhere else, and that was the easiest room if my dad needed to get access to him... and i would sleep there right beside him. that way if he needed anything in the middle of the night i could be the 1st to get it for him.

i guess what i'm trying to get at... i know your sister knows you love her...always will..that love will never fade. it isnt the huge things you do in life to show them you care... it is the small things, and you had years to show your sister that.

and honestly, this site has helped me so much. i read it once a day, dont always respond, but i go through and read... it lets me know i'm not alone and there are people out there like me...and feel the way i did/do. I am very sorry about your loss... it'll get a little better with time.
Happy said:

Hi,
I lost my sister last night and It has been a strange day. I am in a different country than the rest of my family and just relocated to a new city to start grad school. She was so young 23, and only sick for 10 days. I feel so guilty, like I should have stopped it somehow. I prayed and asked God to give her half of my life but it did not work out. I feel like I failed her you know, like I should have been a better sister and that I let her die. I have been so mad the whole day at myself at God, at her for not fighting through the pain, for not saying goodbye, for cheating me out of a sister, and mad at myself for not being able to help her. I feel guilty about being mad at her and God but I just can't seem to help it. It is so hard because I am so far from home and won't be going home because I just got back a few months ago from summer break. I feel trapped. I have classes and mountains of homework and all I want to do is curl up and go to sleep. I want to trust that she is in a happier place but I don't know why she couldn't have been happier here. I just don't know honestly.

Permalink Reply by Enumeo Gastev on November 4, 2009 at 12:05pm

My kitten Puggles passed away this morning. She was only 6 weeks old. My neighbor's
bulldog tore her to tiny shreds. I could quite literally see the bits of intestines and kidney and a number of other guts everywhere within a 10 foot radius. Her left eyeball was ripped in half and was resting slightly to the right of her tail. Children then came with sticks and baseball bats, and did all kinds of terrible things to her corpse. I was bawling so hard I couldn't even go outside to make them stop. I need help.

Permalink Reply by Demetria McFarland-Hall on November 14, 2009 at 8:30am

In June 2004, the baby of the family of 16 kids was shot multiple times and died from his injuries. He was my baby brother. At the age of 24 years old, me and my siblings treated him still as the baby of the family. With the loss of our mom and dad prior to our brothers death, facing the loss of him was really hard. The killer/s are yet to be found. I felt like part of me no longer exsisted. I then cried out to God for help!!! A few years later, I gave my life to Christ and I am well able to cope with the loss. My pastor preached a life changing message that has helped me the more with coping with the void that was left by the murder of my brother. The message was : "Let go and let God, turn your pain into gain". God began to give me a desire to help and reach out to others that have lost loved ones due to a violent crime. The ministry God has blessed me with is called M.A.V. Marshall Against Violence. It's a community involved ministry asking residents in "high crime areas" to take a stand and not to allow violence to run their neighborhoods or communities. To those that are dealing with the loss of a loved one, cry out to God for HELP!!!!!!!! There is NO hurt or pain on earth that Heaven can't heal.

Permalink Reply by REBEKAH on November 17, 2009 at 1:02am

I also lost my brother who had mild mental disability since 4 1/2 months.
He was my only brother i and my family had cared and protected him so much
without him i and family are going thru a lot of pain . we are unable to come out of it

Permalink Reply by REBEKAH on November 17, 2009 at 1:02am

REBEKAH said:

I also lost my brother who had mild mental disability since 4 1/2 months.
He was my only brother i and my family had cared and protected him so much
without him i and family are going thru a lot of pain . we are unable to come out of it

Permalink Reply by Valerie on November 20, 2009 at 8:19am

Enumeo Gastev said:

My kitten Puggles passed away this morning. She was only 6 weeks old. My neighbor's
bulldog tore her to tiny shreds. I could quite literally see the bits of intestines and kidney and a number of other guts everywhere within a 10 foot radius. Her left eyeball was ripped in half and was resting slightly to the right of her tail. Children then came with sticks and baseball bats, and did all kinds of terrible things to her corpse. I was bawling so hard I couldn't even go outside to make them stop. I need help.

Permalink Reply by Valerie on November 20, 2009 at 8:32am

Valerie said:

My kitten Puggles passed away this morning. She was only 6 weeks old. My neighbor's
bulldog tore her to tiny shreds. I could quite literally see the bits of intestines and kidney and a number of other guts everywhere within a 10 foot radius. Her left eyeball was ripped in half and was resting slightly to the right of her tail. Children then came with sticks and baseball bats, and did all kinds of terrible things to her corpse. I was bawling so hard I couldn't even go outside to make them stop. I need help.

This is the most horrendous story of animal cruelty I've ever read. I am so very sorry. What you need to do now is call the authorities, your local Animal Control Office, or even the police and report this incident. I would also confront the parents of the children who so callously thought it was fun sport to play games with what was left of your sweet, and helpless kitten. I can't imagine what a nightmare this whole thing has been for you. A week ago today, I had to have my cat put to sleep. She was 18 and had gotten so she wouldn't eat and had lost almost half her body weight. After three days of her not eating and no showing any signs that she would get better, I had to do something. My VET was so kind and explained to me that what I was doing was the most loving thing I could do for my beloved pet. He told me she had kidney failure and heart failure and probably would have died within a week. The VET even helped me with getting her body put back into the laundry basket that I put her in and out to my car. Once home, I lifted her limp body out of the basket and held her and sobbed. So many memories of having her a part of my life while my daughter was still at home etc. After a few minutes, I then went outside and decided on a place to bury her. I decided on a spot where she would often go, under a crab apple tree where she would sit and see birds and meow at them. I dug the hole but before laying her in it I knew I couldn't without wrapping her in something, I couldn't stand the thought of putting her into the cold ground. I got an older towel and wrapped her in that and hugged her again for the last time. She is now gone to a better place where she is free from pain.
Please get in touch with your authorities. No one should have had to experience what you did. Dogs are supposed to be kept in their owners yards, not running free. What if this had been a small child? My thoughts are with you and I hope that justice will prevail against the owners of these dogs. Good luck.

Valerie

Permalink Reply by Diane A. Kennedy on November 29, 2009 at 3:47am

My younger sister died just over a year ago, she was in end stage MS and end stage breast cancer. She never married and had no children, so for the final few years of her life I did my best to care for her. My husband and I finally had to place her in a nursing home. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do, I visited 2 years for up to 5 hours a day. My sis was such a wonderful, bright talented person. She had been an art history professor, it was a nightmare to watch her spiral downward. We shared so much as sibs, our family, hobbies. I was able to be with her when she died, it was so peaceful. Hospice was wonderful in making sure she was in no pain. I still feel so very guilty that I could not keep her at home and that she had both these horrendous diseases. I feel her around sometimes telling me to get over it, that does help, but the waves of grief still overwhelm me.

Permalink Reply by nu-tausha mason on December 1, 2009 at 2:36pm

My name is Nu-Tausha Mason and I am an only child now. I am so alone and my heart hurts. My beloved brother Tu-mack Mason passed away on Sep.6-2009 of a accidental drug overdose from medications that the doctor had perscribed for a work injury he had went through a month earlier. This was so unexpected he was only 25 years old. He left behind three children and two nephews and a niece. My brother was always ther for me no matter how bizzare the situation and we were so close that it feels like part of me has been put in the dirt with him. I will never be the same again I know this in my heart. We were not always the best to eachother but we had a bond that you only have once in a lifetime. I find it very difficult to live each day and just want to pick up the phone and call him. His wifes family took care of the funeral and I feel guilty that in the end I could do nothing but cry, that's all I can do anymore. I didn't get to say goodbye. He stopped by my house a few days before his overdose and I wasn't at home, why? Why couldn't I have had that one day? Would I have been able to tell there was something wrong? Did this happen by accident? My brother and I have had a history of drug abuse in our lives and my brother had legal problems. Was he tired of the fight? Did he just over do it? Was he scared he was going to prison and didn't have the use of his hands anymore for protection. Did the depression finally get the better of him? Will his children and nieces and nephews remember him? Well they will if I have anything to do with it. No matter what was going on in my brothers life he was always a good dad. He loved kids expecially his own and mine. Our dad and mom have lost two children now, they lost a little baby girl at birth back in 81 or 82. My mom hasn't spoke to me since a few days after the funeral. My dad and I recindled our relationship after the passing. I have since went to rehab because I was dealing with all this in a destructive way and if I had not gone I might had ended up the same, and I have to be around to keep my brothers name alive. It is coming up on 12 weeks and I feel no better emotionaly than the day my friend came to tell me that he was put in the hospital, and that there was no brain activity. I remember walking into the hospital room and seeing his body lying there unresponsive and his pupils fixed also without response. I have flashbacks of all this and yet I find it hard to remeber the last conversation we had, Why? I just wanted to get some of this off my chest and I realy don't feel any better but it's worth a try. If anyone can relate please do so I could use some support right now. Thank you.

Permalink Reply by Effie on December 1, 2009 at 5:35pm

Nu-Tausha, I am an only child now too as my only sibling and brother passed away two and a half years ago in a car accident, leaving behind a new wife and two young sons, my parents and myself. I can tell you that when it is your only sibling and you become an only child after their death it can be very traumatic for the survivor. I wish I didn't know that so well. I feel like half of me is in the ground also. I miss him every day and I cry for him every day. For me it has not gotten easier. I wish I could say it has. But that would be a lie. HOwever everyone deals with death differently. I miss being called "sis". I miss feeling like no matter what happened in my life my brother would be there for me. Now I must live for the rest of my life without him and that is a scary thought for me. Iam 40 and he was my younger brother but he was so tall, 6'4, that I felt like he was older sometimes. I called him my "big" brother. He was a great person and I too want desperately for his two sons to know him through my eyes, but they live very far away now. But someday. All I can say is that I know exactly, exactly, how you feel. I live with a ghost too. It's very lonely. I understand.

nu-tausha mason said:

My name is Nu-Tausha Mason and I am an only child now. I am so alone and my heart hurts. My beloved brother Tu-mack Mason passed away on Sep.6-2009 of a accidental drug overdose from medications that the doctor had perscribed for a work injury he had went through a month earlier. This was so unexpected he was only 25 years old. He left behind three children and two nephews and a niece. My brother was always ther for me no matter how bizzare the situation and we were so close that it feels like part of me has been put in the dirt with him. I will never be the same again I know this in my heart. We were not always the best to eachother but we had a bond that you only have once in a lifetime. I find it very difficult to live each day and just want to pick up the phone and call him. His wifes family took care of the funeral and I feel guilty that in the end I could do nothing but cry, that's all I can do anymore. I didn't get to say goodbye. He stopped by my house a few days before his overdose and I wasn't at home, why? Why couldn't I have had that one day? Would I have been able to tell there was something wrong? Did this happen by accident? My brother and I have had a history of drug abuse in our lives and my brother had legal problems. Was he tired of the fight? Did he just over do it? Was he scared he was going to prison and didn't have the use of his hands anymore for protection. Did the depression finally get the better of him? Will his children and nieces and nephews remember him? Well they will if I have anything to do with it. No matter what was going on in my brothers life he was always a good dad. He loved kids expecially his own and mine. Our dad and mom have lost two children now, they lost a little baby girl at birth back in 81 or 82. My mom hasn't spoke to me since a few days after the funeral. My dad and I recindled our relationship after the passing. I have since went to rehab because I was dealing with all this in a destructive way and if I had not gone I might had ended up the same, and I have to be around to keep my brothers name alive. It is coming up on 12 weeks and I feel no better emotionaly than the day my friend came to tell me that he was put in the hospital, and that there was no brain activity. I remember walking into the hospital room and seeing his body lying there unresponsive and his pupils fixed also without response. I have flashbacks of all this and yet I find it hard to remeber the last conversation we had, Why? I just wanted to get some of this off my chest and I realy don't feel any better but it's worth a try. If anyone can relate please do so I could use some support right now. Thank you.

Permalink Reply by gary stewart on December 2, 2009 at 7:41am

At 7:36am on December 2nd, 2009, gary stewart said…
I lost my sister Thanksgiven morning word can not not explain how i feel .I look at open door ways expecting her come back in .When you grow up with sister you never expect say goodbye All those car rides to school ,watching tv ,playing neighborhood,Her telling about her pains and me telling her everything is going to be ok but I can honestly say things are not.

Permalink Reply by suzann on December 7, 2009 at 1:13am

i know how you feel for i am also a only child now. i lost my only sibling, my brother john 6 1/2months ago in a car wreck five days after my birthday. that was the last time i heard his voice and talked to him he called me the morning of my birthday to wish me a happy birthday as he always did. we too where very close a little over 1 year apart, we always took care of each other, me being the oldest i took care of him more on a finacial base, but he was always there for me when i was feeling afraid, sad, just like things were as bad as they could be , just seeing him made some situations seem like it was ok. even though he was my little brother, he to was 6 feet tall and people thought he was the oldest . he was living in calif at time of death and my mom me and two boys in texas. we were a very close family, he was the best uncle to my boys., he was just a one of a kind guy, he touched the hearts of people he came to know, very helpful never bullshited you what you saw is what you got with him. i feel like i lost apart of my soul and i can't stop crying over this, and all i want to do is talk about him but it seems like everyone else is trying to move on. i thought about him the day it happen i talked about him to co workers , and thougt about calling him just to say what up. but i never did . that night mom got call from the calif sheriff. the only person that knows what happen is his fiance who was driving the car, and who is also carring his one and only baby, mircle baby he is 35 and thought he couldn't have babies, we want the baby to know us and know her dad, but they to live so far away, she says she will let us be apart of the baby life , as of now we only get updates when we reach out, he was so happy about his baby, everyone that seen him days before accident said he was really happy with his life finally, and he dreamed that the baby was girl and she is the first girl in our family since 30 years, savannah rose dunn will be with us on dec. 13, 2009. and the idea that he wont be there to welcame her is another sad thoughthe is missin so much it breaks my heart. i miss my brother so much and everyday is just as hard if not harder than the first

Effie said:

Nu-Tausha, I am an only child now too as my only sibling and brother passed away two and a half years ago in a car accident, leaving behind a new wife and two young sons, my parents and myself. I can tell you that when it is your only sibling and you become an only child after their death it can be very traumatic for the survivor. I wish I didn't know that so well. I feel like half of me is in the ground also. I miss him every day and I cry for him every day. For me it has not gotten easier. I wish I could say it has. But that would be a lie. HOwever everyone deals with death differently. I miss being called "sis". I miss feeling like no matter what happened in my life my brother would be there for me. Now I must live for the rest of my life without him and that is a scary thought for me. Iam 40 and he was my younger brother but he was so tall, 6'4, that I felt like he was older sometimes. I called him my "big" brother. He was a great person and I too want desperately for his two sons to know him through my eyes, but they live very far away now. But someday. All I can say is that I know exactly, exactly, how you feel. I live with a ghost too. It's very lonely. I understand.

nu-tausha mason said:

My name is Nu-Tausha Mason and I am an only child now. I am so alone and my heart hurts. My beloved brother Tu-mack Mason passed away on Sep.6-2009 of a accidental drug overdose from medications that the doctor had perscribed for a work injury he had went through a month earlier. This was so unexpected he was only 25 years old. He left behind three children and two nephews and a niece. My brother was always ther for me no matter how bizzare the situation and we were so close that it feels like part of me has been put in the dirt with him. I will never be the same again I know this in my heart. We were not always the best to eachother but we had a bond that you only have once in a lifetime. I find it very difficult to live each day and just want to pick up the phone and call him. His wifes family took care of the funeral and I feel guilty that in the end I could do nothing but cry, that's all I can do anymore. I didn't get to say goodbye. He stopped by my house a few days before his overdose and I wasn't at home, why? Why couldn't I have had that one day? Would I have been able to tell there was something wrong? Did this happen by accident? My brother and I have had a history of drug abuse in our lives and my brother had legal problems. Was he tired of the fight? Did he just over do it? Was he scared he was going to prison and didn't have the use of his hands anymore for protection. Did the depression finally get the better of him? Will his children and nieces and nephews remember him? Well they will if I have anything to do with it. No matter what was going on in my brothers life he was always a good dad. He loved kids expecially his own and mine. Our dad and mom have lost two children now, they lost a little baby girl at birth back in 81 or 82. My mom hasn't spoke to me since a few days after the funeral. My dad and I recindled our relationship after the passing. I have since went to rehab because I was dealing with all this in a destructive way and if I had not gone I might had ended up the same, and I have to be around to keep my brothers name alive. It is coming up on 12 weeks and I feel no better emotionaly than the day my friend came to tell me that he was put in the hospital, and that there was no brain activity. I remember walking into the hospital room and seeing his body lying there unresponsive and his pupils fixed also without response. I have flashbacks of all this and yet I find it hard to remeber the last conversation we had, Why? I just wanted to get some of this off my chest and I realy don't feel any better but it's worth a try. If anyone can relate please do so I could use some support right now. Thank you.

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