Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by amaryllis on December 11, 2009 at 11:51am

Jeannie said:

We just found out that my son's best friend (actually he was like another son to me) shot himself. His family belonged to my mother in-law's daycare and the day I was leaving the hospital with my new baby, his mom was going in to the hospital to have him. Being 2 days apart and growing up together my son and his friend were more like brothers. His family moved away a few hours away when the boys were 7 so they would have to get together during the summer and school breaks. Recently, they spent hours together on the internet watching the same program, playing video games, just being together and talking through head phones for hours every day. Since they lived far apart this was the only way to spend so much time together. I just don't understand why he didn't reach out for help. My son is having such a hard time dealing with this (as I am) I don't know how to help him through this. My son said he knew his friend was depressed but he was always such an upbeat happy person, always joking around, my son just thought he was having the normal depression that comes when you have bad days. He never gave any sign that he was depressed enough to shoot himself. I can't close my eyes without seeing images or feeling such great pain. I keep imagining what his parents and sister must be going through and it rips my heart out. I wish that people considering suicide could see what the people that are left behind go through before they follow through with suicide plans. Maybe that would encourage more people to seek the help they need. This boy was only 19.

Permalink Reply by amaryllis on December 11, 2009 at 11:59am

Hi, Jeannie, I am making a prayer for you. Blessings.

Jeannie said:

We just found out that my son's best friend (actually he was like another son to me) shot himself. His family belonged to my mother in-law's daycare and the day I was leaving the hospital with my new baby, his mom was going in to the hospital to have him. Being 2 days apart and growing up together my son and his friend were more like brothers. His family moved away a few hours away when the boys were 7 so they would have to get together during the summer and school breaks. Recently, they spent hours together on the internet watching the same program, playing video games, just being together and talking through head phones for hours every day. Since they lived far apart this was the only way to spend so much time together. I just don't understand why he didn't reach out for help. My son is having such a hard time dealing with this (as I am) I don't know how to help him through this. My son said he knew his friend was depressed but he was always such an upbeat happy person, always joking around, my son just thought he was having the normal depression that comes when you have bad days. He never gave any sign that he was depressed enough to shoot himself. I can't close my eyes without seeing images or feeling such great pain. I keep imagining what his parents and sister must be going through and it rips my heart out. I wish that people considering suicide could see what the people that are left behind go through before they follow through with suicide plans. Maybe that would encourage more people to seek the help they need. This boy was only 19.

Permalink Reply by Jeannie on December 11, 2009 at 11:32pm

thank you so much!

amaryllis said:

Hi, Jeannie, I am making a prayer for you. Blessings.

Jeannie said:

We just found out that my son's best friend (actually he was like another son to me) shot himself. His family belonged to my mother in-law's daycare and the day I was leaving the hospital with my new baby, his mom was going in to the hospital to have him. Being 2 days apart and growing up together my son and his friend were more like brothers. His family moved away a few hours away when the boys were 7 so they would have to get together during the summer and school breaks. Recently, they spent hours together on the internet watching the same program, playing video games, just being together and talking through head phones for hours every day. Since they lived far apart this was the only way to spend so much time together. I just don't understand why he didn't reach out for help. My son is having such a hard time dealing with this (as I am) I don't know how to help him through this. My son said he knew his friend was depressed but he was always such an upbeat happy person, always joking around, my son just thought he was having the normal depression that comes when you have bad days. He never gave any sign that he was depressed enough to shoot himself. I can't close my eyes without seeing images or feeling such great pain. I keep imagining what his parents and sister must be going through and it rips my heart out. I wish that people considering suicide could see what the people that are left behind go through before they follow through with suicide plans. Maybe that would encourage more people to seek the help they need. This boy was only 19.

Permalink Reply by C.G on January 15, 2010 at 6:04pm

I lost my sister, my childhood bestfriend to suicide 38 days ago. I still can't believe that it is true. I don't really talk about it. I don't really know how to deal with it. When I think about her being gone, I just breakdown and cry. Even as I type this I can't ...
I was told that talking about her will ease some .. but .. I don't know .

Permalink Reply by George on January 15, 2010 at 7:05pm

I do not know that I can hold on anymore. You see I lost my brother back in October of 2005. His body was found in the woods. He hanged himself and to top it off. My wife abandon me for another man.
The pain I have is too much for me to handle. I get a girlfriend and we are no longer together because of my pain I gave it to her. and she has too much pain herself. as for her her husband left her for another woman. and we both have children. I have two boys and she has a son and a daughter. we were both set up by our spouses. I have my sons here but it is not the same. It was like i was not to at all grieve at all. As people don't understand is that his death was so messed up he felt that he had to die. He was being framed for a crime in which he was found innocent but he never knew that the police, found him innocent. He was already dead. to me that what happen to him it was taken a knife and stabbed me in the chest and what my wife did was to take another knife and stabbed me twice as hard. I love my children I love my brother. But I do not know if I can hold on anymore. I am homeless because of my wife. And I have loved her for almost 20 years. I will say good bye to my family. My pain is too much, I cry and cry, non stop. It is time for me to go. I have already seek counseling but it was no help. I love my girlfriend. I am getting a divorce. from my cheating wife. The city where I live at killed my brother. The police helped in sort of speaking helped to tighten the rope. I have too much hate. Too much greaf. too much pain.
No one can help me.
I hope that all of you can find some peace. I will do this but my time will be as I set it. I can not stand to be without my children,
I will ask my family not to look for me because I will not be found. I got tossed like garbage and my brother was treated like garbage. I am going to try first to sue the police dept and the city that was responsible. and I am going to sue my wife. if all fails than there is no hope for me at all.

I am open for replies: But I do not have much time left

Permalink Reply by Avi on January 23, 2010 at 2:46am

George,
You have the courage to seek justice for your brother and you will have the courage to choose life as well. You will become the leader for your sons -and you will do it despite the circumstances of your current life.

Invictus
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how straight the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
William E. Henley




George said:

I do not know that I can hold on anymore. You see I lost my brother back in October of 2005. His body was found in the woods. He hanged himself and to top it off. My wife abandon me for another man.
The pain I have is too much for me to handle. I get a girlfriend and we are no longer together because of my pain I gave it to her. and she has too much pain herself. as for her her husband left her for another woman. and we both have children. I have two boys and she has a son and a daughter. we were both set up by our spouses. I have my sons here but it is not the same. It was like i was not to at all grieve at all. As people don't understand is that his death was so messed up he felt that he had to die. He was being framed for a crime in which he was found innocent but he never knew that the police, found him innocent. He was already dead. to me that what happen to him it was taken a knife and stabbed me in the chest and what my wife did was to take another knife and stabbed me twice as hard. I love my children I love my brother. But I do not know if I can hold on anymore. I am homeless because of my wife. And I have loved her for almost 20 years. I will say good bye to my family. My pain is too much, I cry and cry, non stop. It is time for me to go. I have already seek counseling but it was no help. I love my girlfriend. I am getting a divorce. from my cheating wife. The city where I live at killed my brother. The police helped in sort of speaking helped to tighten the rope. I have too much hate. Too much greaf. too much pain.
No one can help me.
I hope that all of you can find some peace. I will do this but my time will be as I set it. I can not stand to be without my children,
I will ask my family not to look for me because I will not be found. I got tossed like garbage and my brother was treated like garbage. I am going to try first to sue the police dept and the city that was responsible. and I am going to sue my wife. if all fails than there is no hope for me at all.

I am open for replies: But I do not have much time left

Permalink Reply by Lori Sherry on February 3, 2010 at 4:47pm

A few days after my 18th birthday, I lost my brother to suicide. He overdosed on his pills. A few months later I lost my grandfather. He had a stroke.

If I could turn back time, I would've liked to be more close to him. I try to think of the positive things that came out of those times. I think of things that remind me of him.

I have never tried or never wanted to take my own life.

It did affect me but, I didn't show it.

Permalink Reply by will cooper on February 5, 2010 at 3:24am

on 2nd of december 2009 my father committed suicide in our home. he hanged himself. my mother tried to resuccitate him but was too late. i learnt the news at 3.40 that day. weve tried to find out why he did this to us and we kinda know why now because we are now going to lose our house because my dad never paid the mortgage because he was depressed. not only am i losing my best friend, i am losing my home i've lived in for 16 years. i feel so lonely because my dad would have never done this to me or my family if he thought about us that day. i think he did it on impulse because never left a note. i am really strugling to live on could you please give some advice in how to live from this i dont know where to go..

Permalink Reply by TW on February 23, 2010 at 8:56pm

To All who have loss loved ones to death whether it was suicide or natural causes [that's weird] because there is nothing natural about death [why it's called that] one would only know, because death is an enemy that was created when Satan rebelled against God. If he had never done that then none of us would be feeling the pain we are feeling now because of death [but it is what it is]. If we can only wait until God rid this earth from death and Satan's wicked influences, how happy we would be to see that occur! It will take place for it is his promises to us. -Revelation 21:3,4. And Heb 2:14 says that he will even remove the one who causes death [The Devil]. So never feel guilty that you're to blame, we may have said something, done something at times, we may feel [if only] "I hadn't done this or said that" but that Devil is busy getting us to think negative thoughts, to be despaired, down hearted and depressed so we can't see clearly. I never experience death in this way but I have experience the loss of someone very dear and it's all painful. So I can only say stay prayerful [God is a hearer of prayers] and trust in his written promise that some day it will all be done away with. A few scriptures that helps me to cope with such loss are John 5:28; John 11:25 and 1 Peter 5:7. If don't do anything else read these scriptures and gain comfort from them. A loss is a loss no matter how it comes about!!!

Permalink Reply by Ray L Anders on March 6, 2010 at 10:15pm

Hello everyone,

It's been exactly one month since I lost my girlfriend to suicide, my first love and the love of my life, I thought I was getting better, but it seems now that it's just getting harder to come to terms with the reality that she is gone forever. I feel like if I just reach out I can touch her, I want so much to hold her again and tell her everything will be okay, tell her how amazing she is, I miss her so much. It took me a long time to find her, I had many previous relationships, but I was always forcing it, I was never truly happy, I never felt loved or needed, I've dealt with depression and insomnia and loneliness my whole life, and when I found Madeline, I just knew I'd found someone who spoke my language, we took it slow, and we we're building a life together. Her and I grew up in the same general area, Fairbanks Alaska, we just went to different schools and eventually moved out and lived in different states, her in Oregon, me in California, but oddly enough, five years later, we both moved back to Alaska a week apart, around the beginning of February, and somehow we didn't meet until 10 months later. Madeline had been battling bi-polar disorder, extreme mood swings, insomnia, and chronic depression all her life, she hit rock bottom and was doing drugs in Portland and was on medication, and that was the reason she moved home, to be closer to family and to get back on her feet, I put off school and my personal life to help her get better, and we fell deeply in love. It's tearing me up inside, the possibility that if we'd met a year earlier, I could have saved her, she had such little self-worth and I constantly reminded her how beautiful she was, she had such effortless beauty, she was so intelligent and sensitive, she was a true original, and she had an artist's soul, but she just couldn't see how special she really was.

Madeline was the most breathtaking person I'd ever known, I remember the moment I knew I loved her, more than anything in this world, it was the last night I saw her, Valentine's Day, she gave me a card with two Eskimos kissing on the front, and on the inside it said "Here's to New Beginnings". I remember I started to cry when she gave it to me and that caught her off guard, I loved her so much.

She killed herself the morning after Valentine's Day. I dropped her off at home 2 hours before she took her own life, we sat in the car, she said she was sorry for letting me down, for being so sickly all the time, I remember she was crying and told me she didn't deserved me and that she'd ruined her life, she told me I was a good man, we kissed and hugged, I whispered into her ear that she never had to apologize for anything, and that I'd be with her always. I blamed myself for a while afterward, what if I'd held onto her longer, what if I said something else, now that she's gone, there's so much I want to tell her, the guilt has now been replaced by this overwhelming sense of loneliness, I feel so cold and joyless and alone, I miss her so much and I cry myself to sleep each night, longing for the warmth of her touch or her voice, we we're building a life together, we planned to move somewhere nice and start fresh, free of past mistakes and lingering regrets, she deserved happiness and sometimes I feel like maybe I gave her some small measure in her last days, she'd been mistreated by men her whole life, I just wish she could have seen how beautiful she was, she was so hard on herself, the last time I ever heard from her, was moments before she killed herself, but I didn't know what she meant at the time, it was a text message that just said "I'm sorry". I know this heavy feeling will never go away, I feel like she took a piece of me with her, never to be restored, I wish she knew how much I needed her, just as much as she needed me, our lives had been building up to the point we met, and she stripped it all away with a single decision made on a whim, but I don't blame her, I know she didn't mea

Permalink Reply by jamie mitchell on March 9, 2010 at 6:57pm

dear george two of my brothers also committed suicide 1 called goerge in november 5 1995 and robbie in dec 2008 i am a mother of three children and know exactly how lonely u r my bros were amazing and totally let down by my parents police and all the ppl who were supposed to recognise and help them they were made out to be troulemakers because of predjustice against there name but no1 knew the true extent of there heartache because of it the circumstances of there deaths would shock even the most hard hearted and this is something i live with every day i could genuinely write a book i too cry every single day and am so so alone just wish i could have met some1 like u to talk to and be able to understand i have no1 to tell who i really feel understands what this pain is like i also split from a man who instead of helping me made me feel worthless in so many ways u would not believe not a day has gone by where i never just wanted to go to sleep and not wake up but i have no choice i have 3 kids and it makes u think what if i was not there if they ever felt like this our kids need us everyday i struggle to live through this but i hope u find the strenghth to live for them and maybe then we may at some point have felt enough of a purpose to have saved ourselves and them please think of this i will think of ur caption always

Permalink Reply by Mary on March 10, 2010 at 2:45pm

I have two friends that have committed suicide within 2 months of each other. I tried to commit suicide twice in the last 4 years. With all this grief that has come my way it is hard not to look for that way out. Yet, it is even harder to phathom it know what it does to people to lose someone to suicide. I'm so lost without my friend to talk to about this, he taught me to keep my head up, and now he is gone. He couldn't make it anymore and I just wonder when my day will come.

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