Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Diana on July 20, 2008 at 4:49pm

Not sure who I am replying to but wanted to let you know that you are on the right track in trying to keep some consistency in the lives of your grandchildren. As for the two year old, if you can prompt her to talk about her mother in simple terms by showing her pictures. Letting her know how much mom loved her. Show her your grief so that she knows what to do when she realizes she lost her mother and needs to grieve herself. You can do the same with the older children and accept where they are in the grief process because we dont all grieve in the same way. If by one year they are not "better" I would encourage their father to put them in counseling. I dont know if you meant the two year old may be delayed or just not understanding what has occured. If you think she is falling behind developmentally and you have access to her pediatrician you can try and talk to him or her. Otherwise its up to dad to seek the help he needs. Children are amazing and if she does seem delayed it may be due to the trauma of loosing her mother. Hope this helps. Did not mean to sound bossy if it did. I am just and expert on children 0-5. Take care of yourself too!

Permalink Reply by Patricia Wolney on August 14, 2008 at 7:14pm

Thank you Diana, I sure hope its just a phase he is going through. He was only 11 months old at the time and I show him pictures all the time and the older kids help me out trying to help him understand who is mommy is. But he does not understand. He is slow it seems and I wish I could get his daddy to get them all counseling but he says he is all the counseling they need. Last weekend I found my oldest grandson in the corner crying. He is missing his mommy and all I could do was cry and hold him. He was six at the time and found her. God bless him he ran and got water, towels and whatever he thought would help and took thing pretty hard. He tries to play so hard in front of his dad. And my granddaughter she talks about mommy and wants to watch home viedos all the time which upsets my grandson. I am lost myself and appreciate any advise any should have. God Bless, and thank you so much.

Permalink Reply by debby on May 30, 2009 at 1:07am

The best way to help children in grief is to tell them about life, guiding them on the things they do not know, and help them learn the true meaning of life.

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Obituaries

Permalink Reply by Michelle on May 31, 2009 at 9:03pm

Patricia Wolney said:

Thank you Diana, I sure hope its just a phase he is going through. He was only 11 months old at the time and I show him pictures all the time and the older kids help me out trying to help him understand who is mommy is. But he does not understand. He is slow it seems and I wish I could get his daddy to get them all counseling but he says he is all the counseling they need. Last weekend I found my oldest grandson in the corner crying. He is missing his mommy and all I could do was cry and hold him. He was six at the time and found her. God bless him he ran and got water, towels and whatever he thought would help and took thing pretty hard. He tries to play so hard in front of his dad. And my granddaughter she talks about mommy and wants to watch home viedos all the time which upsets my grandson. I am lost myself and appreciate any advise any should have. God Bless, and thank you so much.

Permalink Reply by Wendy on August 21, 2009 at 6:02pm

My son's death effected a lot of people, including his nephew and niece. Sarah, now seven and Tristan, now four, have by no means forgot there "Uncle Bubbles" they affectionately called him. My son Matthew died almost two years ago. Sarah and Tristan were only 5yrs and 2yrs old. They were told by my son and daughter in law that Uncle bubbles had to go to heaven with Jesus. My granddaughter paused, put her hand on her hip, and said, I have to think about that. Then she went through imaginary sisters who had died and told her teacher. The school called and my daughter in law told her teacher she had just lost her uncle. One day, she wrote a letter to Uncle Bubbles, attached it to a balloon and let it go. When my daughter in law asked her why she let it go. She simply replied, I'm sending Uncle a letter by air mail. Cute, but it was a 5 year old's why of dealing with her grief of loosing her uncle. They often speak of him on how much they miss him, and love pictures of him all over the house, theirs as well as my home. Be honest with children, tell them it's OK to cry and miss them,visit the grave and talk to them. It's a healthy way for them to grieve and understand their own feelings. I pray this helps. Thank you for listening.
Wendy p

Permalink Reply by Karen L Goldman,LMHC BC on August 24, 2009 at 3:47pm

There are many bereavement centers and camps now for children and teens.
I run a grief group every 2nd and 4th Monday at 7pm on Staten Island, NY for ages 6-14. Sadly, there is always a need.
I also have a Girl's Group,ages 15-21.....because so many daughters lose their fathers (I am one of them, so I have plenty of experience).
For more information, feel free to call me at 518-506-5999 or 718-226-6451.
Thank you for this wonderful information! Your resources are very helpful.
"Freddie The Leaf" is a great book for little ones too.

Permalink Reply by Karen L Goldman,LMHC BC on August 24, 2009 at 3:55pm

This is great information! There are various bereavement groups and camps for children and teens now. I run children's grief groups, ages 6-15 and a Girl's Group, ages 15-21 on Staten Island, NY. Sadly there is a tremendous need for both. FOr further information, feel free to call me at 518-506-5999 or
718-226-6451.Your resources are good. I use "Freddie The Leaf" for small chldren too.Thank you for this important information!

Permalink Reply by Patricia Wolney on August 24, 2009 at 4:32pm

Oh Karen, thank you for commenting here. I am worried about my grandkids who lost their mother a little over two years ago. My daughter would not want to see them going through some of the struggles they are going through. My son-in-law refuses counseling and says he are all they need. But I don't agree. My granddaughter has become very emotional, and my oldest grandson has become very angry, they are 7 and 9 now. The youngest who is 3 now doesn't remember her but he has her personality and is doing good I suppose. I just keep showing him pictures and telling him thats his mommy. I could really use some advice. Thanks again. Look forward to hearing from you if you don't mind.

Permalink Reply by Andria on September 11, 2009 at 9:04pm

my grandfather just passed away on the sixth of september. its very hard for me. i broke down and cried. just remembering all the great times. i know its wonderful to talk about the situation. its like, i dont even want to go outside. i dont want to do my homework anymore. i just want to sit and think. is this right or wrong?

Permalink Reply by Wendy on September 11, 2009 at 10:08pm

Hi Andria,
I am sure your grandfather would love for you to remember the great times you shared, and I understand the pain of loosing someone very dear to you. But I am sure your grandfather would want you to not stay isolated in your room and stop your school activities. I'm sure you want to have your grandfather proud of you, So I would try to do your best at doing your homework, and remember always the great times you and your grandfather had together, You can even talk to him and ask him to help you be strong and do your homework, and when you go out and do things you did with your grandfather, I'm sure he's looking down after you and saying, that's my girl.
So keep writing down your feelings, it's a very good way to deal with your emotions. and think of things to do that would make you happy. write back any time. I will be praying God helps you through this very difficult time you are going through. My heart is with you.
Wendy

Andria said:

my grandfather just passed away on the sixth of september. its very hard for me. i broke down and cried. just remembering all the great times. i know its wonderful to talk about the situation. its like, i dont even want to go outside. i dont want to do my homework anymore. i just want to sit and think. is this right or wrong?

Permalink Reply by Andria on September 12, 2009 at 12:03am

thank you so much. that made me happy to hear what you had to say. i really apreciate it and know he would want only the best for me. i will always remember all the great times with him. how he struggled with cancer and pulled through. you might say, how did he pull through if he died? well, he pulled through because hes healthy, happy and not in pain anymore. hes in heaven. i know a lot of people will miss him dearly. my grandma mostly. she was married to him for 55 years. i can only imagine what she has to be going through. but thanks again.

Permalink Reply by Wendy on September 12, 2009 at 12:10am

It was my pleasure Andria,
I have a son in heaven also. I'm sure your grandfather and Matthew are good friends. I'm sure Matthew would be saying the same to me, "Ma, just remember to good times we had, and I'll see you when you come home to the lord.
How old are you Andria? I'm a mom who's son Matthew went home to be with the Lord on Sept. 2d 2007. It feels like just yesterday, but I hold on to my good memories. Like your grandfather, my son was very loved by many, Look forward to hearing from you again. God bless and keep you safe.
love and prayers.
Wendy

Andria said:

thank you so much. that made me happy to hear what you had to say. i really apreciate it and know he would want only the best for me. i will always remember all the great times with him. how he struggled with cancer and pulled through. you might say, how did he pull through if he died? well, he pulled through because hes healthy, happy and not in pain anymore. hes in heaven. i know a lot of people will miss him dearly. my grandma mostly. she was married to him for 55 years. i can only imagine what she has to be going through. but thanks again.

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