Grief support: Holidays, birthdays, anniversaries and other special times can be difficult when you’ve lost someone. Share how you deal with these occasions and learn how others cope.

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WELL THE HOLIDAYS ARE UPON US. OH HOW I WISH THEY WERE OVER ONCE AGAIN. AS SOME OF YOU KNOW I LOST A 16 YEAROLD TO SUCIDE IN NOV. 2005. RIGHT AROUND THE BEGINNING OF THE HOLIDAYS. THIS MARKS THE 3 RD YEAR WITHOUT HIM. ONE OF THE REASON I DO THE HOLIDAY THING IS BECAUSE I HAVE 4 YOUNGER CHILDREN AT HOME AND I DO HAVE THE MEMORIES OF YEARS PAST. I STILL HAVE MIKIES STOCKING HE HAD WHEN HE WAS BORN. SEE HIS BIRTHDAY IS DEC. 22 IT IS A COOL THING THE HOSPITAL GAVE US HE WAS INSIDE THIS STOCKING WHEN THE NURSE BROUGHT HIM IN THE ROOM. NEAT HUH YES THE MEMORIES. BUT I STILL MISS HIM SO AND THE HOLIDAYS ARE LONELY AND SAD BUT SOMEHOW I MANAGE TO GET THROUGH THEM. AND HE IS MY SPECIAL CHRISTMAS ANGEL. EVERY YEAR I BUY A ORNAMENT IN REMEMBRANCE OF HIM A TRADITION I GUESS. WISH I DID NOT HAVE TO HAVE THOSE KND OF TRADITIONS. ANYWAY HOPE THE HOLIDAYS GO SMOOTH FOR EVERYONE AND MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL. AND HOPEFULLY A NEW YEAR
My son was killed in a chemical plant explosion Oct 17, 2008. He was born December 23, 1979. You are so right, the holidays, birthday, father's day etc. are so hard. He has been gone 8 months and it is still like yesterday that we heard the horrible news to come to the hospital that Sept 23, 2008 night. He did live almost one month (but what a terrible time that was). He was 97% burned-3rd degree. We were told that he would not live thru the night but he faught so hard because we told him to fight for his wife and kids. One morning, his wife and I decided that he had faught long and hard enough and was not getting better. We knew that the outcome was not good for him, so we told him that it was OK to go home. He died that morning. My heart is still broken but he is in a better place today. People say it get iasier but WHEN!!
Oh, I really like the holidays. I have lost 3 people during the holidays. When I lost my co-worker I felt like I couldn't hadle it but, I did it because that's what he would've wanted. The holidays are sad. Somehow, I manage to get through them. My co-worker passed away a couple days before Thanksgiving.

We still have my brother's stocking. I of course miss him.
Why is it the days before a holiday or celebration is worse than the day itself? I almost hate to get out of bed. I dont like people saying, have a great day or happy whatever day it is. it isnt a happy day, it isnt a great day. Its another day of remembering the worst day of our lives. Losing our daughter. I know I am not the only one, and I too pray for the others who have lost a child. today I was going thru photos and videos of 21 yrs of my loved ones life and it made me cry. Two days ago, it was mothers' day again. I have two other children, grown, one with a child and I am so thankful for them. But, my girl, was so close to me and I miss her every min of every day.
Getting through, it sucks. sorry. that is my feelings. it hasnt been 2 yrs yet. Her birthday is on may 15th and already I am sad. I cant celebrate it like others do because I am not that far into accepting all this.
We will place flowers on her grave, but it wont make things any different. I hate it.
well, sorry. I just had to vent again.
ps. there were 3 deaths in our area the last week right before mothers day. how sad. a child was hit by a car, at 15, a younger boy was shot by his friend, and a 16 yr old girl drowned in a boating accident in which her dad was operating the boat. they had just bought it. so i know I am not in this alone.
hugs to all. I know I will survive, but its gonna be a long long time.
in memory of angel amy lynn 5/15/87-9/18/08
I had a really hard time with the holidays after grandma's death in August. I just wanted Christmas to be over with. It seemed like every group I was involved in was having a party. I was so overwhelmed, could not deal with any more. It was unusually cold and wet here, just reminded me of being in Ohio visiting family after Christmas and it just made me miss her even more.
I just passed the one year anniversary of my grandma's death. It was so hard and emotional. I asked my good friend to come over and just sit with me, hold my hand, let me cry, etc. It helped to have her there. The next day I served as assisting minister at my church. It was really hard to get through the services without falling apart, especially with them singing "How Great Thou Art" during communion. If I had been sitting in the congregation, I'd have been a basket case. But grandma always loved hearing about my church activities.
Hi there, I think you wrote the article for me and many others. I am anticipating the first anniversary of my sons death. He was sixteen and died very unexpectedly, and anyways his death was ruled accidental and I think about things constantly. I have been upset for the last year but for about a month now I just don't know how to stop thinking about the upcoming day. I am not sure what to do, someone told me to make his favorite meal and dessert. I thought that was a good idea but he was one of those who liked everything so that does not narrow it down. I did see a couple of his friends the other night and they surprised me and said they wanted to come over, so I said sure. But I still am not sure what to do, I don't want to sit and cry all day you know what I mean. That is so exhausting but I know I will spend atleast half the day crying. He was my only son and I cannot have anymore. Not that you can replace them. Let me know if you have any suggestions I would be open to any. As for the holidays I don't want to think of them yet, it is so painful too. I do like your idea of the stocking and ornamate. Maybe I will try that. May you get some rest knowing you touched one person me today. Thankyou and ps my son was the 2nd of a string of 10 deaths in my area, so many kids are dying.
Hi there, I think you wrote the article for me and many others. I am anticipating the first anniversary of my sons death. He was sixteen and died very unexpectedly, anyways his death was ruled accidental ,and I think about things constantly. I have been upset for the last year but for about a month now I just don't know how to stop thinking about the upcoming day. I am not sure what to do, someone told me to make his favorite meal and dessert. I thought that was a good idea but he was one of those who liked everything ,so that does not narrow it down. I did see a couple of his friends the other night and they surprised me and said they wanted to come over, so I said sure. But I still am not sure what to do, I don't want to sit and cry all day you know what I mean. That is so exhausting but I know I will spend atleast half the day crying. He was my only son and I cannot have anymore. Not that you can replace them. Let me know if you have any suggestions I would be open to any. As for the holidays I don't want to think of them yet, it is so painful too. I do like your idea of the stocking and ornamate. Maybe I will try that. May you get some rest knowing you touched one person me today. Thankyou and ps my son was the 2nd of a string of 10 deaths in my area, so many kids are dying.
I lost my dear Mom on May 2, 2010 and am really having an extremely difficult time coping! I can't help falling apart each day and my job is suffering for it, but I don't know how to handle the pain. Myself and 6 other siblings are all going through the same thing. My Mom was an extraordinary lady, well liked in our community, and was truly loved by all! She held the family together after my father passed away in 2000. The holidays were always so special to her and Christmas Eve was a time for all her grandchildren to gather around the Christmas tree as she watched those little faces light up when they opened their gifts from her! In her eyes, Christmas was for the children as we all agreed and that is what made it so special. This year will be very difficult without her and no one has yet to discuss any plans for Christmas Eve. I am sure they all feel as I do; who can find the strength to celebrate without her??!! I am slowly losing my way to hang on and can't seem to function without her!! I need help..please!!
Today is my brothers B'day he would be 55   But he died Sept 15,2010 it was Xmas day last year when we found out he was sick, I hate the holidays right now , I didn't  put up a tree or decorate anything , I just can't !! I hate the holidays right now , feels like I always will 

Monessa (Meko) Douet said:
I lost my dear Mom on May 2, 2010 and am really having an extremely difficult time coping! I can't help falling apart each day and my job is suffering for it, but I don't know how to handle the pain. Myself and 6 other siblings are all going through the same thing. My Mom was an extraordinary lady, well liked in our community, and was truly loved by all! She held the family together after my father passed away in 2000. The holidays were always so special to her and Christmas Eve was a time for all her grandchildren to gather around the Christmas tree as she watched those little faces light up when they opened their gifts from her! In her eyes, Christmas was for the children as we all agreed and that is what made it so special. This year will be very difficult without her and no one has yet to discuss any plans for Christmas Eve. I am sure they all feel as I do; who can find the strength to celebrate without her??!! I am slowly losing my way to hang on and can't seem to function without her!! I need help..please!!
We lost our mom on December 11th and dreaded Christmas, because it was always her special day and ours as well. We had a family dinner and opened gifts looked at the Christmas tree and realized there was a huge hole in our hearts and family, how painful to sit and look at each other knowing we all were hurting so much.My uncle sitting next to me said he felt like mom was there with us, me i dont know, i just know i am 59 and i miss my momma and right now i am not so happy she got sick and died........
I lost my sister almost 2years ago...I am getting married in about a year and a half...Im not sure how I am going to handle that day..I know its okay to cry and be upset...but I want to remember her on my wedding day and celebrate with her in spirt..but Im not sure how to do that without getting upset and then inturn upsetting everyone else...any suggestions?

Dear Elisa,  I just read what you shared and my heart goes out to you . I know what Sisters mean to ones life for my Sister who was also my best friend just passed away .  It is not easy not matter how much time passes as may want to tell you especially when it comes to such a special time when you would love for her to be right by your side as your wedding .  I thinking if maybe you lit a candle and had in there with you in the church or where ever you will have your wedding . Not that this will stop you from feeling and thinking about her just bring extra Kleenex .  After maybe all could then lite a taper candle as a symbol of caring on her light and spirit in this life time .  We did this for our Father when he passed just recently and all that attended could lite a candle from his so to carry on his light .  Or even a mention of her name that day is itself . I only can imagine that all that come to your wedding to share that day with you had the same love you have for her so they all are crying with you then maybe all you may need is Kleenex for everyone .   Her love and her light is already caring on just in you words that you have shared .  I sure what ever you do she will be right there beside you especially in your heart .  Out all this pain and sadness I have found that the only one thing that I know is that my Sister will forever and always stay in my heart no matter where I am , or where I go .    Wishing you all the best and may comfort come to you.

 

 

 



Elisa M. said:

I lost my sister almost years ago...I am getting married in about a year and a half...Im not sure how I am going to handle that day..I know its okay to cry and be upset...but I want to remember her on my wedding day and celebrate with her in spirt..but Im not sure how to do that without getting upset and then inturn upsetting everyone else...any suggestions?

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