Always on my mind

Reminders of our loved ones can be everywhere - in a song on the radio, a familiar scent, a special spot or a favorite food. What are the things that remind you of your loved one? Do you avoid them or seek them out?

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Permalink Reply by Shari on January 30, 2010 at 2:15pm

We have had tons of snow this year and I think how my husband is not here to share the experience. I wish he was here for his support. Did not realize how I would miss having his support and how much I need it.

Permalink Reply by Dave on January 31, 2010 at 8:13am

I just recently lost my fiance of 5 years to a diabetic coma & mini stroke on Dec 4Th 09.I Myself have a hardtime with songs reminding me of her . Plus I Kept some pictures of her & I together.I'm finding it difficult to move forward because I'm always stuck at home due to being on meds for EPILEPSY. Not fun either. I know it's just been about a month or two but I have a question for anyone. Do you think it's too soon for me to start looking for a NEW LOVE? Please reply to my email dave.pulley@gmail.com Thanks Dave of Elizabethtown , Ky

Permalink Reply by deedee cruz on September 12, 2010 at 2:58pm

Hi my name is Deedee and I just lose my son Joseph I miss him so much he was just 18 years old. Sometime when I'm driving on the road I here a song and it remind me of him or he just comes to my mine I find myself very upset and hate. Its very hard for me or I would get so mad and the only thing that would make me feel better again is to go see him, it would relax me again or just talking about the things he use to do would make me laugh again how do I go on with my life again with a big hole in my heart..Deedee

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Permalink Reply by deedee cruz on September 12, 2010 at 3:09pm

Dave: I have not lose a fiance but I think that it would help you go on with your life. I know that your girlfriend would feel the same she would want you to be happy. You have to remember our love ones are up in heaven and up there is love no pain nor hate so remember she is a angel so she would want you to be happy cause she is...Deedee

Dave said:

I just recently lost my fiance of 5 years to a coma & mini stroke on Dec 4Th 09.I Myself have a hardtime with songs reminding me of her . Plus I Kept some pictures of her & I together.I'm finding it difficult to move forward because I'm always stuck at home due to being on meds for EPILEPSY. Not fun either. I know it's just been about a month or two but I have a question for anyone. Do you think it's too soon for me to looking for a NEW LOVE? Please reply to my email dave.pulley@gmail.com Thanks Dave of Elizabethtown , Ky

Permalink Reply by deedee cruz on September 12, 2010 at 3:32pm

I'm so so sorry to hear about your son my son was gun down by a gang member and I know just how you feel you want to know why and who gave him the right to take your sons life cause thats the way I feel, but only god knows the reason why, but I really feel for you cause that what my life is all about is why.. So sorry..Deedee

shirley wilson said:

hi my name is shirley wilson my son got kill on oct of 2008 was gun down by the police my heart is so broken i miss my son so much i can't sleep at night ,i cry all the time it hurt so bad on my mind all the time

Permalink Reply by deedee cruz on September 12, 2010 at 4:17pm

I'm so sorry to hear about your son and yes I feel the same like you I get mad at myself because my job was to take care of my son and to be there for him and I feel angry cause when he needed me the most I was not there. I love my son so much, not only was he my son but my best friend. I know that god has something better for him that his job is done here, yes its all good but it hard for me to except and every day I think of him every minute and thats what I'm trying to deal with right now...Deedee

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Twila said:

Reminders are the hardest for me but I have to see them and think about my son because they are everywhere and my son was a big part of my me. He always needed me always. He was killed by a truck walking on 12-12-2008 and I have to drive by the spot where he was killed and it is hard I think about him all the time laying on the road and thinking where was I how could I let this happen. In everything I do is a reminder even when I cook supper I think of him all time because he always wanted to eat anything I cooked, his favorite was Barbaque Chicken and chop suey. Oh my son I miss wyou so much what will I do. I listen to music because that helps me but man some of the songs just make me think and the words in them are like poems I remember words in song and write a poem. I miss my son so much it has been 14 weeks now and I still cant believe I going on without him it is hard I hate my life and if I could take your place son I would, it should have been me not you my son when you are raising your children and taken care of them never in my life did I think one of my children would die before me never did I think this would happen to me because I would pray and my faith. I always thought I would be going to his wedding and not his funeral. Why, Why, the heartache hurts so much. I have so many reminders and I love them all so much I cant not get through my life with out them.

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Permalink Reply by Kay Arcuni on September 12, 2010 at 8:12pm

My husband Joe left almost a month ago now, I am 52 years old and I have never lived alone, I just changed the sheets on our bed for the 1st time today because it made it feel like he was closer to me. He passed away so quickly that I had already done all his laundry because he was suppose to be coming home after his surgery.
He wore hats all the time so I put them in plastic bags so they would keep his smell. For me its like he speaks to me when I smell them. Shari I know what you mean about missing his support, he was my strength when things were bad, just a hug made everything better. Of all the things I miss most it's the hugs. Rejoice in the happy moments when you remember the good things that made you laugh or smile, I never want to loose those memories. They are who I am, who we were together and I am proud of that.
Warm thoughts and prayers to all of you.

Permalink Reply by Christy on November 1, 2010 at 2:35pm

Kay,
Hello, I stumbled across the first part of your messg. here and decided to join this support group based on that. I lost my husband August 27th due to an accident at work. He was 38 yrs. old. I haven't changed my sheets yet either! I had determined to do it a couple of times, but couldn't make myself. As of this morning I decided I would wash everything except his pillowcase. Crazy I know. It doesn't even have his scent on it- nothing does! He was always so clean! He worked at a wastewater treatment facility- the smelliest, nastiest job... so as soon as he got home he showered and changed. I miss my man so much I can't breathe. I wake up every morning in a panic attack. I beg God to show me mercy and let me join him. I cry all the time. I strive each day to do something good for someone just to feel like I have some purpose. Pray, cry, pray, cry. I never realized that this is what people suffer through- how do people manage to look "normal" and feel like this?

Kay Arcuni said:

My husband Joe left almost a month ago now, I am 52 years old and I have never lived alone, I just changed the sheets on our bed for the 1st time today because it made it feel like he was closer to me. He passed away so quickly that I had already done all his laundry because he was suppose to be coming home after his surgery.
He wore hats all the time so I put them in plastic bags so they would keep his smell. For me its like he speaks to me when I smell them. Shari I know what you mean about missing his support, he was my strength when things were bad, just a hug made everything better. Of all the things I miss most it's the hugs. Rejoice in the happy moments when you remember the good things that made you laugh or smile, I never want to loose those memories. They are who I am, who we were together and I am proud of that.
Warm thoughts and prayers to all of you.

Permalink Reply by Kay Arcuni on November 1, 2010 at 8:12pm

Christy, I am so sorry that you have had to join this support group, but there are a lot of very nice people here who all understand. It's 11 weeks tomorrow that Joe left and I still smell his hats, it makes me feel closer to him. Lately, I have been having the problem with having to sell off his business. And that doesn't exactly put me in the greatest of moods. Feel better soon and know he is always with you, and he is doing ok. We are the ones that are having the problem.

Christy said:

Kay,
Hello, I stumbled across the first part of your messg. here and decided to join this support group based on that. I lost my husband August 27th due to an accident at work. He was 38 yrs. old. I haven't changed my sheets yet either! I had determined to do it a couple of times, but couldn't make myself. As of this morning I decided I would wash everything except his pillowcase. Crazy I know. It doesn't even have his scent on it- nothing does! He was always so clean! He worked at a wastewater treatment facility- the smelliest, nastiest job... so as soon as he got home he showered and changed. I miss my man so much I can't breathe. I wake up every morning in a panic attack. I beg God to show me mercy and let me join him. I cry all the time. I strive each day to do something good for someone just to feel like I have some purpose. Pray, cry, pray, cry. I never realized that this is what people suffer through- how do people manage to look "normal" and feel like this?

Kay Arcuni said:
My husband Joe left almost a month ago now, I am 52 years old and I have never lived alone, I just changed the sheets on our bed for the 1st time today because it made it feel like he was closer to me. He passed away so quickly that I had already done all his laundry because he was suppose to be coming home after his surgery.
He wore hats all the time so I put them in plastic bags so they would keep his smell. For me its like he speaks to me when I smell them. Shari I know what you mean about missing his support, he was my strength when things were bad, just a hug made everything better. Of all the things I miss most it's the hugs. Rejoice in the happy moments when you remember the good things that made you laugh or smile, I never want to loose those memories. They are who I am, who we were together and I am proud of that.
Warm thoughts and prayers to all of you.

Permalink Reply by River of Tears on February 20, 2011 at 2:23am

I can not be absolutely certain but as far as I know every second of the day since my Sister and not long before our Mother and Father each moment , of everyday is filled with thoughts of them . It may be why I do not sleep or when I do I am still thinking of them . I do have the rare dream that I am actually able to see them also which seems like a gift which I never want to wake up from yet I do as we all do . I know in the few weeks after there were many things to do that all I wanted was to put my whole attention to that so that I could fulfill at least those few responsibilities for them . As that all start to dwindle down , the thoughts of each of them are still there maybe even stronger now with greater feeling . All the feelings I may have put aside so that I could take care of what I wanted to or needed to . Or of course the " numb" stage that I really did not know at first I was in . I just was moving through it all as though it all as though in slow motion though. I used to think of time as I friend of sorts , one that was given to me to share with them . Now it is one that I do not understand of how it could just stop for them . Each moment we shared used to be precious and now it is a cherished yet who do I have to share it with ? No sitting together and laughing about the good times or what we used to look like or what a silly hair do I had that year or even now . All of that is gone . My heart lays in piece shattered somewhere in a cavern in my soul . The only solace to all of this is that they may be together again sharing a life a peace and joy , one free of pain and anguish . If this were to be then this pain would be worth it all .

May comfort come to all , please take care

Permalink Reply by River of Tears on February 27, 2011 at 5:31am

Always on My mind , thinking about my Sister , Mother , Father who all have just passed . At times it feels like not always it is my Mind , my Heart , my Soul, in each breath I take , in everything I do through out the day , even when I am trying to pretend to others that all is ok ., Yet I they are right there . Maybe because when they were here it was the same , not a day would go by that I would not think of them , call them or write to them ,or see one of them . It was in every fiber of who I WAS . yes WAS . I am not this person anymore , as I know I will never be .Something that comes from all life experiences yet this one has riped me apart and that empty feeling that so many express I have had each and everyday . No matter if I am with someone or not , smiling , even laughing now which at first I felt so much guilt that this expression of emotion could even come out of me , though why not I did not seem to have any control over anything especially the one thing I can say embarrisly that I thought some how if only I was good or did what I could then this would keep them here . Maybe it was I did not do enough ( words from a guilt ridden mind

One may think I wanted this all for me for them to stay and maybe if to look deep inside if to push through the shattered peices of my heart I would find this to be true . Yet honestly I wanted this for them to be able to live a long and healthy life , one free of pain and anguish , one that they may find time to do thing for themselve since they always were doing for others. Did I wait to long , not say or do all I could when I had the chance . Did time just stop when I and they just did not know that the clock was going to stop. Or is it that I was blessed as we all to have Angels that we have in our lives to love to share time with and that God wanted them now in heaven . ?

I hope that the Angels I was blessed with (My Mother , Father , and My Sister ) know that I so miss them but even more that I LOVE them more then I will ever be able to do in my life time . Seeminly more each day as the days and hours have gone since they all have passed . Funny to say I even think about the two wonderful dogs my Father had that passed right at the same time too . Maybe God needed his Angels ( two beautiful dogs that he sent to my Dad to bring him comfort through very difficult times that also passed right at the sametime to come heaven .

Amazing in a way how all of this has happened when I think about yet still so very sad . and truly painful .

Blessing to all

Permalink Reply by Katie Shay on March 2, 2011 at 11:16am

I lived each day to make my dad proud of me so ever since he died (Dec. 08 2010) I've tried to avoid any reminders because the pain is too much... It knocks the wind out of me everytime I'm reminded that he's no longer with me. I'm sure as time passes I will eventually get to the point where I will seek out the reminders..