I found this site while searching for the poem, As I sit in Heaven and watch you everyday..., and reading the posts made me want to join.  Twelve weeks ago today I lost my husband of 32 years.  He had a stroke at 8:30 in the morning on October 1st, and although we got him to the hospital in time to administor TPA, everything that could go wrong, did.  70 minutes after the TPA a miracle occured.  He was lifting his arms, talking, and smiling with both sides of his mouth.  Even the nurses were crying.  I told him to rest and 15 minutes later he would not respond to stimulation.  A few hours later they had to put a breathing tube in.  He would slowly respond to commands such as squeezing our hands and opening his eyes but the next day he opened his eyes for the last time.  We could have opted for surgery to remove part of the back of his skull to make the swelling  out instead of in, but chose not to do that.  I knew that he did not want to live impaired, as we had talked about it several times over the last few years.  He had suffered from chronic testicular pain for over ten years and did not like living the way the pain medication made him feel.  On Thursday we took out the breathing tube, thinking that would be the day he died, but he held on until Sunday morning.  I struggle with him being scared during that time, as we could not communicate. I miss him everyday.  Sometimes I feel like I am getting better, then the next hour have a complete meltdown.  I am surrounded by wonderful Family and friends but feel so alone.

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Brenda, I am so sorry for your loss, and I really understand your pain. I also lost the love of my life 4 months ago. We went to the E.R early in the morning of aug. 22, with severe abdominal pain. He went from the ER to intensive care to a hospice room all in less than 24 hrs. He passed away from a bowel obstruction, I actually felt him leave, it was though he slammed thru me, I will never forget that feeling. Most of my family who were very supportive at first, have 1 by 1 have disappeared, they feel I should be over my grief by now and moving on with my life. We were married 52 years, we married as teens I just turned 18 and he 19, we grew up together, life was hard for a long time, but we always had each other. We raised 3 children together. He opened a business , and I went back to school and became a nurse. We were both finally retired, and now here I am alone, I would give up all that I have, to have him back. So I really do understand. And I wish you well.

Brenda, it took me a while to find your post, it isn't in the main forum where everyone posts.  I am so very sorry for your loss and I and everyone on this site know exactly what you're going thru.  I am 6 months into this awful grief journey, and it hurts so bad.  I was lucky to have  my other half, Don for almost 40 years, but that isn't helping much now.  Only time will help a little.  He had congestive heart failure, he went peacefully in his sleep, I'm thankful for that.  I also lost my mom a year ago from a stroke, very similar to what you describe.  I truly feel your pain.  Thoughts and prayers are with you, my wish for you is to be able to find peace in your heart.

Marge, I too, am sorry for your loss.  There is nothing that can prepare one for this pain and longing.  My husband and I were together for 37 years.  We met when I was 16 and he was 27.  We had a business together and worked from our home.  We raised one son and now have two grandchildren.  I am lucky to have a supportive family, but have learned not to talk about him too much with certain people.  I keep myself busy, probably too busy, but sometimes the grief just overwhelms me.  My friend tagged me in a poem on facebook this morning that brought some comfort because it is how I feel with him gone.  I have felt his arms around me, and sometimes feel his presence with me.  I would give anything to have him back.  I am sorry you are alone.

Marge Babenko said:

Brenda, I am so sorry for your loss, and I really understand your pain. I also lost the love of my life 4 months ago. We went to the E.R early in the morning of aug. 22, with severe abdominal pain. He went from the ER to intensive care to a hospice room all in less than 24 hrs. He passed away from a bowel obstruction, I actually felt him leave, it was though he slammed thru me, I will never forget that feeling. Most of my family who were very supportive at first, have 1 by 1 have disappeared, they feel I should be over my grief by now and moving on with my life. We were married 52 years, we married as teens I just turned 18 and he 19, we grew up together, life was hard for a long time, but we always had each other. We raised 3 children together. He opened a business , and I went back to school and became a nurse. We were both finally retired, and now here I am alone, I would give up all that I have, to have him back. So I really do understand. And I wish you well.

Thank you Jan.  When I read the posts of other people, I realize I am not the only one going through this.  Things that are written are exactly what I am feeling.  It helps to know that I am not alone.  I am sorry for your loss as well and hope as time goes by the feelings of pain will lessen for both of us.


 
Jan F. said:

Brenda, it took me a while to find your post, it isn't in the main forum where everyone posts.  I am so very sorry for your loss and I and everyone on this site know exactly what you're going thru.  I am 6 months into this awful grief journey, and it hurts so bad.  I was lucky to have  my other half, Don for almost 40 years, but that isn't helping much now.  Only time will help a little.  He had congestive heart failure, he went peacefully in his sleep, I'm thankful for that.  I also lost my mom a year ago from a stroke, very similar to what you describe.  I truly feel your pain.  Thoughts and prayers are with you, my wish for you is to be able to find peace in your heart.

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