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Missing Mom
Grief support for all who have lost moms
Losing your mother can be traumatic at any age. Share your grief and talk with others who are coping with the loss of their mothers.
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Monique Conley on
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Hi Tara,
I am so sorry, I am 31 as well and an only child. My mom passed away when I was 11. Death unfortunately can cause issues and tear people apart instead of bringing them together. It is very hurtful, but sometimes selfishness and pride can keep people from seeing what truly matters. All you can do is be an awesome mom to your kids, keep your mom alive with your memories, and always keep a door open to those that hurt you, most of the time, they come around, even if it takes decades. -
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Permalink Reply by beverly on
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Hi DOTTIE,
I KNEW EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL, THE DR.S FEEL LIKE THIS IS AN OLDER LADY SO IT'S HER TIME, I AM SO ANGRY THAT I REALLY AM WISHING BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO THEM, WHICH IS NOT A GOOD THING TO THINK LIKE THAT, I KEPT TELLING THE DR.S SHE IS COMPLAINING OF BELLY PAIN AND ALL THEY KEPT TELLING ME SHE IS DOING A GREAT JOB, SHE'S FINE. I THINK ABOUT THAT AND ALL I TO DO IS CRY, I FEEL SO BAD FOR MY MOM. THIS TIME OF YEAR IS SO BAD, WE USED TO MAKE ALL DIFFERENT KIND OF CHRISTMAS COOKIES TOGETHER,WE WOULD BE IN THE KITCHEN EVERY NIGHT AFTER DINNER JUST BAKING AWAY,TALKING LAUGHING TOGETHER, AND NOW IT'S GONE. TO ME THERE REALLY AREN'T ANYMORE HOLIDAYS, I AM IN NO MOOD FOR ANY OF THEM, NO DECORATING, ALTHOUGH TODAY I DID BRING MOM'S 2 ANGELS OUT OF THE CHRISTMAS CLOSET AND PUT THEM ON THE LIVING ROOM COFFEE TABLE WHERE I CAN SEE THEM EVERY TIME I WALK BY. I TOLD MY COUSIN TODAY WHAT I DID AND SHE SAID THAT'S GOOD SHE WOULD WANT YOU TO. I TALK TO THE ANGELS HOPING ONE OF THEM WILL ANSWER ME BACK HEARING HER VOICE. I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL WITH THE FIRST THANKSGIVING AND CHRISTMAS COMING, THIS IS MY SECOND BUT, BELIEVE ME IT'S NOT ANY EASIER FOR ME.
I MYSELF DON'T KNOW HOW I'M GOING TO GO THROUGH THESE DAYS.
HUGS BACK AT YOU, IT'S NOT EASY, GOTTA GO FOR NOW I'M CRYING AGAIN. -
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Permalink Reply by flora torres on
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Hi Tara, I lost my my mom on July 27,2010 to ammonia, it just feels like yesterday she was here, my sweet mom, I know its gonna be tough getting through these holidays without her. My family misses her so dearly, my sister was diagnosed with breast cancer the week before she died, she has since had a double masectomy since then and is in remission as well as going through chemo. I try to be strong for my family, I have a 18yr daughter and 14yr son, they are my pride and joy, i think they are stronger than me right now, I'm on medical leave as well, suddenly had to have hysterectomy with removal of one of my ovaries, I'm 43yrs old and I have been having problems all year. My mom was a big hearted person as well as being friendly to anyone who walked down her path, she knew it was her time to be with GOD and it was so hard to let her go, I didn't want her to go in pain even though she healthy yesterday, I will never forget her last words she said to me, being that I was the last one to talk to her, she said I'm tired,I'm tired, I'm so tired, will you please give me some apple juice and some apple sauce, as I did, It was her last meal! Take care and God bless!
Tara M. Carroll said:I lost my mom on 1/26/10, she was 54 and we all thought she was in perfect health but she started having pains in 11/09. She had lost her job in November so I thought she was depressed but finally in January she could not take the pain anymore and I called an ambulance. We find out later that night she had Stage 4 colon cancer that had spread to the liver, she refused treatment and I was her power of attorney so I had to put her in hospice were she wanted to go to die even though I wanted and needed her to live. I had 2 weeks to process her cancer and then she was gone, I was 31 and an only child. I am devastated by her passing and to make matters worse my grandma (her mom) had an argument the day she passed and I know longer have anything to do with my mom's side of the family. I miss my grandpa but he took my grandma's side so that's that. My dad and mom were divorced and he did not come to the funeral to support me or my 3 kids so I'm upset by that but we are still close. I just recently re-married and that was hard that my mom was not present for the wedding and the 1st for all holidays are coming up. They say time heals wounds but its getting worse for me because I've never went this long without seeing my mom or talking to her and my son was 1 when she passed away and she is missing him growing up. -
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Linda, I don't understand your coworkers' way of thinking, either. Keep putting one foot in front of the other and don't let anyone beat you down! We all have our good times and bad times.
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Permalink Reply by Linda on
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Thank you Carol...I'm trying really hard, but to have someone repeatedly keep on telling me that the last 2 years I have been performing below standards, (not one complaint from a guest or customer), and continue to keep repeating "the last 2 years" over and over, it is getting me to the point that I can't take it. To keep being told to leave everything at the door before you come in is really hard to do but I do. The first year I went back to work after Jennie died I went home twice because the floodgates opened and I couldn't stop them. I think that was pretty good. I just really don't understand. Maybe it's a wake up call telling me I need to move on and away. I don't know. But thank you and yes, one foot in front of the other..a litle wobbly at times but getting there.
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Permalink Reply by white dove on
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Here we are again with the Holidays approaching.. The pain of my mom leaving is still with us.. and this is the second holiday without her. The first one where i will make the turkey, without her advise.. I just cant bring myself to make her special dressing recipe:( I so wish i could go pick her up as we have for so many Thanksgivings, and have her coach me on this meal. I pray nightly that she is flying with the Angels and going anywhere her heart desires.. i still need her here.. this will be a tearful time once again. We love you mom, and miss you terribly~ Until we see each other again. xoxoxoxoxoxoxo's!
Linda said:Thank you Carol...I'm trying really hard, but to have someone repeatedly keep on telling me that the last 2 years I have been performing below standards, (not one complaint from a guest or customer), and continue to keep repeating "the last 2 years" over and over, it is getting me to the point that I can't take it. To keep being told to leave everything at the door before you come in is really hard to do but I do. The first year I went back to work after Jennie died I went home twice because the floodgates opened and I couldn't stop them. I think that was pretty good. I just really don't understand. Maybe it's a wake up call telling me I need to move on and away. I don't know. But thank you and yes, one foot in front of the other..a litle wobbly at times but getting there. - Attachments:
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Permalink Reply by Yvonne on
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White Dove, I so feel your pain. this will be the second Christmas since my mother's passing and it is no easier to be without her. It makes it worse that I so vividly recall her final Christmas on this earth, which she spent in hospital and which I should have managed differently. If only I had known she was not going to get better, I might have been able to arrange to spend all of her last Christmas Eve with her somehow in her hospital ward. Unfortunately, the reality of hospital space is that you are fortunate if you can find a place to sit and visit with your loved one, especially the poor souls who are less mobile, so our visits were mostly spent just standing around Mom's bedside. I can never make up the fact that I did not spend that last Christmas Eve at her side, but I have asked her many times for her forgiveness. I know that I should be baking and doing all the things I once did under her "supervision" but that was my time with her, time I will never share again and so as I try to find inspiration in her kitchen it seems so lonely not to have her making sure I am doing things right. I do know that whenever I find myself questioning whether I will ever be able to pull this Christmas together, I can hear Mom telling me: "Now, don't punish the rest of the family just because you aren't feeling festive".
To all of you who are facing another Christmas, or your first Christmas, without your Mom try to remember there is some comfort in honouring those traditions they taught us. Whenever I share a batch of shortbread or butter tarts with friends or neighbours and they tell me how much they enjoy them, I always explain "That's Mom's recipe, the way she taught me to make them." and I feel a little closer to her.
As part of the holidays this year, I also hope to do something for some folks in a seniors home; perhaps take them some baking. You see, in each of these places there are groups of old folks who have no one to look in on them, no one to bring them home made treats, no one to ask about the Christmas they once knew. I think that's the sort of thing Mom would want me to do as she was always thinking of others.
We may never stop missing our mothers but we can take some comfort in knowing there are so many here who understand exactly how we feel.
Blessings to all,
Yvonne
(white dove) said:Here we are again with the Holidays approaching.. The pain of my mom leaving is still with us.. and this is the second holiday without her. The first one where i will make the turkey, without her advise.. I just cant bring myself to make her special dressing recipe:( I so wish i could go pick her up as we have for so many Thanksgivings, and have her coach me on this meal. I pray nightly that she is flying with the Angels and going anywhere her heart desires.. i still need her here.. this will be a tearful time once again. We love you mom, and miss you terribly~ Until we see each other again. xoxoxoxoxoxoxo's!
Linda said:Thank you Carol...I'm trying really hard, but to have someone repeatedly keep on telling me that the last 2 years I have been performing below standards, (not one complaint from a guest or customer), and continue to keep repeating "the last 2 years" over and over, it is getting me to the point that I can't take it. To keep being told to leave everything at the door before you come in is really hard to do but I do. The first year I went back to work after Jennie died I went home twice because the floodgates opened and I couldn't stop them. I think that was pretty good. I just really don't understand. Maybe it's a wake up call telling me I need to move on and away. I don't know. But thank you and yes, one foot in front of the other..a litle wobbly at times but getting there. -
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White Dove, I so feel your pain. this will be the second Christmas since my mother's passing and it is no easier to be without her. It makes it worse that I so vividly recall her final Christmas on this earth, which she spent in hospital and which I should have managed differently. If only I had known she was not going to get better, I might have been able to arrange to spend all of her last Christmas Eve with her somehow in her hospital ward. Unfortunately, the reality of hospital space is that you are fortunate if you can find a place to sit and visit with your loved one, especially the poor souls who are less mobile, so our visits were mostly spent just standing around Mom's bedside. I can never make up the fact that I did not spend that last Christmas Eve at her side, but I have asked her many times for her forgiveness. I know that I should be baking and doing all the things I once did under her "supervision" but that was my time with her, time I will never share again and so as I try to find inspiration in her kitchen it seems so lonely not to have her making sure I am doing things right. I do know that whenever I find myself questioning whether I will ever be able to pull this Christmas together, I can hear Mom telling me: "Now, don't punish the rest of the family just because you aren't feeling festive".
To all of you who are facing another Christmas, or your first Christmas, without your Mom try to remember there is some comfort in honouring those traditions they taught us. Whenever I share a batch of shortbread or butter tarts with friends or neighbours and they tell me how much they enjoy them, I always explain "That's Mom's recipe, the way she taught me to make them." and I feel a little closer to her.
As part of the holidays this year, I also hope to do something for some folks in a seniors home; perhaps take them some baking. You see, in each of these places there are groups of old folks who have no one to look in on them, no one to bring them home made treats, no one to ask about the Christmas they once knew. I think that's the sort of thing Mom would want me to do as she was always thinking of others.
We may never stop missing our mothers but we can take some comfort in knowing there are so many here who understand exactly how we feel.
Blessings to all,
Yvonne
(white dove) said:Here we are again with the Holidays approaching.. The pain of my mom leaving is still with us.. and this is the second holiday without her. The first one where i will make the turkey, without her advise.. I just cant bring myself to make her special dressing recipe:( I so wish i could go pick her up as we have for so many Thanksgivings, and have her coach me on this meal. I pray nightly that she is flying with the Angels and going anywhere her heart desires.. i still need her here.. this will be a tearful time once again. We love you mom, and miss you terribly~ Until we see each other again. xoxoxoxoxoxoxo's!
Linda said:Thank you Carol...I'm trying really hard, but to have someone repeatedly keep on telling me that the last 2 years I have been performing below standards, (not one complaint from a guest or customer), and continue to keep repeating "the last 2 years" over and over, it is getting me to the point that I can't take it. To keep being told to leave everything at the door before you come in is really hard to do but I do. The first year I went back to work after Jennie died I went home twice because the floodgates opened and I couldn't stop them. I think that was pretty good. I just really don't understand. Maybe it's a wake up call telling me I need to move on and away. I don't know. But thank you and yes, one foot in front of the other..a litle wobbly at times but getting there. -
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Thank you Yvonne:) you truly understand! I was just whipping up a couple of MY layered pumpkin pies and i could hear my mom say, those aren't the traditional pumpkin pies.. put more pumpkin in them! I also am trying my Best to follow our traditions.. but can you believe i just cant bring myself to make moms wonderful dressing? The turkey will be empty this year, but, i am actually making a T-D meal~ last year, there was NO WAY. I too remember my little mom's last Christmas here. So very sad. We had out of town company and we were very excited and so was my mom.. i begged my sister to stay with her so she wouldnt be alone, which she agreed to do. We came to her apartment to introduce her to my daughters newly found half siblings, and my mom was so very happy for us.. but what i didnt know was my sister left very early and left mom all by herself... right next door to me! Weak, fragile, before she took very ill, i wish i had known also... i would have cancelled our company. Lets all just know that our mom's are in the kitchen besides us, and if we listen very well, we can hear their advise...
Hugs, love, prayers for all*
Yvonne said:White Dove, I so feel your pain. this will be the second Christmas since my mother's passing and it is no easier to be without her. It makes it worse that I so vividly recall her final Christmas on this earth, which she spent in hospital and which I should have managed differently. If only I had known she was not going to get better, I might have been able to arrange to spend all of her last Christmas Eve with her somehow in her hospital ward. Unfortunately, the reality of hospital space is that you are fortunate if you can find a place to sit and visit with your loved one, especially the poor souls who are less mobile, so our visits were mostly spent just standing around Mom's bedside. I can never make up the fact that I did not spend that last Christmas Eve at her side, but I have asked her many times for her forgiveness. I know that I should be baking and doing all the things I once did under her "supervision" but that was my time with her, time I will never share again and so as I try to find inspiration in her kitchen it seems so lonely not to have her making sure I am doing things right. I do know that whenever I find myself questioning whether I will ever be able to pull this Christmas together, I can hear Mom telling me: "Now, don't punish the rest of the family just because you aren't feeling festive".
To all of you who are facing another Christmas, or your first Christmas, without your Mom try to remember there is some comfort in honouring those traditions they taught us. Whenever I share a batch of shortbread or butter tarts with friends or neighbours and they tell me how much they enjoy them, I always explain "That's Mom's recipe, the way she taught me to make them." and I feel a little closer to her.
As part of the holidays this year, I also hope to do something for some folks in a seniors home; perhaps take them some baking. You see, in each of these places there are groups of old folks who have no one to look in on them, no one to bring them home made treats, no one to ask about the Christmas they once knew. I think that's the sort of thing Mom would want me to do as she was always thinking of others.
We may never stop missing our mothers but we can take some comfort in knowing there are so many here who understand exactly how we feel.
Blessings to all,
Yvonne
(white dove) said:Here we are again with the Holidays approaching.. The pain of my mom leaving is still with us.. and this is the second holiday without her. The first one where i will make the turkey, without her advise.. I just cant bring myself to make her special dressing recipe:( I so wish i could go pick her up as we have for so many Thanksgivings, and have her coach me on this meal. I pray nightly that she is flying with the Angels and going anywhere her heart desires.. i still need her here.. this will be a tearful time once again. We love you mom, and miss you terribly~ Until we see each other again. xoxoxoxoxoxoxo's!
Linda said:Thank you Carol...I'm trying really hard, but to have someone repeatedly keep on telling me that the last 2 years I have been performing below standards, (not one complaint from a guest or customer), and continue to keep repeating "the last 2 years" over and over, it is getting me to the point that I can't take it. To keep being told to leave everything at the door before you come in is really hard to do but I do. The first year I went back to work after Jennie died I went home twice because the floodgates opened and I couldn't stop them. I think that was pretty good. I just really don't understand. Maybe it's a wake up call telling me I need to move on and away. I don't know. But thank you and yes, one foot in front of the other..a litle wobbly at times but getting there. -
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Linda, I sure would think about moving on from such a hostile workplace. I know exactly what you mean about being a little wobbly at times, but even if we fall, we get back up and keep on walking! Hang in there!
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Permalink Reply by wd on
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Hello friends, I just wanted you all to know that since mom passed I have had other losses within my husbands family,,, It has still been a journey and with Thanksgiving behind me now comes Christmas. I have a special ornament as a keepsake for my sister who I lost 9 years ago, and I was thinking about some way to pay tribute to my mom... It is so hard thinking about her during this time. Godspeed everyone and I will continue with prayers for all....
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Hello everyone, I'm trying to put thanksgiving behind me too, now the christmas is here, the music is going to be so hard to here, my mom loved to sing "Silent Night", I'm gonna try and sing it for her. Today is her 4 month anniversary homegoing, I miss her so much, I just want to get through today and the rest of the year. I hope all you ladies had a pleasant Thanksgiving. Just hang in there, I promised my mom that I would be strong. God Bless!
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