Remembering Dad

Grief support: No matter what your age, losing your dad can be difficult. Share your grief and talk with others who are coping with the death of their fathers.

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Permalink Reply by eileen ferguson on February 7, 2011 at 9:22am

River of Tears said:

My Father loving ,caring ,and ,wise are just a few of words to encompass a man that had a heart of generosity . A son that loved his parents , a brother that loved each of his many sisters and brothers , and a loving husband and a father who loved his children more then you could imagine a Father could love his children . Sadly he passed away not a few years ago , which at times just seems like yesterday for the pain still is as deep . I always wonder why it is when one is able now is able to maybe start doing things for themselves that this is when you here about them getting sick or dying . In my Fathers case both . He now did not have to take care of us anymore . He was able to stop working and just be . I always hoped to give back to him in growing up , not so much in material things but at least let him know he was loved . As I had hoped that maybe now it was a chance to gave back to him in anyway I could , with that same enormous love my heart held for him . Cancer hardly gave him a chance , no cure , no band aid even to make his days comfortable . The call that day was one that dropped me to the floor , a wrenching yet no scream came from me . Life as I knew it would never be the same . My saddens was for all those who loved him so knowing the pain they too must be feeling . Unable to say anything about my feeling for along time of how I truly felt for fear if I did the wall of emotion would come down . I still to this day have not felt it all for I am able to some how put up this wall . Maybe it is because my Mother and dear Sister have passed just recently too that I can not maintain with all that I maybe feeling . I just know I was blessed in life with wonderful Father one gave to me at times more then he had wishing now I just could turn back the clock so to now be the one to give back to him . Though only to know that God has his Angel my Father sitting up in heaven right beside him.

To all of you , comfort and love for being so blessed with the Fathers we all we able to have

Permalink Reply by Diamond on February 7, 2011 at 12:39pm

Our parents - are just that - forever - their love will remain in our hearts and their words will briing so much comforts in days in which we can just sit back and remember how loving and kind they were - I enjoy just cherishing the memories - I know that our parents love us unconditionally and that is the most beautiful love we can ever have.....unconditional love. eileen ferguson said:

River of Tears said:
My Father loving ,caring ,and ,wise are just a few of words to encompass a man that had a heart of generosity . A son that loved his parents , a brother that loved each of his many sisters and brothers , and a loving husband and a father who loved his children more then you could imagine a Father could love his children . Sadly he passed away not a few years ago , which at times just seems like yesterday for the pain still is as deep . I always wonder why it is when one is able now is able to maybe start doing things for themselves that this is when you here about them getting sick or dying . In my Fathers case both . He now did not have to take care of us anymore . He was able to stop working and just be . I always hoped to give back to him in growing up , not so much in material things but at least let him know he was loved . As I had hoped that maybe now it was a chance to gave back to him in anyway I could , with that same enormous love my heart held for him . Cancer hardly gave him a chance , no cure , no band aid even to make his days comfortable . The call that day was one that dropped me to the floor , a wrenching yet no scream came from me . Life as I knew it would never be the same . My saddens was for all those who loved him so knowing the pain they too must be feeling . Unable to say anything about my feeling for along time of how I truly felt for fear if I did the wall of emotion would come down . I still to this day have not felt it all for I am able to some how put up this wall . Maybe it is because my Mother and dear Sister have passed just recently too that I can not maintain with all that I maybe feeling . I just know I was blessed in life with wonderful Father one gave to me at times more then he had wishing now I just could turn back the clock so to now be the one to give back to him . Though only to know that God has his Angel my Father sitting up in heaven right beside him.

To all of you , comfort and love for being so blessed with the Fathers we all we able to have

Permalink Reply by Diamond on February 7, 2011 at 12:39pm

River of Tears said:
My Father loving ,caring ,and ,wise are just a few of words to encompass a man that had a heart of generosity . A son that loved his parents , a brother that loved each of his many sisters and brothers , and a loving husband and a father who loved his children more then you could imagine a Father could love his children . Sadly he passed away not a few years ago , which at times just seems like yesterday for the pain still is as deep . I always wonder why it is when one is able now is able to maybe start doing things for themselves that this is when you here about them getting sick or dying . In my Fathers case both . He now did not have to take care of us anymore . He was able to stop working and just be . I always hoped to give back to him in growing up , not so much in material things but at least let him know he was loved . As I had hoped that maybe now it was a chance to gave back to him in anyway I could , with that same enormous love my heart held for him . Cancer hardly gave him a chance , no cure , no band aid even to make his days comfortable . The call that day was one that dropped me to the floor , a wrenching yet no scream came from me . Life as I knew it would never be the same . My saddens was for all those who loved him so knowing the pain they too must be feeling . Unable to say anything about my feeling for along time of how I truly felt for fear if I did the wall of emotion would come down . I still to this day have not felt it all for I am able to some how put up this wall . Maybe it is because my Mother and dear Sister have passed just recently too that I can not maintain with all that I maybe feeling . I just know I was blessed in life with wonderful Father one gave to me at times more then he had wishing now I just could turn back the clock so to now be the one to give back to him . Though only to know that God has his Angel my Father sitting up in heaven right beside him.

To all of you , comfort and love for being so blessed with the Fathers we all we able to have

Permalink Reply by River of Tears on February 9, 2011 at 6:23am

Dear Diamond, So true , yet maybe this is why it is so painful I wanted to do so much more for them in life since they gave and did so much for me and it was out of love . Time was not one out side , just seemed to slipped by to quickly as I know it has for many . I will have allot wonderful memories to hold on to, it is the many " if only's " that I know I can not change now but may always have . Still in the depth of pain it is amazing how my mind goes to what they would have said or what their expression would have been when I will be something thats I am fumbling at or did by accident , or even my Father loving eyes telling me that everything will be ok is what I see in my minds eye yet wishing it was more then just a thought that he was really here . Maybe it is in the memories that the depth of pain will find guidance, since all seems to be at a stop with no direction . As I write is it in the looking back of these memories that maybe direction will be found for the future ? Is this the map that I have been looking for all that my Father wisdom had to offer . Something I need to think about .

Thank you for responding it truly helped

To everyone , the best , and please take care .

ne that
Diamond said:

Our parents - are just that - forever - their love will remain in our hearts and their words will bring so much comforts in days in which we can just sit back and remember how loving and kind they were - I enjoy just cherishing the memories - I know that our parents love us unconditionally and that is the most beautiful love we can ever have.....unconditional love. eileen ferguson said:

River of Tears said:
My Father loving ,caring ,and ,wise are just a few of words to encompass a man that had a heart of generosity . A son that loved his parents , a brother that loved each of his many sisters and brothers , and a loving husband and a father who loved his children more then you could imagine a Father could love his children . Sadly he passed away not a few years ago , which at times just seems like yesterday for the pain still is as deep . I always wonder why it is when one is able now is able to maybe start doing things for themselves that this is when you here about them getting sick or dying . In my Fathers case both . He now did not have to take care of us anymore . He was able to stop working and just be . I always hoped to give back to him in growing up , not so much in material things but at least let him know he was loved . As I had hoped that maybe now it was a chance to gave back to him in anyway I could , with that same enormous love my heart held for him . Cancer hardly gave him a chance , no cure , no band aid even to make his days comfortable . The call that day was one that dropped me to the floor , a wrenching yet no scream came from me . Life as I knew it would never be the same . My saddens was for all those who loved him so knowing the pain they too must be feeling . Unable to say anything about my feeling for along time of how I truly felt for fear if I did the wall of emotion would come down . I still to this day have not felt it all for I am able to some how put up this wall . Maybe it is because my Mother and dear Sister have passed just recently too that I can not maintain with all that I maybe feeling . I just know I was blessed in life with wonderful Father one gave to me at times more then he had wishing now I just could turn back the clock so to now be the one to give back to him . Though only to know that God has his Angel my Father sitting up in heaven right beside him.

To all of you , comfort and love for being so blessed with the Fathers we all we able to have

Permalink Reply by River of Tears on February 19, 2011 at 7:35am

Born to a Family with a wonderful Father that passed away not long ago it still hurt as though just happened . Maybe it always will . How a shattered heart ever mends , at least enough to go on and live I do not know ? A heart that was tested to see if I could still bear all the pain of the passing not only of my Father but Mother and Sister . How to grief for each of them yet as we lived as a family . This I do not know either . No one has told me this yet . I am of age that I would have thought I could contain most of my feeling and move on yet some how this all has brought me to my knees praying to ask that this is not trues. I feel like I have aged in this short time though my give age has stayed the same . My Father was always a strength to look to ,.one that had such wisdom that some how he just knew . His laughter and smile was something was all use to know for it was always there . He loved life and his family , his children were his gifts in life . I wish I thought of myself this way . For I wish that in life that I had been more for him , doing all that I could have so just to make his life what he needed instead of what was that he always did for us . Where did I go wrong , I did this with my Dad my Mom and my dear Sister . All who I alway said and feel I love more then life . Well then why when I had the time , did I not do what I could have for them , even if it was to convey to them how truly I love them . Now I will never be able to , as he gave so much of himself I will never be able to say another thank you or I love you . What I hoped for was that I could have been the one to give to him , that chance never came . Sickness and cancer decided it all . Why with someone so good . is it that Angels need to go back to heaven . ? A blessing that I was given with a Father that loved me , may he know some how that I will forever love him in my heart and never let him go .

A Fathers Love is like a hug you have each and everyday .

To everyone please take care .

Permalink Reply by Stefanie Abdo on February 23, 2011 at 8:16pm

I just lost my dad Feb. 12. He died of a staff infection that was septic from an operation he had on his back. He was only 68. It was truely a terrible way to see him go. I am sick everyday knowing if they would have caught it early enough, it is something that is treatable. Feb. is already a bad month bc my brother died 3 yrs ago feb. 23 of brain cancer at 38. I dont now how to except this pain. I am just going crazy inside. I dont like the way I feel. I just want the pain to go away....

Permalink Reply by River of Tears on February 24, 2011 at 3:23am

Dear Stefanie Abdo, I am so sorry for you loss of you Father . Words now may now bring you comfort at all though know that many here are so willing to be by your side as I have found in these last few months since I have just come to shared after I too have been trying to face a life without my Sister Mother and Father all at once . A pain that in unexplainable to others , yet when I have come here some how just in the reading and the responses I have had it has brought me comfort each day . A pain that may not ever go away , yet I am seeking just a way to live rather then just to be functioning at this point . What you have shared hit such a deep and sorrowful point of what happens to so many in life especially in a place as the hospital . For so many days now I too wonder if this may have been apart the reason my Sister became so ill right after a surgery she had , yet after multiple calls and attempt to get her at least into and appointment all we found was the she and I were going into the hospital again for the very last time . A time that both of us never imagined for each time she ever had to go in she had this strength and courage the even the doctors were surprise at finding that she would be able to go home yet once again . To live a life she so loved . As you , there as so many questions to why something like this could happen to your dear Father . Just know though again that I am many are here to be by your side through this in any way we can . I am one that never thought myself to be here on line sharing as I have yet here I am . The reason is , because of the love and understanding of all who even through their deep pain that they too are going through are able to reach a broken and shattered heart . May the love for your Father be your guide through all of this , the love you have in your heart that will never go away . The love that no one can take away

Please be well

Stefanie Abdo said:

I just lost my dad Feb. 12. He died of a staff infection that was septic from an operation he had on his back. He was only 68. It was truely a terrible way to see him go. I am sick everyday knowing if they would have caught it early enough, it is something that is treatable. Feb. is already a bad month bc my brother died 3 yrs ago feb. 23 of brain cancer at 38. I dont now how to except this pain. I am just going crazy inside. I dont like the way I feel. I just want the pain to go away....

Permalink Reply by Maureen Kay McFee on March 10, 2011 at 3:21pm

Dear Stefani

I feel your loss of your Father. I, too, lost my Father on January 22, 2011. Although he was 82 he was vibrant and sharp until the end. The pain is indescribable and the hurt is insurmountable at times. I am 59 yrs old and thought I had prepared myself for my dad passing but I do not think one is ever ready for the loss of a parent. Unfortunately, for you, the death of your Father has been compounded by the loss of your brother at such an early age and both in the same month. I am going to grief counseling and it helps tremedously. I have reached out to my extended family and friends that have already gone through this very same thing. They all tell me not to try to ignore how I feel but to just go through them and it will eventually get better. I had time to grieve my dad's passing because he had been ill the last several months and we were able to get him home, where he wanted to be, when he passed on. You, on the other hand, lost your dad so quickly you did not even know what was coming at you. Just hang in there and it will start to make sense to you. I believe my Father has already sent me messages. I find comfort in the fact that he is no longer in pain and now is smiling down on us. I imagine you are also dealing with anger because your loss was due to negligence of a hospital. Please just know that others care and do whatever it is you need to do to get through this. Exhaust every resource there is to get you through this. I am sure you have wonderful memories with your dad and it sounds like he was a wonderful father. No one can ever take the memories from you. They are yours to keep forever.

Is your Mother still living? How is she doing? I believe in the power of prayer and just handing over to God because it is just too big for us to handle alone. Good luck to you and I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

Permalink Reply by Stefanie Abdo on March 10, 2011 at 5:44pm

Maureen Kay McFee said:

Dear Stefani

I feel your loss of your Father. I, too, lost my Father on January 22, 2011. Although he was 82 he was vibrant and sharp until the end. The pain is indescribable and the hurt is insurmountable at times. I am 59 yrs old and thought I had prepared myself for my dad passing but I do not think one is ever ready for the loss of a parent. Unfortunately, for you, the death of your Father has been compounded by the loss of your brother at such an early age and both in the same month. I am going to grief counseling and it helps tremedously. I have reached out to my extended family and friends that have already gone through this very same thing. They all tell me not to try to ignore how I feel but to just go through them and it will eventually get better. I had time to grieve my dad's passing because he had been ill the last several months and we were able to get him home, where he wanted to be, when he passed on. You, on the other hand, lost your dad so quickly you did not even know what was coming at you. Just hang in there and it will start to make sense to you. I believe my Father has already sent me messages. I find comfort in the fact that he is no longer in pain and now is smiling down on us. I imagine you are also dealing with anger because your loss was due to negligence of a hospital. Please just know that others care and do whatever it is you need to do to get through this. Exhaust every resource there is to get you through this. I am sure you have wonderful memories with your dad and it sounds like he was a wonderful father. No one can ever take the memories from you. They are yours to keep forever.

Is your Mother still living? How is she doing? I believe in the power of prayer and just handing over to God because it is just too big for us to handle alone. Good luck to you and I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

Permalink Reply by Stefanie Abdo on March 10, 2011 at 5:53pm

Thank You so much for your response. This support group has really helped me get through alot of grief.

I do have a big family and we are all pulling together to help each other out. My mother is 80, alot older then my father and she is very sad. She now lives with me and my 4 children and husband. I know it helps her a little bit with our love and laughter but also makes her sad because she wants to feel that love from her husband and her son to. My happiness sometimes makes me sad because I have my husband. I know that life goes on around us no matter what and I have to except that. But I do Thank You for your support and I am also very sorry for the loss of your father. My prayers go out to you and your family.

Permalink Reply by Maureen Kay McFee on March 10, 2011 at 7:33pm

Stefani,

I am sure your mom is feeling an incredible loss but I am sure she would not want you to feel sad because you have your husband and she does not. Your dad would not want you to feel that either. That I am sure of. Enjoy the time you have with your mother and build memories with your children. Memories are a treasure! Take care of yourself ! Check with your local hospice agency to see if they can hook you up with a grief counselor. That's what I did and I look forward to visits with her! You sound like a wonderful daughter and I am sure you learned that from two wonderful parents!

Stefanie Abdo said:

Thank You so much for your response. This support group has really helped me get through alot of grief.

I do have a big family and we are all pulling together to help each other out. My mother is 80, alot older then my father and she is very sad. She now lives with me and my 4 children and husband. I know it helps her a little bit with our love and laughter but also makes her sad because she wants to feel that love from her husband and her son to. My happiness sometimes makes me sad because I have my husband. I know that life goes on around us no matter what and I have to except that. But I do Thank You for your support and I am also very sorry for the loss of your father. My prayers go out to you and your family.

Permalink Reply by Freddie Reyes on March 22, 2011 at 12:21am

It has been 5 months since I lost my dad. Tonite when I checked the time and saw that it was 8:00 pm it brought back memories. Around 8:00 was the time I would usually warm up the coffee and serve our nightly dessert.My life has changed so much since the day he left.I no longer live in the apt. we shared and called home for the last 5 years.I rent a room in a house full of strangers.I don't cook any breakfast , lunch , or dinner as I did for him. I eat out , or just have snacks.I'm hoping things will ge better once I go back to work,which will be in 5 days , I've been off since Sept. dad passed in Oct. I've had too much time alone.I've been holding up pretty well, except when I thought of those memories tonite , they brought tears to my eyes.I lost my mom in 2002,my sister in 2009,and my dad in 2010. I do have another sister and I had lunch with her this weekend , I have my sisters daughters , but I do lead a very lonely life....The pain is still fresh , so I'm sure in time things will get better....