Remembering Dad

Grief support: No matter what your age, losing your dad can be difficult. Share your grief and talk with others who are coping with the death of their fathers.

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Permalink Reply by Gina on March 22, 2010 at 7:22am

You are so right, it doesn't matter your age, your daddy is your daddy! My prayers and thoughts are with you as the healing process takes it's course.

Susan Fuller said:

I lost my father on March 6th, 2010. I am 47 years old and every day find myself saying "I need my daddy". I agree with you that apparantely it doesn't matter how old you are. The loss is almost too much to bear.

Permalink Reply by kaz on March 22, 2010 at 2:19pm

hi, i really need some help, my dad committed suicide at new years and up to now i have dealt relatively fine but due to incidents in my life it has pushed me too far and i cant cope anymore, i dnt know what i am supposed to do, i really need some advice or something im not sure but i know that i cant keep on as i am. i have found myself exploding at people when they have done very little to upset me, also since it has happened i feel completely alienated by my friends as if they no longer care about me, not paranoia, the way they have been acting

Permalink Reply by Daddy's Girl on March 24, 2010 at 5:12am

I lost my dad 1/18/2010. Dad fell sick on December 13 from a massive stroke. I miss him so much. I never knew heartache felt like this. It's so strange but dad passed away on his birthday. I know that no one is really ever ready to lose someone but the lost of my dad is undescribeable. :-(

Permalink Reply by Gina on April 9, 2010 at 7:42am

Maribel,
Thank you, I do pray for strength everyday, I also do meditation to bring me a little peace to go on. It has now been one month and I have gone a total of two days without crying. I miss my daddy so very much and when I open my eyes in the morning, he is the first thing on my mind. I find myself getting ready to pick up the phone and call him and then stop in my tracks with the reality that it is not possible. I pray for when the pain is not so unbearable.

Maribel said:

Dear Gina, I am so sorry for your loss and for what you are going through right now, please know that you are not alone, Psalms 34:18 tell us that when we are “broken at heart” or “crushed in spirit,” Jehovah God, like a loving parent, “is near”—ever compassionate and ready to help. Draw close to him in prayer and he will sustain you.

Gina said:
It has been two days when my daddy suddenly died from a massive heart attack. There has never been any heart problems in our family. He went in for leg and lower back pain and now he is DEAD??? My heart is hurting so much I don't know what to do, it was just me and my dad as my mom passed in 2005, I have no brothers and sisters and he was my BEST FRIEND my whole life.
I can hardly breathe and this pain just seems unbearable, why god, why???

Permalink Reply by Becky on April 11, 2010 at 8:11pm

Monica,
I have also lost my Dad. I was also a Daddy's girl. Some of the things you had stated I have felt the same way.I have had it happen when I had smelled someone with the same cologne on. There is not a day that goes by when I don't think of my dad. He was so awesome and also my best friend. I miss him so much. I dream of him and cherish every dream that I have. I hope I never stop having those dreams. Having such an awesome dad is something to always cherish. Take care of yourself. becky

Permalink Reply by pam dotson on April 13, 2010 at 9:22am

My father died this last Easter Sunday. His obituary was reported in The Kansas City Star. It was curious to me how much of his life between 1949 and 1975 was ommitted. This was the the time during which he married my mother and raised his first family consisting of four children. I am the youngest of these four children. I realize that this might sound very strange, however, I thought for many years that I would celebrate my father's death. When the news came to me though, I felt a familiar numb hit me. I do not know how to grieve a man who commited so many crimes against us. My father was the perpetrator of all forms of abuse...physical, sexual, and emotional. My memories begin at age three years when I remember the threats he used to terrify me so I would not tell of his molesting me. He said he would kill me, then he said he would kill my mother, and finally he said he "would put a thousand spiders in my room" if I told. I cannot count how many nights I abruptly awakened the whole family clinging atop my headboard screaming because in the dark and in my confusion the flowers on my sheets looked like spiders. My siblings, being older and remembering my life prior to age three report that his abuse of me actually began much younger while he was changing my diaper. That evil man is now gone and cannot hurt anyone like that again. Yet, here I am writing in this forum in the hopes of making some sense out of so many conflicting feelings about my father's death that at present I feel as if I am spinning. I wonder if there is anyone having a similar experience who might reply to this with some insight for me. While I feel quite the jumbled mess right now, I am aware of great anger...anger about many things such as my father being able to walk away from us, scott free, to embark on a new life seemingly without consequence. Anger at the obituary I read depicting him as an honorable man and not the criminal guilty of heinous acts against his wife and children. Anger that his present family are ignorant to all of this and anger at the total lie he was allowed to live while my mother, my siblings, and I suffered the consequences of his behavior. If there is anyone reading this who can offer some advice or understanding or who can make some sense of this situation, I would greatly appreciate hearing from them.

Permalink Reply by Denise on April 24, 2010 at 9:13am

I lost my dad January 11, 2010. He woke up that morning, dressed, went to my mom's care to see if she had gas, and never got out of the car. My mom found him and called 911. They told us his heart got out of rhythm. They tried CPR but were never able to get it back. The doctor said he was flatlined from the moment they hooked him to the monitor in the hospital. He went so quickly. Mom and Dad barely had time to speak that morning. Each of us children were just rising to begin our week. Mom was frantically trying to call each of us, finally getting my sister in Virginia. I live the closest but I was the last to know. I should have been there for my Mom, she shouldn't have had to go through that alone.

Dad's birthday was April 1, then Easter was the following Sunday. Our first birthday and holiday without him came too closely together this year. Dad would have been 72. Some might think that because he had lived such a long, full life that would make his death easier. It doesn't.

The pain is unbearable. I can't let myself feel the pain too deeply. I can't without getting numb. I suffer from pseudoseizures that can be triggered by stress. When I let myself think of the loss and pain, I feel the sensations that come when I am about to have a seizure. When that happens, I shut down my feelings. I don't want to have seizures. I don't want to loose control that way. How can I get over this? How can I grieve so that I can go back to living a normal life?

While time moves on and I go to work, take care of business, and my family, time also has stood still for me. I can't get past that morning. I teach school and right now, I have to focus on my job. I have to take care of my teenage daughter who is having a difficult time dealing with her grandaddy's death. She is so afraid that her Nana is going to be next. (Mom also has a heart problem and has a defibrillator/pacemaker).

I feel like people think I should be okay but I am not. I don't dare let down my guard, especially with Mom. I don't talk about it to anyone. I feel so alone and yet I know I am not alone. All I know for sure is that nothing is the same and never will be again.

Permalink Reply by Lisa Phillips on April 27, 2010 at 11:14am

my dad passed away a week ago and i am so sad and angry.angry cause icant talk to him i need him so bad.i dont knowhow to handle the grief.all iknow is how i feel so sad and down.iloved my daddy so much. i just cant stop crying .it hurts so bad

Permalink Reply by Angela Hodges on April 30, 2010 at 11:43pm

I'm sorry for your lost Lisa.
Crying is a part of your healing process. Just remember all the good times you shared with your Dad. I know your'e hurting right now but you'll be ok. Just find yourself a good listener and poor your heart out. Take care
Lisa Phillips said:

my dad passed away a week ago and i am so sad and angry.angry cause icant talk to him i need him so bad.i dont knowhow to handle the grief.all iknow is how i feel so sad and down.iloved my daddy so much. i just cant stop crying .it hurts so bad

Permalink Reply by Sherry on May 3, 2010 at 9:49pm

My birth mother died a few years ago. She took off when I was 2 years old and I was raised by my father and step mother. For several years she would set up dates to pick up my older sister and I, then would not show up. When she did pick us up, she would often call my dad to come get us because she had somewhere else to go. When I was 10, she called to tell us that she just had a baby girl, the one that she always wanted. Then what was I, a mistake? My step mother raised me since I was 5 and she is really my mom.

When my birth mother passed away, I was very hurt and angry. I couldn't understand why her death was affecting me so negatively. I have since learned that even though she was not a part of my life and I no longer considered her my mom, I needed to go through the grieving process. I was not grieving the loss of her, but the loss of what would never be with her. A part of me had always hoped that some day we would have a mother-daughter relationship. Now that she was gone, there would never be a some day. Maybe that is the type of grieving that you need to help heal yourself.

The other thing I learned is that anger is all-consuming and hurts you more than the other. Someone told me a quote and it really helped me get over her death. I am not sure who said it, but maybe it will help you too.

"Forgiving is not forgetting. It is remembering and letting go."

pam dotson said:

My father died this last Easter Sunday. His obituary was reported in The Kansas City Star. It was curious to me how much of his life between 1949 and 1975 was ommitted. This was the the time during which he married my mother and raised his first family consisting of four children. I am the youngest of these four children. I realize that this might sound very strange, however, I thought for many years that I would celebrate my father's death. When the news came to me though, I felt a familiar numb hit me. I do not know how to grieve a man who commited so many crimes against us. My father was the perpetrator of all forms of abuse...physical, sexual, and emotional. My memories begin at age three years when I remember the threats he used to terrify me so I would not tell of his molesting me. He said he would kill me, then he said he would kill my mother, and finally he said he "would put a thousand spiders in my room" if I told. I cannot count how many nights I abruptly awakened the whole family clinging atop my headboard screaming because in the dark and in my confusion the flowers on my sheets looked like spiders. My siblings, being older and remembering my life prior to age three report that his abuse of me actually began much younger while he was changing my diaper. That evil man is now gone and cannot hurt anyone like that again. Yet, here I am writing in this forum in the hopes of making some sense out of so many conflicting feelings about my father's death that at present I feel as if I am spinning. I wonder if there is anyone having a similar experience who might reply to this with some insight for me. While I feel quite the jumbled mess right now, I am aware of great anger...anger about many things such as my father being able to walk away from us, scott free, to embark on a new life seemingly without consequence. Anger at the obituary I read depicting him as an honorable man and not the criminal guilty of heinous acts against his wife and children. Anger that his present family are ignorant to all of this and anger at the total lie he was allowed to live while my mother, my siblings, and I suffered the consequences of his behavior. If there is anyone reading this who can offer some advice or understanding or who can make some sense of this situation, I would greatly appreciate hearing from them.

Permalink Reply by Jason Lee Leahy on May 5, 2010 at 8:26pm

My dad was on of the best. A man of few words and hardly ever got mad. It will be 4months ago that I lost my father to a short battle with cancer. Things dont seem to be getting better. Still not sleeping, hardly eating. I'm 25yrs old and doing well in college, and I seem to be happy when I am around my freinds and family. It still seems like I am living in a dream. When I say a short battle I mean short he found out Jan 09 on the 9th they tried to operate but it was to late they gave him 6months to a 1 year, however things went down hill fast, he was dead less than a week later and passed away in the hospital. Watching my dad passway and take his last breath of air still kills me to this day. When I close my eyes that is all that I see is him passwaying all over again. My family thinks I am ok because when they ask I say that I am ok.. Really I am dying inside and just want my father back. I just dont know what to do.. I just wish I could meet someone face to face around my age who delt with the samething I did and could relate to me... BUt I live in the middle of now where and I cant find any support groups.. Attached is a letter I read at his service

Permalink Reply by Jason Lee Leahy on May 5, 2010 at 8:27pm

To my dad (Red) as some would call him who is now with God, I miss you very much and love you deeply. I am proud to call you my dad. . You are the best father anyone could ever ask for. My time with you seemed so short. Then again it never seems long enough. I will never forget any of the times that we had together. I will hold the memories we had both good and bad closely to my heart.
I will never forget that one time you were sleeping on the couch when I was just a young boy and there was a thunderstorm in the area and it hit the tree out back and it woke you and you came running outside thinking that us kids had blown something up. Not that I would ever do anything like that at all!
Nor, will I ever forget the times that we worked on the cars together and you showed me how to change oil, change a tire and several other things as well.
The memory I will remember the most about my father his on the night before he passed sitting in the room with him helping with his ice cream that he wanted. When he took that first bite of that orange sherbet he said “yum that is good reallllly good, give me more”. After a short time I asked my father to have one beer with me before he passed away. He said “Son I gave that up a long time ago, I don’t need that stuff”. So I asked if he would have a soda with me. He said “Son I would love to!” So I asked him what he wanted he said a Pepsi so I got my dad a Pepsi and myself Mt Dew and we had a good father son talk. One that I will remember for the rest of my life and someday will tell my kids how great my dad their grandfather is and the times I was able to share with. I know in my heart that he is now in heaven riding that Harley Davison he always wanted, he is racing with the angles in heaven. Dad, I love and miss you very much. Your son Jason Lee Leahy

p.s Dad, you will be at my graduation from college, you are such a wonderful father that you earned front row seating and are now able to watch me from heaven.