On August 14th 2010 I lost my best friend. My best friend was my Daddy. I am 31 years old and I don't know what to do. My Daddy was always sick with COPD and heart problems. I just did not know that his time was coming so soon. No matter how much you prepare yourself for this it is never easy. I live three states away. I now have regrets for moving so far away. I have regrets about the night before he died. I was down on business. I stayed with him and my mom. He was feeling bad and went into the hospital. That was never a big deal. He was always in and out of the hospital. He always came home feeling great. Well when i went and picked him up from the hospital I had a really bad feeling. I talked to the doctor and he said he will be fine in a couple of days. Who are you to argue with the doctors they know best. Well that night he was feeling really bad and i was so tired and had to get early the next day because i was coming home. I never forget to kiss and give my Daddy good night when Im home. The one night that I do it would be the biggest regret of my life. The next moring I wake up to my mom screaming Help me I cant wake your Daddy up. I tried to wake him and he would not wake up. My mom called 911 and they said they will be there. As I waited for them I kissed my Daddy and held his hand and put my head in his lap. I stayed there till the emt told me I had to let go. It has been one month and I hate myself because I was not a good daughter. I moved away, I took him forgranted, I did kiss him goodnight, I brought him from the hospital knowing deep down that something was wrong. I have friends and family but I dont want them to know how I feel. I stay strong around my kids, but when they are not looking I hate myself. Everyone keeps telling me he knew he that I loved him. All I wish for is that I can see him one more time to tell him Im sorry for everything. I loved my Daddy very much I just wish I told him how much. I want to tell you alittle bit about my Daddy. He was great man. He was always there for me. When Im sick we always did this thing where he would rub my head and say I wish it was me instead of you babydoll. That always made me feel better. We did everything together. We hunted, fished,joined church together, got baptized together, and had a boating accident together. He taught me alot. My little boy told me once that if you love something so much you need to let it go. Im just not ready. I really dont know if I will ever be ready.
I lost my daddy 3 months ago...I am still not sure if it is really real or if I am going to wake up and find it was just a dream....my life is not right since July 30, 2010....how can I get past this?