Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by <3 )------ on August 19, 2009 at 11:35pm

Oh, Oh, Oh, Jen,
This is exactly how I am feeling! My Dad just passed away recently....and I would like to join discussions. It is after midnight here, and I need to get some sleep, so I cannot write now, but I will log-on again soon.

Permalink Reply by Marylee on August 20, 2009 at 6:31am

Jen, my Dad has been gone for almost 10 years. It does get easier every day. That feeling of being lost, will go away. It's a normal feeling. I think the first six months was the hardest. Not a day goes by that I don't think about him, but I think about happy times with him. Now I am caregiver for my Mom who is in late stage dementia. At first I was angry when my Dad was taken so suddenly and I didn't get to say goodbye but now that I have my Mom living with me and watch her slowly deterioate, I am thankful that my Dad did not suffer and went quickly. Believe that your Dad is watching over you and free from all pain and suffering. I know my Dad is standing around watching over me with a nice cold beer in his hand waiting for my Mom to join him.

Permalink Reply by Diana on August 20, 2009 at 3:56pm

I truly believe your dad is with you at all times. The end of my Dad's life here on this earth is coming closer and closer each day. Hospice tells us it is down to a couple weeks at their guess and observations. Noone knows by God Almighty when that time will come. Dad is such a fighter. People have asked me which would be better; loosing him quickly (as in your case) or lingering on like in my Dad's case. I thought about it and I can't honestly answer that question. To me both are devastating. Do you ever really get the opportunity to say all that you want to say to them? There are always things I think of that I wish I could talk to Dad about now, but he can't talk back w/me. I firmly believe that we "feel" them in us and our surroundings. We have a video of my dad taped a couple of years ago where we asked him a bunch of questions. One thing he told us was that when he passed, he wanted us to all stand around him in the casket and he said he guaranteed that each one of us would "feel" him talking to us. I wonder what that will be like. Will I be able to "hear" him, to "feel" him?

Permalink Reply by Sherry Costanza on August 20, 2009 at 4:55pm

My, my, my, I found someone who feels the same. I sometimes think I am just never going to get over it. My dad passed away December 4, 2008. I was always a daddy's girl, only child and I can't get him out of my mind. I think of him every day in some way. He was the only man until my 3rd husband Leo, that was always there for me. After he died one night I even felt him put his hand on my shoulder, when I woke and looked up he faded away. I don't want to keep remembering him to others, they think, get over it, it was December, but I guess the love is so strong that I can't or maybe I don't want to. Anyway, I understand, Sherry

Permalink Reply by jen on August 21, 2009 at 9:17am

Thanks, everyone....it does help hearing other people stories who are going through the same thing!
Marylee, I do feel like in the end, it was much better for us that it was sudden....I guess I always knew ( or hoped at least) that was the way it would be. My dad was always such a strong person, and the last 6 months before he died, his body was showing signs of his age...( he was 81, but was so active, always ready to go fishing , building stuff, playing with the kids.....) when we visited him last summer, he lost his balence and fell a couple times and I could tell how frustrated he was.......he would have been so miserable if he had not been able lead his active life. We would have been miserable too, watching him suffer, so I know for him, going quick was best. I'm thankful for that every day, despite being sad that he is gone! we had been able to spend a lot of time together in the months before he died, even though my parents live about 3000 miles away.....my kids and I spent an entire month there, last summer, and both my parents came and stayed with us for several weeks just before he died. Living so far away, Every time we said good bye, we all knew it might be the last time ( with both parents being in their 80's....) and I really was sensing that it would be soon ......my dad just didn't seem as happy, and he seemed ready, like there was nothing left here to do. So.....I'm happy for him, if that was really true. We had said all our goodbyes, and the last day i talked to him, all we really had to talk about was the weather! He passed away a few days later.

Diana, I DO feel him around all the time.......he leaves me signs all the time. I write them down, and looking over them, I know they are not just coincidence....my dad also left many, many things behind that I realize now he did with so much love for us......he was determined we would be surrounded by his love when he was gone! He was always building things- on my birthday in June, I was feeling very sad and was sitting outside ont he bench swing he had built for a birthday gift several years ago. I looked up , and all around me were his gifts- the brick patio, planters and fire pit he made , my picnic table, a garden bench, the bunnies mansion hutch, steps, trees he planted,horse shoe pits and the kids tether ball pole, their swing set... .....i counted over 20 things he had made with his hands that I could see from that spot alone. It felt like a giant hug all around me! The inside of the house is the same way- he made the kids so many toys, dollhouse, trains, trucks shelves in every room, cupboards, on and on. It really is a wonderful gift. He put a work shop in my basement ( every year I would get a drill press, or a table saw for Christmas, lol!) and we would work together on some project when he visited. I used it yesterday for the first time, and built a table with my daughter for her dolls......we both felt him there helping !

Sherry, I had a similar experience, feeling my dads hand on me one night just a few weeks after he died. I was really crying, the 1st time I had really let go.......all during Dads funeral and the week we spent there, I felt like I needed to be in his role for the rest of the family...........I am the youngest child in the family, but very much the most like my dad. My sister was concentrating on getting my mom through, My brother was a mess, and has unresolved issues with our dad , so was really struggling. I held it together for them, I let them all lean on me, but when we were back home again, I had to let it out of course. While I was crying, I felt hand on my shoulder. I know his touch, and it was him. It happened again a few weeks later, when again, I was really inconsolable, I asked him to , just one more time, and I wouldn't ask again......and he did. I do believe that love crosses all barriers.

Thanks again for vereyones support! jen

Permalink Reply by Liz on August 22, 2009 at 5:52am

Jen,
I have been where your at now. My father died more than 15 years ago and it still hurts me. My father passed away at home in July and the first christmas after he was gone the phone rang, no one was there. No dial tone nothing I know in my heart he was calling to let us know that he loved us. He picked a time to call when he knew we would all be there with Mom. They never truely leave us its just a different way of communicating now. The next time you feel him tell him you know hes there and that you love him. Before Dad died he took my then 5 yr old son to the side and told him to take care of his mom-mom (grandma) that he was the new man of the house. Yes my son did take care of her until she died 6 years ago. Be glad you had your dad as long as you did and remember all the good times it will get better but you will always feel that loss. Take heart in the fact that he knew you and your family all loved him he is just trying to tell you that he loves you too. Oh if you makes you feel better you can do what I do.
When I get mad that hes gone I yell at his picture that takes some of the pressure off maybe that seems crazy but it helps me. With both of my parents gone I feel like a orphan, I dont fit in with the rest of the extended family since they all have their parents and I dont. We found out mom had cancer christmas eve and she was gone by new year's eve. 7 days is what we had and all of that was in the hospital. Fast or slow it doesnt matter your heart is hurt anyway it happens.

Permalink Reply by Beth on August 23, 2009 at 8:22am

I understand the feelings. I lost my Dad very suddenly in December. I become so overwhelmed with sadness, especially when I look into my Mom's eyes. Please share your feelings of an afterlife with me because I really have a hard time believing that. I want to believe it.

Permalink Reply by MissLyssaLou on August 24, 2009 at 11:05am

hey my name is alyssa, i just lost my dad about 3 weeks ago and it's so hard i'm only 19 and having a very hard time with the lost...i just can't find a way to get over it..i sleep with the dog he died with i still smell his clothes and i feel like he is still here with me....i dream about him every night i just don't know what to do there are times when i tell my mom i wish it was me that died instead of him. i just feel that cnacer just got the best of him.

Permalink Reply by Sally on August 25, 2009 at 10:32am

I feel like a lost child as well. Logically we see and hear the reality of our parent passing, luckily our brain uses a defense mechanism to protect itself.I cant seem to really grasp that my mother died August 12,2009.I go to her grave and feel mostly confused. I have conversations with people trying to comfort me and find myself becoming angry at the person because they keep referring to here in passed tense. I feel dioriented alot and unfocused. Like a dream.

Permalink Reply by Sally on August 25, 2009 at 10:43am

I'm so sorry LyssaLou. You are so young. My mom just died August 12,2009. I carry aroung her make up bag because it smells like her. I even wear her clothes. It may seem strange but a scent is the fastest way to recollect a memory. I still feel like I'm dreaming.

MissLyssaLou said:

hey my name is alyssa, i just lost my dad about 3 weeks ago and it's so hard i'm only 19 and having a very hard time with the lost...i just can't find a way to get over it..i sleep with the dog he died with i still smell his clothes and i feel like he is still here with me....i dream about him every night i just don't know what to do there are times when i tell my mom i wish it was me that died instead of him. i just feel that cnacer just got the best of him.

Permalink Reply by Robin m Earhart on September 20, 2009 at 7:25pm

Sherry Costanza said:

My, my, my, I found someone who feels the same. I sometimes think I am just never going to get over it. My dad passed away December 4, 2008. I was always a daddy's girl, only child and I can't get him out of my mind. I think of him every day in some way. He was the only man until my 3rd husband Leo, that was always there for me. After he died one night I even felt him put his hand on my shoulder, when I woke and looked up he faded away. I don't want to keep remembering him to others, they think, get over it, it was December, but I guess the love is so strong that I can't or maybe I don't want to. Anyway, I understand, Sherry

Permalink Reply by dianna on September 22, 2009 at 1:54pm

Oh God my Dad passed on August 12 and I think today is harder than yesterday.My parents were married for 59 years and I was a Daddys girl.I cant seem to move forward..I feel so lonley..Every day is a chore..My husband thinks I have lost my mind,but he rarly speaks to his dad and his mother passed already.I spoke to my Dad everyday of my life..he was my life!....Dede

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