Marianne said:I was lost that first year also. I would go for a drive on the weekends not having anyplace to really go. The first year was really rough. I would leave my phone on thinking Dad would call, and then realizing he is gone. Or going by the nursing home were mom was and remembering when I would stop and see her. I got through it and you all will too. It just takes time and I don't think we ever will stop missing our parents at one time or another. God Belss
Cindy Veatch said:kathy,
im lost....i too; have lost both of my parents..youngest of 5 children..i took care of both of them; mom passed 2/03 and dad; recently 7/09...both from lung diseases; and well. they divorced when i was 10; so not lots of memories of them together one..and two; dad came back into my life; after mom died; cuz it was so hard too move forward. Him and I got very very close; and now when Im at my home ( i lived w him; for the last 2 months of his life; and worked full time) when I m not working; and not running errands;for this or that;for my family; i dont want too do nothing and I mean nothing; xmas; used to be my favorite time of year and since Im the baker in the house... every year; I would bake; make 25 tins or so too pass out; dont want too; I mean I do; but I dont; no ambition...not allowed too cry; here; it freaks everyone out too much and so I keep it in and well; I hurt so much and never felt so alone in all my life;.
I have 3 children of my own, two of which are grown w their own children;..I try to remain positive ;hopeful...Im running all the time, it seems in circles; just to keep up w bills house; dogs; groceries; and well I just dont care...Ive gotten xmas cards in the mail and even had some; im sure in the attic to fill out and send out; I know what the true meaning of the holiday; and perhaps if I didnt wasnt so selfish; and felt so alone; maybe; just maybe; I could get into the spirit...I spoke to both of them everyday; I got so close to them both; and they were wonderful;unique individuals; I thought; that I -prepared myself for this; but Im such a dumbhead; I didnt and well;its brutal;
cranky; been; Im sure if you listened to my family; almost unbearable to live with; if they could hear me; Im sorry;there isnt going to be dad; to pull me out of this slump...my health is failing;44 and had my period for 8 wks.and im done; in so many ways...and i think to myself you have that bonus baby, (who; is absolutely beautiful; blondie; w blue eyes;10 going on 20 that drives me crazy) i think; focus on her..but shes close to the age; she doesnt want to be around mommy;...its all good; one day at a time; just vent online; and well;pick up yourself; brush yourself off; stand straight; deep breath; its all good; i hold their memories; of me w them; no matter what it is; me w them; shopping;taking them out and about; and well; my father; was a very strong man; and he fought hard..and well; i have quite a many memories; of him and i out and about on my day off; wed; for almost 2 yrs ..him and i together; i hold that dear too my heart ; when i get blue..too all; try and remember were not alone; you pull someone off the street and say hi..cuz one person can make a difference..happy holidays and try to smile...im trying..cindy
(!) have now lost my mother too. I was just staring to make some peace with the loss of my father, and now my mom is gone? Adult Orphan now I guess. So unexpectedly, she had a stoke Christmas night, I spoke to her on the phone after EMS left, and she assured me she was okay but clearly they missed something, now they think she may have had a stroke! I don't know why she didn't go to hosp with ems! I found her TWO days later barely alive and they were just not able to help her at the hospital- she went into cardiac arrest and there was nothing else they could do... I have so many what if's, and why didn't I ...general guilt issues.
So today and the whole New Years' weekend I'm spending cleaning her apartment and suffering my terrible pain and loss... I just can't make sense of this right now. I managed to write half an obit, but will not make today's deadline at the paper here, I still have to notify her friends... please give me the strength I need for this!
Much too soon to lose antoher parent!
I just lost my Mom on 11-9 and my Dad on 11-24. I know your pain.
Oh, I'm really sorry to hear that.
I lost my dad in July of last year and the first anniversary was really hard. I still have a hard time with it. I try to take it one day at a time. He was in his 60's and he was really sick but, it was unexpected and still a shock.
Oh, I miss him alot.
Hi Maureen, I lost both mine 2 weeks apart, same sort of circumstances!
Maureen Ross said:
I lost both of my parents within 19 hours of each other back in 2007. It was, and still is, a blur to me. I was going through the ugliest divorce and even though my parents lived over 200 miles away from me - they were my 'rock.' Just hearing thier voices - I knew I could keep going. In January 2007 the doctor told me that my mom had end-stage liver disease and would probably need hospice by the summer. Calling my dad to tell him that was the hardest thing I ever had to do. He said 'we'll bring her home (from rehab) and feed her - she'll get stronger.' My dad had a host of things wrong with him, but like the Energizer bunny, he just kept going and going. He went every day to see my mom in the hospital and then in rehab and it wore him down. My mom came home from rehab on February 7th - not knowing her terminal diagnosis. My dad started with a cold that was getting the best of him by that weekend. I came home to see my mom on the 10th and ended up taking my dad to the ER. He had double pneumonia - something which his doctor said would just take a few days of rest and meds. and he'd be back home. I went back home (to Pennsylvania)on the 12th - talking to each of my parents every day. We were lucky to find a nurse to stay with my mom while my dad was in the hospital. On the 15th of February I talked to my dad a couple of times -he was so bored in the hospital - and worried about my mom. I told him I would be up the next day to get him out of the hospital. My mom started to get a fever that day - nothing too drastic, but it was making her weak again. I spoke to my dad at 4 p.m. and said 'talk to you later pops.' I called back at 6 and no one answered his phone. His doctor called me at 7 and said my dad had died - died in the chair in his hospital room. I had to call my mom and tell her and all I could think about was how was I ever going to get her to a funeral home as weak as she was. The next day at 9:30 a.m. my kids (4 teenagers) and i were on our way up to Long Island when we got stuck behind an accident on the Turnpike. (We had had snow and ice and many roads in Pa. were still closed). They re-routed us all over the place. I got a call from my mom's nurse that she had had a seizure during the night and to please get home as soon as we could. I kept calling home and the nurse kept saying that my mom wasn't doing well - all I could think about was that I was losing both of them at once. At about 1:30 the nurse called and told me to talk to my mom as she didn't think she would last much longer - I had to say good-bye to my mom on the phone while driving home in an ice storm. My kids said I was praying the Hail mary out loud. It ended up taking us 13 hours to get home - 10:30 that night. By then I had lost both of my parents - 19 hours apart. We had a double viewing and burial. I still don't think I will ever get over it - we all know we are going to lose our parents some day - I never thought I would lose both at once. And the thing that still makes me cry is that my dad was alone in the hospital when he died. When my mom died she had the nurse with her, along with her closest friend and a woman form church. I miss them every day of my life.