Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Rita Huszar on April 24, 2009 at 11:19pm

Hi Jason..
I know they jsut seem like empty words right now. It will take time and to be honest we'll always have a hole in our hearts, but just remember to lean on the ones who love you and you love too. It's hard to think we have to go on, but we do as this is what our parents would have wanted.. This is why we have our life so that we can always carry a bit of theirs on.. You just do what you have to and for however long it will take..
If you ever want to chat, you know where to find me..
Rita

Permalink Reply by Carlo Cacioppo on April 25, 2009 at 8:19am

Hi Jason, I left you a message on your home page with your profile a few days ago. Check it out when you have time. Carlo
By the way Rita, great advise, you have a wonderful way with words.

Rita Huszar said:

Hi Jason..
I know they jsut seem like empty words right now. It will take time and to be honest we'll always have a hole in our hearts, but just remember to lean on the ones who love you and you love too. It's hard to think we have to go on, but we do as this is what our parents would have wanted.. This is why we have our life so that we can always carry a bit of theirs on.. You just do what you have to and for however long it will take..
If you ever want to chat, you know where to find me..
Rita

Permalink Reply by Karen Vaughn on April 25, 2009 at 11:21am

My father had lung cancer, he was diagnosed in sept 2008 and I went to california in october to help him with his chemothreapy for my father didnt know how to read and he trusted me, we went to his family doctor and he contacted a cancer doctor which I did all of this for him, they told him that he had 6 months to 12 months to live we went to the 1st treatment together in october and then he went thru his 2nd treatment in NOV, I sent up all of the appointments and talked to my father everyday for which I live in a different state that he lives in, he seem like he was not in any pain and for he told me the same thing I was trying to get him to come home with me, but he promise me if he got worse that he would come home to me when I left on 11-10-2008 my father hug me so hard and was crying and told me that he was going to me ok and that he loved me so much and he promise me that he would come home to me, on Dec 06, 2008 I got the worse phone call of my life he was a police officer telling me that my father was gone my whole life came to a stop on that day, and when I went out there to clean out his apartment was the hardest thing for family I slept in my father bed to see if I could feel his presents or any thing but I didnt feel nothing but total lost, I have been going thru this since the day I got the news. I am so angry with god because he did this to my family we lost 4 family members in 2008. but I write in my father book every day and tell him how much I love and miss him.

Permalink Reply by Mari on April 25, 2009 at 9:39pm

Losing someone who we love so dearly is not something we can ever prepare ourselves for or at times, we find it hard to comprehend. I lost my own father last year in July. I was lost for words. His death came suddenly with no warning. His death took us by surprise. However, I learned to cope with his death and to help others as well. Through my bible reading, I learned so much about God’s purpose for mankind. I also learned how much he cares about each one of us. The account in 1 Peter 5:7 invites us to throw our anxiety upon him, because he cares. He understands our inner feeling and our worries and our fears. The holy scriptures assure us that he is near to those that are broken at heart; and those who are crushed in spirit he saves. Be confident he is not blind. He hears our cry for help (Psal 34:6,15,18). The holy scriptures assure us that very soon, we will be reunited with our father because Jesus Christ was given a special mission by his father, Jehovah, which is to raises all those in the memorial tombs (John 5:21, 28, 29). Yes, I look forward when the words of John 5:28, 29, which reads, “ Do not marvel at this, because the hour is coming in which all those in the memorial tombs will hear his voice and come out” becomes so meaningful as it became a reality to the family of Lazarus. Jehovah God who can fulfill any promise he makes and can carry out any purpose he has in mind assures us that soon he will wipe out every tear from our eyes and death itself will be no more, all our pain will be gone forever, (Rev 21:3,4). He will actually swallow up death forever and will certainly wipe the tears from all faces (Isaiah 25; 8, 9). May you find the same comfort that I found in the sacred words of the Holy Scriptures. I was really touched by your deep love you have for your father, which moved me to take a few moments to write you.

Permalink Reply by rosezeta on April 26, 2009 at 5:43pm

hello i know how it feel to lose your mother its been 10 years I'm the youngest and it seem like yesterday i just lost her she was my best friend and my mommy i cry everyday i dont want to forget her. I talk to my pastor for some help but it seem like everyone is telling me it will get better and it dosen't my mommy when in the hospital on DEC 26,1998 and heart problems they said they had fix the problem and we would have her for three or four year thats what we thought she past Jan 6,1999 this was so un fair to me i need her sooo bad just want to her hear say she love me just one more time but that never happen. how do you stop yourself for balming your self . I prayed about it and just for a moment I'm ok but i do have my two sister that let me call them and let the tears rool down my face when i talk about her we all be cry we miss her sooo much we go to her gave sight and talk to her . but just to let you that i deal with this everyday of my life . I still buy mother day cards for her and flowers and birthday cards this help me to keep her alive in my heart whats is so crazy is that i just lose my daddy two years after my mommy he also died in Jan 9,2002 with same problem as my mom heart problems they have been married for 40 years . i just want my mom to be at my wedding and my daddy to walk me down but it didnt happen that but i know they both was there in my heart. so to anyone that loses your mom&dad always know that you was so bless to have them for the time they was here and those who still have your mom & dad love them with all you have and dont let a day go by with telling them how much you love them it might be the last time .

Permalink Reply by Dani on April 27, 2009 at 6:50pm

Karen,
I am sorry for your loss. My father too died of lung cancer on February 28th 2008. He was 53 years old. I am only 22 and I too have to live the rest of my life with out my best friend, my hero, my father. I understand what you are going through 100%. I went through a time when I wasn't so much angry but confused with God to why he would take my father. My father never smoked a cigarette in his entire life, nor was he around 2nd hand smoke. The doctors have no idea how he got it. My aunt, (his sister) died 2 years before him at age 52 from lung cancer as well.

My dad and my aunt were 2 of the most kind hearted, spiritual, happy individuals I have ever met. I have to continue to remind myself that God takes the special ones early. I firmly beleive my dad and aunt were needed and taken for a reason. That is the only thing that keeps me optimistic. Keep your head up high, stay optimistic, and never lose your faith. God will bless you, and your father will always be with you. May God bless you.

Permalink Reply by Jill on April 30, 2009 at 3:56am

Karen and Dani and all,

I wish I had some great line to start with, but I don't. My dad died last month and I miss him terribly. I had no idea that anyone could hurt this much. Dani, I know what you mean when you said ''God takes the special ones early" - my mom died 26 years ago, when she was just 43, of a rare and terminal disease. She was amazing. Still to this day one of my favorite people I've ever met, besides the fact that she was my mom. Dad never remarried. She was the love of his life. His character, love for her, presence as our dad, was the gauge that I saw the world though. I was 14 when she died, and after that, lost 4 uncles, 3 aunts, a grandma, friends, cousins, co-workers. I got through every one of those painful losses, because I could call or visit him and he'd just let me be. He never told me not to do something, or feel a certain way, or anything, he was just there. It was the best comfort in the world, and now he's not there.

I'm 40 years old and I truly feel like an orphan. I know that this pain will lessen and the days will start to be days again. I know this, but for now I feel so lost. No anchor. No 'dad's house'. My life has literally changed into something it's never been, and I hate it. I don't want to be without them. I know this is completely unreasonable and unrealistic, but I'm sure you all know what I mean. I catch my thoughts and shake my head at myself, and be ok for a bit. Then out of nowhere, I'll think of something I want to tell him or ask him and reach for the phone, only to have a flood of reality hit me all over again.

Oh dear people, as I am struggling with my loss, and I read your stories, I feel for you too. Before I go to bed tonight, I'll pray for you instead of me. Thank you for sharing, for listening and letting me cry. -Jill

Permalink Reply by Marjun on May 6, 2009 at 10:20am

Sorry for your lost. I share this e-book its all about thinking god my mom died. Inspirational story and share your story too.

http://www.thankgodforebooks.com/mom-died.html

Permalink Reply by Alicia on May 6, 2009 at 4:17pm

i'm terribly sorry for your loss. My mother got killed on spt.2 20008 at the age of 46. th coward who did it ws her fiance at the tme.they met in 1998. my mother is my mother, my mother my best friend. any advise for mothers day/? its comn real soon
Ria Mixon said:

I wrote an inspirational blog to my mom. She died Feb 13, 2009. My heart is so heavy. www.maria-mixon.blogspot.com

Permalink Reply by Kathy Ledford on May 7, 2009 at 4:28pm

Jill said:

Karen and Dani and all,

I wish I had some great line to start with, but I don't. My dad died last month and I miss him terribly. I had no idea that anyone could hurt this much. Dani, I know what you mean when you said ''God takes the special ones early" - my mom died 26 years ago, when she was just 43, of a rare and terminal disease. She was amazing. Still to this day one of my favorite people I've ever met, besides the fact that she was my mom. Dad never remarried. She was the love of his life. His character, love for her, presence as our dad, was the gauge that I saw the world though. I was 14 when she died, and after that, lost 4 uncles, 3 aunts, a grandma, friends, cousins, co-workers. I got through every one of those painful losses, because I could call or visit him and he'd just let me be. He never told me not to do something, or feel a certain way, or anything, he was just there. It was the best comfort in the world, and now he's not there.

I'm 40 years old and I truly feel like an orphan. I know that this pain will lessen and the days will start to be days again. I know this, but for now I feel so lost. No anchor. No 'dad's house'. My life has literally changed into something it's never been, and I hate it. I don't want to be without them. I know this is completely unreasonable and unrealistic, but I'm sure you all know what I mean. I catch my thoughts and shake my head at myself, and be ok for a bit. Then out of nowhere, I'll think of something I want to tell him or ask him and reach for the phone, only to have a flood of reality hit me all over again.

Oh dear people, as I am struggling with my loss, and I read your stories, I feel for you too. Before I go to bed tonight, I'll pray for you instead of me. Thank you for sharing, for listening and letting me cry. -Jill

Permalink Reply by Kathy Ledford on May 7, 2009 at 4:36pm

I lost both my mom and dad 43 days apart last year. This will be the first mother's day and father's day without them. I am already dreading the day getting here. I still cry almost everyday from this heart wrenching loss. I wanted to share so much more with them and now I can't. I only can hope that I will be with them again for eternity. I miss them so much , it makes my heart actually ache from wanting to talk to them or hug them again and tell them how much they meant to me and how much I love them. I don't know if the feeling of loss ever goes away and there is always reminders of them everywhere I turn. I just hurt so bad inside that sometimes I can't think of anything else. God bless everyone who has gone through this kind of loss. I pray for you all everyday. Kathy

Permalink Reply by Kathy Ledford on May 7, 2009 at 6:45pm

oh my word, your story brought tears to my eyes. I lost my dad last year almost the same way. We kept carrying him to the er and to the Dr. for 2 months and they couldn't find out what was wrong. My mother had passed away in August and they kept putting it on grief. We kept telling them my mom had C-diff and became septic and eventually succumbed to this because she was on dialysis and couldn't fight it. Finally they admitted my dad and we kept appealing to the Dr.s and the nurses to please check him for the C-diff bacteria. Finally his stomach swelled twice it''s size in a 2 hour time frame and his white count was so high it was off the charts. They moved him to intensive care, still with no diagnosis and then to the main hospital campus intensive care unit where a surgeon was waiting and did a CT scan and stool specimens which grew out c-diff. His intestines has become necrotic and had perforated into his abdomen. His whole system was toxic. They rushed him into surgery to remove the entire colon and he made it through the surgery and back to the unit where they called me and my sisters in immediately. He died about 10 minutes after we got to his bedside. I have never been so devastated, I was in shock and could not believe what they were saying. He had this all along and maybe could have been saved if they had just listened. I still can't believe he is gone. He was grieving for my mom, yes but I just thought we would still have him to love and care for after mom died.Instead 43 days later he was gone too. My heart is still broken and I am having a really hard time dealing with this. I miss both of them . I was prepared more when mom left because she had been so sick for so long. I just couldn't accept my dad's death. I don't think I will ever get over losing him that way. I pray everyday for peace because I know he didn't want to be here without mom but I miss him everyday.
Nicole said:

Two years ago, I said goodnight and goodbye to my mother. I was 23 at the time, and she was 62. She was having horrible pain in her abdomen, and had been hospitalized the week before in an attempt to get all her doctors to collaborate with each other and figure out what was going on. She was released because they couldn't find anything wrong. I was scheduled to move away from Miami, FL to Washington DC for Grad School in 10 days. Two days after she was released, I had to readmit her through the ER as she was unable to keep any food down and was in tremendous pain. Still, they couldn't find anything wrong.

I was very close with my mother. For years, it was just the two of us. We leaned on each other, not a day went by we didn't talk several times over the span of the day (even if I was abroad). The doctors pretty much gave up on any diagnosis of substance, and deemed it to be a psych issue. 12 hours before she died, she'd had a psych evaluation. The Psych team talked to me that afternoon and said that this was clearly not in her head. I'll spare the details that traumatized me horrifically, but they ended up going forth with an exploratory surgery because they couldn't figure out what had happened. My once strong, stubborn and full of vim & vigor mother had become a frail, wailing and helpless patient in a checkered hospital gown.

The doctors missed a biggie. Clots had been thrown from her heart and suffocated all of her major organ systems. Most of her organs were necrotic and beyond repair. Her body had become septic, and officially she passed away due to a heart attack, major organ failure, sepsis and 2 other things I can't remember off hand were listed on her death certificate. Still, I was in shock and disbelief that my mother was not going to wake up. That I had heard her say she loved me for the last time before they intubated her. I was in utter shock. Luckily, I had my pillars of strength with me (my boyfriend at the time, my best friend and my godmother) who were all there when I had to tell them to just let my Mom go to sleep instead of them trying to piece her organs back together. I knew what she wanted, as we'd spoken about it in the past.

My Mom who was a fighter to the end, held on until my sister arrived at her bedside from California, almost 12 hours later. The doctors had told me she may last a couple more hours, but probably not even an extra day. I said my goodbye at 4am on Tuesday, August 15, 2006. I told her I loved her, and that I kept my promise - that I'd speak for her when she couldn't, and say the words she wanted said.

Recounting it still brings tears to my eyes, and I know it always will. But, the days do get easier, and the pain lessens over time. One of the biggest advances I've had is that it's okay to be mad at her. It doesn't diminish how much I love or respect her, but it takes into account my feelings and emotions. And I know she's always with me, anyway.

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