Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by River of Tears on March 3, 2011 at 2:40am

Waking up and crying how is this ?  Is it because I am not really sleeping   .  Waking up just thinking about them both so much as well as my Sister who also just passed away .  It is not a cry just with tears or a weep ,it is one that I have only known since my Family has passed it is one that comes from the inside and feels like it is coming from the depth of my soul . 

   Just recently I have decided to put a picture of all of them together in a frame  right in front of my computer  .  3 separate pictures though in the same frame as I believe they are together in heaven ..   Believe you me  there  will never be a picture of my dad with all of us for he was the one who chose to take the pictures and if  the  camera was  turned his was  he would run as fast as I would ( maybe faster )which was almost comical .   I would feel a wind passing me .

  So I had to search a bit for ones that were taken when her graduated from school still look like him the same loving expressive eyes as my Mothers and Sister were . Ones that touched many lives  

 

      Loving eyes that stand out in each picture that  I remember when here that was something all knew something that drew others in as though to tell them there was a loving caring person inside .

 

 When this  gut wrenching tears of pain  begin to flow , or just in the silence of my day I find myself here  . A place I have found a bit of comfort , kindness and sharing with all you .  

   If not for  you and your support and kindness  I have no idea where I would be .  I thank from the bottom of my heart and pray for all of you that comfort come to each of you .

 

Please take care ..

 

Grocery List : Kleenex 

 

Permalink Reply by River of Tears on March 8, 2011 at 3:40am

Dear Jo Iness,    Welcome , to a place that you may find comfort if only to read , yet with hopes you will share more as you have . 

            I am sorry for the loss of you Mother though I know these words in itself do not give credence to what you may be feeling though truly when reading yours or others it seems that my heart just does .   How and why this is the wonderment and also maybe the blessing in this all .  The only one o far that I can find since my mother and father and sister all have passed .

              The blessing to see how others are with one another , as you were with your Mother for all those many years. Which is not something all can or would do .  It maybe that if not for you the who .  Which was a wonderful gift you gave to her , in time and love .  

                The " Time"  and how long , oh goodness if someone is ever absolute on this and tells you that they are , at least for me how can it be .  Your pain if yours sadly from the deep source of all the love you have for your Mother .    For me it is one that I never that it would be over , I even amazed hoe deep this would feel for I knew a life with out my Family would feel beyond what I ever knew.  I was right .        How can time gage how and when we will stop feeling sad or miss someone .  Maybe it is the  word that is used .   That so many that may come up to you and say well time will heal .   We need to find a better and more accurate word to let them know what it is so that it not such a pact word to use .     Maybe it is in Love that we will heal rather then in time .  For time is not something that we can determine or know when it will just stop .  Love is something we will carry in our hearts forever of our loved ones and love we able if not now we will be able to give at one to time to others.   I say if not now for I have such trust issues for reasons I can not explain , maybe it is that fear that it will all just slip away or that I do not trust myself the most to do what I can for another which is probably what it the reason before most .    I know though as time and the calender pages want to turn as though those days are gone forever  , that love that my loved ones gave to me can never taken away by anyone .  My love for them is there each and every day .

 

May you know there are many here that have brought me great comfort as you may read other discussions along the way .  Kind and loving people who even in their pain are able to reach out when ever you need .    Maybe it is our loved ones brought us all together somehow .

 

 

To all please take care .

                     

 

Jo Iness said:

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I can relate .My mother whom I was so close to also died within two days.I was her caregiver for 13 years. She had M.S.,but very coherent ,even just before she died.Our family abandoned us,so we only had each other--up to the very end. It's been two years now and it hasn't gotten much better,I miss her every single day! As I know you also do.Everyone says that time heals all wounds--I'm wondering how much time? I guess the deeper the Love ,the longer the time.

 what she thought was simply walking pneumonia, and was dead less than 48 hrs later. The shock of this is still wearing off, but the longer her absence, the more real it all feels. I have two younger siblings, and an older sister who is physically disabled. My dad has been the one keeping us all going. I have no idea what we would do without him.

There are moments, hours, and even days, where I feel like I can't go on. But you do, because you have no other choice. At times I feel like I can't even remember my mom clearly, everything just seems like a fog. And I hate that more than anything, because I just want to picture her and be able to imagine her voice.

It's so difficult not having anyone outside of your family who can relate. Friends don't know what to say or do. And unfortunately my family is new to the area, so my nearest friends are a mere 2 hrs away. I definitely find it helpful reading forums such as these, and hopefully some people will add to this particular section.

Permalink Reply by River of Tears on March 9, 2011 at 3:09am

These last months have been at least for short of a word " difficult " , The passing of  my father, mother . and shortly after my dear sister .  The grief at times seems intertwined .

.  

I often wondered how others have been able to mourn entire families or tragedies , well in sorts this may be what it is . 

When growing up my parents always told us  , " we were all connected what one does will affect the other . "     Is this why they all passed away  at the sometime . ?   

 Knowing each of them this could be true . 

Even in some of my earlier writings even my Fathers beautiful dogs went at the same-time too  ( they too must these words that were are all connect to heart also  ).  

              Yet here I am .  Is it that I did not do what I was suppose to do to help them , to be there for them so that could still be here . ?  So much guilt .  Not able to find away through it or maybe I need to carry it so that I can tell myself that it was my fault that they are not here .  If only maybe I took care of them better , or my words were heard , or that I was a better person . Who knows at this point ,I will take any one of the many reasons on at this point . For none and all will fit .  Yet still it does not bring them back .

 

I still look to the Heavens the clouds if you may to see if I can see one of them or all floating on one of these big fluffy clouds that as children we all used to imaged would that not be amazing if that is what it could be like .  Yet I still have not seen them .  I guess I am too old for wishing and hoping .

 

I used to wish and hope each day that my parents would have all that they gave us , that they would be able to find peace to have joy .  I guess I wished on it to hard .  For I was hoping at least they and my Sister could be here for at least a bit more , at least until my Mother and Father started to turn gray , and my Sister would at least be able to reach an age where she could think about retiring . None of this happened . 

 

Guess time is not or us to determine is it .  Or is it that the time we have use every moment and appreciate it and let those around you know how you feel about them . Do what you can . Enjoy and laugh and just be in the moment with them .  

 

  How I wish I could turn back the clock . goodness , we all can come daylight savings time we can either turn it back or forward.    

 

  Time now to be grateful for what I HAD , which is so painful .  The only thing that did not leave is their love that is held in my heart which will be there always and forever .  

 

If only I knew to do it right the first time .   Again that terrible 4 letter word is going to drive me crazy ..

OK that I am   Am I sad today .. Guess I am one of the many days , just a bit deeper and more difficult one for reasons that my Sister died the being of the month at this time months ago .. Seems to be a pattern for me .     Please forgive me .

 

Take care  and blessing to each .  

Permalink Reply by River of Tears on March 10, 2011 at 1:35am

Dear Jo Iness , 

  Thank you for you kind words .    Just thinking about how you were there for your Mother , many may not be able to for what ever reason but when it is choice not to this is I do not yet understand .  She was fortunate to have a daughter with such a generous heart that was "present " in her life .

  Sometimes it is just knowing how someone feels  .  Can make all the difference in the world .

     

 

 

 Though the pain you have and still face each day as the many others is actually I could ease or take on for you so that all you would feel is the memories that you had with your loved one. 

 What I feel at times at my lowest that this is what I may deserve , yet then in perspective when I am back to a least where I do not need the the white jacket I realize this pain is coming from the love of the 3 I love so dearly in life .  So many times I seem to miss key and write loved though this will never be true for this love will last forever .   Never to leave .   

 

 

It seems the first thing I do these days when I can not sleep is come back to Legacy, and I do apologize to all , as it must be a bit deafening even in reading all that I write . I never have shared this much of how I feel about this before until I found this site .

 

I just have truly come to realize more then ever before

       that time is not our to own , time is ours to care for

 

As our those in our lives we are so blessed with .     Even those here at Legacy have been a blessing   

    I was blessed each and every moment with

             a  Wonderful Loving

         Father , Mother  , Sister who became my best friend I believe the day I was born .

         

  You and each are in my thoughts and may all of you find comfort today

 

Take care

 

 

 

Permalink Reply by katlin on March 10, 2011 at 7:36am

I read with deep feeling of your losses. Knowing you can share your grief with others that understand gives you the outlet you need. My loss was my Grandmother who was like a mother to me. I have found comfort and answers from a source of information I can trust. This is the bible. Because I have been studying it diligently for the past 30 years, I feel confident that it is true information that can give all of us comfort and hope. The bible says;....."through the comfort from the scriptures we might have hope." Romans 15:4. There is comfort in knowing that God is aware of our deep grief and suffering and that He really wants to provide comfort from the scriptures. He also wants us to have the hope of seeing our loved ones again. In fact, when we see them again they will not be sick and have to deal with the problems in the world today. The earth will be a peaceful and delightful place to live in the near future. Psalms 37:9-11, 29. Also, soon our loved ones will ..."hear his (Jesus) voice and come out." John 5:28. Yes, Jesus will call them out of their tombs and they will be resurrected just as we knew them with all the personality traits and love for us that they had prior to their death! This can certainly give us so much hope! And when they do come back, they will never have to die again. We will never have to lose them again!

 

River of Tears said:

Dear Jo Iness,    Welcome , to a place that you may find comfort if only to read , yet with hopes you will share more as you have . 

            I am sorry for the loss of you Mother though I know these words in itself do not give credence to what you may be feeling though truly when reading yours or others it seems that my heart just does .   How and why this is the wonderment and also maybe the blessing in this all .  The only one o far that I can find since my mother and father and sister all have passed .

              The blessing to see how others are with one another , as you were with your Mother for all those many years. Which is not something all can or would do .  It maybe that if not for you the who .  Which was a wonderful gift you gave to her , in time and love .  

                The " Time"  and how long , oh goodness if someone is ever absolute on this and tells you that they are , at least for me how can it be .  Your pain if yours sadly from the deep source of all the love you have for your Mother .    For me it is one that I never that it would be over , I even amazed hoe deep this would feel for I knew a life with out my Family would feel beyond what I ever knew.  I was right .        How can time gage how and when we will stop feeling sad or miss someone .  Maybe it is the  word that is used .   That so many that may come up to you and say well time will heal .   We need to find a better and more accurate word to let them know what it is so that it not such a pact word to use .     Maybe it is in Love that we will heal rather then in time .  For time is not something that we can determine or know when it will just stop .  Love is something we will carry in our hearts forever of our loved ones and love we able if not now we will be able to give at one to time to others.   I say if not now for I have such trust issues for reasons I can not explain , maybe it is that fear that it will all just slip away or that I do not trust myself the most to do what I can for another which is probably what it the reason before most .    I know though as time and the calender pages want to turn as though those days are gone forever  , that love that my loved ones gave to me can never taken away by anyone .  My love for them is there each and every day .

 

May you know there are many here that have brought me great comfort as you may read other discussions along the way .  Kind and loving people who even in their pain are able to reach out when ever you need .    Maybe it is our loved ones brought us all together somehow .

 

 

To all please take care .

 

 

Jo Iness said:

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I can relate .My mother whom I was so close to also died within two days.I was her caregiver for 13 years. She had M.S.,but very coherent ,even just before she died.Our family abandoned us,so we only had each other--up to the very end. It's been two years now and it hasn't gotten much better,I miss her every single day! As I know you also do.Everyone says that time heals all wounds--I'm wondering how much time? I guess the deeper the Love ,the longer the time.

 what she thought was simply walking pneumonia, and was dead less than 48 hrs later. The shock of this is still wearing off, but the longer her absence, the more real it all feels. I have two younger siblings, and an older sister who is physically disabled. My dad has been the one keeping us all going. I have no idea what we would do without him.

There are moments, hours, and even days, where I feel like I can't go on. But you do, because you have no other choice. At times I feel like I can't even remember my mom clearly, everything just seems like a fog. And I hate that more than anything, because I just want to picture her and be able to imagine her voice.

It's so difficult not having anyone outside of your family who can relate. Friends don't know what to say or do. And unfortunately my family is new to the area, so my nearest friends are a mere 2 hrs away. I definitely find it helpful reading forums such as these, and hopefully some people will add to this particular section.

Permalink Reply by michael A wagner on June 2, 2011 at 1:32am

hi guys i am new to this i lost my dad on april 27 there is not a day that does not go by that i dont think about him i see him when i close my eyes when i sleep during the day i feel tightness in my chest like its hard to breathe he was all i had since i was the age of two i can not let go how do i do this i held his hand until he took his last breathe i miss him dearly i never knew that the day i drove hime to the hospital would be the last moment that i would ever get to spend with him 

 

Permalink Reply by michael A wagner on June 2, 2011 at 1:38am

not to mention i lost my father in law novmber 11 i cry in my sleep i cry when i wake up i dont know what to do or how to help my sixteen year old sister my father has left behind yes i have three other brothers but the do not seem like they are affected by this and if they are they do not show it

Permalink Reply by Carlo Cacioppo on June 2, 2011 at 10:11pm

ok, so sorry michael. I am responding to both your posts with this one comment. I lost my mom november 12th, I dreamt about her again a few nights ago and felt that same sobbing thing when I awoke. Everyone grieves in a different way, I saw several different ways people grieved at my moms and dads wake and funeral. Some people hold it in for a while and some people let it out whenever they want to , sometimes in front of others and sometimes its done in private. Know that you are not alone in the scene of tragedy. Hold on to those who need a little special attention during these days of sadness, but know that as the days go by, some things will distract you from your sadness and try to find happy things to think about that remind you of situations when you and dad and your father in law were having a good time together. Sometimes when you think of these happy situations you may find yourself breaking down in tears at the same time you are laughing. Relax, its all part of the grieving process, it will take time, be patient and good to yourself and others. You will be ok. Call me if you need anything, I am always here. 

michael A wagner said:

not to mention i lost my father in law novmber 11 i cry in my sleep i cry when i wake up i dont know what to do or how to help my sixteen year old sister my father has left behind yes i have three other brothers but the do not seem like they are affected by this and if they are they do not show it

Permalink Reply by Gina on June 13, 2011 at 10:14pm

This will be my second Father's Day without my dad and I thought I was doing okay but today, I cannot stop crying, the tears just keep flowing and my heart is hurting again all over. I will always miss my daddy because he was my best friend.  This has caught me by surprise because I thought I was doing so much better.

Permalink Reply by Carlo Cacioppo on June 13, 2011 at 11:15pm

Gina, thanks for opening up so freely. Its only been 2 years. Its not unusual to have these sudden feelings come upon you, many times in the last 6 years I just started to well up just when I look at my dads picture or when I am trimming the grass around his grave or watering the flowers cause my dad suddenly died in 2004. I also just lost my mom suddenly a few months ago and my mom in law in 2008too. When the tears start flowing freely or uncontrolably, its your mind telling you your not done grieving yet. Your heart feels like its breaking again just when you thought it was mending. Some people still grieve as you are for many years. Its ok gina, you are doing whats expected and noone can take that away from you. Its just going to take as much time as necessary to get through this. You might start out laughing about something you and your dad shared and then start crying. Healing sometimes works in reverse. You start cryng about a special memory you shared with him and then find yourself smiling and eventually laughing about it. Thats the healing part. Good luck to you dear gina, times are tough and will sometimes get tougher, but there is a silver lining and you are a sponge soaking up all the sunshine from your dad and dad will find ways to help you heal. Your not alone in this, he is with you. Carlo  

Permalink Reply by Miss Cornelius on July 5, 2011 at 5:10am

He died almost a year ago.  I never realized he was the glue that held us all together.  I didn't know that my mom would not smile anymore.  Family has fallen to pieces.  I live less then an hour away, I haven't seen them since Thanksgiving, and I don't think I'm welcome now.  I'm adrift on my own.  I didn't know that family as I knew it would never be the same.  I'm scared, and I miss my family.  I just didn't know...

 

This is way to big for me to figure out on my own. 

Permalink Reply by Carlo Cacioppo on July 5, 2011 at 9:04am

Miss Cornelius, we will talk soon, Carlo

Miss Cornelius said:

He died almost a year ago.  I never realized he was the glue that held us all together.  I didn't know that my mom would not smile anymore.  Family has fallen to pieces.  I live less then an hour away, I haven't seen them since Thanksgiving, and I don't think I'm welcome now.  I'm adrift on my own.  I didn't know that family as I knew it would never be the same.  I'm scared, and I miss my family.  I just didn't know...

 

This is way to big for me to figure out on my own. 

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