I lost my father to liver cancer on my birthday (Sept. 13). I'm really thankful that my dad didn't suffer that much. At first I was coping really well, but now the pain seems unbearable sometimes. What do you do when the pain becomes unbearable and you miss him so much?
I have been looking around some sort of blog/chat to talk with people who have had the same situation as me to help get advice and to release some of my stress and anxiety.
I am 20 years old and I live in San Diego. I recently lost my step father to cancer - lung cancer that went to the brain and caused tumors, which then led to meningitis and cancer in the cells that are in the spinal cord which basically fed everything int he body with cancer- June 8, 2009. He had raised me since I was about four since my mother remarried because my real father died of a brain tumor about a year after I was born.
My step father coached many of my softball teams throughout my life and was one of the most positive people I have ever met. He always pushed me to succeed and to make myself a better person. My step father not only touched my life but many of my girlfriends who played on the numerous softball teams that he coached. He also had two sons from a previous marriage but they rarely would come by even though they lived about 30 minutes away.
I was a lot closer to my step dad then I probably will ever be to my mother. I guess you can say opposites attracted. My mother is always negative and always looks at the glass as half empty. We have never really got along because she blames her alcoholism on me and would always embarrass me when she was drunk. And now that my step father is gone, she tells me I need to let everything go that ever happened between the two of us and start fresh - but how can over 10 years of mental abuse just be dropped?? I have no idea. So when my step father passed, I moved out of the house to remain as sane as possible. I tired to turn over a new leaf with my mother and I would call her to go out to lunch or just call to tell her how I was doing and she would hardly answer the phone or if she did shed hang up within 5 minutes because someone else was calling on the other line or she would just rush me off the phone as if she was super busy. I feel unwanted now. Now I am holding even more of a resentment towards her because of this. And the part that makes me most upset.. is my boyfriend recently proposed to me a few weeks ago and she wants nothing to do with any of it. I have never planned a wedding before, usually women go to their mothers right?? I tried asking her about how the heck things go and shell brush me off like shes super busy - and its not like she is. She doesnt have a job. She sits at home all day, talking on her cell phone and tries to meet men online. I guess that is her healing process, but I just dont see the point in her pushing her daughter away. Shes just busy spending her insurance money - buying a $50,000 BMW, flying her and her sister out to hawaii for a week, buying