Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Cheryl on October 4, 2008 at 8:41am

Im sorry to read of the death of your dad, and all the stress that you are still under. During times like these, I have found much comfort in what the Bible says, about our dead loved ones. Did you know the Bible speaks of a time when you will be able to see your father here on earth again, under peaceful, righteous conditions. John 5:28,29 Psalms 37:9-11,29 and Revelation 21:4.

I hope that when you read these scriptures they can give you some hope and comfort.

Permalink Reply by Karen B on October 4, 2008 at 7:08pm

Thanks to all who offer help to me and all of us that seem to be suffering in such similar ways. This part of life here in this world is so difficult. I truley hope that if we pay close enough attention we may all be one day comforted by the presence of our loved ones that are so deeply missed. Keep an open mind and heart and don't overlook the little things. They might just be a symbol from those we cherish who are not her with us anymore.

Permalink Reply by Matthew Hoffman on October 12, 2008 at 9:46pm

I lost my mother on June 7, 2007 from complications following a heart attack and subsequent quadruple bypass surgery, she was 50 y/o. She had a heart attack late the night before memorial day, 10 days prior to her death, and then had surgery at about 6AM the morning of memorial day. The heart attack was very unexpected she showed no signs that there was a problem the days or weeks prior. Her death was also unexpected, the day before dieing she was moved out of the ICU and into a private room. She stopped breathing the next morning and was moved back to the ICU where she died later that night.

At the time of her heart attack I was still working full time, but I was finishing up with work to begin grad school 2 weeks later. So 2 days after her death I had to move to Madison, WI, about 2.5 hrs from my home town. I started grad school for physical therapy on June 11, 2007. I had to go home on the third day of classes to attend my mother's funeral.

My mom and I were very close and I think the hardest thing for me is just thinking of all the things that she's going to miss, she was only 50. She won't get to enjoy retirement, she had been working at the same place since she was 17 and was planning to retire at age 55-56. She won't be able see myself or my brother or sister get married. She'll never get to meet her grandchildren. She won't be able to be in the crowd when I graduate from PT school, she helped me so much getting through my undergrad and also when I was getting ready to go back.

Its been over a year now and this is still something that is very hard for me to talk about. I'm pretty sure that none of my friends in PT school know about this because I haven't talked about it with any of them and it hasn't been mentioned. Almost all my friends back home know about it and obviously my family does, but whenever the topic is brought up with me I just kind of dodge it and/or change the subject. I was hoping that writing this would help me deal with it. I know that in time it will get easier, but the pain will never fully go away.

Permalink Reply by susan Davis on October 14, 2008 at 6:34am

..the pain never truly goes away, it just gets smaller and condensed, tucked away in a corner somewhere in the deep recesses of the heart. There it remains at a constant low level ache, which with time may be overridden. There may be times when a site, a smell, a place, a song, an anniversary or birthday will trigger the old memories and the intensity of the grief and loss will return again. These feelings often arrive without warning and can be just as painful making one feel as though he was experiencing the loss anew......................................................pls you can email me sussy_davis20@yahoo.com so that we can both share more on same issue.

LUV
SUSAN

Permalink Reply by Jessica on October 14, 2008 at 11:14am

I know exactly what you are saying. Losing my Dad two months ago still seems like a bad dream. It also still seems like it just happened. The holidays are coming up and I just want to cancel them all, because these will be the first in my whole life that Dad won't be there with us to celebrate.

Permalink Reply by Shari on October 15, 2008 at 12:39am

I lost my dad on August 13, 2008...my dad lived in FL and I didn't get to see him much. We had a very up and down relationship. I loved my dad very much and I let the anger that I had towards him for the way he treated us kids when we were growing up and beyond hender me from having a real solid relationship. I knew that my dad was on "borrowed time" per say and it just seemed easier being 12 hours away to pretend that he was fine. My brother called on August 7 and said dad went into the hospital with an infection of some sort and that he would be fine and to give him a call...I didn't call. I honestly figured I would talk to him when he got home. I let life get in the way. On August 10 my brother called back and said dad took a turn for the worst and I needed to head that way. So I packed a suitcase and drove straight through. When I went to the hospital on Monday I was not prepared for what I saw. He looked so bad and was in so much pain...mentally he was already gone. On August 12th my brother and I made the hardest decision I think I will ever have to make...to let dad go..to bring dad home to die. We brought him home but we were unable to manage his pain level and he was passing bits of his bladder everytime he urinated. We had to put him in a hospice center. Dad passed August 13th of cancer. It was the worst thing that I have ever seen or gone through. I'm lucky in a sense that I was able to hold his hand as he took his last breath and hope that he heard me tell him that I loved him. I am angry at him for not letting me get close to him..for not loving my children the way he loved my brother's daughter..for having another daughter that I just met a few weeks ago and who seems to know dad better than me..but I am sad and heart broken too. I put on my "old face" everyday but as soon as everyone is asleep the tears and emotions return. I feel like I am living 2 lives...I think of him all day, everyday. I can't shake the images of his last 3 days from my mind. I wish I could have been a better daughter. I loved my dad..I love him and miss him.

Permalink Reply by Jessica on October 15, 2008 at 2:21pm

Wow! I also lost my Dad on August 13th 2008. And completely understand about not being able to shake the images. I still think everyday about that nite, the last conversation we had, driving him to the ambulance, and the funeral. It feels like it just happened. I cant listen to certain songs without crying because they remind me of him. People keep telling me that time heals but Im starting to really question that philosophy...

Permalink Reply by Shari on October 15, 2008 at 9:12pm

Two months still feels as if it just happened. We did not have a funeral b/c dad did not want one. He was cremated (spelling???) and sometime in the next few months we will meet and spread his ashes. But as for right now...there is no closure..I am not sure that the more time that passes makes me feel any less...its nice to chat with someone who understands and I am sorry for your loss..Aug. 13th will be a dreaded day for both of us

Permalink Reply by Jessica on October 16, 2008 at 2:05pm

Well my Dad's funeral was pretty much planned completely by me, since i was such a Daddy's girl, and was the last one of us to see him alive. It made me feel really good to plan it and i know he would have been proud. Funerals are usually good closure but not for me. Theres still tons of questions, and thoughts that run threw my head everyday, and what hurts the most is i'll never know the answers. Yes August 13th will be a dreaded day. These will also be the first holidays without Dad.. I dont know how im goin to cope.

Permalink Reply by Gail Dragoo on October 17, 2008 at 8:53pm

Hello: I just signed up today and am learning alot from all of you. I lost my mother a little over a week ago. She had a very short, three month battle with pancreatic cancer. She and my dad were married for 58 years and were very happy. I have a question that maybe someone could comment on. The memorial service is tomorrow, and I am going to stay with my Dad at his house for a least a week so he is not so lonely. All of our relatives will be gone by Sunday. I am one of three girls and we are all very protective of my dad but my sisters and I wonder how long we should stay with him or are we just prolonging the inevitable...We all have our own families and jobs but are more than willing to be with him while this is so fresh and hurts so bad and we all live in the same city. He is 82 and very healthy, and plans to stay in he and my mother's home. Thank you for any help you can give me.

Permalink Reply by Lee on October 18, 2008 at 8:41pm

Gail, I'm so sorry that you've lost your mother. I wish I had some great advice, but I haven't yet had to deal with the loss of a parent. It's wonderful that you're able to stay with him for this first week. Without knowing your father and your situation it's hard to say, but I think it is good to be with him as long as you can/as long as he feels comfortable having you there.

I'll keep you in my thoughts and well-wishes, Gail! I hope that the memorial service goes well.

Permalink Reply by Jessica on October 20, 2008 at 11:02am

I would be there for him as long as you felt that he needed you. I come and visit my Mom almost everyday now that Dad has passed. She says shes okay to stay by herself but I know better. Try inviting him to do things with you and your family, so that he feels included. I think that would help alot!

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