Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by TCS913 on August 5, 2008 at 10:08pm

Ive had a really rough time over the past 7 years. Not that everyone else hasnt too. I lost my mother from cancer when I was 17, october 21, of 01. To this day that day still bothers me every year. The incident only lasted 17 days from when we found out she had cancer which traumatized me in ways that bother me to this day. My dad took this so hard but i tried to be strong for him. Two years later in 2003 my grandpa died of colon cancer, which again rocked my family because my grandpa was like my best friend. That was in august of 03 and and in January of 04 my brother fell off a roof and landed on the back of his head and died one day later. So needless to say ive been through a lot. I never thought i could be happy again until I met the most amazing girl in the world and Im lucky enough to be marrying her in a little over a year. She has helped me through so much, I cant wait spend my life with her, she means the world to me and is my life!! I thank god for her every single day!!

Permalink Reply by kim on August 10, 2008 at 4:21pm

my mom died i am only 17 and i am in boystown what do i do i am struggleing

Permalink Reply by BarryWHK on August 12, 2008 at 4:17pm

Kim,
I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my Mom on Christmas Day, 2006, so unexpectedly, from congestive heart failure. I lost my Life-Partner of 22 years, Robert, 5 month later on May 08, 2007. They were the two most important people in my life. Needless to say, I've been struggling as well for the past 18 months. Everyone says to, “Take one day at a time.” or “Hang in there.”, and I'm passing-on those words of wisdom to you. I don't know if those words will help but I don't have any advice because life has been extremely difficult for me as well. The hurt will come again as holidays and special dates come up. If you're a religious or spiritual person, then turn to your beliefs, family and friends for guidance. I wish you the best. Barry

Permalink Reply by Carlo Cacioppo on October 19, 2008 at 11:27pm

hi kim, may I ask a dumb ? Is boystown a city and in what way are you struggling?

Permalink Reply by Thomasine Smith on November 1, 2008 at 1:14am

Losing a loved one is never easy. But it is especially hard when it is someone so close as your mother. Don't be afraid to grieve. It is a process of the coping. When Jesus' friend Lazarus died, he was grieved and in fact, the Scriptures says he "gave way to tears." There not much I can say that will ease the hurt you feel now. But I will keep you in my prayers. Try to remember that you are not alone. God is with you and will help you through your grief. Speak to him often in prayer. He will hear you and help you. Revelations 21:4 speaks of a time when death will be no more. It reads: And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death; neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be anymore pain: for the former things have passed away. Until that time, God will help you to cope.

Permalink Reply by shirley on January 11, 2009 at 5:56pm

i sorry kim for your loss keep your head up and pray god will help you.

Permalink Reply by Nicole on August 13, 2008 at 2:20am

Two years ago, I said goodnight and goodbye to my mother. I was 23 at the time, and she was 62. She was having horrible pain in her abdomen, and had been hospitalized the week before in an attempt to get all her doctors to collaborate with each other and figure out what was going on. She was released because they couldn't find anything wrong. I was scheduled to move away from Miami, FL to Washington DC for Grad School in 10 days. Two days after she was released, I had to readmit her through the ER as she was unable to keep any food down and was in tremendous pain. Still, they couldn't find anything wrong.

I was very close with my mother. For years, it was just the two of us. We leaned on each other, not a day went by we didn't talk several times over the span of the day (even if I was abroad). The doctors pretty much gave up on any diagnosis of substance, and deemed it to be a psych issue. 12 hours before she died, she'd had a psych evaluation. The Psych team talked to me that afternoon and said that this was clearly not in her head. I'll spare the details that traumatized me horrifically, but they ended up going forth with an exploratory surgery because they couldn't figure out what had happened. My once strong, stubborn and full of vim & vigor mother had become a frail, wailing and helpless patient in a checkered hospital gown.

The doctors missed a biggie. Clots had been thrown from her heart and suffocated all of her major organ systems. Most of her organs were necrotic and beyond repair. Her body had become septic, and officially she passed away due to a heart attack, major organ failure, sepsis and 2 other things I can't remember off hand were listed on her death certificate. Still, I was in shock and disbelief that my mother was not going to wake up. That I had heard her say she loved me for the last time before they intubated her. I was in utter shock. Luckily, I had my pillars of strength with me (my boyfriend at the time, my best friend and my godmother) who were all there when I had to tell them to just let my Mom go to sleep instead of them trying to piece her organs back together. I knew what she wanted, as we'd spoken about it in the past.

My Mom who was a fighter to the end, held on until my sister arrived at her bedside from California, almost 12 hours later. The doctors had told me she may last a couple more hours, but probably not even an extra day. I said my goodbye at 4am on Tuesday, August 15, 2006. I told her I loved her, and that I kept my promise - that I'd speak for her when she couldn't, and say the words she wanted said.

Recounting it still brings tears to my eyes, and I know it always will. But, the days do get easier, and the pain lessens over time. One of the biggest advances I've had is that it's okay to be mad at her. It doesn't diminish how much I love or respect her, but it takes into account my feelings and emotions. And I know she's always with me, anyway.

Permalink Reply by BarryWHK on August 13, 2008 at 3:40am

Nicole,
I'm sorry for your loss. Thanks for sharing your story and stating some of the things that I still find difficult to grasp or even express, for both my Mom and Robert. I wish you the best.

Kim,
I hope Nicole's story helps give you some inspiration. Also, please keep in mind that we all handle experiences like this very differently and there is no good or bad or right or wrong way to cope. Take as much time as you need. Take care.

Permalink Reply by Thomasine Smith on November 1, 2008 at 1:35am

The loss of a parent can be one of the most difficult experiences of a liftetime. It can make you feel abandoned and vulnerable. The prophet Jeremiah once said: “A grief that is beyond curing has come up into me. My heart is ill.” (Jeremiah 8:18) You may also feel as if the pain will never go away. But note the words of the apostle Paul: “Blessed be . . . the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation.” (2 Corinthians 1:3, 4) God offers this comfort primarily through the pages of his written Word, the Bible. Take advantage of this divine help. Pray to God often, he will hear you, he will help you.

Permalink Reply by James Hall on December 23, 2008 at 2:58pm

Thankyou for that advice Thomasine. I know that praying does help because I do every Day. Jim Hall

Permalink Reply by Melinda on August 13, 2008 at 11:08am

hello everyone. i myself seem not be able to move forward. i go through the daily motions of work, kids but emotionally i can not seem to be able to deal with all the death that i have experience in such a short time. my nephew was killed at 19 from a drunk driver (april 07), my father in law unexpectedly died (may 07) with some family members saying he died of a broken heart, my father died in a short time of the doctors telling us he had cancer (june 07) and my father in laws brother unexpectedly died on a cruise ship (aug 07). so much loss in such a short period of time. my nephew was killed at the hands of someone elses stupid mistake so i have someone to be angry at. my father in law i am not sure how to feel. i was close with my father in law. i am angry with him that he did not go to a hospital or take better care of himself, but am confused by what a family member is telling me he died of a broken heart. i can by that because what would make him choose one grand child who was killed over the dozen he will leave behind. if he did that makes me angry. i just do not know how to deal with his death, it was just so unexpected. he would tell me he would be here for me when my father died to help me through that. than he left me. than a month later i loss my father. who was my best friend that i spoke to a hundred times a day and seen all the time. my kids just loved him to pieces and they spent weekends with my parents. when my father died a big piece of my being just left. i still want to pick up the phone and call him. when can you talk about and remember memories, a song, etc. without bursting into tears. i just plain miss him so much that it feels like i am holding my breath. when does all that subside or does it.

i had someone who we were all close with and i worked 10 years with this man committ suicide this year. that was just so overwhelming i can even explain. someone who you would of never expected. a good looking young man with a future. i cant believe it. that just brought again the overwhelming feeling back. i think of him often and only wish if he had problems that he would of came to me or someone. there were so many people that would of helped. i just hope he knew how many people at work that loved him.

thank you for listening.

Permalink Reply by Gail Dragoo on October 17, 2008 at 9:07pm

Melinda: My name is Gail and I'm in Arizona. I just lost my dear mother a week ago. I am so concerned about you and the number of losses you have suffered in so short a time. This is more than anyone should have to bear. Do you have access to counseling, or an employee assistance program at work who can refer you to a grief counselor? I am so worried that you are carrying such an enormous burden by yourself.

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