Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by sally peter on November 11, 2008 at 2:27pm

You give wonderful words of encouragement. I lost my dad 10yrs ago, 1month and 2 weeks ago. I just lost my mom October 30th of this year. WE got an extra year and a half with her and what a blessing that was. She suffered from diabetes, heart disease, high blood pressure, congestive heart failure and never complained. I was fortunate to spend the last 5 years living close to mom and then she went to the nursing home close by i got to see her almost everyday. Towards the end i would leave work and go straight there and assist in feeding her as she wasnt able to do anything for herself anymore. Still she was able to muster up a smile, an I love you and i am so glad to see each time i would walk into the room. I prepared for her death with hospice and God and without them i could not have made it through this. However the whole in my heart and the ache i feel is so strong that it hurts sometimes. I cant believe how much i miss her and want just to hold her again and have her hug me. She is in Heaven with my father now and all her loved ones that have gone before us and free from pain and heartache, but i cant get over how much i miss her and being able to see her everyday. We watched Dancing With The Stars and the Cleveland Cavaliers together and thank God for my wonderful husband who has watched Dancing With the Stars with me since mom passed. I see her face smiling at me and i just want to hold her hand again and tell her how much i love her. I was so blessed to have spent so much time with her at the end and i am extrememly grateful, however i need to know how to deal with this ache and hole in my heart. My sympathies to those of you who have lost your parents and who have lost them unexpectedly or after a lenghty illness. Its not easy to watch them deteriorate and drift away and it isnt easy to let them go regardless of how much you think you are prepared and know it must be. I feel like big sissy whining when i had as much time as i did with her but i really miss her and the pain is all so fresh. She was laid to rest with military honors with my dad last Friday and this is my first Veterans day without her. I am sure after i get past all of the firsts perhaps the pain will ease up but i cant imagine a day when i dont or wont think about her. Thanks for this website and to others for sharing.

Permalink Reply by Melanie on December 22, 2008 at 2:56pm

Hi

I just lost my mam on the same day, I was just reading some of these messages. I knew my mam would not be here for christmas. Being a nurse myself and not being able to answer the question how long has someone got left to other people, I had myself asking the same question and not getting a reply. Having said that the gp had told us roughly how long was left.

I will write another time. I know my mam is not able to come back, knowing that she would go as I say, she went quick. I have been back at work for a week now. But I miss my mam lots. I have not had any experiences since she has gone.

As I say I will write again. My mam was just 64, loved smoking she had copd, diabetes, asthma, heart failure etc. she was also a nurse

Mel

Permalink Reply by Sheri on January 28, 2009 at 11:41am

Oh, I feel so bad for you! I too lost my Mom, my Best Friend, on Jan. 5th 2009. Like you I was able to spend alot of time with her, I was her caregiver for 9 years. I understand the complete lost feeling. I have trouble just trying to get through each day. I've been busy cleaning out her apartment which is hard, all her things she loved so much. My Mom was in a wheelchair for 23 years, and only complained of it twice, she too had a wonderful faith in God, and was ready to see him. She also had heart problems, high blood pressure, muscular dystrophy,multiple strokes was the cause of death. We too had help from Hospice care which made it comfortable for Mom (I hope). It's nice to be able to talk to others who know how I feel. Thankyou, Sheri

Permalink Reply by Melinda on November 12, 2008 at 7:38pm

I myself have lost a lot over the last year. My life was torn apart when i received a call that one of my nephews was killed by a drunk driver, but had not sure which brother it was. I was the first in the family to receive the call, and once determined it was Kevin, i than had to make that first call to tell my husband who had to tell his brother his son was gone. My nephew was a block from his home, on a side road that is hardly traveled and on his way to college. He had a great future ahead of him. But due to another kid partying all night and getting behind the wheel of a vehicle he took my nephew from us. He received less than 5 years in jail, lost his license, but he will have them when he gets out. He is not responsible for any damages, no nothing. I am very angry. He gets to get out of jail, go on with his life, go to college, have a job, marry and have children, but the biggest part he gets to hug his family.

Than less than 14 days later, we lost my father in law to a sudden dealth. He just dropped over and gone. He was a great man with a lot of wisdom. I hear people talk about the dreaded inlaws, but my father in law was the best. I loved him to pieces. My father was told he had cancer and i was really upset. I told him one day what am i going to do without my dad. He told me dont worry i will be there for you. Why did he leave me?

Than a month later my father passed away. He was my everything; my hero, my dad, my mentor, my best friend, just everything to me. My world was gone by now. I cant even see tomorrow.

Two months later my father in laws brother passed away on a cruise out in sea. Boy was that a time to get him home. It just never ends.

Finally, i felt like i was taken a breath when i heard the news my cousin was in the hospital having pain. Found out he had cancer and was gone less than a month later.

A month later, a co-worker how i worked with for over 10 years committed suicide. What a shocker. I just am blown away. I cant believe this. I really start to question where is God in this whole mess. I was continued to be told that God on dishes out what you can withstand. "God i can not stand no more, please".

Feeling like maybe i can catch a breath and than boom. I receive a call from my niece who is like a daughter to me that he husband has committed suicide. I had just seen him the week before. Everything seemed fine. I just thought the world of him. He left behind a wife and a two year old. What was he thinking. This just happened in September. What is this world coming to.

All i know is my heart aches. I am scared waiting for that phone to ring. I hate my phone. It started with the phone in April of 2007 and still continues to ring with bad news. I believe in God. But i question why things happen. I am so unhappy all the time with why, why and more whys. I try to put this front on for my two children, and husband and i just totally loose it when i am by myself. The hurt is overwhelming. Everyone says with time it gets better. For me time does not make it better, you just get better in hiding your emotions. Thank God i have my mom. She is stuck like i am. We cry all the time and it does not seem to get better. I was always scared to die. Now... i am not. When it is my turn i will ask alot of questions and cant wait to see my family and loved ones again. Sorry i am going on and on and on. Thanks for listening.

KEVIN ARRON ADE - LOVING NEPHEW - APRIL 2007
JOHN ADE - LOVING FATHER IN LAW - MAY 2007
GERALD CONNELLY SR - LOVING FATHER - JUNE 2007
RON ADE - LOVING UNCLE - AUGUST 2007
GARY MCCORMICK JR. - LOVING COUSIN - MAY 2008
MIKE BELLINO - TRUE FRIEND - JUNE 2008
DANNY GAWLE - LOVING NEPHEW - SEPTEMBER 2008

Permalink Reply by Jessica on November 13, 2008 at 3:09pm

Seems like when it rains it pours and I dont understand why it seems to happen like that. When my father passed away in August of this year, my best friend's boyfriend had died in a car wreck 2 days before. I was trying to comfort her when bam it happened to me. About 4 days later my grandmothers husband's son was found dead. So they both were dealing with the loss of a son. A young teenage boy died in my area a week later, had been hit by a train. I felt like death was following me! I havent been the same since i lost my Daddy, and worry that I will never be quite the same. It's been 3 months today since he left us, and I must say some days are better than others. When it first happened I thought I would never be able to stop crying. I still cry quite a bit but I pray to the Lord and he DOES help me! Theres also been times when I just know that it was Dad who was helping me.

Permalink Reply by Sheri on January 28, 2009 at 11:54am

I am SO SORRY for you, it sounds to me like more than any one person could bear.But I do know, Our God is strong, He LOVES YOU. I too dont know why. Maybe God's grooming you for an important purpose? Sheri

Permalink Reply by Jessica on February 18, 2009 at 10:05am

Im not sure what hes grooming me for but I hope it gets better.

Permalink Reply by carly on November 13, 2008 at 7:37am

My name is Carly and I am 19 years old. I have 3 sisters, Katrina 21, Stephanie 16 and Amanda 13. On August 11th, 2008 our mother died.. The hardest thing to me about losing her, was that I didn't really know her that much. When I was 9 my mom and dad split up, and my mom, my 3 sisters, and her new boyfriend moved to Carthage NY, which was 3 hours away. I didn't see them that much, and at first I would get phone calls every weekend.. See my mom was a bad alcoholic, and she didn't know how to stop.. She was slowly killing herself inside and she just didn't care.. This picture is the first and only picture I have with me and my mom... The two other girls are 2 of the 3 sisters I have.. When my mom died we were getting pictures together for a board, and I was asked to go through my baby book to find pictures of me and her together.. So I went through my baby book, and there wasn't a single picture of me and her together.. This picture was taken when she was sick October of 07'. 10 months before she died..
My mom and them decided to move back to NY from P.A... and I think it was because she knew she was dying and she wanted to be with family.. They got here August 9th, 2008, and on August 11th, 2008 she died, she was only 38years old.. although I didn't know her that much, and even thought she put me through a lot of pain throughout my childhood, because she was never there, and she didn't really act like a mother, I still loved her.. Sitting there at 19, watching one of your parents die, is not something you forget... I sit here sometimes, and when I think about her, all I do is replay the night in the hospital before she died....

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Permalink Reply by Kimberly on November 25, 2008 at 9:38pm

I lost my mom on September 27, 2008, she was 62, the darkest day of my life. My mother and I were more like sisters than mother and daughter. We shared everything together, there was not a time that we kept secrets from one another. My mom raised me as a single parent and she did a wonderful job that I can never repay her for. She was my rock, my lifeline, my mommy and I miss her so much. That friday before she died we did our usual go out and eat at one of our favorite restaurants, everything was fine. I can see her sitting across from me like it was yesterday. We ate and talked. We had plans to meet one another Saturday. The last time I seen my mother was when she dropped me off at my apartment, we said our goodbyes and we told one another I love you, and I told her to call me when she arrives home. Never did I expect that would be the last time I would ever see her. That evening I called her and informed her that Obama and McCain was squaring off and she said I will be watching, after that I called again so we can discuss what was said. We talked about 30 minutes and the last thing I remember her saying that will never leave me was, "Kim be sure to be ready you know how slow you are". I laughed and said I will. That was the last time I heard her voice. The woman I called mom for 40 years was found by me dead in her bedroom on the floor. My mom was gone, and I was a complete wreck. It will be two months since she died on Thanksgiving, and the pain is so great in my heart I can not explain it. I can sometimes feel her with me, and I think she is crying because I'm so sad. I have held up more than I expected to. I'm depress more now than I was when she died, I guess with the holidays right here it is expected, but I do need counseling because this is killing me inside and I think any day now I might just explode. I have seen a changed in me and it is not good. I get so mad and upset so easily. Any little thing no matter how minor set me off. I have a journal that I write in every week. I visit her grave once a week, and try to look for guidance some how some way. This woman gave me life and raised me to the woman I'am today. I miss her dearly.

Permalink Reply by lynx on December 19, 2008 at 9:23pm

look and live, I too understand. I lost my mother this November 23, 2008 a few days before thanksgiving. my mother was my best friend and mother. try to look in your heart of the glad moments and times and erase all regret with the love that was shown toward your mother. my mother died in her sleep. but she was tired of suffering from excessive medicinces. Know that your mothers spirit is always in your heart and wear that warmly for the rest of your life. now began to see your future and live that's what she would have told you, live just as she lived.
God bless you,
lynx

Permalink Reply by Kathy Ledford on February 19, 2009 at 3:53pm

Kimberly, I can relate to what you are feeling. I lost my mom in August of 08 and 43 days later my dad passed away. Please do get grief counseling it will help. I am going to a program at my church for grief recovery. Just being able to recognize that the feelings you have are a normal part of grief will help you get through . I go to my mom and dad's gravesite once a week and I talk to them. I also write letters when I am sad and I write exactly how I am feeling and I put them in ziploc bags and put them on their graves. I don't think we will ever stop missing them but you can ask God to help fill the void in your heart and help you start healing. kathy

Permalink Reply by TRICIA LYNN MILLS on November 30, 2008 at 3:51pm

I LOST MY FATHER ON NOVEMBER 3,2008 AND IT HAS BEEN REALLY HARD ON HIS BLOOD CHILDREN,MY DADDY HAD 2 DAUGHTERS AND 1 SON,7 GRANDKIDS,AND 3 GREAT GRAND KIDS,I HAVE BEEN AROUND FOR 35 YEARS AND HE ALWAYS WORKED 2 JOBS HIS WHOLE LIFE WAS WORKING AND HIS KIDS,THAT WAS UNTILL 1989 WHEN HE MARRIED HIS THRID WIFE AND THEN SHE WOULD NOT ALLOW HIM TO BE A FATHER OR A GRANDFATHER TO HIS KIDS,I FEEL LIKE SHE TOOK MY FATHER FROM ME THEN AND EVEN AFTER HIS DEATH SHE IS STILL TAKING HIM AWAY FROM THE KIDS THAT LOVED HIM AND CARED FOR HIM REGUARDLESS OF WHAT HE DONE AND THAT TO ME IS NOT FAIR AND WE ALL ARE HAVING A HARD TIME DEALING WITH HIS DEATH BECAUSE JUST 7 HOURS BEFORE HE PASSED AWAY HE WAS OUT RIDING BIKES AND PLAYING WITH HIS HORSES AND GOING TO CHURCH HE WAS VERY HEALTHY AND WAS NOT SICK ONE DAY IN HIS LIFE,SO WE CAN NOT GET OVER HIS DEATH OR THE WAY SHE IS TREATING HIS KIDS EVEN AFTER HE IS GONE,SADLY MISSING MY DADDY.

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