Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Carlo Cacioppo on December 6, 2008 at 1:00pm

Good morning everyone, well who would have guessed we would be going through this situation ourselves. Here Deb and I give comfort and any form of calmness we can to others and now our world is upside down just like everyone elses. We just brought her mom home from the hospital a couple days ago and hospice has taken over here in the house. I could go into alot of details about what is wrong with mom but we'll just keep it short by saying that her breathing is worsening by the day and the nurses say hopefully she will hang on till christmas day but be prepared for that may not happen. Mom has never been baptised so at her request, we had a Lutheren Minister come to the house on thursday and blessed her. Mom cried she was so happy that finally her longtime wish came true. We are doing as well as can be expected for the passing of a loved one especially at home is hard for anyone to handle at any time of year let alone at Christmas. She wants the house decorated to the nine's with no holding back because that is how deb and I have been spoiling her since I moved here from chicago 6 years ago. We put a 4 foot tree with lights and hand made ornaments, (that mom made a few years ago) on a table in her room across from her hospital bed. Seniors have a way of shining with the glow of a child at christmas even though they know time is short. Ok, I hope it was appropriate that I talked about this to you all. Debby and I ask for nothing because we have all we need right here, a sense of calmness and acceptence knowing that the lord is not only preparing for his own birthday party in a few weeks, but he is preparing for mom Bernice and her rebirth to serve him and become OUR NEW GUARDIAN ANGEL. Take care of eachother and we will talk soon. Love, Carl and Debby

Permalink Reply by Lee on December 6, 2008 at 8:33pm

Carlo, I'm so sorry that your mother's health is failing. It sounds like you and Deb are making your mother's last days very happy ones. I hope that you're taking care of yourselves, too, in this difficult time. You'll both be in my thoughts and prayers this Christmas.

Permalink Reply by Carlo Cacioppo on December 16, 2008 at 10:47am

Thank you Lee, its getting closer with every passing day. Thank god for hospice nurses who try to take away as much pain as they can for the family. The nurses said yesterday that mom is in transition now and they are taking away some of her life sustaining meds because the meds will not help her any longer. So now its morphine, haldol and atropine to keep her as pain free as possible. Thank you for taking the time to be with our thoughts Lee. Carlo

Permalink Reply by Jason on December 16, 2008 at 12:16pm

Hello
My name is Jason and I just found this site while trying to set up my fathers memorial site.I,m not that good of a writer but im gonna try. I lost my father December 26,2007 to heart failure and it still feels like yesterday. Ever since I can remember myfather was in and out of hospitals but he always seemed to bounce back. He was a fighter and always told me dont give up the ship. My father was everything to me. Because I was the closest with my dad he put me in charge of his well being.
Just after Thanksgiving he went back in to the hospital with pneumonia. His condition had worsened
and now the doctors were askintg me what they wanted them to do. Having to make the decision for them to take him off support was the worst thing iv ever had to do. I hated it but I didnt want him to suffer any longer. The doctors said that he would not last long without the machine. But he did and the nurses came in twice to give him extra morphine besides the drip. I just cant get past that feeling that they gave him a push sort of speak.watching him take his last breath i dont know how to describe it i just couldnt believe my dad was gone.Being that christmas is coming and last years was probally the worst this one doesnt feel any better. well thanks for listening,
Sincerely
Jason

Permalink Reply by Michele on December 16, 2008 at 3:21pm

Hello! I lost my mom unexpectantly on June 12th, 2008. A few weeks before she died she was tired alot. She went to the doctor to find out why and they said she was loosing blood somewhere. The weekend before she died, she was having problems breathing. She went to the hospital on a Monday.... that Wednesday morning they did a bone marrow test, that night they had to put a breathing tube in because she just couldn't catch her breath. My dad and brother were about 15 minutes away. I was almost a 2 hour drive away. My sister in-law called me Thursday morning and told me to hurry and come to the hospital. I think I made the trip in an hour and a half.
I talked to her that Tuesday when they moved her out of ICU and into a regular room. I asked her if she wanted me to come there and she said, no I will see you when you come down that following friday. We did not think it was serious, but I told her I would pray for her and I was crying. She told me she knew I would and to stop crying everything would be alright. I haven't been able to stop crying since.... She was in ICU and our family was beside her. I know she heard me tell her I loved her and that I was holding her hand. Her eye opended for a brief moment and a few seconds later her heart stopped. They brought her back 3 times, but we had to let her go. My dad had been married to her for 47 years. She was only 67. A week later we found out she had the fast growing type of Leukemia. Doctors said if she would have lived, she would have probably had 3 to 6 months and would be in pain.

I was so close to my mom, I talked to her every day. My brother and especially my sister in-law were too. They were lucky because she just lived down the block from them. Their 3 children were heartbroken too. Their all boys and they are 13, 9 & 4. Mine was 5 and a boy. She loved them dearly........... that was her passion.

Permalink Reply by RB on December 16, 2008 at 11:38pm

Hi, I lost my mama on Veterans Day, November 11, 2008. I live in the south and we have been suffering with drought conditions for quite a while now. My mom, while she was in the hospital after we received the news that she had cancer, kept asking me if it was raining outside. Of course it wasn't, it was extremely nice and unseasonably warm and we kept telling her that it was pretty outside. On the day that she passed away it began raining softly. It kept raining and turned cold.. then on the day of the funeral I saw a huge unusual cloud in the distance hanging over the exact area of the cemetary. It has seemed to rain ever since. As a matter of fact, the lakes around here are so full that there is an excess. It seems like the whole world is crying along with me.
My mama was diagnosed with cancer on 9/22/08 and the numbers 298 kept popping up in my head for months before this.. I actually wondered if I should play the lottery or something... and I couldn't shake the feeling, for up to a year prior, that doom and gloom was around the corner.
I was very close to my mama too, we were also like sisters and I talked with her every day on the phone. She loved going to restaurants and out shopping with me and my daughter (her 6 year old granddaughter) and we had lots of fun together doing all kinds of things. I am so thankful, that for the past year, we have had these fun times with her.
I feel your pain as I don't know how I am going to make it through these holidays without my mama. Someone told me that I would pick up the phone and for a minute, expect to call her, but we have to remember that she is only a prayer away.

Permalink Reply by Michele on December 17, 2008 at 12:54pm

I want to ask everyone in here about something and if this has happened to them or someone they know! A month after my mom died, which was June 12th of this year, my dad started to go out with this lady. I wouldn't even call her a lady, but I am going to be nice. 2 months later he told us that he loved this lady and wants to marry her. He started to act totally different from how I knew him when we were all a family. He stopped seeing the grandkids and he consumed more and more of his time with her. He got mad at us because we couldn't accept her and her family in my dad's life. He said, they have accepted me in their lives, why can't you? Well for one we have lost a mother, best friend, grandmother and a supporter and she has been around me and my brother all our lives. We had her for 41-42 years. We lost someone dear to our heart, while all they did was gain a person. I am all for him being happy, but it looks as if he is throwing the 47 years out the window with this chick. He does everything for her and buys her alot of things. She has already moved in and things of my moms have been replaced with hers. My dad says I cannot have my moms things because they are his and I can have them when he dies. Yea right. Tell me, how do you replace your family of 40 years to someone else that he supposively has known for 10 years? He has 4 beautiful grandkids that he doesn't want anything to do with. He told my brother to come get all the toys that were in my parents porch and all of their clothes that were their. He acts so different and he feels like a stranger to us. He never sends emails like he use to, or make jokes with us. It's like we lost him to when my mom died. I don't really know how to deal with this situation. Can anyone help?

Permalink Reply by Michele on December 17, 2008 at 7:33pm

Carl, I will keep you and your family in my prayers. I have only lost 3 important people in my life. My grandmother when I was 13, my grandfather when I was 18 and my mom, 41. At least I know they are all together with God, as well as your mom will be.

Thank you for your advice. The bad thing is my dad says, I have to ask my girlfriend. It's like he can't think for himself. The worse part is that he was very active in the Lutheran Church and now we are lucky if he goes once or twice a month. I feel like I am in a bad nightmare and I can' wake up.

I just wish I had that one more chance to hug her, kiss her and tell her how much I love her. I am so sorry about your mom, do just that, kiss her, hug and tell her how much you love her. Your in my thoughts and prayers. Thank you....Michele

Permalink Reply by lynx on December 19, 2008 at 9:06pm

there is no comparison to just loosing a parent. I lost my beautiful mother recently. but she was far more than my mother she was my best friend. to have a mother as a best friend is the most treasurable moment one can experience and it is most fullfilling. You dont seem to have the need that most would probably have of needing certain freindship fullfillments, you become satisfied and the need of a best friend certainly in my life has been met by my mother. I cannot communicate how beautiful love is when you have this type of relationship, it is most fullfilling that is the best I can describe. I grieve more of not having my best friend it seems than just loosing a mother, than there are those times I greive with loosing my mommy and then there are those times I greive loosing both. but a smile appears in the midst of my grieving then sometimes I get angry because I feel I have no one else who understands me more than my beautiful mother and best freind.
God bless you and hope that you all will be encouraged during the time of your parents passing.

lynx

Permalink Reply by Carlo Cacioppo on December 19, 2008 at 9:58pm

Hi everyone, its all over (sobbing) mom passed at 2:00 am friday night. I talked to her as I was going to the other room and I said I would be right back and she moved her mouth as if to say ok. No more than 1 minute later deb was standing behind me sobbing hard. So I want to thank all of you for all the support you have given us. Look for the memorial website I will be creating at Legacy connect for mom, here name is Bernice Main. Thanks again all of you. Carl and debby

Permalink Reply by Michele on December 19, 2008 at 10:08pm

Carl and Debby, I am very sorry to hear about your mom's passing. Now she is in no more pain and has been welcomed in Jesus Arms. How sweet and comforting that should be for you. Take care and God Bless you both. Michele

Permalink Reply by Carlo Cacioppo on December 19, 2008 at 10:25pm

how kind of michele, thank you

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