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the last post seems to be SEPT.2010, so its almost xmas here goes.


there were posts before this one and i have something i am dealing with and just could not read all of them, so if i missed someone posting anything close to what happened and is going on in my life, please tell me about it, then ill go back and read that, thank you all for understanding.
a few years back my parents disowned me, for whatever reason, i still and may never know why! but that is what heppened, as of now, dad died earlier this year, and mom past 12months prior. I griefed at the time they disowned me and I didnt have anything inside for them when they passed, cept for what i can describe as mixed feelings. sadness of course part of them. but things i have difficulty explaining and may never be able to. My brother never left home, he is 60, and I am 57yrs of age currently. distance from where my parents lived is making it difficult to say the least for me and my brother to go thru it together, we are 5hours drive one way. well, for now ill leave it at that, ill write more at a later time. ill leave saying this though, i think my parents could have done more for my brother before they past, it ended up being a mental and financial mess to say the least! seemed nothing was thought of nor planned for.

I lost my mom a little over two months ago too. It seriously feels like two days. These past couple of months have just been a blur. She fell into a small fire pit and recovered from the burns within a year but the smoke inhalation caused so much damage to her airway that she had to have a trache. Over the past year she's been through multilple operations to try to correct the problem, and allow her to be able to breath on her own, but nothing was successful. She died unexpectedly from what the docs suspect was a blood clot. Ever since Oct. 25, 2010 time has literally stopped for me. Your right, friends dont understand and i dont even think my family understands. I took care of my mom for the past couple of years. I stayed in the hospital with her for every operation and until she was discharged. I know alot of ppl say this but she was my best friend. We listened to the same music, watched the same shows, loved the same foods, and im sure she'll be the only other person who can shop for me. lol They say time makes things easier but the more time that passes by the more harder its getting for me. My dad is already seeing someone else. I understand everyone grieves differently so all I can do is stick together with my twin brother.
Julianne said:
I lost my mom a little over two months ago to septicemia. She went into the hospital with what she thought was simply walking pneumonia, and was dead less than 48 hrs later. The shock of this is still wearing off, but the longer her absence, the more real it all feels. I have two younger siblings, and an older sister who is physically disabled. My dad has been the one keeping us all going. I have no idea what we would do without him.

There are moments, hours, and even days, where I feel like I can't go on. But you do, because you have no other choice. At times I feel like I can't even remember my mom clearly, everything just seems like a fog. And I hate that more than anyhting, because I just want to picture her and be able to imagine her voice.

It's so difficult not having anyone outside of your family who can relate. Friends don't know what to say or do. And unfortunately my family is new to the area, so my nearest friends are a mere 2 hrs away. I definitely find it helpful reading forums such as these, and hopefully some people will add to this particular section.
I lost my mom One month ago today and am having a very hard time dealing with her loss. She was diagnosed with breast cancer in October of 2003 and had to have chemo and a double mastectomy. She then was cancer free til 2008 when she found out the cancer had come back attaching to the lungs and chest canal. It was diagnosed as metatstatic breast cancer and she proceeded with chemo. She did chemo for a year and a half and on november 30 I rushed her to the ER and what I thought was just a small illness turned out to be deadly! After being admitted to the hospital with 2 blood tranfusions because she was very anemic, fluid in the lungs, a spot in her lungs which was being treated as pneumonia, a UTI infection and everything you can imagine. Well we thought she was getting better but the pneumonia turned out to be cancer and it had spread she started having breathing troubles then went into ICU on breathing machines 3 days after being in the hospital. After 2 days on breathing machines her body was to weak to fight off anything especially because of the chemo treatments! on Monday we then admitted her to hospice where she could be in comfort care and later she passed away on Friday morning. My hardest thing was not being able to talk to her for the last few days she had because she was under morphine to help her go easily. I am 26 and was her caregiver through everything and she was living with me my husband and our 3 children very hard to live here with her memories everywhere. Sorry so long just really needed to vent i cant get over the quilt of all this!!  

Jessica....I'm so sorry. I usually just read these posts without posting, but your story so closely mirrors mine, that I just had to say I'm sorry. So many people say that they are sorry for your loss, but they have no clue what you're going through. I have found that it is a tad bit comforting talking with those that actually do. My dad was diagnosed with lung cancer one year ago. The tumor was small and contained (so they said) to his one lung. They said they would cure him so they removed his lung, and started chemo. I wasnt all that concerned, because the docs were very optimistic. In March, 3 days before my wedding, he developed a very large blood clot in his remaining lung, and it nearly killed him. For the first time, I realized i might lose him.

   The rest of the year was a series of ups and downs. The cancer returned, this time in his back. They removed what they could, and did some radiation. At this time they found a lesion in his lung and liver. After 3 rounds of chemo, the lesions appeared smaller. We we all very excited. The very next weak, he was having trouble breathing so mom took him to the ER. They diagnosed him with pneumonia on Saturday night. Monday, they said it wasnt pneumonia, the cancer had spread. Tuesay, he called me and said that they had given him 3 weeks, and Hospice was called wednesday. From that point, he declined so rapidly, that we couldnt even comprehend what was happening. Tuesday, he walked in the house himself, and by monday he was bedridden, and almost comatose. We lost him Thursday morning. This was in october, and I still cant make my brain understand that he's gone. The kid in me keeps saying, "Ok...I want my daddy back. He can't really be gone. Thats not possible" I didnt get the chance to say goodbye. Mom tells me that he knew I loved him and I can still say goodbye because he can still hear me. I'm not so sure.

     Anyway, I guess I just wanted to let you know that even though you feel all alone, you're not. Please feel free to contact me if you need to chat. Take care.

Jessica said:

I lost my mom One month ago today and am having a very hard time dealing with her loss. She was diagnosed with breast cancer in October of 2003 and had to have chemo and a double mastectomy. She then was cancer free til 2008 when she found out the cancer had come back attaching to the lungs and chest canal. It was diagnosed as metatstatic breast cancer and she proceeded with chemo. She did chemo for a year and a half and on november 30 I rushed her to the ER and what I thought was just a small illness turned out to be deadly! After being admitted to the hospital with 2 blood tranfusions because she was very anemic, fluid in the lungs, a spot in her lungs which was being treated as pneumonia, a UTI infection and everything you can imagine. Well we thought she was getting better but the pneumonia turned out to be cancer and it had spread she started having breathing troubles then went into ICU on breathing machines 3 days after being in the hospital. After 2 days on breathing machines her body was to weak to fight off anything especially because of the chemo treatments! on Monday we then admitted her to hospice where she could be in comfort care and later she passed away on Friday morning. My hardest thing was not being able to talk to her for the last few days she had because she was under morphine to help her go easily. I am 26 and was her caregiver through everything and she was living with me my husband and our 3 children very hard to live here with her memories everywhere. Sorry so long just really needed to vent i cant get over the quilt of all this!!  

Hi Jamie,

 

I am so sorry to hear about your situation! It is a very difficult thing to go through and I wish we didnt ever have to go through this. It does make a difference when someone tells you something or says I understand when they have been through something almost identical. What is hard is that she lived with me and I cared for her and she was so young only 53. I just really wish I could quit with all this guilt I am feeling like should I have taken her in sooner, why didnt the doctors try more I should have been more aggressive with them things like that. I just really wish I could have talked to her the last 4-5 days that she was alive but we couldnt because she was on high morphenine! I just want the pain to go away as well as Im sure you do. If you ever need to talk I am hear to listen even if its just to vent or talk random to keep you busy and not thinking about your dad. That is very strange how many things that happened to my mom happened to your dad at one point they thought she too had a blood clot, and she was so weak already that her kidneys started shutting down and there was nothing to do not even (dialasys) sorry dont know how to spell that haha! so strange and so similar. I sometimes wish it wouldnt have happened like this and it maybe was more sudden or in her sleep because it was torture for 10 days watching her decline and go through all this knowing it was gonna be the end. Ok well im gonna get off because I am becoming an emotional wreck but thank you for your reply and again I am very sorry for your loss!

Jaime Lambert said:

Jessica....I'm so sorry. I usually just read these posts without posting, but your story so closely mirrors mine, that I just had to say I'm sorry. So many people say that they are sorry for your loss, but they have no clue what you're going through. I have found that it is a tad bit comforting talking with those that actually do. My dad was diagnosed with lung cancer one year ago. The tumor was small and contained (so they said) to his one lung. They said they would cure him so they removed his lung, and started chemo. I wasnt all that concerned, because the docs were very optimistic. In March, 3 days before my wedding, he developed a very large blood clot in his remaining lung, and it nearly killed him. For the first time, I realized i might lose him.

   The rest of the year was a series of ups and downs. The cancer returned, this time in his back. They removed what they could, and did some radiation. At this time they found a lesion in his lung and liver. After 3 rounds of chemo, the lesions appeared smaller. We we all very excited. The very next weak, he was having trouble breathing so mom took him to the ER. They diagnosed him with pneumonia on Saturday night. Monday, they said it wasnt pneumonia, the cancer had spread. Tuesay, he called me and said that they had given him 3 weeks, and Hospice was called wednesday. From that point, he declined so rapidly, that we couldnt even comprehend what was happening. Tuesday, he walked in the house himself, and by monday he was bedridden, and almost comatose. We lost him Thursday morning. This was in october, and I still cant make my brain understand that he's gone. The kid in me keeps saying, "Ok...I want my daddy back. He can't really be gone. Thats not possible" I didnt get the chance to say goodbye. Mom tells me that he knew I loved him and I can still say goodbye because he can still hear me. I'm not so sure.

     Anyway, I guess I just wanted to let you know that even though you feel all alone, you're not. Please feel free to contact me if you need to chat. Take care.

Jessica said:

I lost my mom One month ago today and am having a very hard time dealing with her loss. She was diagnosed with breast cancer in October of 2003 and had to have chemo and a double mastectomy. She then was cancer free til 2008 when she found out the cancer had come back attaching to the lungs and chest canal. It was diagnosed as metatstatic breast cancer and she proceeded with chemo. She did chemo for a year and a half and on november 30 I rushed her to the ER and what I thought was just a small illness turned out to be deadly! After being admitted to the hospital with 2 blood tranfusions because she was very anemic, fluid in the lungs, a spot in her lungs which was being treated as pneumonia, a UTI infection and everything you can imagine. Well we thought she was getting better but the pneumonia turned out to be cancer and it had spread she started having breathing troubles then went into ICU on breathing machines 3 days after being in the hospital. After 2 days on breathing machines her body was to weak to fight off anything especially because of the chemo treatments! on Monday we then admitted her to hospice where she could be in comfort care and later she passed away on Friday morning. My hardest thing was not being able to talk to her for the last few days she had because she was under morphine to help her go easily. I am 26 and was her caregiver through everything and she was living with me my husband and our 3 children very hard to live here with her memories everywhere. Sorry so long just really needed to vent i cant get over the quilt of all this!!  

Are your Parent's  able to find one another again, once they pass and go to heaven ?  This is something both my Sister and I always so hoped that this would be true .

  As many couples , they passed so close to one another .  With hope our Father was their to open his arms to our Mother as soon as she passed so that she knew she was safe again .   What I never expected was a few month later that my Sister then would pass away too .  Is this love that drew that all together ?  A love that could not be separated .    Is this why I feel so empty and vast ?    How now to live with out them is a something I have yet found ?   The pain is so great that I am able to even know what it is to move forward . I feel like I have aged the last few months more then my given age .  I thought even with that I would have it all together yet this is not true realizing that  they all were the  touch-stones in life  that I use to look to . 

  I was truly blessed and fortunate to have my parents  , ones who were present and loved us truly from the heart .  Wishing so much that I had more time to give them all I had hope to give to them or at least tell them .    As you hear and read so many saying that they wish that they had other parents or that they only wish they could have chose who they had . Well I was the lucky one  there was no one else that I would have ever thought to be someone that I would have wanted to be there or to be able to love . For they were what a parent is , and that is LOVE . 

 

To all ,may comfort come to you .

Hi there, so well said to show us all to be greateful for not just what we have but who we have. The loss of your sis only compounds and strengthens the love in your family. I appreciate you coming here to talk to us and know that we are here for you every day, every night. May the angels sleep on your pillow. Carlo

River of Tears said:

Are your Parent's  able to find one another again, once they pass and go to heaven ?  This is something both my Sister and I always so hoped that this would be true .

  As many couples , they passed so close to one another .  With hope our Father was their to open his arms to our Mother as soon as she passed so that she knew she was safe again .   What I never expected was a few month later that my Sister then would pass away too .  Is this love that drew that all together ?  A love that could not be separated .    Is this why I feel so empty and vast ?    How now to live with out them is a something I have yet found ?   The pain is so great that I am able to even know what it is to move forward . I feel like I have aged the last few months more then my given age .  I thought even with that I would have it all together yet this is not true realizing that  they all were the  touch-stones in life  that I use to look to . 

  I was truly blessed and fortunate to have my parents  , ones who were present and loved us truly from the heart .  Wishing so much that I had more time to give them all I had hope to give to them or at least tell them .    As you hear and read so many saying that they wish that they had other parents or that they only wish they could have chose who they had . Well I was the lucky one  there was no one else that I would have ever thought to be someone that I would have wanted to be there or to be able to love . For they were what a parent is , and that is LOVE . 

 

To all ,may comfort come to you .

Dear Carol Cacioppo ,  Thank you so very much for expressing the kind words you have . That were so kind .  If not for you and the many others that come to share I do not know that I would be here at all ,each of you have given me and I know so many others a strength that I know for myself I thought I had lost or did not know I had at all through this pain .  What amazes me is that you and each of you are going through a depth of pain that only you can feel along with other things that you may be going through in your life as I have read .    I am so sorry for the loss of you dear Mother as well as all the many things you are facing in life . Please know that my heart and thoughts are with you as they are with the many others that have come to share . 

To say that you have been such a support to so many would be of short coming in just what I have read , yet I know for myself you have brought comfort . Thank you .

 

To each of you may you know in a world that often walks by for many to stop and be present even in times of pain can mean more to one then you may know even if it is to listen, never having to say a word.  Love transcends afar in many ways even to all the hearts that are shattered .  I thank each of you for the comfort you have brought.

 

Please take care

 

 
Carlo Cacioppo said:

Hi there, so well said to show us all to be grateful for not just what we have but who we have. The loss of your sis only compounds and strengthens the love in your family. I appreciate you coming here to talk to us and know that we are here for you every day, every night. May the angels sleep on your pillow. Carlo

River of Tears said:

Are your Parent's  able to find one another again, once they pass and go to heaven ?  This is something both my Sister and I always so hoped that this would be true .

  As many couples , they passed so close to one another .  With hope our Father was their to open his arms to our Mother as soon as she passed so that she knew she was safe again .   What I never expected was a few month later that my Sister then would pass away too .  Is this love that drew that all together ?  A love that could not be separated .    Is this why I feel so empty and vast ?    How now to live with out them is a something I have yet found ?   The pain is so great that I am able to even know what it is to move forward . I feel like I have aged the last few months more then my given age .  I thought even with that I would have it all together yet this is not true realizing that  they all were the  touch-stones in life  that I use to look to . 

  I was truly blessed and fortunate to have my parents  , ones who were present and loved us truly from the heart .  Wishing so much that I had more time to give them all I had hope to give to them or at least tell them .    As you hear and read so many saying that they wish that they had other parents or that they only wish they could have chose who they had . Well I was the lucky one  there was no one else that I would have ever thought to be someone that I would have wanted to be there or to be able to love . For they were what a parent is , and that is LOVE . 

 

To all ,may comfort come to you .

You have been welcomed to our family, all of ours.

Julianne, I can relate to your feelings. My siblings and I are trying to heal from losing our mother on Jan. 2, 2011. You will discover(if you haven't already) that alot of people in this particular forum can relate to us. My mother fought Gall Bladder Cancer for a year and in the end was diagnosed with Colon Cancer as well. I just want you to know that you've come to the right place...we really do understand! Thank you for sharing your feelings with us and we are here for you. God Bless you and your family always.

 

Dear Carolo Cacioppo,    The words you share that are so dear and are ones that are so generous of heart can touch so many more then you may know for the words just share by you was like a hug from afar .  For all those who have been here to share and those many that will hopefully find themselves here someday if not to find the comfort in just the words from one that seem to have a heart of gold .  Family was so important to me as if it were what was my guiding light if not to walk along side with all of you I may someday feel alright .  

 

 To you and the very special loving hearts that have such hearts that reach area able to reach out beyond their own pain . May you know that though my shattered heart feels broken it feels a great deal for each of you wishing the each day you will feel the love and comfort from afar from one who is just amased by all of you in your strength and you love you express to each other one no matter what you  are facing or  had to  go through .  

A Family of many that have hearts that are a blessing to those that they lossed and now to those who are here . May this love come back to you in comforting ways . 

 

Please take care  

 

Please take care

 


Carlo Cacioppo said:

You have been welcomed to our family, all of ours.

Dear Carolo,  Thank so very much , your words are more the you may know that bring one comfort not only me but for all .

 

Take care

River of Tears said:

Dear Carolo Cacioppo,    The words you share that are so dear and are ones that are so generous of heart can touch so many more then you may know for the words just share by you was like a hug from afar .  For all those who have been here to share and those many that will hopefully find themselves here someday if not to find the comfort in just the words from one that seem to have a heart of gold .  Family was so important to me as if it were what was my guiding light if not to walk along side with all of you I may someday feel alright .  

 

 To you and the very special loving hearts that have such hearts that reach area able to reach out beyond their own pain . May you know that though my shattered heart feels broken it feels a great deal for each of you wishing the each day you will feel the love and comfort from afar from one who is just amased by all of you in your strength and you love you express to each other one no matter what you  are facing or  had to  go through .  

A Family of many that have hearts that are a blessing to those that they lossed and now to those who are here . May this love come back to you in comforting ways . 

 

Please take care  

 

Please take care

 


Carlo Cacioppo said:

You have been welcomed to our family, all of ours.

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